American Idol Fic | Think of Nothing Tonight | PG-13 | 4100 words
Think of Nothing Tonight
Adam & Kris (Adam/Drake, Kris/Katy) | PG-13 | ~ 4100 words
"Normally I'm good at distance," Adam says. "But this tour feels different or something."
Huge thanks to wearemany for talking this out with me and helping me actually get to the end. Thanks so much to linzeestyle for betaing! ♥
Adam sets his phone on the table beside the couch and rubs the tips of his fingers together. Texting gets annoying, but he feels lonely tonight and doesn't want to aggravate it by talking on the phone.
Kris's on the other side of the couch and Matt's sitting on the other couch with Allison and Danny, a movie playing quietly on one of the flat screen TVs. Adam's pretty sure that Matt picked the movie because Danny looks bored and Allison looks confused. Adam can hear Kris's conversation more clearly than the actors on the TV, but he doesn't pay much attention to either. His phone buzzes and he looks over without reaching for it.
Someone starts crying on screen. Kris says, "You, too. Okay. Bye," and pulls the phone away from his ear. He moves it down to his lap, cupping it loosely with both hands.
"How's Katy?" Adam asks.
"Good," Kris says. "Who were you talking to? Drake?"
"Yeah," says Adam.
He doesn't realize that he and Kris have sighed loudly and at the same time until Allison looks over and laughs at them.
Adam wrinkles his nose.
"At least you have someone to miss," Allison says.
"I'll find you a boyfriend," Adam says. "And then you'll know that you're not missing out."
"No boyfriends," Danny says. "And you wouldn't want Adam's castoffs anyway."
"I could find a nice boy for you, too, Danny," Adam says. "No need to be jealous."
Adam can feel the movement of Kris tensing beside him on the couch, but Danny just snorts and turns back to the TV. Halfway through the tour and it's not as easy to push Danny's buttons anymore.
"You guys made me miss the best part," Matt says, reaching for the remote control and rewinding.
Adam flips his phone over and looks at the screen, but Drake has sent back, ? and now Adam can't remember what he last said. Whatever it was it wasn't important enough to clarify, so he just texts, I'll call you tomorrow. Nite, :), and sets the phone back down.
Kris seems to be staring off into space. Adam slides back in his seat, kicking his feet up onto the table in front of him, his black socks beside Matt's grey ones. He pokes at Matt's toe, but Matt just moves his foot a couple of inches over, still staring intently at the TV. Adam's antsy and briefly misses when he still lived at home and could always pick a fight with his brother if the occasion called for it.
"What city are we in?" Kris asks, his voice loud compared to the drone of the movie.
"In right now or where are we heading?" Adam asks.
"Where are we playing tomorrow?"
Adam looks up at the ceiling. They where just in... Washington, which means that--
"Atlantic City," Matt says without moving his eyes.
"No, that's after," Danny says. "It's Baltimore tomorrow."
"Thanks," Kris says. His eyes are darting around the room like he's still trying to figure something out. Eventually he leans back against the couch. Adam feels the cushions sink and he slides further down until his lower back begins to curve. It's not comfortable like this, not sitting and not lying, but he doesn't move.
Kris pokes at the back of his hand, his head tilted down.
Matt laughs at something that happens on screen and Allison looks at him, back at the TV, before looking over at Adam and making a face.
--
Adam takes off his makeup back stage. He's wiping cold cream off of his cheeks with a cotton pad when Kris walks out of the shower.
"Any hot water left?" Adam asks. Kris doesn't make enough fuss, so he usually gets stuck with last shower.
"It was fine," Kris says. He's wearing a t-shirt and Adam thinks it might be the same one that Kris was wearing onstage, but he's not sure. Kris asks, "Do we have to hurry back to the bus?"
"I don't think so," Adam says. "I think they said we had a couple of hours."
"Just what I was hoping for: more time on the bus."
"You want to go somewhere?" Adam asks.
"Like where?" Kris says. "I forgot what city we're in again."
"I don't know," Adam says. "We can ask someone. Just out for food or whatever."
"I am hungry," Kris says.
--
Security walks them to a nearby restaurant. The place is nearly empty so the guy sits at a separate table, orders himself a big plate of fries and pulls out his cellphone. Adam likes meeting fans usually, likes all the guys working security, but tonight he's glad for the privacy.
"French dip," Kris says when the waitress asks what he'll have.
"A ... chocolate milkshake," Adam says after a moment of deliberation.
She asks, "You want whipped cream?" and he nods. He hasn't eaten ice cream in weeks now, but fuck it.
His milkshake comes almost right away and there's chocolate drizzled over the whipped cream and a couple of cherries and he doesn't even look up until he's half way through the thing, using his straw like a spoon to shovel it into his mouth.
He pushes the glass forward a couple of inches toward Kris. Kris shakes his head and says, "I'm good with watching, thanks."
Adam lifts the glass to his mouth and coaxes the thick, icy sludge from the bottom of the glass. It feels soft and slides around his mouth when he pushes his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
He and Kris both have their phones on the table, but Adam knows that his is still set to silent. He stares at it for a minute before reaching forward and turning it onto vibrate. The screen says no missed calls.
