Supernatural: The Show That Stole My Heart (And Weekend)
I've had an interesting week.
There have been lots of wonderful real-life things going on too: brunch with my awesome bro and his S.O. last Sunday, volunteering with the youth group and Taize meeting with coffee afterward, then gaming on Monday night, last anthology workshop Tuesday night, and a fascinating evening with an artist whose work I kinda idolize on Wednesday night.
But what has taken most of my mental energy and spare time this week has been my immersion in the virtual Supernatural fandom. This little monstrosity (2600-odd words at last count - and this is the edited version) was my way of cataloguing my experiences from the past week. But hey, it's an interesting little glimpse into my life and a corner of the internet most of my Viewing Audience(TM) doesn't really know about, so come on in! I've even written a little primer for you.
I'm glad I took the blue pill: musings from the Supernatural fandom
Before I go any further, I promised MemeThief I'd forward the link to I'd forward the link to mona1347's " The Drugs of Fandom." (In which Supernatural = Roofies. Soooo true...)
I think EVERYONE I know is aware that I *heart* the show and its boys, and while I've aggressively been absorbing (consuming? partaking of? watching/reading?) the show and fan fiction over the last couple of months or so, it's all been rather frustratingly one-sided. I've really been wanting to talk to people about it. So last weekend, I went out (virtually, anyway) and introduced myself to various folk around LJ, friended*, started commenting like a woman possessed, and also finally screwed up the courage to actually post on the Television Without Pity (TwoP) boards. *For those of you who aren't regulars on LJ but who pop in to read this, "friending" is a technical term for giving someone access to locked entries and for all entries to start showing up on a catch-all "friends" page to make keeping on top of specific people's entries much easier. And "LJ" is short for LiveJournal, the name of this website.
It's been really, really fun. It's beyond exciting to finally be able to squeal about the show (yes, I have turned into a 12-year-old *sigh*) with other people who squeal back, dammit. And who want to talk about the show! And do! Constantly!
There are certain things I really value about this fandom:
1) The people. Given the lack of people in my real life who care about the show, it's beyond fabulous to have people to share this obsession with without feeling guilty for imposing on them. Twenty-four seven, baby! I must give kind thanks to anidada and dawnie1970 for pointing me in the right direction. I've met arabella_hope who's boundless enthusiasm and recommendations have been delighting me no end. And deirdre_c and missyjack, both of whom posess humour and insight that just have me alternately in awe and in stitches. Their gracious replies to each and every comment I've made in their journals just humble me (wherever do they find the time!?), and they feel like dear friends already, even though they live far away.
2) The humour, the creativity and the intelligence. Having met some of these people, I can't get over the sheer breadth of articulate opinions, fascinating insights, hilarious conversations, crazy hot stories, and just completely-out-of-left-field wacky stuff they come up with. (anteka's Plastic Winchester Theatre?!? I mean, really? How awesome is that? Or The Dean Show? Or - oh, how I love it - Sam's Ball of Angst?)
3) The heart: the willingness of complete strangers to say "sure, come on in and read my journal" and to take the time to respond even though they didn't know me from a hole in the wall. And once in, everywhere the comments I read are overwhelmingly positive. People are so supportive of the creators and posters in the community, encouraging them and being sure to leave heartfelt feedback. If you leave comments, 9 times out of 10 you will get a comment back - there is real dialogue here. Even when there's disagreement, it's invariably couched in respectful language (unless they're joking, in which case all bets are off). There was a lot of fear on the TwoP boards that things could get ugly after the most recent episode if people started getting personal about religion, but it's incredible how intense a conversation was possible - in over 400 posts - without anyone's knickers getting in a knot. Astonishing, really.
But there have been some negative sides - not with the fandom per se, but my reactions to it. I remember why I steered away from much online interaction Back In The Day(TM): it's just so damn time-consuming. It takes so long to type out a conversation you could have with someone. And, ultimately, it's frustrating. I want to be there with them, dammit, reading their facial expressions, hearing their voice, getting the nuances of what they're saying. I'd still rather be able to sit down with someone and talk about an episode, rather than comment/post and then check to see if anyone has replied.
It's also difficult to come into an established fandom. Everyone already seems to know each other, and there's already so much history it's hard to not feel like an outsider. I'm sure this will pass, though - people's kindness makes a big difference.
