Kissing Cards - 4/? - Xiumin/Exo
Title: Kissing Cards - Chapter 04 - The Adonis
Rating: PG-13 for a lot of swearing.
Pairing: Xiumin/Exo , Xiumin/Kris
Word Count: 4,211
Summary: Minseok is weak, kissing isn't Yifan's style, and Luhan is a vindictive middle school girl.
A/N: I would very much like to apologize for posting such an awful chapter, but this is the product of rewriting the entire thing three different times (which is why it took so long) and I think it's the best I'll be able to do. I don't know why, but this one was just ridiculously difficult to write. I'd also like to apologize because I'm really mean to Kris in every story I write, and I feel bad. I really like Kris. I don't know why he always turns out this way. There's probably other things I should apologize for, but I'm not awake enough to think of them.
Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 05 | Chapter 06 | Chapter 07 | Chapter 08
It was a while after Minseok finally got to his room (it took nearly forty-five minutes for him and Joonmyeon to part ways - Minseok had been hellbent on making sure that his rating for Joonmyeon’s kiss was spot on, which took a lot of time, trial, and error) to be able to check the Kissing Cards again.
Not that he hadn’t wanted to, but somehow Luhan had managed to sneak into their dorm room without Minseok noticing (though to be fair, Minseok had been a little preoccupied), and it felt a little weird to do much of anything with Luhan staring him down as Luhan was apt to do.
It had taken what felt like forever for Luhan to say anything, and during that time Minseok had tried hard to figure out a way to apologize for upsetting Luhan once again - regardless of the fact that he didn’t know why Luhan was irritated in the first place - without actually apologizing at all. In the end, however, there hadn’t been a reason, because after a good ten minutes of silently staring at each other, Luhan had said “did you do your Chemistry homework yet?” and Minseok had shaken his head, and everything was right in the world once more.
Finishing their homework had resulted in them playing a celebratory game of Mortal Kombat. After two rounds, they’d ended up calling Yixing and Kim Jonghyun (one of Luhan’s many choir friends), and Minseok had spent three hours not thinking about the Kissing Cards at all because he was too busy trying to destroy Jonghyun with Baraka while eating Chinese take out.
(It was really difficult trying to eat Chinese food with no available hands, but then Jonghyun had called over Park Chanyeol from Building D and Chanyeol had taken pity and fed Minseok, like a good dongsaeng should.)
Needless to say that after so much excitement in one day, Minseok ended the evening feeling exhausted. By the time he remembered the Kissing Cards, it was the next morning and Luhan was too busy showering to distract him.
Luhan’s muffled rendition of T-Ara’s ‘Sexy Love’ served as nice background music as Minseok grabbed his envelope from the desk drawer and opened it to see who was planning on accosting him today.
Sitting on top of the stack was ‘03. The Adonis’, which meant two things; whoever it was would probably be fairly attractive (always a plus, that) and ‘02. The Healer’ had disappeared from the deck.
Minseok wondered if that was going to become a thing, and from the bathroom Luhan hit a high note that made his voice crack, though he barreled on anyway.
Off the top of his head, Minseok could only think of a few people that fit the description of an ‘Adonis’. There was Minho, of course (Minseok didn’t really see it, but a lot of girls spent inordinate amounts of effort trying to get him to notice them, for some inexplicable reason. Maybe because he was tall, or something.), and Wu Yifan (Yifan was undeniably hott, and the Captain of the Basketball team, and also tall, but Minseok knew for a fact that the guy was kind of a dork, so if someone called him an ‘Adonis’ they’d probably never actually spoken to him before), and Chanyeol (except Chanyeol was obviously a puppy, so never mind).
Unless Minseok was missing someone - completely possible, since he didn’t pay much attention to guys younger than himself unless they were particularly awesome or on the football or dance team - that meant that either Minho or Yifan was going to make a move on him.
Minseok sincerely hoped he was missing someone.
“No, no, no, no can’t you feel my love, nae mameul neukkinayo, oh, no, no, no, no can’t you fee-ah!”
Minseok grinned when Luhan’s voice cracked again, followed by a whiny “Why does this song hate me so much today!”
Suddenly he had a brilliant idea, and Minseok hurriedly stuffed the cards back into the desk (not even bothering with the envelope, useless piece of shit) before getting up and bounding over to their shared bathroom.
“You’re flat,” he said upon entering the bathroom, barely batting an eyelash at the opaque shower curtain and the fact that Luhan’s ass was sticking up in the air as he bent over. Some things never changed. “And I have a question.”
“It couldn’t wait ten minutes?” Luhan asked, straightening up and pushing back the curtain enough to poke his sopping wet head out. Already he was making a puddle on the floor. Minseok refused to mop that up. “And what do you mean ‘I’m flat’? I’m never flat!”
Minseok rolled his eyes. He had totally been flat. “Who would you say is an ‘Adonis’ in our school?” He asked instead of arguing, because the longer he kept Luhan talking, the longer it would take to get the shower. And by then all of the hot water could be gone.
“Me,” Luhan answered immediately, retracting his head and sliding the curtain shut once more, as if that was enough of an answer for the conversation to be over.
Minseok huffed. “No,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m being serious.”
“So am I.”
“I meant, like, someone that girls and shit would think is hott,” Minseok told him, leaning against the wall in defeat. This could take a minute.
“Me,” Luhan stated, bending over to grab something else.
“Someone manly,” Minseok continued with another impatient huff.
“Still me,” Luhan pointed out airily, sounding decidedly smug.
