I think that your idea of of a great oboeist/performer is really high. You know what it should sound like and you understand why it should sound like that...but you just arn't there yet. And there are many many many performers who are exactly like you and most of them are professionals - they are all trying to perfect their instrument. Do you really think that Dr. Nicholson, Steve, Dr. Gresham, or even Dr. Murray are perfect at their instruments? Yeah we think they sound pretty amazing, but they are still working on some technique stuff even now and there is tons of music out there that is too hard for them and for almost anybody out there. Anyway the point is...you're never going to sound perfect...and you can't fix everything about your technique at once. it takes time - and in most cases it can take years. if you just try to find one tiny thing that you did right or are doing right, you can build your confidence. set a different goal...a smaller goal that truely believe you can accomplish by the end of the year and once you get that then you can start getting other things.
you get what i'm saying? I mean i could go on and on all day about all the sucky things i do w/ piano...i mean my fingerings, endurence, and rhythms sucks...but i can still find one or two things that i'm good at...like i think i have pretty good control of the pedal (and pedals can make or break a piece, i'm very sensitive to pedeling...and i think one of the reasons why i don't like my chopin is b/c i don't feel comfortable w/ my pedeling, but i have confidence that i will come up w/ some amazing pedeling by jury time. seriously) and i usually can carry out a melody and make it sound good (again, that can take alot of pedeling).
Anyway the point is...you're never going to sound perfect...and you can't fix everything about your technique at once. it takes time - and in most cases it can take years. if you just try to find one tiny thing that you did right or are doing right, you can build your confidence. set a different goal...a smaller goal that truely believe you can accomplish by the end of the year and once you get that then you can start getting other things.
you get what i'm saying? I mean i could go on and on all day about all the sucky things i do w/ piano...i mean my fingerings, endurence, and rhythms sucks...but i can still find one or two things that i'm good at...like i think i have pretty good control of the pedal (and pedals can make or break a piece, i'm very sensitive to pedeling...and i think one of the reasons why i don't like my chopin is b/c i don't feel comfortable w/ my pedeling, but i have confidence that i will come up w/ some amazing pedeling by jury time. seriously) and i usually can carry out a melody and make it sound good (again, that can take alot of pedeling).
anyway. just think positive. lol.
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