Interracial Relationships

[ghettochickn]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a month, but have been friends/fooling around for over a year. We have an amazing connection and have both realized that we just "get" eachother and our compatiability is insane

Comments

[missjecka]

Well, my family is a pretty big melting pot since I was born. My mom is 100% Puerto Rican and Catholic, my dad is 100% northern European (Polish and Russian) and Jewish. My mom was the first non-Jew to marry into his side of the family, and my dad was the first and only non-Christian to marry into my mom's side. Needless to say, there was a lot of shakiness and awkwardness at first, according to my parents

[amymeenieminymo]

If your extended family doesn't know at all, they will most likely be shocked and surprised which could result in akwardness for both parties. Not so much that they may have a problem with it, but if you have always dated white guys in the past, people just naturally form a picture in their head of what your bf looks like, so seeing that he isn't at all like they picture may cause some reactions that could seem rude.

Does your family talk, do things get passed around through the grapevine? If so, I think it is wise to somehow let it be known that he is black, that way you can at least avoid the akward first moments when he shows up. But there is most likely going to be those few people who do have an actual problem with it, but thats just it, it's THEIR problem. If you think he is wonderful and are happy, it's all that matters and I wouldn't worry too much about trying to please everyone. Good luck!

[box_of_rocks]

I agree; let people know he's black before they meet. This isn't something you should *have* to do, but at least it will keep them from looking shocked when he walks in. I know that my family always acts surprised if they meet a friend who isn't white, straight, and my age: "Why didn't you mention he's black? You never told me your friend is 38! Oh my Gosh I didn't know he'd be gay!" It's not necessarily that they disapprove, just that it's not what they expected and they are surpised I didn't mention it (I live in a small white town - any time a black family moves in it's cause for discussion along with obligatory "Not that it matters").

[revedeshautbois]

An easy way to do this without making a big deal out of it is to show your extended family (or some of them who are either most likely to have a problem with it or most likely to then talk to other family members about it) a picture of your boyfriend in passing conversation. (As in: "Look, isn't he cute!" or "This is a picture of when he and I went to [insert event/activity here].") This may be more difficult if you don't see them regularly, but might still be possible through facebook or email, or for your parents to do

[ghettochickn]

Thanks for the advice - letting a few relatives know beforehand and letting the info trickle down through the rest of them is a good idea.

[tiocaifdharla]

Unless you have a racist family I'll doubt they'll judge him because of his skin. I'm mixed race and irish to so it is something I have to deal with daily in this nearly all white country, and Ireland is like the most sheltered country ever! (love it though) Don't worry, it should not make a difference. As long as they treat him like every other white boyfriend you have had.

[tiny_demons]

Don't you wish life were like a movie right now and some quaint anecdote would come to mind when everyone stops and stares as you walk in the room?

OK, seriously it probably won't be that bad. But, it might be awkward. Talk to your parents now and find out who in the family might flip and possibly go meet them individually if you can or have a phone conversation with them before the party that says "hey I know you're uncomfortable with this but I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to get to know him and trust in my judgement. It would really mean a lot to me."

[tacky_tramp]

Your family may very well embarrass itself when your boyfriend shows up. He may feel uncomfortable. I'd suggest talking to him about this, and letting him know that he's going to walk into a room full of people who haven't spent much time around African-Americans and might therefore say or do some dumb-ass shit. I don't mean deliberately hurtful stuff -- just, you know, blackpeopleloveus.com kinda stuff. You could ask him to tell you about any experiences like that he's had. Then, if you feel up to it, you could chat with some key members of your family before the party, letting them know your and his concerns, and asking them to be your ally. Good luck!