Kris's sandwich comes and he eats methodically. Adam only realizes after Kris has finished that neither of them have spoken in ten minutes. He pokes at one of the cherry stems, lying on the table. He picks it up between two fingers and says, "I spent a weekend learning how to tie these into a knot with my tongue."
"A valuable skill," Kris says.
"It ended up being helpful," Adam says. "You know, once or twice."
"Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?" Kris says in this flat, slightly amused tone that makes Adam laugh loudly.
"You know it," he says. His actual milk shake is sitting heavy in his belly, but it's a good kind of full.
Kris looks at his fingers, and starts asking, "Is it--"
"Yes, it's different," Adam says.
"Huh?"
"That's always what straight people want to know: is it any different kissing someone of the same sex?"
"I was going to ask if it was weird being away from Drake." Kris quirks up the corner of his mouth and says, "I've kissed guys before."
Adam whips his head around. "Wait, what? Seriously?"
"Yeah," says Kris. "It wasn't like-- I mean, we were just playing around, it wasn't really anything."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's, like, if you met Michael Phelps--"
Adam starts laughing and elbows at Kris. "Oh god, shut it."
"It's like," Kris repeats. "If you met Michael Phelps, and you were like, 'Sometimes I like paddling around in the hot tub.'"
"I'm not sure what 'paddling around' is in this metaphor."
"Drinking games in college," Kris says.
"Straight boys kissing," Adam says, nodding slowly. "The start to all the best gay pornos."
"Well, as long as we were doing it right." Kris rolls his eyes, his lips pressed tightly together.
"What did Katy think about that?" Adam asks.
Kris shrugs. "We were long distance when I was at college."
Adam can hear Kris exhale and finds himself mimicking him, breathing out slowly through his nose. He rests his forearms on the table and starts picking at his nail polish. It's completely gone off of his first and and middle fingers, but his thumb is still nice and shiny. He doesn't know if he should fix up the bare nails or remove the polish from his hands entirely and start over.
The waitress comes with their bill.
"This was a good idea," Kris says after paying.
"Yeah." Adam slides out of the booth. He raises his eyebrows at the security guy who nods and stands up as well. The guy starts walking toward the door and Adam hangs behind, waiting for Kris to finish patting his pocket, double checking that he's put his wallet back. Kris is roll-out-of-bed-and-ready-to-go in the mornings, but he always seems to need a moment to centre himself when they change locations, to check and make sure that he has everything.
Adam touches his fingers to Kris's lower back and Kris stops looking at the booth so that they can walk to the door together.
They say goodnight and thank you when the guy drops them off at the bus and shuffle around outside the door. It's warm outside, with a soft edge to the air, and Adam doesn't want to step back into air conditioning.
"Are you going to go call Katy?" Adam asks. He tries to remember what time zone they're currently in and gives up quickly. Drake's in LA, so it's rarely too late to call him.
"Ah, no," Kris says. "Not tonight."
"Trouble in paradise?"
Kris squishes up his lips to one side.
"Really?" Adam asks. "So maybe-- space is good? I don't know, man. I don't know anyone who married his high school sweetheart. You two are already beating the odds."
"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Normally I'm good at distance," Adam says. "But this tour feels different or something."
"It's a lot," Kris says.
Adam taps his knuckles against the side of the bus. He thinks that Kris is going to head into the bus, but instead he stands, quiet and calm, and gives Adam the space to sort his thoughts. Adam's not used to being around people who are so willing to remain physically present without needing to be the centre of attention. Kris is easy to spend time with, even though Adam spent more than a few late nights hating him for being able to sleep so easily, wishing that Kris's ease with falling asleep would rub off on him.
"It's like I'm annoyed with Drake for not being here, even though I'm the one that left," Adam says. "That's stupid."
"Kind of," Kris agrees and Adam laughs softly. "Do you want him to be here? Could he fly out for a couple of days?"
"No, I mean, yeah, I don't know," Adam says. "I think he's flying over at the end of the month, it's not too long."
"You're annoyed because you've had to do so much press in the last few days," Kris says.
"Yeah, it's probably that. All the talk about what it means to be a cocksucker and no actual cocksucking to be found."
"That's the difficult part of being on tour: a complete lack of people who want to have sex with you," says Kris with a straight face.
"I would say that three-quarters of the guys hitting on me these days are reporters who are looking to get a picture of my dick. Not that I object to pictures but you know they're going to share that shit."
"And this is the reason I am never going to borrow your laptop," Kris says.
"I don't keep sex pictures on my laptop," Adam assures him. "Laptops on tour? Way too easy to misplace."
"Right," Kris says. "That's why you always look so happy after Drake emails you."
"Whatever. Emails are different than saving to my hard drive. I don't have the password to my email saved."
"And CurtandBrianForever is such a difficult password to figure out."
Adam lets his mouth drop open, tips his head backward when he laughs. "I've been such a good influence on you," he says, delighted.
"I've definitely picked up a few things here and there," Kris says, shaking his head.
