Easy Peasy (PG)
Posted to house_wilson
Title: Easy Peasy
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words: 880
Summary: How the truth might emerge about House's new relationship to Wilson. With Wilson. Whatever.
Notes: Set a year after episode 4-16, "Wilson's Heart." Spoilers through that ep but no spoilers for Season Five. There is a sequel to this fic: Simple as Pie.
House had thought, idly, a couple of times over the past few months, about how the truth might emerge about his new relationship to Wilson. With Wilson. Whatever.
A dramatic scene in the lobby provoked by a jealous Cuddy, complete with slaps and hair-pulling, was his favorite. Usually in those cases Wilson would at some point yank Cuddy's collar askew and House'd get a clear view of the girls along with the screeching, scratching, and heaving chests. Good times.
There was also the "getting caught doing it during Clinic duty" scenario, which unfortunately was even less likely than the Cuddy hair-pulling due to Wilson's stupid hang-ups on "ethics," and "patient care," and "not scaring small children; get off me, you freak."
Or it could have been that, one early morning, walking into the hospital together, Wilson would forget to pull out of Judy Homemaker mode and at the lobby desk would plunk a kiss goodbye on House's cheek without even thinking about it. Bleah. The sweet coos of "aww" from the nurses would haunt House for the rest of his life.
The most likely occurrence, he'd determined, in the very, very few times he'd ever thought about it, was an overheard conversation. Wilson might be fussy about what they could and couldn't physically do in the hospital, but he was not so dainty over the telecommunications network. Not so dainty at all. House could never help but respond in kind, and the way certain people liked to shadow House at odd times, it'd be no surprise at all to be overheard at some point. It might be a surprise for the overhearer, but it would absolutely and in every way serve them right. Teach people to sneak and snoop for info and they somehow got it into their peanut heads that they had the right to do it to you.
Other possibilities -- sudden near-death experience, workplace invasion of angry ex-wife or concerned mother, anonymous email to co-workers from that weird guy at that one bar in Chelsea -- were too far remote to even warrant consideration. If House was considering. Which he wasn't.
The way it actually happened had never once crossed House's mind.
***
"Hey," Kutner said, leaning into House's office, "I was wondering."
"Babies don't really come from under cabbage leaves in the garden," House replied, not bothering to look up from his reading.
"Yeah, stork, got it." Kutner, as always, took lack of response as a welcoming gesture and walked right up to House's desk. "This cousin of mine has a bar mitzvah this weekend."
House hunkered further down. "Matzoh tot."
Kutner's drumming fingers appeared in House's line of sight. "It's mazel tov."
Sighing at the most persistently dense minion he'd ever had, who still, still after all this time wouldn't give up the cheer, House sat back in his chair. "Jew best friend and a brain for linguistics: I know."
"Oh," Kutner replied, his mouth forming a rather pouty O. "Anyway, they're throwing a huge party for him, but my Aunt Mahalia always gets too much food, no matter how many people are on the guest list, and Uncle Ike's not about to be outdone by the party Hiram Frenkel threw for his grandson last month so you know the booze'll be flowing, and there's guaranteed to be a ton of stuff left when the party's over."
Agog, House regarded Kutner for a long moment. "I quit listening back at 'anyway.'"
Kutner bounced a little, unfazed. "And I'm Aunt Mahalia's favorite, so she's already said I get all the leftovers. Want to come over Sunday afternoon?"
"Did you guys drug my tea and knock me out again? Because I have no recollection of you and I ever becoming bestest buddies."
"Aw, c'mon," Kutner pleaded, his eyes going puppy-dog-like. Well, even more puppy-dog like. "It's a casual thing, just the Diagnostics team, no big deal. Not even a sit-down dinner. Just some good nosh, top-shelf alcohol, and maybe some friendly competition on my Xbox 360. I've got four controllers."
"No."
Kutner plopped down in the nearest guest chair. "It'll be fun. And like I said, really small, just a couple of couples. Foreman and the woman he's seeing, Taub and his wife, me and my girlfriend, and Thirteen and her girlfriend."
House raised an eyebrow and Kutner grinned. "Yeah, her girlfriend. I've met her. Twenty-two and sexy as hell. Shaves her legs and everything."
"Maybe," House relented.
"Great!" Kutner bounded out of the chair and across the floor, barely even pausing to throw over his shoulder: "We'll see you and Wilson there around three, all right?"
House grunted; Kutner left, skipping off to fancy up his Evites, no doubt; House turned back to his reading.
Leave it to Kutner to host a "team party," he thought scornfully a few minutes later. That kid'd volunteer for any stupid morale committee or pep squad that would have him. And inviting everyone's significant others, too, so we can all get to "bond" outside our normal --
Wait.
He stopped and blinked. Foreman's woman du jour, Kutner's girlfriend, Thirteen's girlfriend, Taub's wife, and... Wilson. Well.
Maybe Dense Boy wasn't as dense as he seemed. Eh, good.
He'd better not have been kidding about the quality of the alcohol, though.
