Comments | dawn_felagund: AMC--Chapter Forty-Two

dawn_felagund

AMC--Chapter Forty-Two

Feb 20, 2006 20:37

Yes, it is a day early. Sort of. But I finished it this afternoon and thought, "What the heck?" since it's three days late already. And I have warrant-type things (a.k.a. real work) to do tomorrow morning.

So here is the elusive Chapter Forty-Two, from the PoV of the recalcitrant Carnistir. As it turns out, this chapter is too large for LJ! So it ( Read more... )

amc

Comments 47

tarion_anarore February 21 2006, 20:17:25 UTC

*Likes it, of course*

I really think it got better as you went along. There were parts at the beginning that seemed...un-Carnistir. Not so much forced, but just... didn't sound so much like Carnistir. More like Nelyo maybe...I can't really put my finger on it.

But from about the kitchen on, it was Carnistir-y!

The musical gnats makes me think of the keys in Harry Potter 1. *imagines music notes with wings* Hehehe :P

I also like Turko and Carni playing with lettuce...cute!! *though makes mental note not to eat salad...;P) Pretty much the whole kitchen prep scene was awesome. :)

Overall, it was well done, and I would not have known it was written recently if you hadn't told me. :)

*grabs Carnistir and runs of to play in the snow*

dawn_felagund February 22 2006, 17:20:43 UTC

Not so much forced, but just... didn't sound so much like Carnistir. More like Nelyo maybe...I can't really put my finger on it.

I will look at this during revision. It makes sense, actually, since the last writing I did on this was from Nelyo's PoV. I find it hard to switch between voices sometimes; there is a residual sound of the last speaker's voice on the early parts of the chapter, I sometimes feel.

I also like Turko and Carni playing with lettuce...cute!! *though makes mental note not to eat salad...;P) Pretty much the whole kitchen prep scene was awesome. :)

It's funny that nearly everyone pointed that out as their favorite scene...it was written totally on the fly, unplanned. I was watching my characters, and they started doing this. Actually, the focus was intended to be more on Macalaure, since he is the next speaker after Carni finishes up next week, but the children demanded their share of the spotlight.

I'm happy that it worked. :)

*grabs Carnistir and runs of to play in the snow*Lol! You can have him! I've had ( ... )

tarion_anarore February 22 2006, 19:04:13 UTC

I find it hard to switch between voices sometimes

Or maybe Nelyo just didn't want to give up his turn!
He wasn't done angsting, damnit! ;P

I was watching my characters, and they started doing this.

Lol! *imitates Zazu* Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?? :P

*Also imagines Feany's response to missing some occasion of Nolo's. "Oh dear, I feel simply awful!" *scratches fingernails on chalkboard* "Must've slipped my mind..."*
:P

I'm glad the kids demanded their share!

You can have him! I've had enough of him these past few weeks.

You can never have too much Carnistir! ;P

Just return him in time for me to write someone's bday present, please.... ;)

I think I can manage that...A worthy cause and all. ;P

ann_arien February 23 2006, 10:24:16 UTC

Just return him in time for me to write someone's bday present, please.... ;)

Lol! Dawn, too?...Something tells me you will one happy, Carnistir loving birthday girl... ;)

Thread 5

mitani5 February 21 2006, 22:59:15 UTC

Will you write anymore Carnistir stories when this finishes? It'd be really interesting to see how he handles this power of his later in his life.
I like your Carnister. Before I never really gave him much thought. He's usually portrayed as a brat or a jerk.
I think he's my favorite now. :D

Yayyy~ I love coming home from school to a great chapter of AMC! I was thinking about it all day.

dawn_felagund February 22 2006, 17:25:09 UTC

Will you write anymore Carnistir stories when this finishes? It'd be really interesting to see how he handles this power of his later in his life.

Yes, actually! AMC is just one part of a whole series of stories that I have planned, taking place over the history of the Noldor. Although the next will probably be about Feanor and Nerdanel from childhood until just after Nelyo is born.

I like your Carnister. Before I never really gave him much thought. He's usually portrayed as a brat or a jerk.
I think he's my favorite now. :D

Yay! :^D He kinda is a brat and a jerk...and I came into this story wanting to explain why. Of course, there is much said in the canon as to why--except perhaps that it was heriditary--but I didn't like that explanation on it's own. So I made up my own reasons. :)

He's become one of my favorite characters to write. Because I've made him perceptive in the osanwe, it's a challenge--but fun--to "experience" this sense with him.

