Fic: When You Hold A Flame (Vol 1: Track 4)
Series: When You Hold A Flame
Title: I Die
Pairing,Character(s): Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel
Rating: R
Word Count: 439
Spoilers: Through 2x08, AU after that (Series)
Warnings: Homophobic language, swearing, brief but explicit sexual content, angst.
Previous Chapters: HERE
Summary: Why does Hummel smile like everything’s okay? Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay.
I die when you walk by, so beautiful and strong
Each day you pass my way in your bubble where nothing goes wrong
You think your youth a permanent truth, but here is a tear for your eye
Having forgotten how to cry, I die.
But the feelings don’t go away. Whenever he sees Hummel, he has to force that feeling of disgust. Or at least, has to turn it towards Hummel and away from himself. Because what he naturally feels…that twist in his stomach, that flush to his face, that feeling like an angry bird is trapped in his chest where his heart should be...that is not good. He can’t believe this. Hummel’s turning him into a goddamned homo. And he looks so fucking happy about it. Walking through the halls standing tall (god he’s gotten tall) laughing with his black chick friend or his Asian chick friend or even that one time with Brittany pretending to be her boyfriend (like that fooled anyone, even though he couldn’t hold back the wave of fury that he won’t call jealousy when he first saw them). It doesn’t matter who he’s with though. When he sees Hummel, there’s a part of him that soars.
And he hates himself for it. So he takes that hate and he forces it outward. The locker slams become harder, the slushies more frequent. But somehow through all of it the faggot continues to smile, continues to walk through the halls like he’s so fucking proud. Why does Hummel smile like everything’s okay? Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay as long as he’s there in Dave’s head.
And then one night, when Dave jerks off and that image of Hummel pops unbidden into his head as usual, Dave’s too tired to fight it, or to try and replace it with thoughts of pretty girls. Instead he does what comes naturally, and he lets it flood through him, washing every other thought away. He imagines Hummel naked on his knees in front of him, pictures the boy’s sweet lips around his cock, and he comes quicker than he has in a long while, a first name he hasn’t used in years slipping through his lips like a prayer. It’s the best orgasm he’s ever had, and as he rides back down from it for a moment he can’t hate anyone. Not Hummel, and not even himself.
But then the euphoria fades, and he remembers who he is. Or, who he thought he was. And with a sickening lurch, he realizes he was wrong. He’s crossed a line now. He thought about the homo while he was jerking off, and he said the fucker’s name. He’s a homo too.
That part of him that soars every time he sees Kurt now crashes back to earth, back down to reality. And the rest of him wishes the fall had killed it.
Title: I Die
Pairing,Character(s): Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel
Rating: R
Word Count: 439
Spoilers: Through 2x08, AU after that (Series)
Warnings: Homophobic language, swearing, brief but explicit sexual content, angst.
Previous Chapters: HERE
Summary: Why does Hummel smile like everything’s okay? Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay.
I die when you walk by, so beautiful and strong
Each day you pass my way in your bubble where nothing goes wrong
You think your youth a permanent truth, but here is a tear for your eye
Having forgotten how to cry, I die.
But the feelings don’t go away. Whenever he sees Hummel, he has to force that feeling of disgust. Or at least, has to turn it towards Hummel and away from himself. Because what he naturally feels…that twist in his stomach, that flush to his face, that feeling like an angry bird is trapped in his chest where his heart should be...that is not good. He can’t believe this. Hummel’s turning him into a goddamned homo. And he looks so fucking happy about it. Walking through the halls standing tall (god he’s gotten tall) laughing with his black chick friend or his Asian chick friend or even that one time with Brittany pretending to be her boyfriend (like that fooled anyone, even though he couldn’t hold back the wave of fury that he won’t call jealousy when he first saw them). It doesn’t matter who he’s with though. When he sees Hummel, there’s a part of him that soars.
And he hates himself for it. So he takes that hate and he forces it outward. The locker slams become harder, the slushies more frequent. But somehow through all of it the faggot continues to smile, continues to walk through the halls like he’s so fucking proud. Why does Hummel smile like everything’s okay? Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay as long as he’s there in Dave’s head.
And then one night, when Dave jerks off and that image of Hummel pops unbidden into his head as usual, Dave’s too tired to fight it, or to try and replace it with thoughts of pretty girls. Instead he does what comes naturally, and he lets it flood through him, washing every other thought away. He imagines Hummel naked on his knees in front of him, pictures the boy’s sweet lips around his cock, and he comes quicker than he has in a long while, a first name he hasn’t used in years slipping through his lips like a prayer. It’s the best orgasm he’s ever had, and as he rides back down from it for a moment he can’t hate anyone. Not Hummel, and not even himself.
But then the euphoria fades, and he remembers who he is. Or, who he thought he was. And with a sickening lurch, he realizes he was wrong. He’s crossed a line now. He thought about the homo while he was jerking off, and he said the fucker’s name. He’s a homo too.
That part of him that soars every time he sees Kurt now crashes back to earth, back down to reality. And the rest of him wishes the fall had killed it.