Merlin fic: To Trust
Title: To Trust {As You Wish universe}
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen
Spoilers: None; During Arthur’s reign as King - specifically after Gwen’s affair with Lancelot.
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: “That may be true. You could find a child, you could remarry. But both ways lead to uncertainty - you wouldn’t know if the child would grow into adulthood, you wouldn’t know if your next wife would give you a son. What I have seen - there is a guarantee that Camelot will have a king, a capable king after you are gone.”
Author's Notes: This is a part of the As You Wish universe. This is the prequel to it, I guess you could say. It explains what led to the alternate universe and the struggles Merlin and Arthur have in their relationship. While the overall fic is a crossover with Supernatural, this part does not contain any characters from Supernatural.
**** The first part of this takes place in the alternate universe. It's best to read the previous part to understand what's going on. It's about a decade or so after the previous chapter where Peter and Myrddin are 10-years old - in this part, they're in their twenties...
~ * ~
The ceremony of Prince Peter to be officially crowned as Prince of Camelot was underway; the words of King Arthur heard loud and clear in the hall.
His son was kneeling before him - looking the most serious Myrddin had ever seen him. His father, the court sorcerer and king’s advisor, stood beside the king and he looked to Myrddin briefly to give him a small smile.
“I can’t believe you’re the prince’s manservant. Your father is Merlin, isn’t it? The court sorcerer? I’ve heard that he’s the man the king trusts the most,” the servant girl beside him said.
Myrddin nodded, a twinkle in his eye. “Yes, that’s him. It’s honestly not all bad. My father felt I needed to do something. Other than magic tricks. Something with purpose, I suppose. And the prince and I - we grew up together. We’re more friends than anything else. It doesn’t even feel like a job, which suits me just fine.”
“That must be nice,” she remarked.
He supposed it was, but when Myrddin thought of his mother, he knew things were far from perfect.
He was taken out of his thoughts by the sudden appearance of a woman who demanded to speak to the court sorcerer at once.
The king’s men all took out their swords. Merlin appeared detached from the proceedings, looking as if this matter was of no concern to him.
But Myrddin knew better. He knew who the woman was.
The guards seized the woman, the king giving her a reproachful look.
“I ordered you never to come to Camelot, Morgana.”
She shook her head, frustrated. She looked to be in a frenzied state of mind as she tried to get out of the hold that the guards had on her.
She looked straight at Merlin, ignoring the king completely. “I couldn’t stay away any longer, Merlin. I couldn’t! How can you still be loyal to Arthur? Especially after what he’s done? I agreed to help you, help him! And this is how I am repaid?”
Merlin didn’t answer her. The only reaction he gave was bowing his head slightly.
“Is that your -- ?” the servant girl asked him.
Myrddin looked to her and gave a small nod. “Yes.”
“Merlin will not speak to you. I don’t know what you planned to accomplish by coming here, but--” the king paused when Merlin leaned toward him and whispered something into his ear.
Arthur whispered something back to him, but then he seemed to relent and come to a decision.
“You will stay in the dungeons for the night. Take her away,” he ordered the guards.
“No! No! I want to speak to my son! How dare you!” Morgana yelled.
The guards led her away, her voice becoming a distant echo as she was taken out of the room.
Later, when Myrddin was in the prince’s chambers, Peter apologized to him.
Myrddin sighed, shaking his head. “There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s not your fault.”
They played the rest of their card game in comfortable silence -- what had happened at the celebration was not brought up again.
~ * ~
Past:
“Arthur,” Merlin said quietly, placing his hand on the king’s shoulder.
Arthur didn’t say a word. His gaze was still fixed on the fireplace in front of him.
Merlin sighed. “Arthur,” he repeated. “Gwen doesn’t have much time left.”
He only tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. He still kept silent. He didn’t even blink.
Merlin thought he would go mad if that tapping sound persisted.
Then he turned his head and looked at Merlin. “She betrayed me,” Arthur said in a choked voice.
“You still care for her. I know you do,” he spoke quietly, without giving a hint of what he was feeling.
