Kagefumi (24/29)
Title: Kagefumi
Author: Fabi & Dani (
dani_mathoz)
Translator:
br_arashi Thank you ♥
Pairing: Ohmiya (main), Aiba x ? (mentioned)
Genre: Romance and Angst
Rating: NC-17
Summary: 'Two lonely and suffered hearts look in the shadows of an agitated city, the light that can free them from the darkness in which they live'
Disclaimer: I don't own them, sadly ;-;
Just a reminder, English is not our first language please be kind ♥
CHAPTER 24
“The stars of this night, so full of tears
To where do they flow? Will they disappear?
Even if we have chosen a different path
There is one voice that I can still hear
And I have a hunch: it’s yours”
Tears
Nino rested against the wall at the entrance of the room. He looked around and chose a chair next to the window. He adjusted his arms in the crutches and walked slowly but independently towards the place. It had a bit more than a month since he had started walking by himself. First with the assistance of a walker; then, with the support of the crutches.
It had been a slow progress and he almost thought he would never leave the wheelchair. Six months ago, when he had started his physiotherapy sessions, all he could manage was moving from the bed to the wheelchair and vice-versa. He even got into a depressive state for his lack of progress, but he had promised Satoshi and, mainly, himself that he would give his best at the treatment. Therefore, in an afternoon, at the beginning of June, a few days before his birthday, he took, by himself, under the incentive of the physiotherapist and the proud and thrilled eyes of Aiba - who accompanied him whenever he could - his first steps in the parallel bars.
Thenceforth, he had only progressed. It was true that his steps were still slow and painful, but it was just a matter of time for him to be walking without any support. And even if he had to live with a small limitation for the rest of his life, he could adjust to the situation without a problem.
What really afflicted him was the treatment against his chemical addiction and, in that battle, he was still struggling. Although he has been clean for several months, he wasn’t still confident to face the world outside. He knew that, even after he was discharged, he would have to fight daily against a relapse and he wasn’t sure if he would be strong enough to proceed without a professional assistance, unprotected outside the walls of the clinic.
He sighed and accommodated himself in the chair.
Even when Maeda-sensei started the meeting, he kept his eyes locked in the garden outside. It wasn’t that he was bored by those group sessions. Actually, he enjoyed them. In a way, hearing the testimonies made him revisit the worst side of him, remember all he had lost with the addiction, all the humiliating and painful situations he had passed through. However, above all, there were the stories of overcoming and the hope of a fresh start.
He postponed as much as he could his turn to speak, but it got to a point where he couldn’t run away anymore. Motivated by Maeda-sensei and Sho, he told his story, all his being boiling with different emotions: angst, embarrassment, frustration, self-pity, hurt and relief.
It wasn’t easy to open his heart in front of people, most of them, unknown. By doing so, though, it was as if he had exorcised the demons. Even more when, facing Sho’s look over him, he didn’t see the disgust he thought he would see. Quite the opposite, he saw his proud expression, the look that told him he would always be there for him; if not as a professional, as the friend he had become to him.
That afternoon, however, he was distracted by the garden. It had rained the night before, what had brought a freshness to the plants. The smell of renovation called his attention and, for a few minutes, he focused on the scenery. It was in a sunny afternoon like that that he had his last date with Satoshi, at Ueno Park. He could still remember the sparkle in his boyfriend’s eyes in face of the attractions of the museum that they had visited afterwards or his smile, while watching the animals at the zoo. It would be good if they could repeat that. Maybe, next time, they could go in a time when the cherry trees were blossoming and…
And nothing…
He shouldn’t be making plans when he had decided to live a day at once. That way, he believed he would never feel frustrated. Besides, he was the one who proposed the break up and he had never seen Satoshi again, since then. It was true that, in the beginning, he made ways to be present through Aiba or Sho, sending him cards, pictures and food, especially his favorite dishes. However, he had kept his promise not to impose himself. To Nino, it was just a matter of time for him to stop feeling himself attached to him and move away definitely.
