quiero llorar

as if i have been stripped of who I am. i am alone, in a world over crowded with people. me i am not.

fuck I'm wondering again, what it is I'm doing here. I try, I really do try, to make the best of things. to hide my agony and frustration, afterall I know that no life is perfect, and when things get roughest, so does my skin. I'm used to dealing with bad shit. lots of it at a time, and I learned from my mother never to show when I'm weak. thus ( Read more... )

hehe I got this from Vic's journal...

scary thing is...how likely this is...hehe.

so I called Berkeley Ethnic Studies Dept. today. i didnt get in. I dont remember ever feeling so dissapointed in myself. Its like this whole future, I was so shure was there, is gone now. completely erased. all these thoughts. dreams. like memories but of the life I was supposed to have are now gone. the floor ripped off from underneath me. the ( Read more... )

wow its already 2005 ( Read more... )

its been a while since I last posted, and sadly not much has taken place since then...well I did summer school, got an A and am now eligible to recieve my degree, finally!!!. I also finally got a job. part time at a community (cultural) center so thats cool, but it doesnt pay enough, so I'll still be broke, which sucks, cuz it makes everything ten ( Read more... )

I remembered something today. something that I had apparently been blocking from my memory for almost 8 months. i remembered today and it hurt. a very dry hurt. a hurt that now wont let me cry. emotionless. and i couldnt care less. about me. about him. about anyone really. i dont think i've ever felt this way. i think this is the way people feel ( Read more... )

expressions

This is the way
I best express myself
Writing is making love
There are no reservations
No inhibitions
No games
Only me and you
As you read my words
I moan louder
For in reading
You make me yours
You take me in
And I devour you

ever since I was little I always figured I would get married on June 12th. The date has no special meaning to me, its nobodys birthday or the anniversary to anything, yet somehow it was to be my wedding day. as a child i dreamed of a big traditional mexican wedding. big puffy white dress. birria. mariachi. maybe even a horse or two. its still one ( Read more... )