Yayyy~ I love coming home from school to a great chapter of AMC! I was thinking about ( ... )

frenchpony February 22 2006, 01:54:48 UTC

Your Carnistir voice is improving, though I don't think you've really latched onto it quite yet. He still seems far more sophisticated in his observations and conclusions than a toddler ought to be, but I think you've started to find some real moments of childlike behavior in there. I think it's a very difficult thing to write from the perspective of someone who's hip-high; most of the things that happen in the family literally go over their heads, and they are very observant but don't yet have the skills or the experience to interpret everything they see correctly. Particularly with someone like Carnistir, who doesn't seem to be the most verbal of the kids, there's so much opportunity for him to misinterpret things for either dramatic or comedic effect ( ... )

dawn_felagund February 22 2006, 17:32:31 UTC

I think it's a very difficult thing to write from the perspective of someone who's hip-high

Yes, it is. :) Especially a hip-high Elf with a sense that I as a plain ol' Human have never experienced. Tolkien said that little Elves advance faster than little Humans in terms of language ability...but it's hard to walk the line of how far one can go with this and still remain believable to the audience. I was keeping your last comment about this in mind as writing it; visiting thesaurus.com for synonyms and ideas, I was tempted to use certain words and had to slap my own wrist and say, "He's four, Dawn!"

(Was it you who asked me once for the quote about language development in young Elves? I don't think I ever gave it if you did....)

It's such a kid thing to do, and it establishes the bond between Tyelkormo and Carnistir without having to chew up time 'splaining it.I'm glad--and amused!--that this scene was so well-liked overall. It wasn't planned at all but one of those scenes that just "happens" as I'm writing it ( ... )

frenchpony February 22 2006, 21:54:12 UTC

Tolkien said that little Elves advance faster than little Humans in terms of language ability...but it's hard to walk the line of how far one can go with this and still remain believable to the audience.Well, I think you could look at a little Elf's ability to use language versus his ability to understand it. That is, the kid might very well have a better command of complex grammar and syntax than a human of equivalent physical development, but he might not yet have the experience or the sophistication to really understand what all the words he knows mean, or why people do the things they do, or what, in general, is going on in the world ( ... )

AMC42 digdigil February 23 2006, 00:11:49 UTC

Hi, Dawn ( ... )

Thread 14

rhapsody11 March 4 2006, 22:40:51 UTC

I am late, as usual, but well, I hope you don't mind leaving a review.

And the light: white light, so bright that I cannot look upon it for long and it seems to rend the very air, revealing that which existed before the beginning of the world, as though this room, this world, this life is naught but a thin fabric stretched over the secret Fire about which Eru whispered to the Valar.

This made my mind go like... wait a minute. How much is Dawn trying to encourage the reader to make up their minds on the nature of Fëanor's being. My train of thoughts immediately headed to Fëanor being the creature that resembles Eru's secret flame the most. Would that explain his special nature, his fire and fury? Hmmmm :)

I just love the portrayals of my fav Feanorians through Caranthir's eyes. First the fact that he assigns colours to them, but that he can read their thoughts and the moment Maedhros and Caranthir connect... just breathtaking. I actually held my breath.

Could they also pry open my secret thoughts with the ease of opening a jewel ( ... )

dawn_felagund March 5 2006, 23:51:29 UTC

I am late, as usual, but well, I hope you don't mind leaving a review.

No, I am always so happy to get comments from you! And would you believe that I've that I've yet to even start revising Chapter One...so I probably won't get to revision on this chapter until next year! :^/

My train of thoughts immediately headed to Fëanor being the creature that resembles Eru's secret flame the most. Would that explain his special nature, his fire and fury? Hmmmm :)

Yeah, I'm undecided myself, but there is certainly something special about him...even among the Ainur, he seems to be unique. So I take a little advantage of this. ;)

Owww intriguing, the way you write the development of Dark Caranthir.

That's where I'm going! :) He is beginning to realize the downside and danger, even, of his "gift," something that was convenient, mysterious, and fun for him before. He begins to realize it especially with Arafinwe. I don't really do much more with those characters in this story, but I hope to establish something between them in later stories.

I ( ... )