Minseok glared at his blurry form irritatedly. “Someone who’s never been mistaken for a middle school girl.”
Luhan let out an offended gasp and suddenly the curtain was being pulled aside again and his head reappeared, hair hiding most of his eyes and nose and causing another puddle to start forming on the tile. “That happened once,” he snapped defensively, pouting, “and it was like, forever ago!”
“It was last week,” Minseok reminded him, rolling his eyes, “and I think you’re conveniently forgetting about last month when that woman at the grocery store said you looked just like her daughter.”
“That lady was drunk!” Luhan exclaimed, moving to wipe the hair out of his eyes so that he could glare at Minseok fully. “And it’s not my fault that her daughter is masculine!”
“She showed us pictures. Her daughter wasn’t masculine at all.”
That lady had totally been drunk though.
“Get the hell out of the bathroom,” Luhan snarled, shutting the curtain shut with more force than was strictly necessary.
Minseok glowered sullenly as Luhan began washing his hair, waiting for him to legitimately answer his question. He gave up when Luhan began singing ‘Sexy Love’ again.
With a sigh, Minseok straightened up away from the wall and sneered at Luhan’s stupid blurry body. “You’re still flat, flower boy,” he said before leaving the bathroom, hiding a smirk when Luhan squawked indignantly.
If Luhan was going to be absolutely useless, the Minseok would just ask someone else. Preferably someone who might actually be involved.
Which was how he found himself walking into the room that Minho shared with Kim Jongdae and plopping down unceremoniously on his bed.
Both boys were still fast asleep, and Minseok took a moment to appreciate that Jongdae, who was a little hellion while awake, actually looked kind of sweet when he slept. It was a revelation, though one he didn’t have time to dwell on.
“Minho,” Minseok called out loudly, slapping said boy across his bedhead without preamble. Minho mumbled something unintelligible and turned onto his stomach. Minseok sighed. “I have a question,” he said, hitting the football player again.
“I don’t care,” Minho mumbled, voice muffled by his pillow. “Go ‘way.”
Across the room, Jongdae began stirring with a groan.
“But it’s an important question about my future,” Minseok told him, voice only a little whiny.
“If you don’t go away you won’t have a future,” Minho replied, opening his eyes long enough to give Minseok a bleary glare before turning away from him.
Minseok rolled his eyes. “You aren’t planning on making out with me today, are you?” He asked, ignoring the threat with the ease of someone who was on the receiving end of them a lot. It helped that Minho was about as threatening as a kitten.
As expected, Minho suddenly raised his head and turned to give Minseok an odd look. “What?”
“What?” Jongdae parroted from across the room, sitting up to stare at Minseok as well.
The important thing was that he had their attention.
“That’s a ‘no’, right?” Minseok said, and Minho nodded.
“Not a chance in hell, dude. No offense,” he added, and Minseok shrugged because the feeling was mutual.
“I just wanted to make sure,” he explained, “and see if maybe you can think of any super-sexy-manly-men in our school besides yourself and Wu Yifan.”
“Me!” Jongdae piped up brightly from his bed.
“No,” Minseok and Minho stated in unison, both sending him a disdainful look. Jongdae pouted, and it was kind of adorable.
“What about Kibum?” Minho continued, and it took everything in Minseok’s power not to roll his eyes.
“You are the only one who thinks Kibum is any of those things,” Minseok told him, and he saw Jongdae nod vigorously from the corner of his eyes.
“I was talking about it with Zitao one day and we both think Kibum might have been born with a vagina,” Jongdae said seriously.
Minseok let out a snort of laughter and Minho glowered at them.
“Kibum is a sexy man-beast and this conversation is over,” Minho stated flatly, huffing slightly as he dropped his head back onto the pillow and hid himself underneath the covers.
Minseok rolled his eyes but obligingly got out of his bed, standing up and stretching slightly before eyeing Jongdae thoughtfully. “Hey,” he began casually, trying for a small, hopeful smile, “you don’t mind if I borrow your guys’ shower by any chance? I think Luhan’s going to go all vindictive on ours.”
Jongdae grinned toothily. “Only if you don’t mind sharing,” he answered, shooting Minseok a flirty wink.
The problem with Jongdae, Minseok thought as he hurriedly made up an excuse and ran away, was that it was impossible to know when he was joking and when he wasn’t. And Minseok didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness of being wrong.
----
Minseok was seriously beginning to doubt Wu Yifan.
They had three classes together, and the last two had gone by with Yifan not so much as glancing in his general direction.
This was probably just as well, because while Minseok liked Yifan well enough, he was a typical stereotypical jock, which meant that he wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. And as everyone knew, the only stupid person that Minseok dealt well with was Luhan.
He could still remember back in high school, when they’d been in the same class and Yifan had been half a head shorter (and, in turn, more personable) and Minseok had tried to be nice and tutor him in Algebra. It hadn’t worked very well, and Minseok still regretted losing those precious hours to a dumbass.
“Why do you keep staring at Yifan?” Luhan asked during English, which Minseok was pretty sure was the only class that Yifan wasn’t close to failing. “Shit, you’re not going to tutor him again, are you?” Luhan continued when Minseok didn’t immediately respond, looking horrified. “If that’s the case, I’m not sure I can continue agreeing with your life choices.”
Minseok rolled his eyes but didn’t turn away from the giant blonde idiot sitting a few seats away, thick eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he stared hard at his textbook. The important thing was that, apparently, Yifan at least really wanted to learn.