Thirdly, it's kind of overwhelming. The TwoP forums, in particular, while there have been some really interesting and absolutely hilarious conversations, are like wanting to go for a quick dip and before you know it the undertow's dragged you out to sea. There's just so much there, and it's the nature of my brain to take it ALL in - which if course isn't possible, let alone reasonable.
Responses to Supernatural 2-13: Houses of the Holy
This week's episode, which as I noted in my previous shut-up-brain post, tripped a ridiculous number of my hot buttons. (No, no, not that kind of hot button. Well, okay, fine, that too, but it's not really what I meant.)
Backgrounder for non-viewers: the show.
For the majority of my Reading Audience who doesn't watch this show, allow me a brief recap: we have two brothers, who's mother went up in flames when they were young and as a result have spent their lives with their father hunting down supernatural things - vampires, evil spirits, etc. based on urban legends - and killing them. They've been on a road trip of sorts since Sam's girlfriend was mysteriously killed in the same way as their mother, and aside from their general "job" - "saving people, hunting things - the family business" there has been a larger story arc about a demon who was responsible for their mom and Jessica's death (and their father's, actually, however voluntary that may have been).
Things have been getting mighty grim for the boys as of late: aside from discovering that the demon has plans for Sam, and that Dean will have to save him or kill him (and to understand the level of pain in this, Dean has basically devoted his life to looking after his little brother), the boys have the FBI on their asses.
There are two major camps of people who watch the show: those who love it for the horror/gore, the muscle car, mullet rock music and action, and those of us who are deeply drawn in by the relationship of the two brothers. (Including the head writer, who is famously quoted as saying - albeit somewhat tongue-in-cheek - "It's the epic love story of Sam and Dean." Awwwww!) I fall into the latter camp. The writers have done an amazing job creating a rich, complex relationship between responsible, geeky Sam and macho Dean, and Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki (Dean and Sam respectively) sell the hell out of it. It really is incredible. You come for the pretty, and just....damn. They're so good. It sucks you in. missyjack summed it up perfectly in her letter to Supernatural.
Background for non-viewers: the episode.
This week's episode saw Sam and Dean investigating people who murdered because an angel told them to. Long story short, it turns out it was the spirit of a sweet but apparently rather confused priest who thought he was an angel. What made this week's episode particularly fascinating to the "character" crowd (the "action" crowd were apparently bored out of their skulls. But they had last week's Nightshifter, so they can just suck it up and give us our day) was the boy's reaction to the prospect that they might be dealing with an angel.
We learn that Sam prays every day, and believes what they're dealing with is an angel - particularly after it comes and speaks to him. He is just crushed by the end of the episode when it turns out it was, in fact, just a spirit. Dean comes from the opposite end of the spectrum. We get a much clearer picture of his view than we do of Sam's:
Dean: "Okay. You know what? You've got faith. I get it. Good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that: mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. 'Fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me."
Sam: "You never told me that."
Dean: "What's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence. Random unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm going to need to see some hard proof. You got any?"
By the end of the episode, Dean "doubts his doubts" as someone on TwoP eloquently put it, after witnessing an event he can't explain.
For the curious, there are a couple of clips:
And the whole episode is on YouTube, too, if you're curiosity is REALLY piqued.
General responses
There have been lots of interesting things said - exhaustively - about this episode on the TwoP boards and around LJ in the last few days, most of it far more articulately than I can hope to manage. So I'm just going to touch on a few general points that stuck out at me:
Personal responses (musings about faith and old Angst)
I've been trying to figure out why this episode affected me so much. I think it's because this episode was so intensely personal for me. Of the many issues I've had with Christianity, theodicy (the reconciliation of the "problem of pain" with the notion of a good God) is The Big One I've been struggling with for years. I've read a lot on the subject and never really been satisfied with the answers on a fundamental level. So I've been curious since the pilot to see how the boys would reconcile their day-to-day proof of evil walking the earth with the existence of God. I was beyond thrilled to finally have an episode where it's discussed directly.