Of what he feared Arthur would bring up, from the way his eyes looked him over, their brightness reminding the sorcerer of the intense light of a blue fire.
“I don’t need you to be my advisor now, Merlin. Just - don’t pretend with me. I don’t like it.”
“You know what needs to be done. Camelot will fall if--”
“Yes, I know, Merlin. I’ll deal with it. Get me a drink.”
“No, Arthur. Get out of that chair, right now. Look at me.”
“You may not be my servant anymore, but don’t think you could order me around.”
“I can if you’re being ridiculous!” Merlin yelled, exasperated.
His eyes turned golden and a moment later, Arthur, still in his chair, was moved to face Merlin.
Arthur appeared mildly peeved, but stood up and walked to the table where he filled a cup with wine. All the while, he avoided Merlin’s presence.
“If you won’t listen to me, then the least you could do is see her. Say goodbye to her.”
His only response was Arthur slamming the cup on to the table. Merlin was almost certain that he growled before he set his eyes upon the sorcerer.
“And what are you going to do?” He asked, the question coming out more harshly than he had intended.
Merlin knew well what was really bothering the king.
“What I do is none of your concern. You should go. It’s your duty. It’s the right thing to do, Arthur.”
Arthur huffed, but then he seemed to deflate and give in. “All right. I’ll go. You’re right. No matter the business with Lancelot, I still love Guinevere.”
Merlin smiled; satisfied that Arthur had listened to him.
When Arthur was an arm’s length away from the door, he stopped and turned around.
“Arthur, what--?” Merlin began, but whatever else he planned to say was knocked out of him.
Arthur grabbed him and shoved him against the wall. He began kissing him heatedly, Merlin feeling weak in the knees at the intensity of the contact.
“Have you lost your mind?” Merlin muttered, though there was little weight behind his words.
Arthur pulled Merlin’s chin up with one finger, his blue eyes drawing Merlin in. “Just remember, you’re mine.”
Merlin nodded. “I haven’t forgotten,” he whispered.
Arthur gave him one last kiss and pressed his finger over the sorcerer’s lips. Merlin opened his mouth slightly and wet the other’s finger with a practiced tongue.
“Good,” Arthur said, a soft caress near Merlin’s ear.
He left his room with Merlin still standing where he was, letting out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.
His head still spinning, he touched his bruised lips, coming away with some blood on his fingers.
The door opened.
Merlin knew who it was before he even saw her.
“My chambers,” he told her.
He led her out of Arthur’s room, being careful to check the corridor to insure no one was around.
~ * ~
“Lady Morgana has been sighted inside the castle, sire,” a servant had come to tell him.
Arthur suppressed his frustration long enough to acknowledge the man’s words. “Thank you for informing me.”
The servant nodded and bowed his way out.
Arthur sat at his Queen’s bedside for a little while longer, holding her hand.
“Arthur--” she started softly.
He shook his head. “Let’s not talk about it. I’ve had my say.”
Gwen squeezed his hand gently and said, “Look after each other, sweetheart. Merlin is a dear friend of mine. Be good to one another, Arthur.”
Arthur closed his eyes briefly, not willing to let his true emotions show through. “I will.”
She smiled tenderly at him and then closed her eyes.
He let go of her hand, stroking it for a long moment before he decided it was time to leave.
Before leaving the room, Arthur laid a kiss to her forehead, whispering softly, “Rest well, Guinevere.”
He wasn’t sure he could ever quite forgive her for her indiscretion with Lancelot. Arthur supposed in the end, even the Queen was human and had her faults, her failings.
~ * ~
Impatient, Arthur kicked the door to Merlin’s chambers open, though he knew what he would find.
They were already in bed, Merlin on top of the sorceress, a rather impressive display of magic circling the two of them as he went inside of her.
Arthur could scarcely believe he had once considered Morgana a close friend. Many times Merlin had explained it to him - that he needed this, needed to be with someone who was magic, who could understand what it felt like. And at the heart of the matter, it made him feel alive, like the magic in him was better for it by being intimately connected with a sorceress.
Though Merlin was always, always quick to reassure Arthur that he didn’t think any less of him. That this didn’t affect the way Merlin felt about him - when they were together. What he had with Arthur, he had told him, was incomparable.
