Snow Petals - Chapter Nineteen -
[Multi-Chapter] Snow Petals
Pairings: MaruDa, RyoDa, Akame, TaNaka (past), KoTego, Jin/Ueda/Ryo friendship, Junno/Maru/Koki friendship, Jin/Kame/Koki/Pi friendship…
Rating: 14-A?
Warning: violence, abuse, swearing, stalking, alcohol abuse, some mentions of drugs (it was just a tranquilizer!), character death, some gore… who knows what else’ll come up.
Summary: There he was, running again, hoping again, escaping again… can he make it this time? If he can’t, he’ll really kill him this time. But what if the help of a compassionate stranger gives him and his friends the desperately needed strength to overcome him? What if all it takes is a helping hand and the help of a newcomer to heal the scars left from the fight?
(Bad summary but just read it and you’ll understand muaha)
Disclaimer: I don’t own these guys! Well, so far I own Shoji and Hideo and whichever other OC’s pop up but otherwise, nope! Well, Ryo’s like an OC… but that doesn’t matter. And Rina and Misaru’s names are mine, but Ryo’s parents aren’t *laugh*
A/N: oh yeah, italics are either song lyrics (Love in Snow by Ueda Tatsuya of course, freely translated by me) or flashbacks! Of which there are quite a few here.
| Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chap. 2 - 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |
| Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapt. 10 |
| Chapt. 11 | Chapt. 12 | Chapt. 13 | Chapt. 14 | Chapt. 15 |
| Chapt. 16 | Chapt. 17 | Chapt. 18 |
Chapter 19
Jin and Tatsuya stay in Osaka for a few days after the funeral and each and every day, Tatsuya visits Ryo’s grave for hours at a time. Jin wants to stay, he wants to support his friend and he wants to be there for Tatsuya when he cries, when he collapses from exhaustion, when he can’t get up he’s so cold from praying for so long.
But after the second time, Tatsuya sends him off each time. “I’m sorry Jin, but… please, just wait a little longer?” and the look on Tatsuya’s face is so insecure, so broken that Jin can’t help but reply with a dead, “Just message me when you’d like me to come by and pick you up. Take your time, Tatchan. You need it,” and then ruffle his hair affectionately to hide when his own expression breaks.
On Thursday, Yuichi phones Tatsuya to let him know he’s heading back home and that he’s sorry he couldn’t be there for Tatsuya at the funeral. Tatsuya tells him it’s okay, that he wanted to come alone with Jin and think, alone, for a while. Yuichi asks him, begs him, not to exhaust himself and apologizes again for not being there. Tatsuya pretends the man’s absence doesn’t bother him, pretends he’s perfectly alright. He breaks down again after he hangs up.
“Tatchan… don’t make me keep doing this… let me help you… you don’t have to suffer alone,” Jin’s openly pleading this morning as Tatsuya slips on his gloves and wraps his scarf around himself.
Tatsuya smiles gently at him. “Jin, please just let me be alone with him for a while longer. I’m sorry. And… I’ll drive myself to the cemetery today.”
Jin frowns. “At least let me drive you. What happens if you collapse again? I’ll come anyway,” he threatens.
Tatsuya’s smile stretches a bit. “Alright, you can drive me. Thank you.”
Jin pulls him into a hug. “What are friends for? I still feel guilty, though, leaving you there like that.”
“Jin…”
“I know, I know. It’s just hard, you know? I mean, I miss him too, we all do, but it must be so much harder for you…”
“Jin.”
He stops. He sighs. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s natural. And hey, isn’t Kame coming today? You need to be around for him. You need to be strong for him, show him you’re okay.”
Jin exhales and nods. “You’re right. Okay, so you’re ready? Let’s get going,” he puts on a fake smile and Tatsuya does the same and they leave the house.
Tatsuya kneels in front of the grave on the grass that’s slightly crisp with frost. “Nee, Ryo,” he murmurs, “I know this is sudden, but this is my last day here and I wanted to say something to you. And… I’ll just say ahead of time that I’m really sorry, and I know I promised I’d love you forever and I will! But… I can’t live alone, Ryo. You know that better than anyone. And with you gone… and with things as they are right now… I really need someone,” Tatsuya takes a deep breath, smells the faint odour of the lilies and the forget-me-nots he brought today. “I know this sounds really weak, Ryo. But I can’t do this alone. And I know I have Jin, and Kame and Junno and Koki but… that’s different, Ryo. And I love them too but I need someone beside me, you know?
