No More Mr. Nice Guy

[divalion]

Permit me to be a bitch for a moment. I've been inspired.

Comments

Re: thank you

[ext_978035]

You might want to tone down the sexism there.

Re: thank you

[anonymous]

It's not sexism, since women are the "other" and men have the power in our culture, and the world at large. The statement you are disagreeing with may or may not be true, but it is by definition, not sexism.
With any of the -isms, that is the case. The -ism is about a societal power relationship with the target group (women, blacks, asians, people with disabilities, etc.) having the -ism in question acted opon them. Because men have more privilege in the world (the huge wage gap, the glass ceiling, preferential treatment in married life, the pigionholing of women into caregiver roles, etc.) a women can never in-act sexism towards a man. The particular situation maybe unpleasant for the man, but because he can leave the situation, and go out into the world with a whole host of privileges at his beck and call, it is not sexism.

[anonymous]

And what, black people can't be racist? Come on now.

"Bitches Against Nice Guys!"

[sharrainchains]

You hit the bullseye with this discussion - thank you! It describes so many men that I know (or have "encountered"). Hearing a man claim to be a "Nice Guy" - or complaining that nice guys finish last - became a red flag for me long ago: I have never heard a real nice guy do either...

This is going in my links/memories, mainly because it reminds me that there are real nice guys "out there" - and that there are ways to differentiate between them.

Only one problem: what is the word between/including funny and sad to describe the feeling that this post triggers (the way bittersweet describes the joined feelings of sorrow and joy)? The feeling actually is only vaguely related to (real or Morrissette) irony - which is the closest shade I can mix without one of my many thesauri (which are still hiding in some unknown box in the wreck room).

Re: "Bitches Against Nice Guys!"

[divalion]

rueful? is the only one I can think of...

Re: "Bitches Against Nice Guys!"

[the_xtina]

"wry"?

Re: "Bitches Against Nice Guys!"

[sharrainchains]

Closer - thanks.

[squirejoe]

Now do you have any advise for the small "n" nice guys who honestly do care, but have been jaded by helping friends that were hurt or upset by Nice Guys?

My main phylosophy for Dating is "Worst thing that can happen is I get another friend". The only problem with that is that I have ALOT of great female friends, but no "Girl Friend".

This is more of a rhytorical question, but if anyone has advise, I am open to listen.

I love your writing style. Very easy to read and understand.

I would pass this along to a couple Nice Guy friends, but I don't think they would get anything out of it. Like you said "You need to want to change". Knowing these guys, they wont listen unless they realy find someone that they respect, and actualy feel BAD about not getting...not just feeling pissy.

[wilhelmina_d]

I would ask why you feel "jaded" by those experiences. Did you expect them to be something more? Is there a reason that you were helping friends who were hurt and upset?

I've found in my own life that the moment I stop "looking" and start being happy with me is when I find what I'm looking for. That's how I ended up with my Himself. I think it has something to do with that whole "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" thing.

[wilhelmina_d]

Is there a reason that you were helping {a lot of female} friends who were hurt and upset?

That might clarify since I assume most of us would want to help a friend who is hurt & upset.

[squirejoe]

With all my friends..male and female...I am the "Go To" guy with all sorts of problems from personal to computer to cooking to whatever. I have a gift (flaw?) that I want to help people and fix problems. This goes double if I care the person. I have the "He's just a big Teddy Bear" label as well

[dance_shiva]

And if you're Bi, you get the wonderful world of Nice Girls as well..."I can't possibly be rational or accountable for my own shit...I'm too nice to have needs, and you're mean for not taking care of me anyway."

You're so nice.
You're not good you're not bad you're just nice.
I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right.

Gnash.

Dance, Shiva.

[divalion]

I think my girlfriend experiences have been too varied to date to come up with as broad (pardon the pun) a post as this one, but I definitely have a bi chick rant in me that just needs to be shaken up like a bottle of soda. *g*

[paper_crystals]

Yup. Ohhhh, yes.

[metal_sheep]

I'm the witch. You're the woooooorld!

Sorry.

Re: Here via <lj user=ptpgrad>.

[bronxelf_ag001]

No, he isn't.

He's a Nice Guy, with nice guy tendencies. You have that in reverse.

Re: Here via <lj user=ptpgrad>.

[bronxelf_ag001]

My apologies then. I thought we were talking about the same person.