He couldn't complain about this. It was what he wanted, wasn't it? For Satoshi to find someone else, someone who deserved to accompany him to the Hanami in a romantic date at the park?
He focused his attention at Maeda-sensei, realizing that he had lost the beginning of the meeting. It was strange not to see Sho beside him. Usually, they were together in this kind of meeting. That time, nonetheless, there was another man beside him.
- As you must have noticed, we have a special guest today. - The therapist smiled at the same time he rested a hand on the man’s shoulder. - He is a former patient of the clinic and I believe he must have lots to share with you.
- Good afternoon! - said the stranger, in a friendly tone. - My name is Matsumoto Jun, but some of you might know me as Raiden. - He bowed his head, in a greeting. Only then was Nino able to understand why he had seemed so familiar. - My experience is very much like yours. In the beginning, everything is so amazing, the feeling of freedom and pleasure is bigger than anything else, until we start losing our dignity, our reason and the people we love. However, believe me… we are stronger than the addiction. I am clean for more than three years and I would like you to hear my story.
********************************
Nino adjusted his body in bed and sighed, gasping and full of pain. Although it was not that far, the way from the meeting room to his bedroom was still too tiring, especially in his condition.
He rested against the headrest and stayed still for a few seconds, in an attempt to try to regain his breath. Then, he massaged his right leg in order to relieve the pain and only relaxed when he opened his bedside table's drawer and picked up his notebook.
He needed to write down the feelings that overpowered him during Raiden’s testimony. Aiba had already told him some of his boyfriend’s experiences, but hearing it personally had been inspiring, especially for the encouraging and hopeful ending.
He had not written anything for a few months and he opened his notebook with his hands shaking with anxiety. Among the pages, he found the picture he kept there as if an invaluable treasure. He had received it in the day after his last reunion with Satoshi. As in every time he looked at it, he was thrilled and smiled with tenderness. It was his way of feeling himself loved, even if the two creatures in the photograph were miles away from him.
He traced, with his fingers, first the smiling face of the man; then, the tortoise’s face. At last, he turned the photo and read one more time the words in Satoshi’s steady and beautiful handwriting:
“Ganbatte! We will be waiting for you! With love, Satoshi and Niji”
He sighed deeply trying to avoid his longing tears and put the photo back in his notebook. Then, he started scribbling a few words in a blank page. He was so concentrated that he didn't even notice the presence of someone else in his bedroom.
- Do you like writing?
- Raiden… - he managed to say, as soon as he processed the guitar player’s presence beside him.
- I am sorry - the new comer said, cautiously. - The door was partially open. I have called you, but you seemed not to listen. Am I disturbing you?
- No, of course not. Make yourself home, Matsumoto-san...
- Jun - the man corrected him, smiling. - Masaki talks about you so much that I feel as if we are intimate friends. There’s no need of formality between us.
Nino passed his hand over his black hair, feeling suddenly shy.
- Masaki told me you like my music.
- Yes! I am your fan since your debut… the way you play the guitar, your perfect solos… If you allow me to say, I think you are in your best phase… I mean… you were already amazing before, but now, with Cosmos, I don’t know… you seem better than ever. You are more authentic and… sorry - he stopped talking, embarrassed. It was his first meeting with one of his idols. He shouldn’t begin it by analyzing their work. - I got carried away… I didn’t mean to…
Jun smiled.
- It’s all right, Nino. I’m happy when people can see me behind the famous guitar player. Thank you for your honesty and for appreciating my music. Have you already been in a concert?
- Of your old band, yes. You even gave me one of your guitar picks...
- Really? - Jun looked at him curiously.
Nino nodded.
- Do you still have it?
- Yes. It’s with a few of my belongings at my boyf-… at a friend’s house.
- Ohno-san?
Nino widened his eyes, in surprise.
- Do you know him?
- I’ve met him a few times. Masaki introduced us.
Nino turned his attention away to a random spot in the wall. Satoshi was a subject he would rarely talk with Sho and Aiba. In the beginning, his friends tried to let him aware of any information on him, but, due to his denial in hearing them, they naturally stopped mentioning him.