“Since you left, I’ve been so lost, Ryo. You’ve always been there for me. You’ve always been around and you’ve always protected me, even if it was by saying enough harsh things that I finally snapped and acted on my own. You’ve always led me the right way, Ryo. And I hope I helped you do the same. But right now, without you… Ryo, I don’t know what to do!” his voice wavers and he takes a shaking breath. “But… there’s someone who might be able to help me find that out. He’s really sweet, but not like you. No one’s like you. Still, even though he can be shy, and a bit of a pessimist, he’s mature and gentle and kind. I know words like that don’t mean a whole lot because they’re used all the time, but he really is. He’s protected me too, and you even met him so you know he has and you know he’s serious about it. I guess if you’d been yourself, he’s the kind of guy you would’ve had a lot of fun teasing,” a tiny smile flickers on Tatsuya’s lips. “Yeah, you definitely would have had fun teasing him. But I think… I think you would’ve really liked him. And right now, I think I can say I love him, Ryo. I really do. It’s not like it was with you, I’ll never love anyone like I did you. It’s a… a calmer, healing sort of care that he gives me. And I really need that right now,” suddenly, Tatsuya laughs at himself. “I’m sorry, I’m just rambling and repeating myself, aren’t I? But the point is, I’ve fallen for Yuichi and I’m sorry but I can’t have only you anymore.”
His words are followed by silence and a slight wind picks up. Tatsuya simply sits for a time, staring at the tombstone. Then: “I wrote another song for you,” he says. “It’s meant for piano and not guitar, so bear with me, okay? And I know it sounds a lot less hopeful than I’m feeling right now, but… I guess this is more how I felt before- before you left. It was always snowing when things went wrong, wasn’t it? I guess that’s where this came from,” he pulls the guitar he brought with him from behind him and brings it out, checks the tune. He takes a breath. “Well, here goes,” he murmurs.
“How long does this road home that come to be so painful continue?
The crevice in my heart has filled with snow
And within the scenery I’ve always been used to seeing, and in towns I’ve never seen before,
There is only you.
And even if my love won’t come true, I love you.
I want to see you, I want to see you, and that is all I desire…” even as rogue tears spill from his eyes and chill his cheeks in the cold, Tatsuya refuses to stop playing. He sings, and sings and forces himself to keep singing.
“Before long, the snow will stop and the light will shine
And we’ll meet each other, won’t we?
Always, I look up at the sky,
To the snow that never stops.”
Silence. He looks up and, of course, gentle flakes start to fall from the sky. He stares and stares until at last, the tears stop trickling down his neck. And then: “Well… I guess… I’d better go now. I don’t want to worry Jin. You know, I’m going back to Tokyo tomorrow… but I promise I’ll come visit. And I promise I’ll bring your favourite hydrangeas. Yeah, I know you always thought liking a flower was girly, but I know you couldn’t help it. So I’ll bring them, okay? Loose, without a ribbon or wrapper or whatever, like you like them,” he smiles and it wavers but he manages to keep it up. “I’ll really be back, you know. I promise. And I promise I’ll never forget you, and I promise I’ll always love you and I promise, I’ll ramble like an idiot like this every time I come to see you because I know you used to love to laugh at my rambling. So, just wait for me, okay?” he sobs and traces Ryo’s name on the stone with chilled fingers before standing on weak legs. “I don’t want to go back yet…” he murmurs again, to himself now. “Not like this. They’ll worry over me again…” he picks up the guitar and heads off in a direction with a determined, almost desperate step.
“Ryo-chan!” the young boy calls to another, shorter one who’s playing in a tree.
“What, Jin? Can’t you see I’m busy?”
“Just come down for a sec, okay?”
With a sigh, the little boy hops deftly down from the branches, landing with the grace of a cat. It’s then that he sees the other kid standing farther behind his best friend. “Oi, didn’t I tell you I didn’t want to see your girlfriends?”
Jin laughs and the kid behind him shrinks back shyly. “Tatchan isn’t my girlfriend! Tatchan’s a guy!”
“A guy? But look at him, he could be a princess! I’ll call you that from now on, ‘kay, Hime?”
Jin rolls his eyes. “Baka! He’s our senpai, you should be respectful! Tatchan, this dokkun- we always call his poison-tongue to his face- is Nishikido Ryo. He seems prickly, but he’s like a cactus: he’s all sweet and gooey inside!”
Ryo whacks Jin over the head. “Who’s the baka, Bakanishi!”