But even as he listened all those times, hearing those desperate reassurances from that earnest face, Arthur couldn’t help but think - Morgana gave him the one thing Arthur couldn’t give him.
Arthur could only accept his magic, but others like Morgana could do more. They understood it from a deeply personal angle. They could give him the release that Arthur could never give Merlin.
Every time she came, Arthur was reminded of this and the feelings of insecurity flared up once again.
“Merlin,” Arthur said loudly.
Merlin ignored him, but he stopped what he was doing all the same, getting up off of Morgana. He lay beside her while she wrapped herself in the sheets.
She stroked his cheek softly while Merlin looked at her with a smile on his face.
Arthur absolutely hated it.
He heard Merlin whisper something to her and she nodded.
“Did you hear me?” Arthur spoke again, growing impatient once again.
“Yes, Arthur. Morgana is here to help,” Merlin finally told him. He quickly put some clothes on.
Morgana, still wrapped in the sheets and carrying her dress, walked over to the screens to get dressed.
The fact that there were screens in Merlin’s room installed just for her was a fact that Arthur tried his best to ignore.
Once Morgana had her dress back on, the three of them went to sit at the table. Arthur took his seat beside Merlin, narrowing his eyes at Morgana who showed no sign of seeing Arthur’s clear display of jealousy.
She, gracefully as always, sat across from the two of them, and looked expectantly at Merlin to speak.
Merlin turned to Arthur. “Morgana has found a solution to your lack of heir. She Saw the future and picked a candidate to lead the kingdom after you die.”
“What--?” Arthur breathed out, shocked. He thought he had gotten used to all the possibilities that magic wrought, but this - this was ridiculous. It made no sense - getting a son from the future?
“I know it may be a lot to take in, but-”
“Merlin, there are other ways to do this. I could find a suitable child and train him. I know it’s unfortunate that my sons have died, but drastic measures aren’t necessary. I could always remarry,” Arthur tried to make him see reason.
Merlin shook his head, but it was Morgana who spoke, “That may be true. You could find a child, you could remarry. But both ways lead to uncertainty - you wouldn’t know if the child would grow into adulthood, you wouldn’t know if your next wife would give you a son. What I have seen - there is a guarantee that Camelot will have a king, a capable king after you are gone.”
“You haven’t given me any reason to trust you,” Arthur said sharply to her. “What you are suggesting I would assume requires powerful magic? Dark magic?”
Merlin looked to Arthur. “It will require powerful magic, true, but it is not dark magic, Arthur. I promise you that.”
“Right - so how will this work? We travel into the future somehow and snatch a boy unawares and bring him back to Camelot?”
“Nothing so callous,” Merlin tried to reassure him. “We will only need a soul - the boy will be reborn here in Camelot and he won’t know any different life. As that is the case, you would need to remarry--”
“We have settled that for you,” Morgana said smoothly.
“You two have already decided who I will be married to? Without my consent?”
Arthur appeared outraged, annoyed that others were deciding his future without him knowing about it. He stood up, making to leave.
“Arthur, please,” Merlin pleaded with him, placing his hand on Arthur’s arm. “It’s not like that. You have to understand, there are only so many women who could carry such a soul. It has to be planned carefully - it can’t just be anyone. And it won’t be unpleasant for you. I would never agree to that for you,” Merlin looked to him, wanting him to believe.
Arthur’s face said it all though. It was always Merlin. Only the need for an heir had the king doing what was right, what was his duty.
Merlin put his hand over his forehead, trying not to dwell on it, and continued speaking, “You will marry, your wife will bear you a son and the soul that we’ve retrieved will be in that child. And as Morgana has said, you will rest assured that Camelot will be in good hands when you are gone. This is fated to be, Arthur.”
Arthur sat back down, looking unimpressed at Merlin and then Morgana. “No matter how you say it, it sounds like I’m just a puppet - something to be manipulated in this plan you’ve laid out. Have you even considered how I would feel?”
Arthur looked pointedly at Merlin - it was obvious the last question was more directed to his advisor, the one person who he trusted above all others.
