the night that unites us
the night that unites us
“And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us.”
-Pablo Neruda
Note: I do not own Law and Order: SVU, I do not make a profit from this work.
Timeline: Season 13 (After "Strange Beauty")
finding myself
Rating: T-R (language, brief mention of sexual acts (masturbation, sexual assault and contact)
Prompt: just this once (dark_bingo)
Word Count: 619
Summary: “Some days I forget who I am," she confessed, looking back at him. "It scares me."
The moonlight poured into the room, she sat on the edge of the bed, unable to sleep. Her fingers danced around across the inside of her forearm. She found herself tracing her name, most days it was the only way she remembered who she really was. She had gone undercover before, she was highly skilled in sting operations but she had never been leading another life for this long. It had almost been a year since she had pulled into this mission. She had stumbled into it on accident and had no problems just going with it but she hadn’t realized how long it would last. Then a little voice inside her told her, what she would have actually been doing with this year. Besides work, she really didn’t have a life; it was too dangerous for her to have free time given the temptation of gambling.
A sigh escaped her lips. The steady breathing of the man next to her became a voice, “What’s wrong?” His voice was thick with sleep. The sound of it made her shiver, given how deep it had become. As she dropped her hand to the bed, she felt his reaching for her, his thick fingers wrapping around her wrist.
“Some days I forget who I am, it scares me,” she confessed, looking back at him.
At her words he sat up, the white sheet crumpled away from his body, exposing his caramel skin tone. “Come here,” his voice was still deep, but soft and tender.
He released her wrist so she could make her way over to him. She crawled into his arms and he held her against him. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled the scent of his skin. Nine months ago, she would have thought it crazy that she’d be here. In his arms, craving the comfort he provided in the early hours of the morning. After all, he was not her boyfriend as their new identities suggested, but partners. A large part of her had forgotten that.
She never realized how this would change them, well at least her, she never really knew what he thought. It was hard to read him, but she accredited that to his undercover skills. “What happens when this is over? How…how are we supposed to go back to being just partners? After everything we’ve…” she trailed off as his fingers skimmed down her spine.
“We’ll make it work,” he promised, his hot breath in her ear made her shiver.
There were so many things she wanted to utter out loud to him. To ask, to know but she couldn’t bring herself to say any of it to him. Do you love me? Do you actually want me, as you’ve made clear when you’ve taken me? Is this all an act to you? How am I supposed to sleep without you when this is over? How am I supposed to pretend I feel nothing? God, she hated herself those thoughts. Not after what had happened in Atlanta. She swore she’d never let this happen. They had promised each other when this began they would do what had to be done for this case. She damned her emotions for letting herself get lost in her new identity and getting lost in what it was like to be with him, not as a partner but as a constant companion.
“If we’re going to do anything, we should do it while we still can,” she murmured. At her words she felt him harden against her and she grinned. “Just one favor?” she asked.
He pulled away just enough that he could cradle her face in his hand, “Anything.”
“Call me Amanda.”
time
Rating: T-R (language, brief mention of sexual acts (masturbation, sexual assault and contact)
Prompt: insomnia (dark_bingo)
Word Count: 541
Summary: "It's a long story..."
((This is a flashback to the previous drabble))
“Didn’t realize you were an insomniac,” she drawled, as they lay awake.
It was the early morning hours of the morning, a month into their undercover work, each night they lay side by side in silence.
“You either,” he muttered.
She flipped to her side, peering over at him, his hands were across his chest, eyes focused on the ceiling. “Well I used to have ways to help me sleep, but I’m not alone in this bed.” As his head whipped over to her, she chuckled as she heard his neck snap. “Given we’re both insomniacs and we have no idea how long we’re gonna be under, I think this is a good time to bond.”
“We are not having sex, Rollins,” he snapped.
She arched her brows, “Did I ask to? I can handle myself just fine.”
“I’m sure you can.”