Adam grins. They settle into silence again and Adam feels himself relaxing and relaxing until he ends up leaning sideways, using the bus to keep himself upright. Kris has his arms crossed and he blinks slowly.
Adam stands upright and cracks his neck. "Ready for bed, American Idol?"
"Mhh, yeah," Kris says. He yawns. "You're like... the vice president American Idol."
"Pretty sure that's not how it works," Adam says. "Anyway, I want to be the director of internal affairs."
Kris gives him a dark look and Adam starts cracking up again.
"All the interviews about your sexuality have made you demented," Kris says. "As opposed to depraved."
"It's true," Adam says, nodding with the corners of his mouth turned down. "I've become a hypothetical fag. All talk, no cock."
"So find someone and get him to hand over his phone before you take your pants off," Kris says.
"I have a boyfriend," Adam says. "We're being monogamous. It's great."
"Would you rather you weren't?"
"Nah," Adam says. "It's not that I'd rather fuck someone else, it's just-- you know."
"He's not around."
Adam nods. "Not that there are great alternatives anyway. Some of the propositions I've been getting?"
"Last week a girl told me that she was saving her virginity for me," Kris says. "While her mother was within earshot."
"Nice. Someone said she'd pay me a thousand dollars if I fucked her boyfriend."
"This girl asked if I was in one of those religions where I could have more than one wife."
"Someone offered to suck my dick if I'd give her your phone number."
"What did you say?"
"That if she wanted your phone number she should probably offer to suck your dick."
"Thanks for that," Kris says.
Adam says, "I like to pay it forward," but interrupts himself by yawning halfway through. "'kay, seriously. I'm ready for bed now."
He walks up the stairs of the bus and holds the door open for Kris after walking inside. The bus is quiet even though it seems like everyone else is still awake. Adam undresses and crawls into his bunk. He checks his phone before plugging it into the charger, reads Drake's message, Ive got2 get up early 2morrow, talk another time, and reaches for his iPod, clicking to his Sleepytime playlist.
--
Allison's on tonight, and after Adam finishes stomping around on stage with her, he's got that awesome performing buzz. He loves being able to play for bigger audiences, but sometimes he misses getting dressed up and putting on a show.
The energy stays with him for the rest of the night. He finishes his solo stuff and walks off stage, giving Kris a high five as they pass by each other. Adam walks over to where everyone else is standing, a low area to the right of the stage that's mostly out of sight of the audience.
Allison hoots loudly when Adam walks over, and Matt jumps up onto a chair, shakes his hips as he fondles his crotch.
Adam covers his mouth with his hand, peeking over the tips of his fingers.
"There are children in the audience," Lil teases.
"There are children backstage," Danny says, making like he's going to hide Allison's eyes with his palm. Allison elbows him in the gut and they start slapping at each other.
Adam shuffles over and props himself up against a huge, stray speaker. He can feel the ground shaking slightly from the volume of the music; Kris is playing a song with the band and Adam can feel the steady rhythm of the bass drum. He wishes that he could get back on stage.
He closes his eyes and tries to pull the feeling inward. He's half-hard, but he's sure that he wasn't actually groping himself on stage. Pretty sure that he wasn't actually groping himself on stage. Matt is still standing on the chair, his head thrown back as he pretends to howl at the ceiling.
--
Adam hangs out with Kris backstage while the rest of them head out to whatever club they're supposed to be making an appearance at tonight.
Kris has his guitar propped on one knee and he's strumming mindlessly. He's wearing a white t-shirt that's wet around the collar from where his hair dripped after his shower. His short bangs are still plastered to his forehead. Adam's hair is almost dry enough for the straight iron.
"What time are we supposed to show up?" Kris asks.
"After midnight, maybe," says Adam. "I'm sure they'll come get us."
Kris nods. He sets his guitar down and rolls his shoulders up to his ears, his back cracking loudly. He says, "That was a good show."
"Yeah," Adam says. He flitters around the room aimlessly, wishing that they were at the club already. Not that they ever get to party, but still. He's looking forward to the crowd.
When he looks over, he sees that Kris is watching him from the couch.
"I want some of whatever you're on," Kris says.
"Sorry," Adam says. He flops down on the couch, a few feet in between him and Kris.
Kris shakes his hand and says, "No, I'm serious. You got the crowd so worked up, it was actually pretty cool. Except that someone had to come out and clear all the panties off the stage before I could play."
"No one threw panties on stage," Adam says.
"There was something up there, man," Kris says.
Adam shrugs, grinning, which has Kris rolling his eyes.
"So, how's Katy?" Adam asks. Kris disappeared for a couple of hours with his phone before the show.
"She's good," says Kris. "Far away."
"I hear you. When's she going to come up again? Did you get them to work conjugal visits into your contract?"
"Damn," Kris says. "I knew I forgot something. I can't remember what day it is right now, but I think she's coming next Friday."
"If you let me pick out your clothes for a week I'll try and keep everyone off the bus for half an hour."
"Not a chance in hell," Kris says. "And: half an hour? Ouch, man."
"Do married people even have sex?" Adam asks.
"Oh, ha, ha," says Kris.
