My Sorry for You
Title: My Sorry for You
Author: dephi
Pairing: RyoDa
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Disclaimer : I own the plot
Summary: Making a decision for our love isn't that easy. We could even choose the wrong steps while there is no turning back.
Notes: Some kind of sequel of Say Goodbye, this time from Ueda's PoV. Dedicated to hanny2luv and love_akira for encouraging me, also for mizuno_hikaru for her b'day, sorry if I dedicate angst fic to you, I haven't had the time to make other.. =)
How can it happen to me?
I got a telephone call that day. They asked me to hang out with them. I didn’t think of anything suspicious since I knew them well and I had nothing to do anyway, so I agreed. I met them at the promised place that time. We were all drinking and playing around crazily. I couldn’t really remember the amount of drink I had that time. I was so stressed with my job lately so I tried to throw all of my stress by drinking. I must have drunk such a big amount of drink until I didn’t remember anything. The next thing I knew was when I woke up the next day. My head was still hurt so I tried to wake up to take any painkiller I had. But then, I realized that I wasn’t in my bedroom, or even in my apartment. Moreover, I was naked and my body was sore. I didn’t have much energy to move either. I was scared, scared to think what might have happened to me the previous night. That’s when I saw a note and a painkiller tablet left in the table beside me. I gulped then tried to take that note. My hand was shaking so badly at that time, I didn’t want to face the truth just yet. ‘Thank you for last night. Let’s go around together again next time’. My vision was getting blurred then tears started coming out from my eyes. Why me..?
I love you, I really do.
I had realized your weird behavior that past week. Sometimes I even felt someone was looking at my direction, but when I looked back, I couldn’t find who was it. But you were always there. I didn’t know whether it was you or not, but secretly hope wouldn’t hurt right? Then you came to me when I was sitting alone that day. You approached me then called my name. I caught your eyes, you were looking at me intensely. I was nervous because of that. ‘I love you.’ You said. I couldn’t think at all at that time, I couldn’t even understand what you were saying. I thought you were just joking, it was just one of your insults to me, but when I looked in your eyes, I saw none of it. You were honest, I thought. I didn’t know why but somehow I started sobbing. You hugged me, trying to comfort me, but I was crying even harder. ‘I-I’m sorry if my confession made you confused and cried. It’s okay, I understand, let’s pretend that it never happened.’ You smiled to me then you started walking away from me. ‘It’s not that’ I thought. I wanted to call your name, wanted to hold you here, to let you know what my real feeling is, but it seemed like nothing could come out from my mouth. I didn’t know what to do so I only cried. Pathetic huh? I couldn’t help it. But somehow when I realized, you were in front of me again. ‘I’m sorry’ you said again. I shook my head then hugged you. ‘No.. I love you, really.’ I said. Thank you for loving me..
I’m the one who shouldn’t have been with you..
They called me again after that night and I couldn’t refuse it. I was getting used to it already until I just tagged along with them. Was that called cheating? Maybe, because we had dated at that time. But I couldn’t stop it. It was crazy, I knew, but what could I do? The guilt inside me was getting bigger and bigger until I couldn’t take it anymore. When I had reached my limit, I would be such a weird man, but I tried my best not to make anyone worried of me. I wasn’t worthy of it and I didn’t need any sympathy, especially from you. But you could see through me, I knew that, though I denied it. You approached me, asking what had bothered me, but I threw my anger to you instead. ‘Then what did you know about me?’ I asked. I had lost the control of my own mouth. I didn’t want to say that. You were stunned after I asked you that. I felt sad somehow. ‘Just as I’ve thought’ I murmured. Then I bid my farewell with a smile. That was when I knew that I had made a wrong decision. I shouldn’t have fallen to you, even if I had, I shouldn’t have accepted your confession. I was getting crazier and crazier. I even dared to bring another guy to my apartment, yes my apartment. Maybe deep down I hope you found it out then dumped me. And it really happened. You came to my apartment when that guy had just gone out from my room. I dismissed him then I sat at my sofa. I was trying my best to keep calm. ‘What was that?’ you asked me. I only replied nothing. I could feel your anger to me. It was ok, it was what I wanted right? ‘Why didn’t you say anything? You.. you are just like a-‘ you had reached your limit I thought, and so did I. I just wanted to end this quickly. ‘A slut? So what if I am? I’ve told you not to trust people easily, right?’ I said. Then you walked out from my apartment. I didn’t even take a glance of you. I tried my best to hold my tears. But when I heard you shut my door, I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried. It was my decision but it hurt me so badly. If only I knew that it would hurt me that much, I wouldn’t fall with you…
Kring…
“What is it?”
“Ne Tatsuya, how about going around together tonight? You have been declining our offer lately. So, will you come? We could have fun together there.”
“No, thanks. I’m over it.”
Click.
Tatsuya sighed for the second time. He looked at his phone then he smiled bitterly.
I’m sorry, Ryo. I’m not worthy enough to be with you.
E/N : I forgot to tell that there are 2 part of this fic, so this is the 2nd part, from Ueda's PoV. I've written some of it after I finished Say Goodbye, but I was a bit lazy to continue it because I thought just Say Goodbye is enough, but in the end after asking hanny2luv and love_akira, I decided to continue it. I've been writing too many lately so I'll take some day off, no writing, except for my multichapter fic.. =)
Also happy birthday to mizuno_hikaru I want to write other fic actually for you but I was sick the whole day so I couldn't write it..
