Would Do (R)
posted on house_wilson on 12/1/07
Title: Would Do
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson, Foreman
Rating: R
Summary/Notes: House recounts Foreman's response to hearing in ep 3-16 that Chase and Cameron actually are doing it, in relation to Foreman’s, “House will do Wilson before you do Chase,” comment to Cameron. Prompted by moondragon_kaga. 562 words.
They were on House’s couch, laughing, Thai food and good beer on the coffee table. It was almost like old times, and Wilson was almost gratefully glad for it.
House was saying, “So then Foreman walked in and heard the whole confession. He looked like this.” He made an over exaggerated expression of surprise, one that, if it were a cartoon, would have the word “Zoing!” superimposed on it.
“So Foreman really didn’t know Cameron and Chase were having sex?”
“Really didn’t. Poor observational skills.” House shook his head in mock-sadness. “I should ding him for it on his next performance evaluation.”
“You mean next century when you actually complete a performance evaluation?” Wilson replied, and leaned across House to grab another beer.
House swallowed, almost imperceptibly. Wilson, of course, noticed but kept it to himself.
“That was nothing,” House continued, his tone slightly breathy, “compared to the face he made when I told him he was right.”
In a shock of his own, Wilson jerked back slightly. “You told one of your team that he was right? I’m surprised you didn’t have to scrape him off the floor.”
House smirked, and bumped Wilson with an elbow. “That wasn’t it. It was what he was right about.”
“Which was?” Wilson took a sip of his beer.
“He’d said I would do you before Cameron would do Chase. And I informed him he was right, that I had done you before Cameron did Chase.”
“You didn’t!” Scandalized Wilson: House had forgotten how much that expression turned him on. “Anyway, even if you did, he’d laugh it off, seeing as you have no proof.”
House grinned smugly. “I have pictures.”
“You don’t have pictures.” Wilson’s voice said it as a statement; his eyes made it into a question.
“I have pictures; I have shown them to Foreman; the negatives are in the safest of hiding places. Unless my Dad finds them, and then you and I will have to move to Fiji.”
“Christ, House.” Wilson covered his face briefly.
“If I’m Christ, that means my Dad is God? No way. But just shut up, because you haven’t heard the best part.” House leaned closer and smirked when Wilson looked up.
“The best part of Hell is still Hell.”
“You’re such a drama queen. The best part is what Foreman said next: he said Cameron was right.”
“I’m going to regret asking this, I just know it, but what was Cameron right about?”
“That Foreman would do you and me before she’d do Chase.” House looked unbelievably smug; Wilson wanted to smack it right off his face.
“But Foreman hasn’t done us, so how could Cameron be right?”
“My question exactly. But, see, Foreman is a bit of a stickler for grammar, it turns out. The answer hangs on the word ‘would.’ And apparently Foreman ‘would do,’ as in ‘was willing to do,’ the two of us months before Cameron was willing to do Chase. So she was right.”
“Oh.”
“And we reap the benefit. Tonight, in fact.” House thumped Wilson’s leg once before getting off the couch. “Foreman’s bringing the condoms - something about needing extra-large.”
Wilson dropped his head to the back of the couch and groaned. “House…”
“So,” House shouted from the bathroom, “do you want vanilla lube or cherry?”
Wilson sighed and got off the couch to join House. “Got any lemon?”
Title: Would Do
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson, Foreman
Rating: R
Summary/Notes: House recounts Foreman's response to hearing in ep 3-16 that Chase and Cameron actually are doing it, in relation to Foreman’s, “House will do Wilson before you do Chase,” comment to Cameron. Prompted by moondragon_kaga. 562 words.
They were on House’s couch, laughing, Thai food and good beer on the coffee table. It was almost like old times, and Wilson was almost gratefully glad for it.
House was saying, “So then Foreman walked in and heard the whole confession. He looked like this.” He made an over exaggerated expression of surprise, one that, if it were a cartoon, would have the word “Zoing!” superimposed on it.
“So Foreman really didn’t know Cameron and Chase were having sex?”
“Really didn’t. Poor observational skills.” House shook his head in mock-sadness. “I should ding him for it on his next performance evaluation.”
“You mean next century when you actually complete a performance evaluation?” Wilson replied, and leaned across House to grab another beer.
House swallowed, almost imperceptibly. Wilson, of course, noticed but kept it to himself.
“That was nothing,” House continued, his tone slightly breathy, “compared to the face he made when I told him he was right.”
In a shock of his own, Wilson jerked back slightly. “You told one of your team that he was right? I’m surprised you didn’t have to scrape him off the floor.”
House smirked, and bumped Wilson with an elbow. “That wasn’t it. It was what he was right about.”
“Which was?” Wilson took a sip of his beer.
“He’d said I would do you before Cameron would do Chase. And I informed him he was right, that I had done you before Cameron did Chase.”
“You didn’t!” Scandalized Wilson: House had forgotten how much that expression turned him on. “Anyway, even if you did, he’d laugh it off, seeing as you have no proof.”
House grinned smugly. “I have pictures.”
“You don’t have pictures.” Wilson’s voice said it as a statement; his eyes made it into a question.
“I have pictures; I have shown them to Foreman; the negatives are in the safest of hiding places. Unless my Dad finds them, and then you and I will have to move to Fiji.”
“Christ, House.” Wilson covered his face briefly.
“If I’m Christ, that means my Dad is God? No way. But just shut up, because you haven’t heard the best part.” House leaned closer and smirked when Wilson looked up.
“The best part of Hell is still Hell.”
“You’re such a drama queen. The best part is what Foreman said next: he said Cameron was right.”
“I’m going to regret asking this, I just know it, but what was Cameron right about?”
“That Foreman would do you and me before she’d do Chase.” House looked unbelievably smug; Wilson wanted to smack it right off his face.
“But Foreman hasn’t done us, so how could Cameron be right?”
“My question exactly. But, see, Foreman is a bit of a stickler for grammar, it turns out. The answer hangs on the word ‘would.’ And apparently Foreman ‘would do,’ as in ‘was willing to do,’ the two of us months before Cameron was willing to do Chase. So she was right.”
“Oh.”
“And we reap the benefit. Tonight, in fact.” House thumped Wilson’s leg once before getting off the couch. “Foreman’s bringing the condoms - something about needing extra-large.”
Wilson dropped his head to the back of the couch and groaned. “House…”
“So,” House shouted from the bathroom, “do you want vanilla lube or cherry?”
Wilson sighed and got off the couch to join House. “Got any lemon?”