~ * ~
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen
Spoilers: None; During Arthur’s reign as King - specifically after Gwen’s affair with Lancelot.
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: “That may be true. You could find a child, you could remarry. But both ways lead to uncertainty - you wouldn’t know if the child would grow into adulthood, you wouldn’t know if your next wife would give you a son. What I have seen - there is a guarantee that Camelot will have a king, a capable king after you are gone.”
Author's Notes: This is a part of the As You Wish universe. This is the prequel to it, I guess you could say. It explains what led to the alternate universe and the struggles Merlin and Arthur have in their relationship. While the overall fic is a crossover with Supernatural, this part does not contain any characters from Supernatural.
**** The first part of this takes place in the alternate universe. It's best to read the previous part to understand what's going on. It's about a decade or so after the previous chapter where Peter and Myrddin are 10-years old - in this part, they're in their twenties...
~ * ~
The ceremony of Prince Peter to be officially crowned as Prince of Camelot was underway; the words of King Arthur heard loud and clear in the hall.
His son was kneeling before him - looking the most serious Myrddin had ever seen him. His father, the court sorcerer and king’s advisor, stood beside the king and he looked to Myrddin briefly to give him a small smile.
“I can’t believe you’re the prince’s manservant. Your father is Merlin, isn’t it? The court sorcerer? I’ve heard that he’s the man the king trusts the most,” the servant girl beside him said.
Myrddin nodded, a twinkle in his eye. “Yes, that’s him. It’s honestly not all bad. My father felt I needed to do something. Other than magic tricks. Something with purpose, I suppose. And the prince and I - we grew up together. We’re more friends than anything else. It doesn’t even feel like a job, which suits me just fine.”
“That must be nice,” she remarked.
He supposed it was, but when Myrddin thought of his mother, he knew things were far from perfect.
He was taken out of his thoughts by the sudden appearance of a woman who demanded to speak to the court sorcerer at once.
The king’s men all took out their swords. Merlin appeared detached from the proceedings, looking as if this matter was of no concern to him.
But Myrddin knew better. He knew who the woman was.
The guards seized the woman, the king giving her a reproachful look.
“I ordered you never to come to Camelot, Morgana.”
She shook her head, frustrated. She looked to be in a frenzied state of mind as she tried to get out of the hold that the guards had on her.
She looked straight at Merlin, ignoring the king completely. “I couldn’t stay away any longer, Merlin. I couldn’t! How can you still be loyal to Arthur? Especially after what he’s done? I agreed to help you, help him! And this is how I am repaid?”
Merlin didn’t answer her. The only reaction he gave was bowing his head slightly.
“Is that your -- ?” the servant girl asked him.
Myrddin looked to her and gave a small nod. “Yes.”
“Merlin will not speak to you. I don’t know what you planned to accomplish by coming here, but--” the king paused when Merlin leaned toward him and whispered something into his ear.
Arthur whispered something back to him, but then he seemed to relent and come to a decision.
“You will stay in the dungeons for the night. Take her away,” he ordered the guards.
“No! No! I want to speak to my son! How dare you!” Morgana yelled.
The guards led her away, her voice becoming a distant echo as she was taken out of the room.
Later, when Myrddin was in the prince’s chambers, Peter apologized to him.
Myrddin sighed, shaking his head. “There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s not your fault.”
They played the rest of their card game in comfortable silence -- what had happened at the celebration was not brought up again.
~ * ~
Past:
“Arthur,” Merlin said quietly, placing his hand on the king’s shoulder.
Arthur didn’t say a word. His gaze was still fixed on the fireplace in front of him.
Merlin sighed. “Arthur,” he repeated. “Gwen doesn’t have much time left.”
He only tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. He still kept silent. He didn’t even blink.
Merlin thought he would go mad if that tapping sound persisted.
Then he turned his head and looked at Merlin. “She betrayed me,” Arthur said in a choked voice.
“You still care for her. I know you do,” he spoke quietly, without giving a hint of what he was feeling.
Of what he feared Arthur would bring up, from the way his eyes looked him over, their brightness reminding the sorcerer of the intense light of a blue fire.