Sorry for spamming with so many fic. Thanks for reading and comments are always love.. ♥
Author: dephi
Pairing: RyoDa
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Disclaimer : I own the plot
Summary: Making a decision for our love isn't that easy. We could even choose the wrong steps while there is no turning back.
Notes: Some kind of sequel of Say Goodbye, this time from Ueda's PoV. Dedicated to hanny2luv and love_akira for encouraging me, also for mizuno_hikaru for her b'day, sorry if I dedicate angst fic to you, I haven't had the time to make other.. =)
How can it happen to me?
I got a telephone call that day. They asked me to hang out with them. I didn’t think of anything suspicious since I knew them well and I had nothing to do anyway, so I agreed. I met them at the promised place that time. We were all drinking and playing around crazily. I couldn’t really remember the amount of drink I had that time. I was so stressed with my job lately so I tried to throw all of my stress by drinking. I must have drunk such a big amount of drink until I didn’t remember anything. The next thing I knew was when I woke up the next day. My head was still hurt so I tried to wake up to take any painkiller I had. But then, I realized that I wasn’t in my bedroom, or even in my apartment. Moreover, I was naked and my body was sore. I didn’t have much energy to move either. I was scared, scared to think what might have happened to me the previous night. That’s when I saw a note and a painkiller tablet left in the table beside me. I gulped then tried to take that note. My hand was shaking so badly at that time, I didn’t want to face the truth just yet. ‘Thank you for last night. Let’s go around together again next time’. My vision was getting blurred then tears started coming out from my eyes. Why me..?
I love you, I really do.
I had realized your weird behavior that past week. Sometimes I even felt someone was looking at my direction, but when I looked back, I couldn’t find who was it. But you were always there. I didn’t know whether it was you or not, but secretly hope wouldn’t hurt right? Then you came to me when I was sitting alone that day. You approached me then called my name. I caught your eyes, you were looking at me intensely. I was nervous because of that. ‘I love you.’ You said. I couldn’t think at all at that time, I couldn’t even understand what you were saying. I thought you were just joking, it was just one of your insults to me, but when I looked in your eyes, I saw none of it. You were honest, I thought. I didn’t know why but somehow I started sobbing. You hugged me, trying to comfort me, but I was crying even harder. ‘I-I’m sorry if my confession made you confused and cried. It’s okay, I understand, let’s pretend that it never happened.’ You smiled to me then you started walking away from me. ‘It’s not that’ I thought. I wanted to call your name, wanted to hold you here, to let you know what my real feeling is, but it seemed like nothing could come out from my mouth. I didn’t know what to do so I only cried. Pathetic huh? I couldn’t help it. But somehow when I realized, you were in front of me again. ‘I’m sorry’ you said again. I shook my head then hugged you. ‘No.. I love you, really.’ I said. Thank you for loving me..
I’m the one who shouldn’t have been with you..
They called me again after that night and I couldn’t refuse it. I was getting used to it already until I just tagged along with them. Was that called cheating? Maybe, because we had dated at that time. But I couldn’t stop it. It was crazy, I knew, but what could I do? The guilt inside me was getting bigger and bigger until I couldn’t take it anymore. When I had reached my limit, I would be such a weird man, but I tried my best not to make anyone worried of me. I wasn’t worthy of it and I didn’t need any sympathy, especially from you. But you could see through me, I knew that, though I denied it. You approached me, asking what had bothered me, but I threw my anger to you instead. ‘Then what did you know about me?’ I asked. I had lost the control of my own mouth. I didn’t want to say that. You were stunned after I asked you that. I felt sad somehow. ‘Just as I’ve thought’ I murmured. Then I bid my farewell with a smile. That was when I knew that I had made a wrong decision. I shouldn’t have fallen to you, even if I had, I shouldn’t have accepted your confession. I was getting crazier and crazier. I even dared to bring another guy to my apartment, yes my apartment. Maybe deep down I hope you found it out then dumped me. And it really happened. You came to my apartment when that guy had just gone out from my room. I dismissed him then I sat at my sofa. I was trying my best to keep calm. ‘What was that?’ you asked me. I only replied nothing. I could feel your anger to me. It was ok, it was what I wanted right? ‘Why didn’t you say anything? You.. you are just like a-‘ you had reached your limit I thought, and so did I. I just wanted to end this quickly. ‘A slut? So what if I am? I’ve told you not to trust people easily, right?’ I said. Then you walked out from my apartment. I didn’t even take a glance of you. I tried my best to hold my tears. But when I heard you shut my door, I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried. It was my decision but it hurt me so badly. If only I knew that it would hurt me that much, I wouldn’t fall with you…
Kring…
“What is it?”
“Ne Tatsuya, how about going around together tonight? You have been declining our offer lately. So, will you come? We could have fun together there.”
“No, thanks. I’m over it.”
Click.
Tatsuya sighed for the second time. He looked at his phone then he smiled bitterly.
I’m sorry, Ryo. I’m not worthy enough to be with you.
E/N : I forgot to tell that there are 2 part of this fic, so this is the 2nd part, from Ueda's PoV. I've written some of it after I finished Say Goodbye, but I was a bit lazy to continue it because I thought just Say Goodbye is enough, but in the end after asking hanny2luv and love_akira, I decided to continue it. I've been writing too many lately so I'll take some day off, no writing, except for my multichapter fic.. =)
Also happy birthday to mizuno_hikaru I want to write other fic actually for you but I was sick the whole day so I couldn't write it..
Sorry for spamming with so many fic. Thanks for reading and comments are always love.. ♥