Regain Control
I've been doing quite a bit of thinking since the little "breakdown" I had. Just thinking on what direction I should head in now for life, about the surgery, about after the surgery. I've also been thinking about what I want to do with the livejournal.
I don't write in it as much as I used to, so I was thinking of maybe converting it into a photo blog of sorts. Post some of my pictures and what not. I'm going to be trying my hand at some engagement and wedding photos for friends of mine. I've been looking up different things online, doing research, trying to get parts and pieces for my camera, the beast.
I can remember when I was younger and my dad passed down his Nikon FE to me. I carried that thing everywhere with me and I loved having it and using it and learning new things, seeing new things. I love the idea of taking pictures. As we get older we may not remember some of these moments, so it's always nice to have something solid to look back on and laugh with everyone about what happened at that time.
I've never been a person who just sat at home all the time. I enjoyed getting up and moving, working (even though I may not have liked the jobs a couple of times), biking or just wandering around on walks. So this is new and strange to me. Just sitting. Trying to keep from over working the knee, but working it enough. In a way I am glad to have this injury because it has made me stop and think of what I want in life, and not what I should do in life to support the household and family. Another strange thing for me. All change takes time, so I'll just have to wait and grow into it.
I am glad that Cho and I were able to walk away from the accident and that we can still get together with everyone. It's been a long two years and I feel older than what I really am. Just from the stress of having to work through everything and the pain and lack of sleep.
I've just been thinking about the surgery. (no date yet) A lot of things can happen during surgery, even though it isn't a major surgery. I still have to go under, I still have to be cut open. They could get in and see more damage than what they thought or it could be exactly what they thought. Infections are a big problem, they are small lacerations that are going to be made, but they are going to be there. I could end up worse after the surgery as well. It's a 50/50 chance to either make it completely better once I get through the physio or it could be worse and I could have less motion with it and more pain. The worst part is the waiting. Knowing that I am going in for surgery but not having a date and waiting for the date then waiting for the day to come.
I'm glad I won't have a long hospital stay if it all goes well. I'd rather be at home, where I know my surroundings and everyone in the house.
It's frightening and exciting to see where my life is going to go once I get through all the medical situations. I don't think I'll be going back to hair styling full time after. I'll still cater to all my friends and family for their hair needs. I love doing it, but it wasn't my first choice. I know though that Deby will always be in my life. She has been a great influence and friend. She is an amazing person and I am so grateful that I was able to cross paths with her.
I am also very grateful for the friends that I have. We may be growing and finding our own places in life and moving in different directions but we've still managed to stay in touch and we put in effort for visits and get togethers.
It's been helpful having the wedding coming up because it's had me moving and thinking and kept my mind off the negatives. I am excited and cannot wait for May.
Well, I'm sure there was more that I wanted to put down but I just can't think of anything else at the moment. I feel good about the thoughts that I've gotten down tonight.
ciao
I don't write in it as much as I used to, so I was thinking of maybe converting it into a photo blog of sorts. Post some of my pictures and what not. I'm going to be trying my hand at some engagement and wedding photos for friends of mine. I've been looking up different things online, doing research, trying to get parts and pieces for my camera, the beast.
I can remember when I was younger and my dad passed down his Nikon FE to me. I carried that thing everywhere with me and I loved having it and using it and learning new things, seeing new things. I love the idea of taking pictures. As we get older we may not remember some of these moments, so it's always nice to have something solid to look back on and laugh with everyone about what happened at that time.
I've never been a person who just sat at home all the time. I enjoyed getting up and moving, working (even though I may not have liked the jobs a couple of times), biking or just wandering around on walks. So this is new and strange to me. Just sitting. Trying to keep from over working the knee, but working it enough. In a way I am glad to have this injury because it has made me stop and think of what I want in life, and not what I should do in life to support the household and family. Another strange thing for me. All change takes time, so I'll just have to wait and grow into it.
I am glad that Cho and I were able to walk away from the accident and that we can still get together with everyone. It's been a long two years and I feel older than what I really am. Just from the stress of having to work through everything and the pain and lack of sleep.
I've just been thinking about the surgery. (no date yet) A lot of things can happen during surgery, even though it isn't a major surgery. I still have to go under, I still have to be cut open. They could get in and see more damage than what they thought or it could be exactly what they thought. Infections are a big problem, they are small lacerations that are going to be made, but they are going to be there. I could end up worse after the surgery as well. It's a 50/50 chance to either make it completely better once I get through the physio or it could be worse and I could have less motion with it and more pain. The worst part is the waiting. Knowing that I am going in for surgery but not having a date and waiting for the date then waiting for the day to come.
I'm glad I won't have a long hospital stay if it all goes well. I'd rather be at home, where I know my surroundings and everyone in the house.
It's frightening and exciting to see where my life is going to go once I get through all the medical situations. I don't think I'll be going back to hair styling full time after. I'll still cater to all my friends and family for their hair needs. I love doing it, but it wasn't my first choice. I know though that Deby will always be in my life. She has been a great influence and friend. She is an amazing person and I am so grateful that I was able to cross paths with her.
I am also very grateful for the friends that I have. We may be growing and finding our own places in life and moving in different directions but we've still managed to stay in touch and we put in effort for visits and get togethers.
It's been helpful having the wedding coming up because it's had me moving and thinking and kept my mind off the negatives. I am excited and cannot wait for May.
Well, I'm sure there was more that I wanted to put down but I just can't think of anything else at the moment. I feel good about the thoughts that I've gotten down tonight.
ciao