"I'm just asking," Adam says, holding up both hands and trying not to grin.
"You're hilarious. Marriage isn't what's interfering with my sex life, but thanks for checking."
"That shit grows back," Adam says. "You can never be too careful."
"I don't understand your words, but if you're trying to imply that celibacy is bad for your health--" Adam nods helpfully. "Well, no shit."
Kris looks at his lap for a minute and goes beet red.
"What?" Adam gasps.
"No, I just-- Scott totally walked in on me when I was on the phone with Katy the other day."
"When you were on the phone with Katy?"
Kris nods, his eyes scrunched tightly shut.
Adam tilts sideways as he laughs. "At least it wasn't Allison."
"It might have been better," Kris says. "She probably wouldn't have known what I was doing in the bathroom afterwards."
"Ooh," Adam says. "Even after getting caught?"
"I was past the point of no return, man."
"Did Scott walk in on you while you were on the phone or while--"
"The phone! I was on the phone. I'm not quite at the point where I need to whip it out in public," he says and gives Adam a pointed look.
"Groping myself on stage isn't actually correlated to how much sex I'm having." Adam pauses. "I guess it correlates to how much sex I could have, but."
"Like you ever have trouble getting laid," Kris says.
"I'm in the bathroom just as much as you are these days," Adam says. "Okay, usually my bunk, but the same principle applies."
Kris's mouth drops open. "Your bunk? Those curtains aren't soundproof."
"I'm good at being quiet," Adam says. "When I want to be. It's not like this is the first time I've had to live with a bunch of other people twenty-four seven."
Kris says, "Exhibitionist," and Adam says, "Well--" and lifts one shoulder.
"Go straighten you hair and put on your face shit," says Kris. "We've got to get out of here soon."
Adam salutes and pushes off the couch.
--
Adam walks into the club, into the middle of the crowd and stays dancing there until security peels him away, herding him and the rest of the Idols back to the bus. His legs feel like rubber and his dick feels like it wants a blowjob. He puts his arm around Kris, uses him as a crutch as they make their way back, which helps with the first part but not with the second.
"Oh crap," someone says as they've started walking into the parking lot. "Has anyone seen Matt?"
Danny starts laughing hysterically, and Anoop heads back with the two security guys in search of Matt.
"I'm pretty sure he was there when we left the club," Lil says.
They split up onto the buses, but Adam hangs back.
Kris turns around and says, "You coming?"
"I'll be there in a minute," Adam says. "I'm just going to hang out here before we start driving again."
"Don't fall asleep in the dirt," Kris says.
"I won't," Adam says. Kris give him a slow smile and Adam takes half a step forward before he catches himself. Kris is just the right size for hugging, but Adam's still hard, and maybe tonight is a night for waving goodnight. "See you in a bit," Adam says.
Kris walks back onto the bus and Adam pulls out his cellphone, sinking down in the patch of grass just in front of the bus.
Drake sounds exhausted when he answers the phone, "Hey."
"What's up?" Adam ask.
"Long day," Drake says. "Long, long day."
"Something happen at work?"
"We're redoing this guy's kitchen, and I found this perfect cork flooring, it's so nice, seriously, when I have a kitchen it's going to have cork floors. And then we were going to do a really sweet mosaic thing for the cupboard doors above the kitchen, but the guy wants, get this, fucking sea foam green and yellow. Because, and I quote, he heard that, 'Green and yellow are complementary colours, so that would work with red handles.' For the cupboards. Even though he's already approved the glass ones I picked out, which were this perfect blown glass and fucking expensive, and I already made the order, so now it's going to cost more than the quote I gave him, and you just know he's the kind of asshole who's going to want to hold me to the original price. Like I'm the one who changed my mind."
"I love you," Adam says when Drake finally trails off. He'd been making low noise of agreement or outrage while Drake spoke.
"What?" Drake asks.
"Nothing," says Adam. "You've got good taste and its hot and I miss you."
"I miss you, too."
"You ready for bed? Or do you have more stuff to finish for tomorrow?"
"I'm done for today," Drake says. "I was waiting for you to call."
"Turn out the lights and lie down." Adam can hear the sounds of sheets rustling as Drake climbs back into bed. He says, "I wish I was there."
"I was mad when I was cooking dinner and I burn the sauce for the spaghetti carbonara. You probably still would have liked it though."
"Do you have to see the guy again tomorrow?" Adam asks.
Drake groans and says, "Yes. And I have to bring fucking colour samples."
"It'll be okay," Adam says. He hums for a minute then starts to sing, "Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to problems that upset you, don't you know everything's alright, yes, everything's fine."
"Are you singing me to sleep?" Drake asks.
"Yeah," Adam says. "Close your eyes. Sleep and I shall sooth you, calm you and anoint you, myrrh for your hot forehead then you'll feel everything's alright, yes, everything's fine, and it's cool and the ointment's sweet."
Drake makes a low, sleepy noise when Adam finishes. "That was a little too theatrical," he teases, his accent more noticeable than usual. "Luckily you're already my favorite."
"Pretty lucky," Adam agrees. He can see Matt, Anoop and the others walking toward him, but they're still far away so he stays where he is, listening to Drake breathe.