This was more than could be said for Luhan, who upon realizing that Minseok wasn’t going to respond (Minseok had decided to give him the silent treatment after returning to their dorm only to find out that Luhan had used up all of the hot water, just like he’d thought he would) said “can I borrow your English dictionary”. Minseok silently handed it over, and Luhan promptly laid his head down on it and closed his eyes.
For a moment Minseok liked Yifan more than Luhan, because Yifan was trying to do his school work, and more importantly, he hadn’t made Minseok take a cold shower.
Then Yifan stood up to go get a pass to the restroom, and he was towering over everyone, and Minseok didn’t like him anymore.
Minseok went back to trying to figure out the difference between ‘there’, ‘they’re’, and ‘their’ until the classroom door opened and Yifan re-entered. Minseok stared at him (surely if Yifan was ‘The Adonis’ he would’ve said or done something by now, right? But maybe he wasn’t, maybe it was someone else. Oh god, maybe it was Minho. No please, please don’t be Minho!) and for a split second Yifan’s gaze caught his, and Minseok watched as Yifan’s eyes widened sightly and he quickly ducked his head, staring at the ground with hunched shoulders as he made his way back to his seat.
Yifan had to be better than Minho. And there was still that chance that it could be Chanyeol, if someone had gotten ‘puppy’ and ‘Adonis’ confused. Unlikely, but still possible. Not to mention there were all of those lowerclassman that Minseok didn’t pay attention to.
Though whoever it was really needed to get a move on, because this was Minseok’s last class of the day and he had every intention of going back to his dorm and finishing all of the homework he’d let pile up over the last couple of days. He couldn’t afford to lose his grades, after all.
As if reading his mind, someone suddenly tapped him on the shoulder and Minseok looked over...and then looked up, because it was Yifan, and Minseok was sitting down (and Yifan was unnaturally tall, but obviously Minseok didn’t notice that because fuck giants).
“Hey,” Yifan grunted.
Minseok stared at him.
There was only ten minutes of class left. Fucking took him long enough.
Normally Minseok would’ve at least tried to be friendly and less awkward (because Minseok was a nice person, no matter what Luhan said) but he’d been hellbent on not saying anything all day due to giving Luhan the silent treatment, and had therefore temporarily forgotten the meaning of ‘polite conversation’.
Obviously deterred by Minseok’s silence, Yifan scratched the back of his neck nervously and said “So I’m pretty sure I’ve got to kiss you.”
Minseok continued to stare blankly at him.
For a second, he almost thought he heard Luhan mutter ‘wow, boys are dumb’, but that was impossible because Luhan was asleep. Maybe Minseok’s inner voice had decided to start sounding like his best friend’s voice. The thought was both creepy and a little amusing.
“Kim Kibum just texted me to tell me to stop screwing around,” Yifan continued awkwardly. “So I thought I should probably get a move on with this whole thing.”
Minseok decided it was finally time to speak up. “Why in the name of sweet baby Jesus would you give Lucifer your phone number?” He asked, and maybe it was just his eyes playing tricks on him but Yifan almost looked relieved.
“Lapse in, uh, judgment?” Yifan half-asked, shrugging uncomfortably. “I remember you being nicer in high school,” he added, and Minseok frowned.
“In high school I didn’t get stuck with a roommate that forced me to take cold showers. It’s been a bad day.”
Again, Minseok thought he heard Luhan giggle and mumble ‘Call me a middle school girl again...’, but it still wasn’t possible because Luhan was, as previously stated, asleep. Just in case, though, Minseok shot him a glare.
“Anyways...” Yifan continued, studiously avoiding Minseok’s gaze by looking hard at the floor. “If you don’t have any objections, we should probably, you know...get started, or whatever.”
“Awkward,” Minseok imagined Luhan singing under his breath, and kicked him under the desk in response, causing Luhan to let out a yelp of pain.
“Do you need me to stand up or something?” Minseok asked (kindly, he felt, since technically he probably didn’t need to do much of anything. After all, he hadn’t volunteered for this like some ridiculously tall basketball players. He’d been sucked in by Kyungsoo’s tongue and Joonmyeon’s adorable noises.)
“It probably wouldn’t help,” Yifan answered, scratching the back of his neck again, “because, you know, physics.”
Minseok stared at him.
Luhan (and Minseok definitely wasn’t imagining it this time) let out a loud, condescending snort of laughter. Minseok kicked him again.
“I think it’ll be easier if I kneel,” Yifan mumbled, apparently content to ignore Luhan’s snide remarks as he clambered onto his knees beside Minseok’s desk.
Minseok might not have been Yifan’s biggest fan, but he could always appreciate someone willing to be temporarily short for him.
“I’m ready to get this over with whenever you are,” Minseok told him and wondering if there would be a time limit involved. Who knew what kind of rules the Drama club employed for this sort of thing.
Yifan nodded, looking decidedly nervous as he rested on large hand on Minseok’s shoulder and pulled him down almost unwillingly until their lips met.
Minseok could honestly say that it was better than expected. Since his judgment wasn’t clouded by lust or surprise (or both), he allowed himself to think that Yifan’s lips, while a little small, were just the right amount of pouty.
Of course, the obvious hesitation was a little off-putting, and Minseok was pretty sure that it didn’t even really count as a kiss, more like two mouths just so happening to invade each others’ bubble. Which, all things considered, didn’t really seem fair to either of them.
Just because he and Yifan weren’t interested in each other didn’t mean that they couldn’t take a moment to enjoy the situation. Honestly, how many people got an opportunity like this?
With that thought in mind, Minseok grabbed Yifan by his tie and pulled him closer. Almost immediately Yifan froze, and Minseok was suddenly hit with the most improbable possibility.