After a few minutes of silence, she cleared her throat, “Do…uh…damn this is harder to say than I thought it would…”
“Considering how you just brought up masturbating, now you can’t ask me a simple question?” now his brows were arched and an amused smile was creeping on his lips.
She sighed, “Is it me or does this job kill your sex drive?”
“It does to some of us,” he said, he realized she moved closer, peering up at him.
She nodded her chin at him, “Speaking from experience?”
A sigh escaped his lips, “Yeah. To be honest, I haven’t had sex in about…10 years.”
“10 years? Really? Not even with yourself?” she blurted, unashamed.
He shook his head, “Nah. With everything I’ve seen…this job takes a lot out of you. How are you handling it?” he asked.
She chuckled, “I still have my moments but…” then she gave him a thin smile, “For me it’s not the job, it’s the people I left…the reason I left…”
“Wanna tell me about it?”
She sighed, “One of the Sheriff Deputies got drunk one night and…well…had my Captain not came in…I couldn’t stop him. He was so much bigger than me…then that night you and Amaro left me in the bar with my Captain he came onto me. It was so awkward. I thought of him as more of a Father and he tried to make a move on me, telling me I wanted it…I’m kinda glad I got my ass out of the South. Sure I miss home but…” she shuddered at the memories.
“I’m sorry,” he said, he reached out, gently running his fingers down her face. He took comfort in the fact she did not shudder of move away considering what she just revealed.
She gave him a grateful look, “It’s not your fault. I thought I wouldn’t be so trusting with men, especially after that but…you’ve been the only guy I’ve completely trusted since I got here. And I trust you with my life since I got my dumb ass dragged into your operation. But we are going to need to be a believable couple…so, tell me more about you,” she said.
“It’s a long story,” he warned her.
He watched a coy grin appear on her lips, she scooted closer, closing the gap between their bodies. She rested her head on his shoulder, “We have time.”
---
I hope you enjoyed these drabbles. These are part of a series I'm using to explore the relationship between Fin and Rollins.
“And one by one the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us.”
-Pablo Neruda
Note: I do not own Law and Order: SVU, I do not make a profit from this work.
Timeline: Season 13 (After "Strange Beauty")
finding myself
Rating: T-R (language, brief mention of sexual acts (masturbation, sexual assault and contact)
Prompt: just this once (dark_bingo)
Word Count: 619
Summary: “Some days I forget who I am," she confessed, looking back at him. "It scares me."
The moonlight poured into the room, she sat on the edge of the bed, unable to sleep. Her fingers danced around across the inside of her forearm. She found herself tracing her name, most days it was the only way she remembered who she really was. She had gone undercover before, she was highly skilled in sting operations but she had never been leading another life for this long. It had almost been a year since she had pulled into this mission. She had stumbled into it on accident and had no problems just going with it but she hadn’t realized how long it would last. Then a little voice inside her told her, what she would have actually been doing with this year. Besides work, she really didn’t have a life; it was too dangerous for her to have free time given the temptation of gambling.
A sigh escaped her lips. The steady breathing of the man next to her became a voice, “What’s wrong?” His voice was thick with sleep. The sound of it made her shiver, given how deep it had become. As she dropped her hand to the bed, she felt his reaching for her, his thick fingers wrapping around her wrist.
“Some days I forget who I am, it scares me,” she confessed, looking back at him.
At her words he sat up, the white sheet crumpled away from his body, exposing his caramel skin tone. “Come here,” his voice was still deep, but soft and tender.
He released her wrist so she could make her way over to him. She crawled into his arms and he held her against him. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled the scent of his skin. Nine months ago, she would have thought it crazy that she’d be here. In his arms, craving the comfort he provided in the early hours of the morning. After all, he was not her boyfriend as their new identities suggested, but partners. A large part of her had forgotten that.
She never realized how this would change them, well at least her, she never really knew what he thought. It was hard to read him, but she accredited that to his undercover skills. “What happens when this is over? How…how are we supposed to go back to being just partners? After everything we’ve…” she trailed off as his fingers skimmed down her spine.