Adam & Kris (Adam/Drake, Kris/Katy) | PG-13 | ~ 4100 words
"Normally I'm good at distance," Adam says. "But this tour feels different or something."
Huge thanks to wearemany for talking this out with me and helping me actually get to the end. Thanks so much to linzeestyle for betaing! ♥
Adam sets his phone on the table beside the couch and rubs the tips of his fingers together. Texting gets annoying, but he feels lonely tonight and doesn't want to aggravate it by talking on the phone.
Kris's on the other side of the couch and Matt's sitting on the other couch with Allison and Danny, a movie playing quietly on one of the flat screen TVs. Adam's pretty sure that Matt picked the movie because Danny looks bored and Allison looks confused. Adam can hear Kris's conversation more clearly than the actors on the TV, but he doesn't pay much attention to either. His phone buzzes and he looks over without reaching for it.
Someone starts crying on screen. Kris says, "You, too. Okay. Bye," and pulls the phone away from his ear. He moves it down to his lap, cupping it loosely with both hands.
"How's Katy?" Adam asks.
"Good," Kris says. "Who were you talking to? Drake?"
"Yeah," says Adam.
He doesn't realize that he and Kris have sighed loudly and at the same time until Allison looks over and laughs at them.
Adam wrinkles his nose.
"At least you have someone to miss," Allison says.
"I'll find you a boyfriend," Adam says. "And then you'll know that you're not missing out."
"No boyfriends," Danny says. "And you wouldn't want Adam's castoffs anyway."
"I could find a nice boy for you, too, Danny," Adam says. "No need to be jealous."
Adam can feel the movement of Kris tensing beside him on the couch, but Danny just snorts and turns back to the TV. Halfway through the tour and it's not as easy to push Danny's buttons anymore.
"You guys made me miss the best part," Matt says, reaching for the remote control and rewinding.
Adam flips his phone over and looks at the screen, but Drake has sent back, ? and now Adam can't remember what he last said. Whatever it was it wasn't important enough to clarify, so he just texts, I'll call you tomorrow. Nite, :), and sets the phone back down.
Kris seems to be staring off into space. Adam slides back in his seat, kicking his feet up onto the table in front of him, his black socks beside Matt's grey ones. He pokes at Matt's toe, but Matt just moves his foot a couple of inches over, still staring intently at the TV. Adam's antsy and briefly misses when he still lived at home and could always pick a fight with his brother if the occasion called for it.
"What city are we in?" Kris asks, his voice loud compared to the drone of the movie.
"In right now or where are we heading?" Adam asks.
"Where are we playing tomorrow?"
Adam looks up at the ceiling. They where just in... Washington, which means that--
"Atlantic City," Matt says without moving his eyes.
"No, that's after," Danny says. "It's Baltimore tomorrow."
"Thanks," Kris says. His eyes are darting around the room like he's still trying to figure something out. Eventually he leans back against the couch. Adam feels the cushions sink and he slides further down until his lower back begins to curve. It's not comfortable like this, not sitting and not lying, but he doesn't move.
Kris pokes at the back of his hand, his head tilted down.
Matt laughs at something that happens on screen and Allison looks at him, back at the TV, before looking over at Adam and making a face.
--
Adam takes off his makeup back stage. He's wiping cold cream off of his cheeks with a cotton pad when Kris walks out of the shower.
"Any hot water left?" Adam asks. Kris doesn't make enough fuss, so he usually gets stuck with last shower.
"It was fine," Kris says. He's wearing a t-shirt and Adam thinks it might be the same one that Kris was wearing onstage, but he's not sure. Kris asks, "Do we have to hurry back to the bus?"
"I don't think so," Adam says. "I think they said we had a couple of hours."
"Just what I was hoping for: more time on the bus."
"You want to go somewhere?" Adam asks.
"Like where?" Kris says. "I forgot what city we're in again."
"I don't know," Adam says. "We can ask someone. Just out for food or whatever."
"I am hungry," Kris says.
--
Security walks them to a nearby restaurant. The place is nearly empty so the guy sits at a separate table, orders himself a big plate of fries and pulls out his cellphone. Adam likes meeting fans usually, likes all the guys working security, but tonight he's glad for the privacy.
"French dip," Kris says when the waitress asks what he'll have.
"A ... chocolate milkshake," Adam says after a moment of deliberation.
She asks, "You want whipped cream?" and he nods. He hasn't eaten ice cream in weeks now, but fuck it.
His milkshake comes almost right away and there's chocolate drizzled over the whipped cream and a couple of cherries and he doesn't even look up until he's half way through the thing, using his straw like a spoon to shovel it into his mouth.
He pushes the glass forward a couple of inches toward Kris. Kris shakes his head and says, "I'm good with watching, thanks."
Adam lifts the glass to his mouth and coaxes the thick, icy sludge from the bottom of the glass. It feels soft and slides around his mouth when he pushes his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
He and Kris both have their phones on the table, but Adam knows that his is still set to silent. He stares at it for a minute before reaching forward and turning it onto vibrate. The screen says no missed calls.
