Honey, understand something, you are amazing at anything you put your mind too. You have always gone through phases where you feel like the world is crumbling around you, but you always had people to make you realize that it's no where near as bad as it was. I know it's hard to pratice and have that motivation, but think of a day when you would know you didn't have the music you can make with your oboe and imagine what your life would be without hearing or knowing that music intimately. I find that motivates me, just a thought.
I think that your idea of of a great oboeist/performer is really high. You know what it should sound like and you understand why it should sound like that...but you just arn't there yet. And there are many many many performers who are exactly like you and most of them are professionals - they are all trying to perfect their instrument. Do you really think that Dr. Nicholson, Steve, Dr. Gresham, or even Dr. Murray are perfect at their instruments? Yeah we think they sound pretty amazing, but they are still working on some technique stuff even now and there is tons of music out there that is too hard for them and for almost anybody out there
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