This couldn’t possibly be Yifan’s first kiss.
He was twenty-fucking-three after all, and the Captain of the Basketball team, which meant that he was popular by default despite his dorkiness. Surely someone had taken advantage of him in the past.
And yet it was the only explanation. Unless Yifan really disliked Minseok that much, but considering how often Minseok let him copy his Chemistry homework, he doubted it.
Maybe his judgment was becoming more clouded than he thought.
“I’m sorry,” Yifan mumbled against his lips, sounding just the right amount of contrite. “I was caught off guard. Can we try that again?”
It was lucky Minseok’s eyes were still closed, otherwise he would’ve rolled them in exasperation.
“This isn’t your first kiss, right?” He asked (just to make sure, because seriously no), pulling away slightly so that he could open his eyes and look at Yifan worriedly.
Minseok felt the hot sting of second-hand embarrassment as Yifan cleared his throat awkwardly and said “It’s not my style,” as though that could somehow make it less embarrassing.
Minseok tried hard not to judge people (really he did, it was just sometimes he couldn’t help it) but it took a special lack of common sense to try and make out with a stranger in a crowded room without ever having kissed anyone before.
And as far as Minseok knew, Yifan had signed up for this not knowing who the unlucky soul stealing his first kiss would be. Someone really needed to talk to the Drama department about this shit.
“Seriously though,” Yifan continued, looking uncomfortable, “can we try that again? I feel kinda bad.”
“I think I’ve got you beat,” Minseok muttered darkly, watching as Yifan’s ears began turning red.
“Can you two please take the awkward out of the room?” Luhan asked loudly, breaking them out of their momentary self-pity. “There’s five minutes of class left and I don’t know about everyone else but I would like to spend it being not around this shit.”
With a sigh, Minseok grabbed Yifan by the arm and hauled the two of them up before leading the giant idiot out of the room (conveniently ignoring their open-mouth classmates in the process) and stopping just outside of the door.
Minseok didn’t do first kisses. He had a strict rule, ever since middle school when one of the girls planted one on him and ended up scarring him for life.
(Cooties. Ew.)
“If it helps any,” Yifan began, looking down on Minseok in possibly the most annoying way ever, “as far as first kisses go I’m pretty sure that one was good.”
Minseok could remember something very similar being said to him all those years ago when he’d helped Yifan understand synthetic division and had spent two months after that trying not to murder him. It was suspicious.
“If that’s your subtle way of asking me to tutor you, I refuse,” Minseok told him seriously. “I promised myself I would never tutor you again after the high school fiasco.”
“Actually, that wasn’t what I was thinking at all,” Yifan said, and Minseok silently cursed because instead of looking put off, he looked intrigued. “But it’s a good idea.” Minseok shook his head, and Yifan frowned thoughtfully. “I bet you’d be a really good at it,” he continued, cocking his head to the side.
“No, Yifan.”
“What if I call you ‘Sunbae’?” Yifan asked, and Minseok silently despaired over his many weaknesses.
“Fine,” he mumbled, looking down at his wristwatch to check the time. They still had a couple of minutes before class let out. “Lesson one,” he began, glancing back up at Yifan, “is to have confidence.” Yifan nodded, eyes wide. “Very few people want to go around making out with dudes that are perpetually anxious.”
Yifan nodded slowly, and Minseok waited for him to speak. What Yifan decided to say was not at all what he’d been expecting. “What does ‘perpetual’ mean, Sunbae?”
This was going to take longer than he thought.
“Are you free Saturday night?”
Yifan gave a small, hopeful smile. “Yes, Sunbae.”
----
Minseok spent the rest of the day being periodically made fun of by Luhan, and he couldn’t even retaliate because he was still in the midst of giving the silent treatment.
He’d spent all of two minutes going through his desk drawer to see if ‘03. The Adonis’ was gone (it was) and the rest of the time attempting to do his homework while Luhan continuously remarked on how easy he was.
Finally (finally) he’d gotten a break in the form of Minho dropping in on them.
“So I was flirting with Kibum earlier,” Minho began sitting on Minseok’s bed because Luhan refused to let anyone on his. It was amazing how many conversations with Minho started out that way. “And I figured that maybe I should try to help you with the Kissing Card things-”
Minseok shot Luhan a glare, hoping that his roommate got the message his eyes were trying to send. ‘Minho is a better friend then you, you sonofabitch.’
Luhan only smirked. ‘But I’m still your favorite, ‘Sunbae’.'
“-And he said he’d give me a hint if I promised not to talk to him for the rest of the week,” Minho finished, looking quite proud of himself.
“What was the hint?” Minseok asked, intrigued despite himself. Normally Minseok wouldn’t have trusted anything Kim Kibum said, but everyone knew that he was willing to go to great lengths to get Minho to stop stalking him.
“He said ‘he’s an ass in every sense of the word’,” Minho recited, eyes furrowing in confusion. “Which I didn’t understand.”
“The next card is ‘The Ass’,” Minseok explained, though he knew it wasn’t very helpful information. Then again, neither was Minho’s.
“Right,” Minho agreed, nodding vigorously. “So then, naturally, I asked if that meant ‘Donkey’ too, for obvious reasons.”
Luhan let out a quiet snort of laughter.
Luhan was ignored.
“And he gave me a really cryptic answer.”
Minseok gave Minho an expectant stare, and Minho shrugged before continuing.
“I don’t really get it, but apparently they called the guy ‘Nick Bottom’ in middle school.”