Kris's sandwich comes and he eats methodically. Adam only realizes after Kris has finished that neither of them have spoken in ten minutes. He pokes at one of the cherry stems, lying on the table. He picks it up between two fingers and says, "I spent a weekend learning how to tie these into a knot with my tongue."
"A valuable skill," Kris says.
"It ended up being helpful," Adam says. "You know, once or twice."
"Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?" Kris says in this flat, slightly amused tone that makes Adam laugh loudly.
"You know it," he says. His actual milk shake is sitting heavy in his belly, but it's a good kind of full.
Kris looks at his fingers, and starts asking, "Is it--"
"Yes, it's different," Adam says.
"Huh?"
"That's always what straight people want to know: is it any different kissing someone of the same sex?"
"I was going to ask if it was weird being away from Drake." Kris quirks up the corner of his mouth and says, "I've kissed guys before."
Adam whips his head around. "Wait, what? Seriously?"
"Yeah," says Kris. "It wasn't like-- I mean, we were just playing around, it wasn't really anything."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's, like, if you met Michael Phelps--"
Adam starts laughing and elbows at Kris. "Oh god, shut it."
"It's like," Kris repeats. "If you met Michael Phelps, and you were like, 'Sometimes I like paddling around in the hot tub.'"
"I'm not sure what 'paddling around' is in this metaphor."
"Drinking games in college," Kris says.
"Straight boys kissing," Adam says, nodding slowly. "The start to all the best gay pornos."
"Well, as long as we were doing it right." Kris rolls his eyes, his lips pressed tightly together.
"What did Katy think about that?" Adam asks.
Kris shrugs. "We were long distance when I was at college."
Adam can hear Kris exhale and finds himself mimicking him, breathing out slowly through his nose. He rests his forearms on the table and starts picking at his nail polish. It's completely gone off of his first and and middle fingers, but his thumb is still nice and shiny. He doesn't know if he should fix up the bare nails or remove the polish from his hands entirely and start over.
The waitress comes with their bill.
"This was a good idea," Kris says after paying.
"Yeah." Adam slides out of the booth. He raises his eyebrows at the security guy who nods and stands up as well. The guy starts walking toward the door and Adam hangs behind, waiting for Kris to finish patting his pocket, double checking that he's put his wallet back. Kris is roll-out-of-bed-and-ready-to-go in the mornings, but he always seems to need a moment to centre himself when they change locations, to check and make sure that he has everything.
Adam touches his fingers to Kris's lower back and Kris stops looking at the booth so that they can walk to the door together.
They say goodnight and thank you when the guy drops them off at the bus and shuffle around outside the door. It's warm outside, with a soft edge to the air, and Adam doesn't want to step back into air conditioning.
"Are you going to go call Katy?" Adam asks. He tries to remember what time zone they're currently in and gives up quickly. Drake's in LA, so it's rarely too late to call him.
"Ah, no," Kris says. "Not tonight."
"Trouble in paradise?"
Kris squishes up his lips to one side.
"Really?" Adam asks. "So maybe-- space is good? I don't know, man. I don't know anyone who married his high school sweetheart. You two are already beating the odds."
"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Normally I'm good at distance," Adam says. "But this tour feels different or something."
"It's a lot," Kris says.
Adam taps his knuckles against the side of the bus. He thinks that Kris is going to head into the bus, but instead he stands, quiet and calm, and gives Adam the space to sort his thoughts. Adam's not used to being around people who are so willing to remain physically present without needing to be the centre of attention. Kris is easy to spend time with, even though Adam spent more than a few late nights hating him for being able to sleep so easily, wishing that Kris's ease with falling asleep would rub off on him.
"It's like I'm annoyed with Drake for not being here, even though I'm the one that left," Adam says. "That's stupid."
"Kind of," Kris agrees and Adam laughs softly. "Do you want him to be here? Could he fly out for a couple of days?"
"No, I mean, yeah, I don't know," Adam says. "I think he's flying over at the end of the month, it's not too long."
"You're annoyed because you've had to do so much press in the last few days," Kris says.
"Yeah, it's probably that. All the talk about what it means to be a cocksucker and no actual cocksucking to be found."
"That's the difficult part of being on tour: a complete lack of people who want to have sex with you," says Kris with a straight face.
"I would say that three-quarters of the guys hitting on me these days are reporters who are looking to get a picture of my dick. Not that I object to pictures but you know they're going to share that shit."
"And this is the reason I am never going to borrow your laptop," Kris says.
"I don't keep sex pictures on my laptop," Adam assures him. "Laptops on tour? Way too easy to misplace."
"Right," Kris says. "That's why you always look so happy after Drake emails you."
"Whatever. Emails are different than saving to my hard drive. I don't have the password to my email saved."
"And CurtandBrianForever is such a difficult password to figure out."
Adam lets his mouth drop open, tips his head backward when he laughs. "I've been such a good influence on you," he says, delighted.
"I've definitely picked up a few things here and there," Kris says, shaking his head.
Adam grins. They settle into silence again and Adam feels himself relaxing and relaxing until he ends up leaning sideways, using the bus to keep himself upright. Kris has his arms crossed and he blinks slowly.