“I don’t need you to be my advisor now, Merlin. Just - don’t pretend with me. I don’t like it.”
“You know what needs to be done. Camelot will fall if--”
“Yes, I know, Merlin. I’ll deal with it. Get me a drink.”
“No, Arthur. Get out of that chair, right now. Look at me.”
“You may not be my servant anymore, but don’t think you could order me around.”
“I can if you’re being ridiculous!” Merlin yelled, exasperated.
His eyes turned golden and a moment later, Arthur, still in his chair, was moved to face Merlin.
Arthur appeared mildly peeved, but stood up and walked to the table where he filled a cup with wine. All the while, he avoided Merlin’s presence.
“If you won’t listen to me, then the least you could do is see her. Say goodbye to her.”
His only response was Arthur slamming the cup on to the table. Merlin was almost certain that he growled before he set his eyes upon the sorcerer.
“And what are you going to do?” He asked, the question coming out more harshly than he had intended.
Merlin knew well what was really bothering the king.
“What I do is none of your concern. You should go. It’s your duty. It’s the right thing to do, Arthur.”
Arthur huffed, but then he seemed to deflate and give in. “All right. I’ll go. You’re right. No matter the business with Lancelot, I still love Guinevere.”
Merlin smiled; satisfied that Arthur had listened to him.
When Arthur was an arm’s length away from the door, he stopped and turned around.
“Arthur, what--?” Merlin began, but whatever else he planned to say was knocked out of him.
Arthur grabbed him and shoved him against the wall. He began kissing him heatedly, Merlin feeling weak in the knees at the intensity of the contact.
“Have you lost your mind?” Merlin muttered, though there was little weight behind his words.
Arthur pulled Merlin’s chin up with one finger, his blue eyes drawing Merlin in. “Just remember, you’re mine.”
Merlin nodded. “I haven’t forgotten,” he whispered.
Arthur gave him one last kiss and pressed his finger over the sorcerer’s lips. Merlin opened his mouth slightly and wet the other’s finger with a practiced tongue.
“Good,” Arthur said, a soft caress near Merlin’s ear.
He left his room with Merlin still standing where he was, letting out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.
His head still spinning, he touched his bruised lips, coming away with some blood on his fingers.
The door opened.
Merlin knew who it was before he even saw her.
“My chambers,” he told her.
He led her out of Arthur’s room, being careful to check the corridor to insure no one was around.
~ * ~
“Lady Morgana has been sighted inside the castle, sire,” a servant had come to tell him.
Arthur suppressed his frustration long enough to acknowledge the man’s words. “Thank you for informing me.”
The servant nodded and bowed his way out.
Arthur sat at his Queen’s bedside for a little while longer, holding her hand.
“Arthur--” she started softly.
He shook his head. “Let’s not talk about it. I’ve had my say.”
Gwen squeezed his hand gently and said, “Look after each other, sweetheart. Merlin is a dear friend of mine. Be good to one another, Arthur.”
Arthur closed his eyes briefly, not willing to let his true emotions show through. “I will.”
She smiled tenderly at him and then closed her eyes.
He let go of her hand, stroking it for a long moment before he decided it was time to leave.
Before leaving the room, Arthur laid a kiss to her forehead, whispering softly, “Rest well, Guinevere.”
He wasn’t sure he could ever quite forgive her for her indiscretion with Lancelot. Arthur supposed in the end, even the Queen was human and had her faults, her failings.
~ * ~
Impatient, Arthur kicked the door to Merlin’s chambers open, though he knew what he would find.
They were already in bed, Merlin on top of the sorceress, a rather impressive display of magic circling the two of them as he went inside of her.
Arthur could scarcely believe he had once considered Morgana a close friend. Many times Merlin had explained it to him - that he needed this, needed to be with someone who was magic, who could understand what it felt like. And at the heart of the matter, it made him feel alive, like the magic in him was better for it by being intimately connected with a sorceress.
Though Merlin was always, always quick to reassure Arthur that he didn’t think any less of him. That this didn’t affect the way Merlin felt about him - when they were together. What he had with Arthur, he had told him, was incomparable.