And, in a way, it was better that way. He refrained from asking the man how he was doing. He wasn't sure if he would want to know if he had rebuilt his life.
- I heard that Cosmos will be releasing their second album in a few weeks - he changed the subject. - I can barely wait to hear the new songs.
- Really?
He nodded, sincerely.
- In that case... why waiting, right? - Raiden took his cellphone from his pocket. There was a earphone attached to it. He slid his fingers over the screen of the device before handing it to Nino. - They have sent me a few ready tracks this week. Would you like to hear them in first hand?
- Are you kidding me? - he asked and, without waiting for the response, he put the earphones and, then, pressed play.
He had barely heard the first chord and his eyes were already closed, absorbing the music, his fingers following the rhythm.
Without a doubt, it was the best work of Cosmos. The voice of the vocalist in harmony with the instruments and, mainly, with Jun’s guitar, were incomparable. Their joint work was spectacular, but it was impossible not to recognize the talent, the emotion and the perfect work of Raiden behind the album. It was even more impressive than their debut album.
Completely absorbed by the songs, he didn't even notice the time passing. For a moment, he even forgotten that the one responsible for the songs was there, in the same room with him.
- It is a spectacular work, Jun-san... - he rushed to say, trying to fix his bad manners. The musician, however, did not seem to mind being left aside. On the opposite. He was entertained, reading.
- Are all of these your thoughts? - He referred to his notebook, in his hands.
- Just a few reflections...
- Wow...this is really great! - said the musician, his eyes sparkling, thrilled. - Your lyrics are inspiring. You have an amazing gift, Nino.
Would you mind lending me your notebook? I need to create melodies for some of these lyrics.
- You were amazing with Aya-chan today - Sho said, while sitting at the couch of his living room, after handing a can of beer to his guest.
- It couldn’t be different. She is a charming child. There is a while since I had that much fun - Masaki smiled, excited. He had spent an amazing afternoon with his friend and his niece at Shinagawa’s Aquarium.
He had already visited the place in other occasions, but it was the first time that he had enjoyed it to the fullest. Maybe because he had done so through the eyes of a child. It was impossible not to be taken by her amazed expression, her honest smile at each attraction: colorful fishes, octopus, crustaceous, seals, sea lions, eels, sharks, penguins and the spectacular show of the dolphins. Not to mention the delicious meal they’ve made at the local restaurant.
- To tell you the truth, I have never seen you enjoying so much. I mean, you are always energetic and usually likes every detail, but today, you excelled - Sho smiled. - I even had to wonder who was the child there: you or Aya-chan.
- I was just happy. There is a while since we have seen each other last. I have missed you, senpai.
The psychologist lowered his eyes, feeling guilty. He had used his work as an excuse for their distance. It was not a lie that he was very busy, including his application for an internship at a prestigious Londoner university. He always had time for Masaki, nevertheless. The point was: he was avoiding his presence. He wanted to give him some space to live his story with Jun and, besides, there was Maeda-san. He wanted to put his boyfriend first, to make their relationship work. And he had really tried, but he couldn’t command his feelings.
- I have missed you too, Masaki. I am sorry for disappearing, but I have been really busy.
- I know. I have worked a lot, as well. We compensated it today, though, right? We spent the whole afternoon having fun with your niece and you even invited me for a drink, as in the old times.
- I hope I hasn’t disturbed any of your plans with Matsumoto-san.
- Of course not. Don’t worry, I have all the time in the world with Jun. Tonight is our night, senpai - he raised his can to make a toast. - Besides, he is overloaded with the release of the new album, so, he told me he would go to bed early. Therefore, I am all yours...
Even though it hadn't been intentional, his last sentence made the Sho’s heart beat faster. For a moment, he lost his focus. Fortunately, Masaki himself changed the subject.
- You told me I had lots of fun today, but you were also more cheerful than usual. You were… I don’t know… sweeter, lighter.
- I was lighter?
- More relaxed - Masaki explained. - You are always so concentrated, following a detailed schedule. It is good to see this unworried and spontaneous side of yours. You should do it more often.