Minseok promptly gave up on life.
---
Crossposted on AFF here
Rating: PG-13 for a lot of swearing.
Pairing: Xiumin/Exo , Xiumin/Kris
Word Count: 4,211
Summary: Minseok is weak, kissing isn't Yifan's style, and Luhan is a vindictive middle school girl.
A/N: I would very much like to apologize for posting such an awful chapter, but this is the product of rewriting the entire thing three different times (which is why it took so long) and I think it's the best I'll be able to do. I don't know why, but this one was just ridiculously difficult to write. I'd also like to apologize because I'm really mean to Kris in every story I write, and I feel bad. I really like Kris. I don't know why he always turns out this way. There's probably other things I should apologize for, but I'm not awake enough to think of them.
Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 05 | Chapter 06 | Chapter 07 | Chapter 08
It was a while after Minseok finally got to his room (it took nearly forty-five minutes for him and Joonmyeon to part ways - Minseok had been hellbent on making sure that his rating for Joonmyeon’s kiss was spot on, which took a lot of time, trial, and error) to be able to check the Kissing Cards again.
Not that he hadn’t wanted to, but somehow Luhan had managed to sneak into their dorm room without Minseok noticing (though to be fair, Minseok had been a little preoccupied), and it felt a little weird to do much of anything with Luhan staring him down as Luhan was apt to do.
It had taken what felt like forever for Luhan to say anything, and during that time Minseok had tried hard to figure out a way to apologize for upsetting Luhan once again - regardless of the fact that he didn’t know why Luhan was irritated in the first place - without actually apologizing at all. In the end, however, there hadn’t been a reason, because after a good ten minutes of silently staring at each other, Luhan had said “did you do your Chemistry homework yet?” and Minseok had shaken his head, and everything was right in the world once more.
Finishing their homework had resulted in them playing a celebratory game of Mortal Kombat. After two rounds, they’d ended up calling Yixing and Kim Jonghyun (one of Luhan’s many choir friends), and Minseok had spent three hours not thinking about the Kissing Cards at all because he was too busy trying to destroy Jonghyun with Baraka while eating Chinese take out.
(It was really difficult trying to eat Chinese food with no available hands, but then Jonghyun had called over Park Chanyeol from Building D and Chanyeol had taken pity and fed Minseok, like a good dongsaeng should.)
Needless to say that after so much excitement in one day, Minseok ended the evening feeling exhausted. By the time he remembered the Kissing Cards, it was the next morning and Luhan was too busy showering to distract him.
Luhan’s muffled rendition of T-Ara’s ‘Sexy Love’ served as nice background music as Minseok grabbed his envelope from the desk drawer and opened it to see who was planning on accosting him today.
Sitting on top of the stack was ‘03. The Adonis’, which meant two things; whoever it was would probably be fairly attractive (always a plus, that) and ‘02. The Healer’ had disappeared from the deck.
Minseok wondered if that was going to become a thing, and from the bathroom Luhan hit a high note that made his voice crack, though he barreled on anyway.
Off the top of his head, Minseok could only think of a few people that fit the description of an ‘Adonis’. There was Minho, of course (Minseok didn’t really see it, but a lot of girls spent inordinate amounts of effort trying to get him to notice them, for some inexplicable reason. Maybe because he was tall, or something.), and Wu Yifan (Yifan was undeniably hott, and the Captain of the Basketball team, and also tall, but Minseok knew for a fact that the guy was kind of a dork, so if someone called him an ‘Adonis’ they’d probably never actually spoken to him before), and Chanyeol (except Chanyeol was obviously a puppy, so never mind).
Unless Minseok was missing someone - completely possible, since he didn’t pay much attention to guys younger than himself unless they were particularly awesome or on the football or dance team - that meant that either Minho or Yifan was going to make a move on him.
Minseok sincerely hoped he was missing someone.
“No, no, no, no can’t you feel my love, nae mameul neukkinayo, oh, no, no, no, no can’t you fee-ah!”
Minseok grinned when Luhan’s voice cracked again, followed by a whiny “Why does this song hate me so much today!”
Suddenly he had a brilliant idea, and Minseok hurriedly stuffed the cards back into the desk (not even bothering with the envelope, useless piece of shit) before getting up and bounding over to their shared bathroom.
“You’re flat,” he said upon entering the bathroom, barely batting an eyelash at the opaque shower curtain and the fact that Luhan’s ass was sticking up in the air as he bent over. Some things never changed. “And I have a question.”
“It couldn’t wait ten minutes?” Luhan asked, straightening up and pushing back the curtain enough to poke his sopping wet head out. Already he was making a puddle on the floor. Minseok refused to mop that up. “And what do you mean ‘I’m flat’? I’m never flat!”
Minseok rolled his eyes. He had totally been flat. “Who would you say is an ‘Adonis’ in our school?” He asked instead of arguing, because the longer he kept Luhan talking, the longer it would take to get the shower. And by then all of the hot water could be gone.
“Me,” Luhan answered immediately, retracting his head and sliding the curtain shut once more, as if that was enough of an answer for the conversation to be over.
Minseok huffed. “No,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m being serious.”
“So am I.”
“I meant, like, someone that girls and shit would think is hott,” Minseok told him, leaning against the wall in defeat. This could take a minute.
“Me,” Luhan stated, bending over to grab something else.
“Someone manly,” Minseok continued with another impatient huff.
“Still me,” Luhan pointed out airily, sounding decidedly smug.
Minseok glared at his blurry form irritatedly. “Someone who’s never been mistaken for a middle school girl.”