Dean's angry diatribe reminds me a lot of my own, younger, much more angst-ridden days. Not the mother having been burned to death part (!!!) but all the same, the intensity and anger behind his non-belief sounds more familiar than I care to remember. This isn't something he's carefully reasoned out at his core: it's emotional and visceral, and then the need for proof is built around it. I get that, since I went through several years like that too - though to this day I'm not sure I could tell you why, or where the sheer vehemence of my stance came from. There was another moment, too, when Sam first tells Dean that he prays and Dean gives him this measuring look, saying, "Huh. The things you learn about a guy" that hit me in the gut. I had a teacher who helped me get through a number of rough spots, and I remember being completely floored when I found out she was Christian. This person I really respected...believed this stuff? Huh. Maybe there was something to it. And then I realized the arrogance of my thinking less of her for being Christian. It really gave me pause at the time - and reminds me now of how much I've changed. Anyway, it was a rather difficult and intense time in my life, so I was rather taken aback to be reminded of these old feelings quite so vividly.
I do know that I'm finding it increasingly hard to watch the show. Yes, I came for the pretty-boy angst (ooooooo, pretty-boy angst......), but I stayed because I've come to really care about these characters. And the more I care, the harder it is to see their pain. Which ironic, and a bitch, since as the head writer herself said, "We're a horror show. It's our responsibility to kill a lot of people, and torture those who get to live." I'm hoping (and am pretty sure) that this episode marks the high-water mark of my relationship with this show - because damn, I just can't take this much intensity on a regular basis. Ah well, I've been so boringly perky lately, I suppose a change of pace is a good thing.
But, then I see something like this, and it's ALL GOOD again! *happy sigh*
There have been lots of wonderful real-life things going on too: brunch with my awesome bro and his S.O. last Sunday, volunteering with the youth group and Taize meeting with coffee afterward, then gaming on Monday night, last anthology workshop Tuesday night, and a fascinating evening with an artist whose work I kinda idolize on Wednesday night.
But what has taken most of my mental energy and spare time this week has been my immersion in the virtual Supernatural fandom. This little monstrosity (2600-odd words at last count - and this is the edited version) was my way of cataloguing my experiences from the past week. But hey, it's an interesting little glimpse into my life and a corner of the internet most of my Viewing Audience(TM) doesn't really know about, so come on in! I've even written a little primer for you.
I'm glad I took the blue pill: musings from the Supernatural fandom
Before I go any further, I promised MemeThief I'd forward the link to I'd forward the link to mona1347's " The Drugs of Fandom." (In which Supernatural = Roofies. Soooo true...)
I think EVERYONE I know is aware that I *heart* the show and its boys, and while I've aggressively been absorbing (consuming? partaking of? watching/reading?) the show and fan fiction over the last couple of months or so, it's all been rather frustratingly one-sided. I've really been wanting to talk to people about it. So last weekend, I went out (virtually, anyway) and introduced myself to various folk around LJ, friended*, started commenting like a woman possessed, and also finally screwed up the courage to actually post on the Television Without Pity (TwoP) boards. *For those of you who aren't regulars on LJ but who pop in to read this, "friending" is a technical term for giving someone access to locked entries and for all entries to start showing up on a catch-all "friends" page to make keeping on top of specific people's entries much easier. And "LJ" is short for LiveJournal, the name of this website.
It's been really, really fun. It's beyond exciting to finally be able to squeal about the show (yes, I have turned into a 12-year-old *sigh*) with other people who squeal back, dammit. And who want to talk about the show! And do! Constantly!
There are certain things I really value about this fandom:
1) The people. Given the lack of people in my real life who care about the show, it's beyond fabulous to have people to share this obsession with without feeling guilty for imposing on them. Twenty-four seven, baby! I must give kind thanks to anidada and dawnie1970 for pointing me in the right direction. I've met arabella_hope who's boundless enthusiasm and recommendations have been delighting me no end. And deirdre_c and missyjack, both of whom posess humour and insight that just have me alternately in awe and in stitches. Their gracious replies to each and every comment I've made in their journals just humble me (wherever do they find the time!?), and they feel like dear friends already, even though they live far away.
2) The humour, the creativity and the intelligence. Having met some of these people, I can't get over the sheer breadth of articulate opinions, fascinating insights, hilarious conversations, crazy hot stories, and just completely-out-of-left-field wacky stuff they come up with. (anteka's Plastic Winchester Theatre?!? I mean, really? How awesome is that? Or The Dean Show? Or - oh, how I love it - Sam's Ball of Angst?)
