I ask a gift. It is not driven through my normal depression, just through my desire to know that I have value. I know that I have value. I for once in my life just wish a tangible manifestation. Call me, leave a message, 518 289 5057. I will not answer, probably, but I want to hear from you. If I answer, talk to a friend, me or nate?

feelings doubting self worth, feelings of hate directed inward. Seeing friends for filling their lives moving with certainty into the future, completing their lives. I sit still, stagnant, life in limbo. Fat old man, wishing things different, wanting more, but to scared to act ( Read more... )

I had an interesting experience on last Saturday. My life went from joy to despair at the speed of a neuron. I should state that everything worked out, everyone lived, and I have great stories to tell for it. What happened is not the purpose of this post ( Read more... )

bought a wii, three bottles of liquor, and a bottle of no doze.

Night 1 of vacation = 1 man drunken small room bowling tournament.

prize for winning a game = another drink or five

tournament prize = a lengthy prayer session with the porcelain god.

I'm feeling lucky

Crap, drunk, and didn't even have that much yet. YET there is much more to drink, and I think I am in a typing mood, shit ( Read more... )

a need, desperate in strength and stature, fierce in spite and unwanted angst, Felt in spite of my love of those who drove me to the brink of madness ( Read more... )

I know my friends, they are tough, resilient, can chew through the bars holding them in life. Which is why I feel guilty for the fact that however well I know that they can care for themselves , I want to care for them, to shelter them from life. Well into shots, yell at me later. This protectiveness, this drive is unfairly far stronger with the ( Read more... )

we have hit the shots part of the evening, nate just broke his cock, not my doing, and no tiquila was involved. I did not touch it, get your minds out of the gutter. Disregard any posts posted until monday, thank you ( Read more... )

one of these is not like the others

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Been listening to moody music before bedtime again, hit the Simon and Garfunkel pretty hard tonight, but the killer was Peter, Paul and Mary's, Puff the magic Dragon. I don't know why I got stuck on that song, it is depressing as hell ( Read more... )