Luhan let out an offended gasp and suddenly the curtain was being pulled aside again and his head reappeared, hair hiding most of his eyes and nose and causing another puddle to start forming on the tile. “That happened once,” he snapped defensively, pouting, “and it was like, forever ago!”
“It was last week,” Minseok reminded him, rolling his eyes, “and I think you’re conveniently forgetting about last month when that woman at the grocery store said you looked just like her daughter.”
“That lady was drunk!” Luhan exclaimed, moving to wipe the hair out of his eyes so that he could glare at Minseok fully. “And it’s not my fault that her daughter is masculine!”
“She showed us pictures. Her daughter wasn’t masculine at all.”
That lady had totally been drunk though.
“Get the hell out of the bathroom,” Luhan snarled, shutting the curtain shut with more force than was strictly necessary.
Minseok glowered sullenly as Luhan began washing his hair, waiting for him to legitimately answer his question. He gave up when Luhan began singing ‘Sexy Love’ again.
With a sigh, Minseok straightened up away from the wall and sneered at Luhan’s stupid blurry body. “You’re still flat, flower boy,” he said before leaving the bathroom, hiding a smirk when Luhan squawked indignantly.
If Luhan was going to be absolutely useless, the Minseok would just ask someone else. Preferably someone who might actually be involved.
Which was how he found himself walking into the room that Minho shared with Kim Jongdae and plopping down unceremoniously on his bed.
Both boys were still fast asleep, and Minseok took a moment to appreciate that Jongdae, who was a little hellion while awake, actually looked kind of sweet when he slept. It was a revelation, though one he didn’t have time to dwell on.
“Minho,” Minseok called out loudly, slapping said boy across his bedhead without preamble. Minho mumbled something unintelligible and turned onto his stomach. Minseok sighed. “I have a question,” he said, hitting the football player again.
“I don’t care,” Minho mumbled, voice muffled by his pillow. “Go ‘way.”
Across the room, Jongdae began stirring with a groan.
“But it’s an important question about my future,” Minseok told him, voice only a little whiny.
“If you don’t go away you won’t have a future,” Minho replied, opening his eyes long enough to give Minseok a bleary glare before turning away from him.
Minseok rolled his eyes. “You aren’t planning on making out with me today, are you?” He asked, ignoring the threat with the ease of someone who was on the receiving end of them a lot. It helped that Minho was about as threatening as a kitten.
As expected, Minho suddenly raised his head and turned to give Minseok an odd look. “What?”
“What?” Jongdae parroted from across the room, sitting up to stare at Minseok as well.
The important thing was that he had their attention.
“That’s a ‘no’, right?” Minseok said, and Minho nodded.
“Not a chance in hell, dude. No offense,” he added, and Minseok shrugged because the feeling was mutual.
“I just wanted to make sure,” he explained, “and see if maybe you can think of any super-sexy-manly-men in our school besides yourself and Wu Yifan.”
“Me!” Jongdae piped up brightly from his bed.
“No,” Minseok and Minho stated in unison, both sending him a disdainful look. Jongdae pouted, and it was kind of adorable.
“What about Kibum?” Minho continued, and it took everything in Minseok’s power not to roll his eyes.
“You are the only one who thinks Kibum is any of those things,” Minseok told him, and he saw Jongdae nod vigorously from the corner of his eyes.
“I was talking about it with Zitao one day and we both think Kibum might have been born with a vagina,” Jongdae said seriously.
Minseok let out a snort of laughter and Minho glowered at them.
“Kibum is a sexy man-beast and this conversation is over,” Minho stated flatly, huffing slightly as he dropped his head back onto the pillow and hid himself underneath the covers.
Minseok rolled his eyes but obligingly got out of his bed, standing up and stretching slightly before eyeing Jongdae thoughtfully. “Hey,” he began casually, trying for a small, hopeful smile, “you don’t mind if I borrow your guys’ shower by any chance? I think Luhan’s going to go all vindictive on ours.”
Jongdae grinned toothily. “Only if you don’t mind sharing,” he answered, shooting Minseok a flirty wink.
The problem with Jongdae, Minseok thought as he hurriedly made up an excuse and ran away, was that it was impossible to know when he was joking and when he wasn’t. And Minseok didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness of being wrong.
----
Minseok was seriously beginning to doubt Wu Yifan.
They had three classes together, and the last two had gone by with Yifan not so much as glancing in his general direction.
This was probably just as well, because while Minseok liked Yifan well enough, he was a typical stereotypical jock, which meant that he wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. And as everyone knew, the only stupid person that Minseok dealt well with was Luhan.
He could still remember back in high school, when they’d been in the same class and Yifan had been half a head shorter (and, in turn, more personable) and Minseok had tried to be nice and tutor him in Algebra. It hadn’t worked very well, and Minseok still regretted losing those precious hours to a dumbass.
“Why do you keep staring at Yifan?” Luhan asked during English, which Minseok was pretty sure was the only class that Yifan wasn’t close to failing. “Shit, you’re not going to tutor him again, are you?” Luhan continued when Minseok didn’t immediately respond, looking horrified. “If that’s the case, I’m not sure I can continue agreeing with your life choices.”
Minseok rolled his eyes but didn’t turn away from the giant blonde idiot sitting a few seats away, thick eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he stared hard at his textbook. The important thing was that, apparently, Yifan at least really wanted to learn.