Sho sighed, analyzing his friend’s words.
- Aya-chan does this with me. Not for being my niece, but because she really is a special child. Besides being so cute and smart…
- Just like her uncle.
Sho smiled, blushing slightly at the same time.
- Seriously! When you are together, you seem to be father and daughter.
- This because we are very attached, since she was born. You know she never had a father, until my sister married Hayashi-san. I tried to compensate her in a way for that.
- You are an amazing uncle.
- You too... Actually, watching you with my niece today, I believe you would be as good a pediatrician as you are an orthopedist.
- Well… I can say that, in a way, I am a bit of both. You know… children are the most frequent patients of the orthopedic department.
- You are right. You are very good with them, Aiba-sensei - Sho said, going to the kitchen to get two more cans. - You would make a great father, you know? - he said, handing another drink to his friend. - Have you never considered it? Building a family with Matsumoto?
- Of course, I have! - Masaki answered, opening his can. - We always end up projecting a future, especially when we are in a serious relationship, right? Jun and I, however, never talked about this. Effectively, I mean.
- Why?
- I don’t know. Just like me, Jun loved kids. He helped taking care of his twin cousins and always finds a way to be with them - he took a sip of beer. - But... Maybe we are just too young to think about this now and we are placing our career first. You know, I’m still a resident and Jun is just restarting his career. We are very busy… we won’t have time to dedicate to a child any time soon.
- You are right...
- What about you? I know you are young to be a father now, but Maeda-san is already beyond forty. Have you never discussed it?
- Not really.
- But have you ever thought about that? Taking for the way you watch over Aya-chan, I know you would be a wonderful father, Sho-chan...
Sho smiled, more for the way he addressed him than for the compliment. Not that he disliked the “senpai” used frequently by his friend, but he preferred being called in that more intimate way.
- As you said, we always end up projecting a future.
Aiba rested on the sofa. Suddenly, his eyes lost a bit of its excitement. Maybe it was the effect of the alcohol.
- You and Maeda-san will form a great family.
It was Sho's time to adjust his body on the couch and change his expression.
- There will not be any Maeda in my future family, Masaki. We broke up.
- W-what? - the youngest almost choked with his beer. - When?
- Three weeks ago.
- Is it final? Are you all right? - Masaki held his free hand, his eyes full of concern.
- I am fine - the psychologist assured him with a smile. - I'm hurt, of course... Every break up is hard, but it was better this way. He deserves someone who is entirely in the relationship. I tried... I really tried to make things work and, in the beginning, I believed I would be able to fall in love with him. However… I couldn’t keep going. Maeda-san is a friend and a master who I respect and admire a lot. I want him to be happy.
Aiba smiled, understanding.
- Do you still think about that other guy?
- No. I mean, I still love him, if that is what you wanna know. Nevertheless, he is following his path and I’m following mine.
- I see... but... you will never be able to move on if you don’t settle this once and for all, Sho-chan.
- What do you mean?
- You should let him know about your feelings.
- Why? It wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe… this would only damage what we have and I appreciate his friendship too much to jeopardize it.
- Well... at least you would be sure.
- Sure of what? That he doesn't feel the same way? I already know this.
- Then, why can’t you move on? Isn't it because, deep down, you still have hope?
For a few seconds, Sho was in shock in face of his friend’s questioning. Never a statement had slapped him in the face in such a painful way.
Masaki was completely right. He couldn't have feelings for anyone else because, yes, he still had the hope that he would return his feelings.
Suddenly, he felt like an idiot for never realizing the obvious. And he was the psychologist there.
He took the can of beer to his mouth and took a big sip of the beer.
- You are wrong - he answered, however.
- Senpai...
- Masaki... can we change the subject? Please?
The orthopedist bit his lower lip, noticeably vexed. However, he did what his friend asked. First, he went to the fridge to pick up another round of beer. Then, he took the opportunity to rummage through his friend’s cupboard and prepare something quick for them to eat. After getting back to the room, he took the remote and searched for something to watch on the TV. He opted for an international football game.