But even as he listened all those times, hearing those desperate reassurances from that earnest face, Arthur couldn’t help but think - Morgana gave him the one thing Arthur couldn’t give him.
Arthur could only accept his magic, but others like Morgana could do more. They understood it from a deeply personal angle. They could give him the release that Arthur could never give Merlin.
Every time she came, Arthur was reminded of this and the feelings of insecurity flared up once again.
“Merlin,” Arthur said loudly.
Merlin ignored him, but he stopped what he was doing all the same, getting up off of Morgana. He lay beside her while she wrapped herself in the sheets.
She stroked his cheek softly while Merlin looked at her with a smile on his face.
Arthur absolutely hated it.
He heard Merlin whisper something to her and she nodded.
“Did you hear me?” Arthur spoke again, growing impatient once again.
“Yes, Arthur. Morgana is here to help,” Merlin finally told him. He quickly put some clothes on.
Morgana, still wrapped in the sheets and carrying her dress, walked over to the screens to get dressed.
The fact that there were screens in Merlin’s room installed just for her was a fact that Arthur tried his best to ignore.
Once Morgana had her dress back on, the three of them went to sit at the table. Arthur took his seat beside Merlin, narrowing his eyes at Morgana who showed no sign of seeing Arthur’s clear display of jealousy.
She, gracefully as always, sat across from the two of them, and looked expectantly at Merlin to speak.
Merlin turned to Arthur. “Morgana has found a solution to your lack of heir. She Saw the future and picked a candidate to lead the kingdom after you die.”
“What--?” Arthur breathed out, shocked. He thought he had gotten used to all the possibilities that magic wrought, but this - this was ridiculous. It made no sense - getting a son from the future?
“I know it may be a lot to take in, but-”
“Merlin, there are other ways to do this. I could find a suitable child and train him. I know it’s unfortunate that my sons have died, but drastic measures aren’t necessary. I could always remarry,” Arthur tried to make him see reason.
Merlin shook his head, but it was Morgana who spoke, “That may be true. You could find a child, you could remarry. But both ways lead to uncertainty - you wouldn’t know if the child would grow into adulthood, you wouldn’t know if your next wife would give you a son. What I have seen - there is a guarantee that Camelot will have a king, a capable king after you are gone.”
“You haven’t given me any reason to trust you,” Arthur said sharply to her. “What you are suggesting I would assume requires powerful magic? Dark magic?”
Merlin looked to Arthur. “It will require powerful magic, true, but it is not dark magic, Arthur. I promise you that.”
“Right - so how will this work? We travel into the future somehow and snatch a boy unawares and bring him back to Camelot?”
“Nothing so callous,” Merlin tried to reassure him. “We will only need a soul - the boy will be reborn here in Camelot and he won’t know any different life. As that is the case, you would need to remarry--”
“We have settled that for you,” Morgana said smoothly.
“You two have already decided who I will be married to? Without my consent?”
Arthur appeared outraged, annoyed that others were deciding his future without him knowing about it. He stood up, making to leave.
“Arthur, please,” Merlin pleaded with him, placing his hand on Arthur’s arm. “It’s not like that. You have to understand, there are only so many women who could carry such a soul. It has to be planned carefully - it can’t just be anyone. And it won’t be unpleasant for you. I would never agree to that for you,” Merlin looked to him, wanting him to believe.
Arthur’s face said it all though. It was always Merlin. Only the need for an heir had the king doing what was right, what was his duty.
Merlin put his hand over his forehead, trying not to dwell on it, and continued speaking, “You will marry, your wife will bear you a son and the soul that we’ve retrieved will be in that child. And as Morgana has said, you will rest assured that Camelot will be in good hands when you are gone. This is fated to be, Arthur.”
Arthur sat back down, looking unimpressed at Merlin and then Morgana. “No matter how you say it, it sounds like I’m just a puppet - something to be manipulated in this plan you’ve laid out. Have you even considered how I would feel?”
Arthur looked pointedly at Merlin - it was obvious the last question was more directed to his advisor, the one person who he trusted above all others.
~ * ~