Adam stands upright and cracks his neck. "Ready for bed, American Idol?"
"Mhh, yeah," Kris says. He yawns. "You're like... the vice president American Idol."
"Pretty sure that's not how it works," Adam says. "Anyway, I want to be the director of internal affairs."
Kris gives him a dark look and Adam starts cracking up again.
"All the interviews about your sexuality have made you demented," Kris says. "As opposed to depraved."
"It's true," Adam says, nodding with the corners of his mouth turned down. "I've become a hypothetical fag. All talk, no cock."
"So find someone and get him to hand over his phone before you take your pants off," Kris says.
"I have a boyfriend," Adam says. "We're being monogamous. It's great."
"Would you rather you weren't?"
"Nah," Adam says. "It's not that I'd rather fuck someone else, it's just-- you know."
"He's not around."
Adam nods. "Not that there are great alternatives anyway. Some of the propositions I've been getting?"
"Last week a girl told me that she was saving her virginity for me," Kris says. "While her mother was within earshot."
"Nice. Someone said she'd pay me a thousand dollars if I fucked her boyfriend."
"This girl asked if I was in one of those religions where I could have more than one wife."
"Someone offered to suck my dick if I'd give her your phone number."
"What did you say?"
"That if she wanted your phone number she should probably offer to suck your dick."
"Thanks for that," Kris says.
Adam says, "I like to pay it forward," but interrupts himself by yawning halfway through. "'kay, seriously. I'm ready for bed now."
He walks up the stairs of the bus and holds the door open for Kris after walking inside. The bus is quiet even though it seems like everyone else is still awake. Adam undresses and crawls into his bunk. He checks his phone before plugging it into the charger, reads Drake's message, Ive got2 get up early 2morrow, talk another time, and reaches for his iPod, clicking to his Sleepytime playlist.
--
Allison's on tonight, and after Adam finishes stomping around on stage with her, he's got that awesome performing buzz. He loves being able to play for bigger audiences, but sometimes he misses getting dressed up and putting on a show.
The energy stays with him for the rest of the night. He finishes his solo stuff and walks off stage, giving Kris a high five as they pass by each other. Adam walks over to where everyone else is standing, a low area to the right of the stage that's mostly out of sight of the audience.
Allison hoots loudly when Adam walks over, and Matt jumps up onto a chair, shakes his hips as he fondles his crotch.
Adam covers his mouth with his hand, peeking over the tips of his fingers.
"There are children in the audience," Lil teases.
"There are children backstage," Danny says, making like he's going to hide Allison's eyes with his palm. Allison elbows him in the gut and they start slapping at each other.
Adam shuffles over and props himself up against a huge, stray speaker. He can feel the ground shaking slightly from the volume of the music; Kris is playing a song with the band and Adam can feel the steady rhythm of the bass drum. He wishes that he could get back on stage.
He closes his eyes and tries to pull the feeling inward. He's half-hard, but he's sure that he wasn't actually groping himself on stage. Pretty sure that he wasn't actually groping himself on stage. Matt is still standing on the chair, his head thrown back as he pretends to howl at the ceiling.
--
Adam hangs out with Kris backstage while the rest of them head out to whatever club they're supposed to be making an appearance at tonight.
Kris has his guitar propped on one knee and he's strumming mindlessly. He's wearing a white t-shirt that's wet around the collar from where his hair dripped after his shower. His short bangs are still plastered to his forehead. Adam's hair is almost dry enough for the straight iron.
"What time are we supposed to show up?" Kris asks.
"After midnight, maybe," says Adam. "I'm sure they'll come get us."
Kris nods. He sets his guitar down and rolls his shoulders up to his ears, his back cracking loudly. He says, "That was a good show."
"Yeah," Adam says. He flitters around the room aimlessly, wishing that they were at the club already. Not that they ever get to party, but still. He's looking forward to the crowd.
When he looks over, he sees that Kris is watching him from the couch.
"I want some of whatever you're on," Kris says.
"Sorry," Adam says. He flops down on the couch, a few feet in between him and Kris.
Kris shakes his hand and says, "No, I'm serious. You got the crowd so worked up, it was actually pretty cool. Except that someone had to come out and clear all the panties off the stage before I could play."
"No one threw panties on stage," Adam says.
"There was something up there, man," Kris says.
Adam shrugs, grinning, which has Kris rolling his eyes.
"So, how's Katy?" Adam asks. Kris disappeared for a couple of hours with his phone before the show.
"She's good," says Kris. "Far away."
"I hear you. When's she going to come up again? Did you get them to work conjugal visits into your contract?"
"Damn," Kris says. "I knew I forgot something. I can't remember what day it is right now, but I think she's coming next Friday."
"If you let me pick out your clothes for a week I'll try and keep everyone off the bus for half an hour."
"Not a chance in hell," Kris says. "And: half an hour? Ouch, man."
"Do married people even have sex?" Adam asks.
"Oh, ha, ha," says Kris.
"I'm just asking," Adam says, holding up both hands and trying not to grin.
