The Drugs of Fandom
You know how all you fangeeks out there sometimes lean back a little from your computer screens, rub the glow from your eyes and say, "Whoa. What the hell am I doing? Did I really just spend 4 hours reading Snape/Dumbledore hurt-comfort because it's by THAT author I'll whore myself out to for absolutely anything omg I would follow them into hell?"
Well I believe that fandom is every bit as a) enjoyable and b) addictive as hard drugs.
I have this whole theory about fandoms and the drugs they are analogous to. It goes something like this *presents*:
Buffyverse = Marijuana. The good kind, not crappy brick weed. The kind of marijuana Snoop Dogg and Cheech Marin smoke. I mean the real good shit they grow in small batches under special mutating heat lamps. Because you can sort of justify it to your non-fandom friends by talking about the social issues and deep, thinky meta. Yeah, okay, things get confused sometimes and trains of thought are lost, brain cells are burned away, but hell, there was also that fucking amazingly deep and true conversation about female power and pursuance of The Good in a fucked up world where evil crap happens all the time.
Firefly = Ecstasy. It’s just one tiny little pill. And then you are filled with mind-expanding love for every single character and even when they are horribly hurting and dark, you can only long for more of their touch. You want to get nekkid and rub all up on every single bit of it, up to and including every note of it’s music, for the entire rest of your life. When it’s over, your brain chemistry is altered and you plunge into a deep depression on the come down.
Harry Potter = Heroin. Because when you tell people who aren’t into it that you are? They always say some variation on the sentiment: “Oh dude, that’s the hard shit. That’s just the craziest stuff. I mean sometimes it looks like fun in there but, hell, I’d never want to get in that deep. Those people are crazy.”
Smallville = Crack. Just…*waves hand* crackrock. All of it. It’s shiny and makes you feel cheap and it's OMG-such-a-rush in a heart-racing, blood-pumping way but it strings you out and ruins your life and all your friends shun you and say, “I told you that shit was fucked up,” when it starts going downhill and the risk of actually ending up smoking a block of dry ice that makes you go blind and your brain seize is very high. Yet you can’t stop.
SGA = Acid. I…I don’t think there’s a whole lot of explanation necessary for this one. If you’ve ever even peeked at SGA fandom, you know that everyfreakin’body is tripping balls.
Supernatural = Roofies. You let this fandom buy you one drink, just one drink and before you know it, your clothes’ve come off and you’re doing all these vile and depraved things that you always said you’d never do or just plain weren’t into and you can’t bring yourself to have any kind of problem with the situation at all. Then the next day you wake up kinda sore, wondering what the hell you did last night and have only fleeting remembrances of pretty emo boys, glitter and lube.
Well I believe that fandom is every bit as a) enjoyable and b) addictive as hard drugs.
I have this whole theory about fandoms and the drugs they are analogous to. It goes something like this *presents*:
Buffyverse = Marijuana. The good kind, not crappy brick weed. The kind of marijuana Snoop Dogg and Cheech Marin smoke. I mean the real good shit they grow in small batches under special mutating heat lamps. Because you can sort of justify it to your non-fandom friends by talking about the social issues and deep, thinky meta. Yeah, okay, things get confused sometimes and trains of thought are lost, brain cells are burned away, but hell, there was also that fucking amazingly deep and true conversation about female power and pursuance of The Good in a fucked up world where evil crap happens all the time.
Firefly = Ecstasy. It’s just one tiny little pill. And then you are filled with mind-expanding love for every single character and even when they are horribly hurting and dark, you can only long for more of their touch. You want to get nekkid and rub all up on every single bit of it, up to and including every note of it’s music, for the entire rest of your life. When it’s over, your brain chemistry is altered and you plunge into a deep depression on the come down.
Harry Potter = Heroin. Because when you tell people who aren’t into it that you are? They always say some variation on the sentiment: “Oh dude, that’s the hard shit. That’s just the craziest stuff. I mean sometimes it looks like fun in there but, hell, I’d never want to get in that deep. Those people are crazy.”
Smallville = Crack. Just…*waves hand* crackrock. All of it. It’s shiny and makes you feel cheap and it's OMG-such-a-rush in a heart-racing, blood-pumping way but it strings you out and ruins your life and all your friends shun you and say, “I told you that shit was fucked up,” when it starts going downhill and the risk of actually ending up smoking a block of dry ice that makes you go blind and your brain seize is very high. Yet you can’t stop.
SGA = Acid. I…I don’t think there’s a whole lot of explanation necessary for this one. If you’ve ever even peeked at SGA fandom, you know that everyfreakin’body is tripping balls.
Supernatural = Roofies. You let this fandom buy you one drink, just one drink and before you know it, your clothes’ve come off and you’re doing all these vile and depraved things that you always said you’d never do or just plain weren’t into and you can’t bring yourself to have any kind of problem with the situation at all. Then the next day you wake up kinda sore, wondering what the hell you did last night and have only fleeting remembrances of pretty emo boys, glitter and lube.