3) The heart: the willingness of complete strangers to say "sure, come on in and read my journal" and to take the time to respond even though they didn't know me from a hole in the wall. And once in, everywhere the comments I read are overwhelmingly positive. People are so supportive of the creators and posters in the community, encouraging them and being sure to leave heartfelt feedback. If you leave comments, 9 times out of 10 you will get a comment back - there is real dialogue here. Even when there's disagreement, it's invariably couched in respectful language (unless they're joking, in which case all bets are off). There was a lot of fear on the TwoP boards that things could get ugly after the most recent episode if people started getting personal about religion, but it's incredible how intense a conversation was possible - in over 400 posts - without anyone's knickers getting in a knot. Astonishing, really.
But there have been some negative sides - not with the fandom per se, but my reactions to it. I remember why I steered away from much online interaction Back In The Day(TM): it's just so damn time-consuming. It takes so long to type out a conversation you could have with someone. And, ultimately, it's frustrating. I want to be there with them, dammit, reading their facial expressions, hearing their voice, getting the nuances of what they're saying. I'd still rather be able to sit down with someone and talk about an episode, rather than comment/post and then check to see if anyone has replied.
It's also difficult to come into an established fandom. Everyone already seems to know each other, and there's already so much history it's hard to not feel like an outsider. I'm sure this will pass, though - people's kindness makes a big difference.
Thirdly, it's kind of overwhelming. The TwoP forums, in particular, while there have been some really interesting and absolutely hilarious conversations, are like wanting to go for a quick dip and before you know it the undertow's dragged you out to sea. There's just so much there, and it's the nature of my brain to take it ALL in - which if course isn't possible, let alone reasonable.
Responses to Supernatural 2-13: Houses of the Holy
This week's episode, which as I noted in my previous shut-up-brain post, tripped a ridiculous number of my hot buttons. (No, no, not that kind of hot button. Well, okay, fine, that too, but it's not really what I meant.)
Backgrounder for non-viewers: the show.
For the majority of my Reading Audience who doesn't watch this show, allow me a brief recap: we have two brothers, who's mother went up in flames when they were young and as a result have spent their lives with their father hunting down supernatural things - vampires, evil spirits, etc. based on urban legends - and killing them. They've been on a road trip of sorts since Sam's girlfriend was mysteriously killed in the same way as their mother, and aside from their general "job" - "saving people, hunting things - the family business" there has been a larger story arc about a demon who was responsible for their mom and Jessica's death (and their father's, actually, however voluntary that may have been).
Things have been getting mighty grim for the boys as of late: aside from discovering that the demon has plans for Sam, and that Dean will have to save him or kill him (and to understand the level of pain in this, Dean has basically devoted his life to looking after his little brother), the boys have the FBI on their asses.
There are two major camps of people who watch the show: those who love it for the horror/gore, the muscle car, mullet rock music and action, and those of us who are deeply drawn in by the relationship of the two brothers. (Including the head writer, who is famously quoted as saying - albeit somewhat tongue-in-cheek - "It's the epic love story of Sam and Dean." Awwwww!) I fall into the latter camp. The writers have done an amazing job creating a rich, complex relationship between responsible, geeky Sam and macho Dean, and Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki (Dean and Sam respectively) sell the hell out of it. It really is incredible. You come for the pretty, and just....damn. They're so good. It sucks you in. missyjack summed it up perfectly in her letter to Supernatural.
Background for non-viewers: the episode.
This week's episode saw Sam and Dean investigating people who murdered because an angel told them to. Long story short, it turns out it was the spirit of a sweet but apparently rather confused priest who thought he was an angel. What made this week's episode particularly fascinating to the "character" crowd (the "action" crowd were apparently bored out of their skulls. But they had last week's Nightshifter, so they can just suck it up and give us our day) was the boy's reaction to the prospect that they might be dealing with an angel.
We learn that Sam prays every day, and believes what they're dealing with is an angel - particularly after it comes and speaks to him. He is just crushed by the end of the episode when it turns out it was, in fact, just a spirit. Dean comes from the opposite end of the spectrum. We get a much clearer picture of his view than we do of Sam's:
Dean: "Okay. You know what? You've got faith. I get it. Good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that: mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. 'Fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me."
Sam: "You never told me that."
Dean: "What's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence. Random unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm going to need to see some hard proof. You got any?"
By the end of the episode, Dean "doubts his doubts" as someone on TwoP eloquently put it, after witnessing an event he can't explain.
For the curious, there are a couple of clips:
And the whole episode is on YouTube, too, if you're curiosity is REALLY piqued.
