Comments | dbsk_flashfic: Thief of Hearts (Open Challenge: Criminal)

zhi_er in dbsk_flashfic

Thief of Hearts (Open Challenge: Criminal)

Feb 14, 2010 21:58

Part II of 'Falling is Like This.'

Title: Thief of Hearts
Author: zhi_er
Word-count: 259 words
Concrit?: Yes
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: G

( Yunho knows the lead singer cannot be blamed for this. )

c: open challenge, c: criminal, a: zhi_er

Comments 2

keiko_kirin March 3 2010, 14:47:16 UTC

I like how Jae is a criminal but isn't aware of it. :) Poor Yunho!

Small concrit: "after all" should be two words. And it took me a couple of reads to understand who the first "he" in the second paragraph referred to, although I can understand why you weren't using Jaejoong's name.

zhi_er March 7 2010, 19:32:00 UTC

Thanks for reading and the concrit! I always mess up with "after all" - my spellcheck says it should be two words, but for some reason, I always think it looks weird like that.

This was supposed to be a telling the event in 'Gamble' but just through Yunho's POV, so I left the 'he' unstated, but I definitely see why it can be confusing.

And yes, Jaejoong steals everyone's (girls AND guys) so effortlessly and without even knowing it. XD