This was more than could be said for Luhan, who upon realizing that Minseok wasn’t going to respond (Minseok had decided to give him the silent treatment after returning to their dorm only to find out that Luhan had used up all of the hot water, just like he’d thought he would) said “can I borrow your English dictionary”. Minseok silently handed it over, and Luhan promptly laid his head down on it and closed his eyes.
For a moment Minseok liked Yifan more than Luhan, because Yifan was trying to do his school work, and more importantly, he hadn’t made Minseok take a cold shower.
Then Yifan stood up to go get a pass to the restroom, and he was towering over everyone, and Minseok didn’t like him anymore.
Minseok went back to trying to figure out the difference between ‘there’, ‘they’re’, and ‘their’ until the classroom door opened and Yifan re-entered. Minseok stared at him (surely if Yifan was ‘The Adonis’ he would’ve said or done something by now, right? But maybe he wasn’t, maybe it was someone else. Oh god, maybe it was Minho. No please, please don’t be Minho!) and for a split second Yifan’s gaze caught his, and Minseok watched as Yifan’s eyes widened sightly and he quickly ducked his head, staring at the ground with hunched shoulders as he made his way back to his seat.
Yifan had to be better than Minho. And there was still that chance that it could be Chanyeol, if someone had gotten ‘puppy’ and ‘Adonis’ confused. Unlikely, but still possible. Not to mention there were all of those lowerclassman that Minseok didn’t pay attention to.
Though whoever it was really needed to get a move on, because this was Minseok’s last class of the day and he had every intention of going back to his dorm and finishing all of the homework he’d let pile up over the last couple of days. He couldn’t afford to lose his grades, after all.
As if reading his mind, someone suddenly tapped him on the shoulder and Minseok looked over...and then looked up, because it was Yifan, and Minseok was sitting down (and Yifan was unnaturally tall, but obviously Minseok didn’t notice that because fuck giants).
“Hey,” Yifan grunted.
Minseok stared at him.
There was only ten minutes of class left. Fucking took him long enough.
Normally Minseok would’ve at least tried to be friendly and less awkward (because Minseok was a nice person, no matter what Luhan said) but he’d been hellbent on not saying anything all day due to giving Luhan the silent treatment, and had therefore temporarily forgotten the meaning of ‘polite conversation’.
Obviously deterred by Minseok’s silence, Yifan scratched the back of his neck nervously and said “So I’m pretty sure I’ve got to kiss you.”
Minseok continued to stare blankly at him.
For a second, he almost thought he heard Luhan mutter ‘wow, boys are dumb’, but that was impossible because Luhan was asleep. Maybe Minseok’s inner voice had decided to start sounding like his best friend’s voice. The thought was both creepy and a little amusing.
“Kim Kibum just texted me to tell me to stop screwing around,” Yifan continued awkwardly. “So I thought I should probably get a move on with this whole thing.”
Minseok decided it was finally time to speak up. “Why in the name of sweet baby Jesus would you give Lucifer your phone number?” He asked, and maybe it was just his eyes playing tricks on him but Yifan almost looked relieved.
“Lapse in, uh, judgment?” Yifan half-asked, shrugging uncomfortably. “I remember you being nicer in high school,” he added, and Minseok frowned.
“In high school I didn’t get stuck with a roommate that forced me to take cold showers. It’s been a bad day.”
Again, Minseok thought he heard Luhan giggle and mumble ‘Call me a middle school girl again...’, but it still wasn’t possible because Luhan was, as previously stated, asleep. Just in case, though, Minseok shot him a glare.
“Anyways...” Yifan continued, studiously avoiding Minseok’s gaze by looking hard at the floor. “If you don’t have any objections, we should probably, you know...get started, or whatever.”
“Awkward,” Minseok imagined Luhan singing under his breath, and kicked him under the desk in response, causing Luhan to let out a yelp of pain.
“Do you need me to stand up or something?” Minseok asked (kindly, he felt, since technically he probably didn’t need to do much of anything. After all, he hadn’t volunteered for this like some ridiculously tall basketball players. He’d been sucked in by Kyungsoo’s tongue and Joonmyeon’s adorable noises.)
“It probably wouldn’t help,” Yifan answered, scratching the back of his neck again, “because, you know, physics.”
Minseok stared at him.
Luhan (and Minseok definitely wasn’t imagining it this time) let out a loud, condescending snort of laughter. Minseok kicked him again.
“I think it’ll be easier if I kneel,” Yifan mumbled, apparently content to ignore Luhan’s snide remarks as he clambered onto his knees beside Minseok’s desk.
Minseok might not have been Yifan’s biggest fan, but he could always appreciate someone willing to be temporarily short for him.
“I’m ready to get this over with whenever you are,” Minseok told him and wondering if there would be a time limit involved. Who knew what kind of rules the Drama club employed for this sort of thing.
Yifan nodded, looking decidedly nervous as he rested on large hand on Minseok’s shoulder and pulled him down almost unwillingly until their lips met.
Minseok could honestly say that it was better than expected. Since his judgment wasn’t clouded by lust or surprise (or both), he allowed himself to think that Yifan’s lips, while a little small, were just the right amount of pouty.
Of course, the obvious hesitation was a little off-putting, and Minseok was pretty sure that it didn’t even really count as a kiss, more like two mouths just so happening to invade each others’ bubble. Which, all things considered, didn’t really seem fair to either of them.
Just because he and Yifan weren’t interested in each other didn’t mean that they couldn’t take a moment to enjoy the situation. Honestly, how many people got an opportunity like this?
With that thought in mind, Minseok grabbed Yifan by his tie and pulled him closer. Almost immediately Yifan froze, and Minseok was suddenly hit with the most improbable possibility.
