Question for the Community

[sweariwontdie]

What does it mean to be nice?

Comments

[prof_ssnape]

It seems to entail catering to others' idiocy.

[sweariwontdie]

*a bit taken aback* Sometimes.

You don't seem to think it's a good thing.

[prof_ssnape]

I have far too often seen character flaws excused and brushed away with a 'but they're so nice.'

[sweariwontdie]

Nice people aren't perfect, nor do most of them claim to be so.

[defyaugery]

Treating others with the consideration they deserve simply for being a human -- or something like it, anyway -- with thoughts and emotions and a history of their own. One needn't go out of their way for someone they dislike, of course, but they ought to avoid being outright rude or unkind It doesn't mean anyone needs to be falsely pleasant, but they should be respectful as much as possible, and try to understand the other when they can. And with people one does like . . . well. That's simple enough . You do whatever you can for them. With strangers, it is respect and a willingness to be friendly.

[sweariwontdie]

Oh wonderful! *smiles*

how specifically should one treat those one dislikes?

[defyaugery]

It is best to refrain from making deliberately hurtful comments, and avoid disrespectful language. If you dislike someone, it isn't a license to be unkind to them, and wasting the time and energy to do so when it doesn't do anyone any good is ridiculous -- it is better to be civil to them, or to avoid them altogether. It can be very difficult to treat them kindly, of course, but I've found it helps to think of why other people might like them, even if you don't. A man who is difficult for one person to be around might be a wonderful father or brother or friend to someone else. So even if you can't like them personally, you can understand and acknowledge that they have value in the world, and they have a right to exist and be happy as well.

[sweariwontdie]

I will keep all that in mind. You are very wise, monsieur.

[fingersofleaf]

"Helpin'."

[sweariwontdie]

I would tend to agree.

[mostgiftedwitch]

"I think it means you sometimes do things, not because they bring -you- pleasure or happiness, but because they bring another those things. It's putting their needs above your own, with an honest heart, and not necessarily expecting anything back, as Max said."

[sweariwontdie]

"How to explain that properly though..." His reply is clear and understandable enough but he won't look at Hermione.

[mostgiftedwitch]

She notices that he's not looking at her, but rather than confront him about it, she lets it go... for now. Thinking for a moment why Armand would ask this question, she hazards a guess and will assume for the moment that this is about Draco... not that she'll actually -say- that... but it'll affect the answer(s) she gives.

"I suppose one could start by making it something personal, something the person one is trying to explain it to can relate to."

She thinks for a moment, trying to find a true example.

"For example - and this may not necessarily work in all cases! - I once had a friend who insisted on buying a very nice dress for me. It can't have done much for my friend, as it undoubtedly cost a lot of money... but it made -me- happy. That's what "being nice" can be. I certainly thought it was. ... Would that help?"

Yes, she's talking about a gift Draco once gave her, so with a bit of luck, he -should- recognize the example...

[sweariwontdie]

"I'm afraid we're going to get stuck in a round of situational what-ifs... I want to give him a chance to try with real people. I think he'd want that to, but if his early attempts aren't somewhat successful, he may give up."

Yes, he's mostly looking at the ground near her feet. "I wonder if I could find more examples of his being nice in the past to point out to him. Although he says it's easier and natural with people he likes. It's with the people he doesn't know or like that he needs practice."

After a moment, he adds, "Me too, maybe."