“We’ll make it work,” he promised, his hot breath in her ear made her shiver.
There were so many things she wanted to utter out loud to him. To ask, to know but she couldn’t bring herself to say any of it to him. Do you love me? Do you actually want me, as you’ve made clear when you’ve taken me? Is this all an act to you? How am I supposed to sleep without you when this is over? How am I supposed to pretend I feel nothing? God, she hated herself those thoughts. Not after what had happened in Atlanta. She swore she’d never let this happen. They had promised each other when this began they would do what had to be done for this case. She damned her emotions for letting herself get lost in her new identity and getting lost in what it was like to be with him, not as a partner but as a constant companion.
“If we’re going to do anything, we should do it while we still can,” she murmured. At her words she felt him harden against her and she grinned. “Just one favor?” she asked.
He pulled away just enough that he could cradle her face in his hand, “Anything.”
“Call me Amanda.”
time
Rating: T-R (language, brief mention of sexual acts (masturbation, sexual assault and contact)
Prompt: insomnia (dark_bingo)
Word Count: 541
Summary: "It's a long story..."
((This is a flashback to the previous drabble))
“Didn’t realize you were an insomniac,” she drawled, as they lay awake.
It was the early morning hours of the morning, a month into their undercover work, each night they lay side by side in silence.
“You either,” he muttered.
She flipped to her side, peering over at him, his hands were across his chest, eyes focused on the ceiling. “Well I used to have ways to help me sleep, but I’m not alone in this bed.” As his head whipped over to her, she chuckled as she heard his neck snap. “Given we’re both insomniacs and we have no idea how long we’re gonna be under, I think this is a good time to bond.”
“We are not having sex, Rollins,” he snapped.
She arched her brows, “Did I ask to? I can handle myself just fine.”
“I’m sure you can.”
After a few minutes of silence, she cleared her throat, “Do…uh…damn this is harder to say than I thought it would…”
“Considering how you just brought up masturbating, now you can’t ask me a simple question?” now his brows were arched and an amused smile was creeping on his lips.
She sighed, “Is it me or does this job kill your sex drive?”
“It does to some of us,” he said, he realized she moved closer, peering up at him.
She nodded her chin at him, “Speaking from experience?”
A sigh escaped his lips, “Yeah. To be honest, I haven’t had sex in about…10 years.”
“10 years? Really? Not even with yourself?” she blurted, unashamed.
He shook his head, “Nah. With everything I’ve seen…this job takes a lot out of you. How are you handling it?” he asked.
She chuckled, “I still have my moments but…” then she gave him a thin smile, “For me it’s not the job, it’s the people I left…the reason I left…”
“Wanna tell me about it?”
She sighed, “One of the Sheriff Deputies got drunk one night and…well…had my Captain not came in…I couldn’t stop him. He was so much bigger than me…then that night you and Amaro left me in the bar with my Captain he came onto me. It was so awkward. I thought of him as more of a Father and he tried to make a move on me, telling me I wanted it…I’m kinda glad I got my ass out of the South. Sure I miss home but…” she shuddered at the memories.
“I’m sorry,” he said, he reached out, gently running his fingers down her face. He took comfort in the fact she did not shudder of move away considering what she just revealed.
She gave him a grateful look, “It’s not your fault. I thought I wouldn’t be so trusting with men, especially after that but…you’ve been the only guy I’ve completely trusted since I got here. And I trust you with my life since I got my dumb ass dragged into your operation. But we are going to need to be a believable couple…so, tell me more about you,” she said.
“It’s a long story,” he warned her.
He watched a coy grin appear on her lips, she scooted closer, closing the gap between their bodies. She rested her head on his shoulder, “We have time.”
---
I hope you enjoyed these drabbles. These are part of a series I'm using to explore the relationship between Fin and Rollins.