Title: Easy Peasy
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words: 880
Summary: How the truth might emerge about House's new relationship to Wilson. With Wilson. Whatever.
Notes: Set a year after episode 4-16, "Wilson's Heart." Spoilers through that ep but no spoilers for Season Five. There is a sequel to this fic: Simple as Pie.
House had thought, idly, a couple of times over the past few months, about how the truth might emerge about his new relationship to Wilson. With Wilson. Whatever.
A dramatic scene in the lobby provoked by a jealous Cuddy, complete with slaps and hair-pulling, was his favorite. Usually in those cases Wilson would at some point yank Cuddy's collar askew and House'd get a clear view of the girls along with the screeching, scratching, and heaving chests. Good times.
There was also the "getting caught doing it during Clinic duty" scenario, which unfortunately was even less likely than the Cuddy hair-pulling due to Wilson's stupid hang-ups on "ethics," and "patient care," and "not scaring small children; get off me, you freak."
Or it could have been that, one early morning, walking into the hospital together, Wilson would forget to pull out of Judy Homemaker mode and at the lobby desk would plunk a kiss goodbye on House's cheek without even thinking about it. Bleah. The sweet coos of "aww" from the nurses would haunt House for the rest of his life.
The most likely occurrence, he'd determined, in the very, very few times he'd ever thought about it, was an overheard conversation. Wilson might be fussy about what they could and couldn't physically do in the hospital, but he was not so dainty over the telecommunications network. Not so dainty at all. House could never help but respond in kind, and the way certain people liked to shadow House at odd times, it'd be no surprise at all to be overheard at some point. It might be a surprise for the overhearer, but it would absolutely and in every way serve them right. Teach people to sneak and snoop for info and they somehow got it into their peanut heads that they had the right to do it to you.
Other possibilities -- sudden near-death experience, workplace invasion of angry ex-wife or concerned mother, anonymous email to co-workers from that weird guy at that one bar in Chelsea -- were too far remote to even warrant consideration. If House was considering. Which he wasn't.
The way it actually happened had never once crossed House's mind.
***
"Hey," Kutner said, leaning into House's office, "I was wondering."
"Babies don't really come from under cabbage leaves in the garden," House replied, not bothering to look up from his reading.
"Yeah, stork, got it." Kutner, as always, took lack of response as a welcoming gesture and walked right up to House's desk. "This cousin of mine has a bar mitzvah this weekend."
House hunkered further down. "Matzoh tot."
Kutner's drumming fingers appeared in House's line of sight. "It's mazel tov."
Sighing at the most persistently dense minion he'd ever had, who still, still after all this time wouldn't give up the cheer, House sat back in his chair. "Jew best friend and a brain for linguistics: I know."
"Oh," Kutner replied, his mouth forming a rather pouty O. "Anyway, they're throwing a huge party for him, but my Aunt Mahalia always gets too much food, no matter how many people are on the guest list, and Uncle Ike's not about to be outdone by the party Hiram Frenkel threw for his grandson last month so you know the booze'll be flowing, and there's guaranteed to be a ton of stuff left when the party's over."
Agog, House regarded Kutner for a long moment. "I quit listening back at 'anyway.'"
Kutner bounced a little, unfazed. "And I'm Aunt Mahalia's favorite, so she's already said I get all the leftovers. Want to come over Sunday afternoon?"
"Did you guys drug my tea and knock me out again? Because I have no recollection of you and I ever becoming bestest buddies."
"Aw, c'mon," Kutner pleaded, his eyes going puppy-dog-like. Well, even more puppy-dog like. "It's a casual thing, just the Diagnostics team, no big deal. Not even a sit-down dinner. Just some good nosh, top-shelf alcohol, and maybe some friendly competition on my Xbox 360. I've got four controllers."
"No."
Kutner plopped down in the nearest guest chair. "It'll be fun. And like I said, really small, just a couple of couples. Foreman and the woman he's seeing, Taub and his wife, me and my girlfriend, and Thirteen and her girlfriend."
House raised an eyebrow and Kutner grinned. "Yeah, her girlfriend. I've met her. Twenty-two and sexy as hell. Shaves her legs and everything."
"Maybe," House relented.
"Great!" Kutner bounded out of the chair and across the floor, barely even pausing to throw over his shoulder: "We'll see you and Wilson there around three, all right?"
House grunted; Kutner left, skipping off to fancy up his Evites, no doubt; House turned back to his reading.
Leave it to Kutner to host a "team party," he thought scornfully a few minutes later. That kid'd volunteer for any stupid morale committee or pep squad that would have him. And inviting everyone's significant others, too, so we can all get to "bond" outside our normal --
Wait.
He stopped and blinked. Foreman's woman du jour, Kutner's girlfriend, Thirteen's girlfriend, Taub's wife, and... Wilson. Well.
Maybe Dense Boy wasn't as dense as he seemed. Eh, good.
He'd better not have been kidding about the quality of the alcohol, though.