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This is what we talk about III
Todd: I want to play Bayonetta, it looks ridiculous ( Read more... ) -
This is what we talk about II
Judy: Aww, you left out your prego sauce from last night.
Alex: Wait a second, you buy prego spaghetti sauce?
Prego: Yeah. I also buy Skippy peanut butter. And "guy with giant dick" mayonnaise.
Todd: What?
Todd: ...
Todd: ...
Todd: ...
Todd: Oh! -
This is what we talk about while we watch TV
Me: You know what's awesome about not having sex in over a year, I am absolutely certain I have no illegitimate children.
Todd: That's true. I saw Leann at McDonald's about four months ago and she was exceptionally not pregnant.
Me: How do you be exceptionally not pregnant? Was she concave?
Todd: I don't know, she could have been pregnant by ( Read more... ) -
The official list of crazy things my mom said during Christmas:
1. The twin towers were blown up on 9/11 from bombs inside the buildings. My stepfather had relatives in New York who reportedly clearly heard the explosions floor by floor (apparently everyone else in New York was obviously out collecting bits of shiny twine at the time ( Read more... ) -
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Merry Roshashana everyone! I'm sure you all had a happy Hebrew new year and celebrated in same fashion I did, completely forgetting until Joe reminded you because he thinks it's funny that I'm Jewish ( Read more... ) -
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So my assistant manager comes into work today and says, "Hey Dave, I won two tickets for the:
http://www.virginmobilefestival.com/
but it turns out I can't go tomorrow. I'll sell you them for $30."
And then I said, "cool." -
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SUCK IT super smash bros brawl boss battles on intense mode
you are my BITCH
and all of your trophies are MINE -
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woah, one of my stories got picked up by the associated press so it got reprinted in a bunch of other papers ( Read more... )
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