This couldn’t possibly be Yifan’s first kiss.
He was twenty-fucking-three after all, and the Captain of the Basketball team, which meant that he was popular by default despite his dorkiness. Surely someone had taken advantage of him in the past.
And yet it was the only explanation. Unless Yifan really disliked Minseok that much, but considering how often Minseok let him copy his Chemistry homework, he doubted it.
Maybe his judgment was becoming more clouded than he thought.
“I’m sorry,” Yifan mumbled against his lips, sounding just the right amount of contrite. “I was caught off guard. Can we try that again?”
It was lucky Minseok’s eyes were still closed, otherwise he would’ve rolled them in exasperation.
“This isn’t your first kiss, right?” He asked (just to make sure, because seriously no), pulling away slightly so that he could open his eyes and look at Yifan worriedly.
Minseok felt the hot sting of second-hand embarrassment as Yifan cleared his throat awkwardly and said “It’s not my style,” as though that could somehow make it less embarrassing.
Minseok tried hard not to judge people (really he did, it was just sometimes he couldn’t help it) but it took a special lack of common sense to try and make out with a stranger in a crowded room without ever having kissed anyone before.
And as far as Minseok knew, Yifan had signed up for this not knowing who the unlucky soul stealing his first kiss would be. Someone really needed to talk to the Drama department about this shit.
“Seriously though,” Yifan continued, looking uncomfortable, “can we try that again? I feel kinda bad.”
“I think I’ve got you beat,” Minseok muttered darkly, watching as Yifan’s ears began turning red.
“Can you two please take the awkward out of the room?” Luhan asked loudly, breaking them out of their momentary self-pity. “There’s five minutes of class left and I don’t know about everyone else but I would like to spend it being not around this shit.”
With a sigh, Minseok grabbed Yifan by the arm and hauled the two of them up before leading the giant idiot out of the room (conveniently ignoring their open-mouth classmates in the process) and stopping just outside of the door.
Minseok didn’t do first kisses. He had a strict rule, ever since middle school when one of the girls planted one on him and ended up scarring him for life.
(Cooties. Ew.)
“If it helps any,” Yifan began, looking down on Minseok in possibly the most annoying way ever, “as far as first kisses go I’m pretty sure that one was good.”
Minseok could remember something very similar being said to him all those years ago when he’d helped Yifan understand synthetic division and had spent two months after that trying not to murder him. It was suspicious.
“If that’s your subtle way of asking me to tutor you, I refuse,” Minseok told him seriously. “I promised myself I would never tutor you again after the high school fiasco.”
“Actually, that wasn’t what I was thinking at all,” Yifan said, and Minseok silently cursed because instead of looking put off, he looked intrigued. “But it’s a good idea.” Minseok shook his head, and Yifan frowned thoughtfully. “I bet you’d be a really good at it,” he continued, cocking his head to the side.
“No, Yifan.”
“What if I call you ‘Sunbae’?” Yifan asked, and Minseok silently despaired over his many weaknesses.
“Fine,” he mumbled, looking down at his wristwatch to check the time. They still had a couple of minutes before class let out. “Lesson one,” he began, glancing back up at Yifan, “is to have confidence.” Yifan nodded, eyes wide. “Very few people want to go around making out with dudes that are perpetually anxious.”
Yifan nodded slowly, and Minseok waited for him to speak. What Yifan decided to say was not at all what he’d been expecting. “What does ‘perpetual’ mean, Sunbae?”
This was going to take longer than he thought.
“Are you free Saturday night?”
Yifan gave a small, hopeful smile. “Yes, Sunbae.”
----
Minseok spent the rest of the day being periodically made fun of by Luhan, and he couldn’t even retaliate because he was still in the midst of giving the silent treatment.
He’d spent all of two minutes going through his desk drawer to see if ‘03. The Adonis’ was gone (it was) and the rest of the time attempting to do his homework while Luhan continuously remarked on how easy he was.
Finally (finally) he’d gotten a break in the form of Minho dropping in on them.
“So I was flirting with Kibum earlier,” Minho began sitting on Minseok’s bed because Luhan refused to let anyone on his. It was amazing how many conversations with Minho started out that way. “And I figured that maybe I should try to help you with the Kissing Card things-”
Minseok shot Luhan a glare, hoping that his roommate got the message his eyes were trying to send. ‘Minho is a better friend then you, you sonofabitch.’
Luhan only smirked. ‘But I’m still your favorite, ‘Sunbae’.'
“-And he said he’d give me a hint if I promised not to talk to him for the rest of the week,” Minho finished, looking quite proud of himself.
“What was the hint?” Minseok asked, intrigued despite himself. Normally Minseok wouldn’t have trusted anything Kim Kibum said, but everyone knew that he was willing to go to great lengths to get Minho to stop stalking him.
“He said ‘he’s an ass in every sense of the word’,” Minho recited, eyes furrowing in confusion. “Which I didn’t understand.”
“The next card is ‘The Ass’,” Minseok explained, though he knew it wasn’t very helpful information. Then again, neither was Minho’s.
“Right,” Minho agreed, nodding vigorously. “So then, naturally, I asked if that meant ‘Donkey’ too, for obvious reasons.”
Luhan let out a quiet snort of laughter.
Luhan was ignored.
“And he gave me a really cryptic answer.”
Minseok gave Minho an expectant stare, and Minho shrugged before continuing.
“I don’t really get it, but apparently they called the guy ‘Nick Bottom’ in middle school.”
Minseok promptly gave up on life.
---
Crossposted on AFF here