Jin just laughs. “Okay, okay! Anyways, this is Ueda Tatsuya, but everyone just calls him “Tatchan” for short. He’s a year older than us. And be careful; he looks girly, but he saved me from a bunch of bullies at the middle school today!”
Ryo gives Tatsuya a sceptical look. “He did?”
Jin nods. “Yep! He punched them like ‘WHAM!’ and they fell and ran away! It was great.”
Ryo raises an eyebrow at the shy, scrawny, blonde haired kid in front of him. “Seriously?”
Tatsuya finally looks up and when he meets Ryo’s gaze, Ryo feels like Tatsuya could see straight into his mind. “It doesn’t take much to scare people away. All I had to do was surprise them,” the boy says calmly in a light, soft voice.
Ryo isn’t convinced. “If you’re so good, maybe I should test you for myself,” he says.
Tatsuya narrows his eyes. Suddenly, he looks over, past Ryo’s shoulder. “They’re here!” he says.
“What? They’re here too?” Jin perks up and looks around, trying to see whatever it is Tatsuya’s talking about.
“What’s… here, Jin?” Ryo asks, unsure if the two in front of him are completely sane.
“The fairies, of course,” Tatsuya says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Can’t you see them?”
“Oh my God, I’m stuck with another freak…” Ryo mutters and backs away slowly before scrambing back up the tree.
“Hime, I thought I told you to stop crying,” an older Ryo whispers to the now black-haired boy before him. “I told you, she’s better off there. She won’t suffer there. I’m sure Eli’s watching all of you right now, with that goofy dog-smile on her face,” he says softly, stroking Tatsuya’s cheek.
Tatsuya smiles briefly and closes his eyes. “I can’t help it, Ryo. I know she’s better off there, and the other dogs have gotten over it too, but it’s so… strange not having her around. She was always the friendliest and none of the others come see me when I get home from school like she did.”
“Then train one of them to, baka. Mika’s smart enough, isn’t she?” he cups Tatsuya’s cheek with one calloused hand and smiles gently. It’s one of Ryo’s rare, unguarded smiles and it makes Tatsuya’s heart beat faster.
Tatsuya eyes shine up at him tearfully and he smiles. “You’re right, of course. I-I’ll get over it… Nee Ryo, have I told you I love you?”
Ryo smirks and it would look haughty to any stranger. “A million times. Now come on, we’re gonna be late for class. You have math, right?” he goes to pull Tatsuya along but the other doesn’t budge. “Hime?”
Tatsuya tilts his head to one side, and there’s a playful smirk on his face after he wipes the tears from his cheeks. “Nee, Ryo.”
“What is it, Hime?”
“Kiss me? Just once before we have to go.”
Ryo laughs and his smile even shows his teeth. “Alright, alright. C’mere,” he tugs Tatsuya close, catching his lips.
Tatsuya smiles into the sweet kiss, running his fingers through Ryo’s hair. The kiss intensifies and Ryo’s tongue slips into his mouth, roams the warm cavern.
Somewhere behind them, the bell rings. Ryo pulls away. He smiles gently, sincerely at Tatsuya and wipes a stray tear with his thumb. “There. The princess is ready for her session at Court. But you’d better not flirt with any of the other guys or there’ll be Hell to pay!”
Tatsuya laughs, taking the younger’s breath away. “This ‘princess’ is perfectly happy with his prince.”
“Good! Now let’s get to class. Well, you can. I’m ditching with Jin,” his smile goes crooked.
“Ryo! Go to class!”
“Nah. It’s just English.”
“Oh. Well, that teacher sucks anyway. Go ahead, and take care,” Tatsuya smiles at him again.
“Will do. See you, usual place, usual time?”
“Of course!”
Tatsuya gets to class just before the bell, sits in his usual corner and daydreams the class away, barely managing to take all the notes.
“It wasn’t long after that that you got sick, was it Ryo?” Tatsuya mumbles to himself, staring at the tree. The snow still falls, but it’s light and Tatsuya doesn’t feel the need to leave just yet. The man sighs. “I wish I could’ve done something. If I’d known what to do… if you’d seen a doctor sooner, if that bitch had never betrayed you in the first place…”
“You can ‘if’ all you like, but he’s not coming back, Tatsuya. And you shouldn’t blame yourself for things that were out of your control…” a quiet voice remarks from behind him.
“What…?” he freezes in surprise, his head snapping up.
On to | Chapter 20 - Final |