He didn't care about it much, but it was Sho’s favorite sport.
- Nino told me he will be discharged soon - he commented, as soon as he placed the remote over the coffee table.
- You two became very close, didn’t you?
- I became attached to him.
- And he to you. Well, Nino and I also have a great relationship, we became friends, but it’s different from what you two built together. You have created a very special bond.
- Yes. In the beginning, I might have approached him as a way to compensate for my absence during Jun’s treatment. I didn’t want Nino to face everything on his own as he did, even if it was he who decided to keep Ohno-kun away. Nonetheless, in the course of his treatment, we became so naturally close that I feel as if I have known him since forever.
- True - Sho smiled. - It is beautiful the friendship you two have built. And he will need you very much when he leaves the clinic. It is just a matter of time. Clinically speaking, there’s nothing else we can do for him.
- He is so unsure.
- It is normal. It happens to every patient who faces the world for the first time after the rehab. The fear of failing, of relapsing...
- I invited him to live with me. What do you think?
Sho squeezed the orthopedist’s shoulder.
- I think it’s great! He will surely need help, even more considering his mobility problem. How long do you think it will take him to regain his movements completely?
- A few more months.
- Perfect, then. It will be good for the two of you to share the apartment; at least until he settle things with Satoshi. I still don’t get why they are apart.
- Neither do I... Talking about Satoshi, how is he? I haven’t seen him in a while.
- Apart from his broken heart, he is fine. Actually, if I have not known him since childhood, I would never realize how much Nino’s absence is affecting him. I know it’s not easy to stay aside, following his progress from the distance, but he is handling the situation much better than I thought at first. He no longer has those panic attacks and is much calmer at work.
- I am happy for him. What do you think of us scheduling a dinner, just the three of us, before Nino is discharged?
- It’s a good idea...
****************************************
Masaki opened his eyes. Slowly, he was regaining his conscience: first, he felt a weight over his body, then, he heard the sound of the TV, almost at the same time, the smell of alcohol invaded his nostrils. And, at last, he noticed his best friend’s hair, spread over his chest.
He should have drank too much if he couldn't remember how he managed to entangle his body with Sho’s in such an intimate position. His host was lying over his body, their legs hooked in each other’s. He could feel, even if through their jeans, the man’s member against his thighs, his arms around him in a tight hug.
He smiled before caressing the soft scented hair.
- Sho-chan... - he called him, softly.
It took his friend a few moments to move.
- Yoh, Masaki...
- Go to your bed, to sleep... you are drunk. You shall rest.
His friend faced him.
- Do you really believe I should confess my feelings to the man I love? - Sakurai asked suddenly, his voice shaken. He wasn’t free of the alcohol effect yet.
- I do.
The psychologist sighed. Then, he caressed his friend’s face, fondly.
- I love you.
Masaki smiled.
- I love you too, senpai.
- No... I really do love you - he repeated, seconds before covering Masaki’s lips with a desperate kiss.
- Sho-chan... Please, wait... - the doctor tried to react, but his plea had no effect.
- I don’t want to. I’ve been waiting for six years... I can’t handle it anymore, Masaki. I love you so much...
Masaki was under the effect of the alcohol, yes, but his head was clear. So much so that his conscience asked him to move away from Sho's caresses. However, his heart was beating out of rhythm and his submissive body said the opposite and, stronger than his reason, they presented no resistance. Quite the opposite. Suddenly, his hands started travelling under his senpai’s shirt, clawing his warm skin and pulling him closer. His lips opened up, completely surrendered, to ease the access of his best friend’s tongue to his mouth.
< Previous Next >
Notes: Hello Minna! First of all Fabi here! I want to thank you every single comment in the last chapter, every word gave me the strength I needed at that time... Thank you to your care ♥
So now about the chapter, something you have noticed every chapter started with some lyrics right? That was Nino's thoughts as all those lyrics was his... So now Jun did found out what will happen? AND for our beloved Sakuraiba lovers our gift for all of you ♥
This week was crazy but in few hours we will back to reply your lovelies comments okay ♥
Comments are ♥