General responses
There have been lots of interesting things said - exhaustively - about this episode on the TwoP boards and around LJ in the last few days, most of it far more articulately than I can hope to manage. So I'm just going to touch on a few general points that stuck out at me:
- Dean really was enjoying that Magic Fingers vibrating bed a leeetle too much. Much as pissy!Sam annoys me, I don't blame Sam for being uncomfortable. (*I*, on the other hand, could've stood to see a little more...)
- The food references - kookoo for Cocoa-Puffs and "a few fries short of a happy meal" cracked me up.
- I loved that ultimately, we aren't given any definitive answers about the existence of a Higher Power in Sam and Dean's world. It didn't try to ram a particular theology down anyone's throat, which felt really honest and as far as I can tell let everyone from atheists to agnostics to believers walk away from this episode with an appreciation for that aspect of it, whatever else they may have thought.
- While most people agree that Dean's an atheist, I found this conversation seeing him as a "very, very angry lapsed believer" much more true to the vehemence of his words above and to his sincere, almost raw "Why me?" we saw last season in Faith.
- I know a lot of people can't stand his doubts and angst this season, but personally, I think they make him a hell of a lot more interesting than the cocky guy we all knew last season. Yeah, we know (okay, fine and love that) he's smokin' hot, kicks ass and "loves frisky women." But his cocky self-assurance always bugged me a bit. It always felt a bit too much like a facade, and I for one am glad to see what's underneath.
- I was frustrated how little we got to learn about Sam's faith, frankly. Where did it come from? How long has he been praying? Is this a deep-felt faith, or a grasping-at-straws kind of thing? In other words, is he praying because he actually believes, or is he praying because he needs to believe, whether or not he actually does? Just how crushed he seemed at the end of the episode leads me to suspect it's the latter.
- I am SO RELIEVED the boys were finally talking to each other by the end of this episode. From Hunted with that sweet, "You can't protect me"/ "I can try" and eyeglance exchange (awww), to Playthings with Dean's glance at Sam and Sam's refusal to look anywhere but straight ahead, to Nighshifters when they're both just staring, each in their own world, off into the distance, I am glad to see they are genuinely interacting again. I really believe they are stronger together, and watching them take a journey next to each other rather than with each other has been damn hard to watch. Why yes, yes I am a schmoopy sucker, why do you ask? ;)
Personal responses (musings about faith and old Angst)
I've been trying to figure out why this episode affected me so much. I think it's because this episode was so intensely personal for me. Of the many issues I've had with Christianity, theodicy (the reconciliation of the "problem of pain" with the notion of a good God) is The Big One I've been struggling with for years. I've read a lot on the subject and never really been satisfied with the answers on a fundamental level. So I've been curious since the pilot to see how the boys would reconcile their day-to-day proof of evil walking the earth with the existence of God. I was beyond thrilled to finally have an episode where it's discussed directly.
Dean's angry diatribe reminds me a lot of my own, younger, much more angst-ridden days. Not the mother having been burned to death part (!!!) but all the same, the intensity and anger behind his non-belief sounds more familiar than I care to remember. This isn't something he's carefully reasoned out at his core: it's emotional and visceral, and then the need for proof is built around it. I get that, since I went through several years like that too - though to this day I'm not sure I could tell you why, or where the sheer vehemence of my stance came from. There was another moment, too, when Sam first tells Dean that he prays and Dean gives him this measuring look, saying, "Huh. The things you learn about a guy" that hit me in the gut. I had a teacher who helped me get through a number of rough spots, and I remember being completely floored when I found out she was Christian. This person I really respected...believed this stuff? Huh. Maybe there was something to it. And then I realized the arrogance of my thinking less of her for being Christian. It really gave me pause at the time - and reminds me now of how much I've changed. Anyway, it was a rather difficult and intense time in my life, so I was rather taken aback to be reminded of these old feelings quite so vividly.
I do know that I'm finding it increasingly hard to watch the show. Yes, I came for the pretty-boy angst (ooooooo, pretty-boy angst......), but I stayed because I've come to really care about these characters. And the more I care, the harder it is to see their pain. Which ironic, and a bitch, since as the head writer herself said, "We're a horror show. It's our responsibility to kill a lot of people, and torture those who get to live." I'm hoping (and am pretty sure) that this episode marks the high-water mark of my relationship with this show - because damn, I just can't take this much intensity on a regular basis. Ah well, I've been so boringly perky lately, I suppose a change of pace is a good thing.
But, then I see something like this, and it's ALL GOOD again! *happy sigh*