oh, geez - aka, state of the meg

[dietpunkfics]

It's been one of those weeks. Reality set in around friday pretty hardcore, and I had a helluva time with it up until probably last night, or today. Of course, having a good friend call me out on being an idiot really helped.

Comments

[kesterpan]

Wow... you are dealing with a lot. I think what you're trying to do is fantastic... and it seems to me that you handled that interview really well. 'The truth will set you free,' right? Cliche and all that, but so what if it applies? You're up front about the addiction, and you're really trying to make those changes. I don't see 'fail,' despite the drinks. You have to know that it's so hard for an addict to just stop all at once. Progress is so important... yes, you can and should get on your own case for the drinks, but you don't have to see them as the last word, as if you can't ever stop. Stay focused on what you do well; recognize the negative, but emphasize the positive. Take it in steps, and if you really want to, you'll get there. *hugs*

[dietpunkfics]

Yep, baby steps.

In jail, we always added "Just for today" at the end of the serenity prayer. Thinking I'm gonna have to start doing that myself.

I've got 3, 4 shifts tops left. I'm praying I do awesome tonight and tomorrow so I can be done then.

The thing that really worried me was going back to smoking and stuff, cuz that's basically the same concept - hiding from reality by getting fucked up. That's why I threw my bowls and stuff away. I had a tiny urge to go and take them out of the trash, but I didn't, and now they're at a dump.

Just gotta take baby steps.

[sinfulslasher]

Sigh.

Sadly, this right here: However.... It was also pointed out to me that if this is all lip service, and I'm not carrying through on my end and working hard to get better, than I'm gonna lose that. It was also pointed out to me that I'm quickly falling back into some bad habits here, mostly work related. about sums it up for me right now.

I mean, I still remember vividly all the stuff you said after you got your, what, twentieth chance by getting out of jail again. And then you're back dancing and drinking and fucking smoking?! Buying illegal drugs?! WTF, Meg? As far as I'm concerned, there's no excuse for that, and that includes the drug companies not getting their shit together

[dietpunkfics]

This interviewer guy? Saying you're either telling one of the most convincing stories ever heard or really meaning it, and not being sure which one it is? I'm really sad to say I kinda know what he feels like right now. :(

I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel the same way. When I'm following through on what I'm supposed to do, it's so much easier, and I KNOW I mean it. And then a craving hits, and I give in and then stop caring, despite the fact that I know what I'm doing is WRONG, and it's hurting me!

And you're right, I am making excuses about shit. It's what I've been doing for so damn long, and it's gonna take a while to be able to get away from that

[ferneberga]

First off: admitting you've made mistakes and knowing why you repeat them is a good start

[cinderella81]

I know that you and I haven't known each other that long but I am super proud of you! Taking these steps are hard! A cousin of mine is a recovering alcoholic and has been since she was 21 (she started drinking at age 16) and while it's hard and you're going to have your successes and your backsteps, I am confident that you will succeed ... you are a strong, stubborn woman and I know that you are going to conquer this and come out of it happier!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[gibbsgirlabby]

I agree with the above. Start with obtainable goals, and conquer them. Move to the next. We love you and want nothing but the best for you, but again as above, won't enable you. Time to man up, Marine. You can do this.