The scent of fear

[dervishspin]

I read this article and found it fascinating. As a quick overview: Sissell Tolaas is a chemist and a professional nose, only rather than working for a perfumer she is more of a scent artist. Allow me to quote from the article:

"Tolaas created a small device that collected the sweat of twenty-one men with severe phobias during their panic attacks

Comments

Wow, I blab when I'm waiting for tests to run.

[lanome]

It is only tangentially related, but most people respond extremely strongly to smell. There are people that I haven't liked, just because they smell bad. It sounds superficial, but I can't help it! It's just.. there. (And it's different than the non-human smells I don't like. I loathe the smell of cigarettes, but they don't make me not like a person. They might make me not want to be around them when they're smelling of them, but not dislike them on a fundamental level.) Similarly, there are people I've been drawn to because I just want to sit around smelling them all day. Sometimes I suspect that when I'm annoyed with a friend, it's because she smells funny that day.

To that end, if you smell fearful, we probably all notice on some level, but that's not the same as opening up to someone about why you're afraid, or exactly what you're afraid of. I think those things are intimate, and you get to choose whom to share them with

[sibilla_dangers]

*just sits with you... just feeling my own fear and hoping its ok*

[aneirin_awenyd]

Timely for me, like so many of your posts.

Sometimes fear is too much to bear alone.

Sometimes it's too much for others to help you bear.

Sometimes you get stuck in the middle.

[brokk]

I find that sometimes seeing a person that vulnerable is awkward to me. I feel at a loss in what I should do, or should not do. In a strange sense, I fear that sort of situation, because I don't know what to do and I freeze up, just hoping and praying it will end. After witnessing such things, I'm still left with this awkward feeling. As if I just saw something I wasn't supposed to. I feel like a peeping Tom. A bit dirty for witnessing something I wasn't supposed to see. I handle it by pretending it never happened. I don't want to it cause discomfort between me and the other person.

On the positive side, I am left feeling closer to them. They are "more human" in my mind. However I can't say that would improve the relationship in all cases.

[hfcougar]

This.

Addendum

[hfcougar]

Though more so if there is raw emotion accompanying the fear. If I have someone in my company or care who is hysterical and panicking and sobbing, especially if it's over something with no tangible solution, more often than not I become insanely terrified because something is horribly wrong and I can't fix it.

If someone is sitting with me over coffee or drinks or just looking out a window, and the conversation turns to "... you know what scares the crap out of me?" That I can work with.

Re: Addendum

[brokk]

Agreed!

[booniesjen]

I wonder if fear can affect a relationship in a similar way as love. I, personally, find listening to other people talk about their loves or their fears gives me a deeper bond with them even if I don't share the same level of love or fear about the same things. Just the fact that they opened up to me makes me feel like they thought our friendship was important enough for them to trust me with something so precious. But, I have experienced a situation where a relationship I had took a nose dive. But, it happened, not after sharing our fears, but after sharing what we are passionate about. I have some theories. I don't want to lay it out here, but if you want to chat via AIM or email I would love to chat with you. Or, you and your wonderful husband are welcome to come up for a visit or we would love to come down to see you guys. Both Bill and I would love to find a time to get together with you guys. Seeing you briefly at Birka while we are merchanting is not enough time to really talk