Farewell, Aunt Lil

[dawn_felagund]

Bobby's great aunt, Aunt Lil, died on Tuesday at the age of 86. It was one of those long-time-coming and almost merciful deaths: She had been suffering from severe dementia for the past few years and had recently broken her hip. I've known Aunt Lil (and her husband Uncle Frank--he died back in '08) since Bobby and I started dating. Without children

Comments

[just_jenni]

Funerals are a sad part of life. Having been to more than I care to remember over the past several years, I have come to tolerate them. And one of the things that can actually make a funeral much easier to abide is a beautiful poem. It's become a bit of a tradition with me to read poems at funerals now, since I have done it at my dad's, uncle's and mother's most recently. They are something lovely to dwell on and help to dispel sad thoughts. :)

I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*

[kenazfiction]

That is a wonderful poem. I haven't read a lot of Whitman, but now I am inspired to read more. I have my great-grandmother's 1st edition of Leaves of Grass, but unfortunately, she cut a bunch of pages out of it-- I don't know if it was because certain passages offended her, or if she wanted to give them away to someone? Who knows... but the book has been ravaged, and I mainly keep it because the binding is lovely

[pandemonium_213]

I find the idea of going back to the earth incredibly comforting...

Same here! I really like the notion of my molecules returning to the ecosystem and becoming compost for my botanical, bacterial, and buggy brethren!

[dawn_felagund]

I highly, highly recommend all of Leaves of Grass but especially "Song of Myself," which is where the quoted section comes from. It's one of my favorite poems: inspiring and incredibly thought-provoking.

When my grandfather died last year, my grandmother was very insistent that all the grandchildren-- including me--go up and see Grampa in his coffin because she believed that otherwise, we wouldn't really understand that he was gone.

Viewings seem to be a tradition honored mostly by the older generation, at least around here. The older people I know do seem to find value in seeing the body one last time ... at least, they're always the ones lined up at the coffin. I know it helps some people, but everyone's experiences of death and grief are so different; it's a shame your grandmother couldn't see that, and your cousins were upset by being pressed into doing something that didn't feel comfortable for them.

I preferred to remember him as he was when he was alive, not as an empty husk.I agree. The prepared body also tends to not look

[pandemonium_213]

My condolences to you and the Green Knight. Aunt Lil must have been one hell of a woman! I love her announcement of arrival!

On funeral services, the best (if there is a "best") I have attended was for my dear friend Rocket-Bitch's late mother. She was a Quaker, and so it was a Quaker service in the Philadelphia area. There was no minister, but instead, friends and family spoke in her memory and honor. It was very satisfying and moving for this humanistic atheist: truly a beautiful way of eulogizing a brilliant, remarkable human being.

I have to say that I really liked the priest who presided at my Roman Catholic's MIL's service. He really focused on her although there was the traditional Christian litanies.

The Whitman poem is so appropriate. Carl Sandburg's "Illinois Farmer" was read at my father's service.

[dawn_felagund]

I've told my family that if I should die young (which one hopes wouldn't happen but I'd rather everyone be clear on what I want since, if it does happen, it's a bit too late at that point! :) then they're welcome to have a memorial if they want, and people can talk about memories and whatnot or share pictures. A friend of ours recently died, and his wife did that, and it was really a wonderful way of remembering him. And, since he was a storyteller himself, I suspect he would have loved it too! :)

And, yes, I want to go straight into the dirt too, to feed the little soil critters. ;)

[indy1776]

My condolences, Dawn. *hugs*

I think a large part of the reason Catholic services (the only ones I've been to, and my religious background) tend to be so impersonal is that the priest has probably never talked to the deceased, and the fact that there's a form to follow. My parents sing in the choir, and I don't think the priest even knows their names. So, generic is all that is left. And it's sad that something so personal isn't.

[dawn_felagund]

Thank you, Indy. *hugs back*

I think you're right. When Bobby's Uncle Wayne died--he was fairly young although gravely ill in the months leading up to his death--a priest presided over his funeral who had never even met Uncle Wayne while he was living. And everyone was going on and on about how generous it was of the priest to do the service, even though Uncle Wayne wasn't part of his church. While I realize that priests, like anyone, can't help every person who needs it, helping people in need is something I'd think they'd do occasionally at least ... but it illustrated to me why I often find funerals so useless. It would have been better to have his closest friends and family each speak about him for a few minutes. Imho, of course.

[angelica_ramses]

My condolences to Bobby and you. She sounds like she was a great lady.

I hate viewings and have always refused to go where the body is (that included my mum and dad). That's an empty shell, not the person you have known and loved. I don't think you can find a more beutiful way of putting the belief that life doesn't end there and death is not the end than the Walt Whitman quote.

[dawn_felagund]

I love Uncle Walt. :D

That's an empty shell, not the person you have known and loved.

I agree. That person lives on in my heart and my memories. I don't want my final memory of seeing them to be a made-up face that doesn't even look like them, after they've died. I can see and hear Aunt Lil in my mind, even as I type this, and that's right where I like to have her. :)