"You're hilarious. Marriage isn't what's interfering with my sex life, but thanks for checking."
"That shit grows back," Adam says. "You can never be too careful."
"I don't understand your words, but if you're trying to imply that celibacy is bad for your health--" Adam nods helpfully. "Well, no shit."
Kris looks at his lap for a minute and goes beet red.
"What?" Adam gasps.
"No, I just-- Scott totally walked in on me when I was on the phone with Katy the other day."
"When you were on the phone with Katy?"
Kris nods, his eyes scrunched tightly shut.
Adam tilts sideways as he laughs. "At least it wasn't Allison."
"It might have been better," Kris says. "She probably wouldn't have known what I was doing in the bathroom afterwards."
"Ooh," Adam says. "Even after getting caught?"
"I was past the point of no return, man."
"Did Scott walk in on you while you were on the phone or while--"
"The phone! I was on the phone. I'm not quite at the point where I need to whip it out in public," he says and gives Adam a pointed look.
"Groping myself on stage isn't actually correlated to how much sex I'm having." Adam pauses. "I guess it correlates to how much sex I could have, but."
"Like you ever have trouble getting laid," Kris says.
"I'm in the bathroom just as much as you are these days," Adam says. "Okay, usually my bunk, but the same principle applies."
Kris's mouth drops open. "Your bunk? Those curtains aren't soundproof."
"I'm good at being quiet," Adam says. "When I want to be. It's not like this is the first time I've had to live with a bunch of other people twenty-four seven."
Kris says, "Exhibitionist," and Adam says, "Well--" and lifts one shoulder.
"Go straighten you hair and put on your face shit," says Kris. "We've got to get out of here soon."
Adam salutes and pushes off the couch.
--
Adam walks into the club, into the middle of the crowd and stays dancing there until security peels him away, herding him and the rest of the Idols back to the bus. His legs feel like rubber and his dick feels like it wants a blowjob. He puts his arm around Kris, uses him as a crutch as they make their way back, which helps with the first part but not with the second.
"Oh crap," someone says as they've started walking into the parking lot. "Has anyone seen Matt?"
Danny starts laughing hysterically, and Anoop heads back with the two security guys in search of Matt.
"I'm pretty sure he was there when we left the club," Lil says.
They split up onto the buses, but Adam hangs back.
Kris turns around and says, "You coming?"
"I'll be there in a minute," Adam says. "I'm just going to hang out here before we start driving again."
"Don't fall asleep in the dirt," Kris says.
"I won't," Adam says. Kris give him a slow smile and Adam takes half a step forward before he catches himself. Kris is just the right size for hugging, but Adam's still hard, and maybe tonight is a night for waving goodnight. "See you in a bit," Adam says.
Kris walks back onto the bus and Adam pulls out his cellphone, sinking down in the patch of grass just in front of the bus.
Drake sounds exhausted when he answers the phone, "Hey."
"What's up?" Adam ask.
"Long day," Drake says. "Long, long day."
"Something happen at work?"
"We're redoing this guy's kitchen, and I found this perfect cork flooring, it's so nice, seriously, when I have a kitchen it's going to have cork floors. And then we were going to do a really sweet mosaic thing for the cupboard doors above the kitchen, but the guy wants, get this, fucking sea foam green and yellow. Because, and I quote, he heard that, 'Green and yellow are complementary colours, so that would work with red handles.' For the cupboards. Even though he's already approved the glass ones I picked out, which were this perfect blown glass and fucking expensive, and I already made the order, so now it's going to cost more than the quote I gave him, and you just know he's the kind of asshole who's going to want to hold me to the original price. Like I'm the one who changed my mind."
"I love you," Adam says when Drake finally trails off. He'd been making low noise of agreement or outrage while Drake spoke.
"What?" Drake asks.
"Nothing," says Adam. "You've got good taste and its hot and I miss you."
"I miss you, too."
"You ready for bed? Or do you have more stuff to finish for tomorrow?"
"I'm done for today," Drake says. "I was waiting for you to call."
"Turn out the lights and lie down." Adam can hear the sounds of sheets rustling as Drake climbs back into bed. He says, "I wish I was there."
"I was mad when I was cooking dinner and I burn the sauce for the spaghetti carbonara. You probably still would have liked it though."
"Do you have to see the guy again tomorrow?" Adam asks.
Drake groans and says, "Yes. And I have to bring fucking colour samples."
"It'll be okay," Adam says. He hums for a minute then starts to sing, "Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to problems that upset you, don't you know everything's alright, yes, everything's fine."
"Are you singing me to sleep?" Drake asks.
"Yeah," Adam says. "Close your eyes. Sleep and I shall sooth you, calm you and anoint you, myrrh for your hot forehead then you'll feel everything's alright, yes, everything's fine, and it's cool and the ointment's sweet."
Drake makes a low, sleepy noise when Adam finishes. "That was a little too theatrical," he teases, his accent more noticeable than usual. "Luckily you're already my favorite."
"Pretty lucky," Adam agrees. He can see Matt, Anoop and the others walking toward him, but they're still far away so he stays where he is, listening to Drake breathe.