Kagefumi (18/29)
Title: Kagefumi
Author: Fabi & Dani (dani_mathoz)
Translator: br_arashiThank you ♥
Pairing: Ohmiya (main), Aiba x ? (mentioned)
Genre: Romance and Angst
Rating: NC-17
Summary: 'Two lonely and suffered hearts look in the shadows of an agitated city, the light that can free them from the darkness in which they live'
Disclaimer: I don't own them, sadly ;-;
Just a reminder, English is not our first language please be kind ♥
CAPÍTULO 18
When things seem impossible, we can only face them
“It seems directly proportional, but these thoughts are inversely proportional”
There’s something I don’t understand, but there are things I want to see
“Our world is endless and we play the game again and again”
Where can you go?
You can replay, start from zero at any time you wish
But you may not return again
To the stake phase
Endless Game
Masaki sighed in front of his open wardrobe, not knowing what to wear. In the end, considering that his ex-boyfriend’s visit wasn’t a date, just a dinner between friends, he decided for something simple: a jeans with teared knees and a white t-shirt, with ¾ sleeves and V neck, which exposed part of his chest.
He sighed in relief when he opened the door and noticed Jun had also chosen something casual to dress. He was wearing dark jeans with a black belt, a light grey t-shirt, a black cardigan and boots. In spite of the simplicity, he was amazing as expected of him.
He has always been handsomer than anyone else; which made Masaki wonder for several times, when they were together, what his boyfriend could see in someone as ordinary as him.
- You’ve gone to the market? - he asked, curious, while picking up one of the plastic bags of the newcomer’s hands, so he could take off his boots at the genkan.
The musician nodded, before following him to the kitchen.
- I thought that, instead of ordering out, it would be more interesting if we cooked dinner together. I was planning to prepare that pasta you love so much, what do you say?
- That’s perfect - the host smiled, leaving the bags over the counter. Then, he opened his cupboard and took two aprons from it. After wearing one and washing his hands, he searched for the tomatoes in the bags and, without waiting for any instructions from Jun, started slicing them, as he used to do whenever they cooked pasta together.
- Hey, Jun-chan… - he called, after a while, his hands busy in placing the olives over the salad he was making. - What kind of man is Maeda-sensei?
The visitor tasted the sauce and, with an approving nod, he turned off the heat.
- What exactly do you wanna know? - he asked, while opening the pan and throwing a handful of spaghetti on the boiling water.
- Anything. Just tell me what you think of him.
- Well… - he stirred the pasta. - My relationship with him is professional, but not the kind that is limited to his office. I ran to him for several times, whenever I was at the verge of a relapse. Sensei never denied me assistance, nor even when I called him at an improper time. He is kind, but centered and honest. He’s not the kind of man who says things to please you, he tells you whatever is needed. That’s why he’s reliable. You know I’m a private person, but, with him, I felt I could open myself up since the beginning. I trust him completely and I’m very grateful for the support he gave and still gives me in our sessions. Why are you so interested?
- Nothing special. I saw him today at the hospital, talking to Sho-senpai. I think he’s interested in him.
- And that bothers you? - Jun asked, in a tone that he was unable identify.
- No, quite the opposite. I just wanted to make sure he could be the ideal partner to my best friend.
- Are you kidding? Maeda-sensei is rich, refined and professionally respected. Besides being a very elegant and handsome man. In other words, he’s an excellent catch. I’m sure that whoever dates him will be very happy.
- If you think so, I’m relieved. I greatly desire Sho-chan to find someone…
- Don’t worry about your friend, Masaki - Jun cut him. - He will be fine. Now, what about letting Sakurai-sensei’s love life aside and eating? The spaghetti is ready.
********************
- Wow, Jun-chan, I’ve missed your food so much! - Masaki yelped; his face contorted in satisfaction, in front of his empty dish.
His ex-boyfriend smiled, satisfied.
- Just my food?
Masaki’s smile vanished, giving place to a serious expression
.
- No. I’ve missed us as well… - he confessed.
- Me too, Masaki - said the musician, trying to reach his hand over the table. The doctor, nonetheless, retracted his, avoiding the touch.
- You’ve hurt me a lot, Jun.
The man lowered his eyes, regretting to rush things based on his ex-boyfriend’s words. He bit his lips, nervous. For a moment, he considered excusing himself and running away, but he couldn’t cower in face of the confrontation he had been avoiding since Masaki got in touch with him again.
Until then, they had avoided touching the subject of their separation, trying to focus in enjoying their moments together.
- I know - he said, embarrassed, deciding to face the situation at once. - Among all the mistakes I’ve made because of my addiction, my greatest regret is having hurt you.
- Why, Jun? - finally the doctor did the question he kept inside for so long.
- I don’t know. It was just sex…
- No… I’m not asking you about the people with whom you’ve slept while I was waiting for you at home - those words were hard for Jun to hear. - I didn’t leave you for the physical betrayal. That, I was able to forgive. I had already forgiven that day, when I left our apartment. I know it was partly my fault as well.
- No! No, Masaki! - Jun took his ex-boyfriend's hands before he could retract them once again. - You were never guilty of anything. I was the one who didn’t know how to treasure what we had.
- You’ve always known you could tell me anything, right? I would have understood…
- I know.
- Then, why? - he insisted, his eyes teary. - Why haven’t you trusted me? Whatever was bothering you, you could have told me. The sudden fame, your excessive work, the new world you were starting to explore, your desire for other people besides me… anything, Jun. We were each other’s first love. We grew up and discovered life together, never letting anything nor anyone to stay between us. It was natural that, one day, we would feel the need to taste other things, to be with other people…
- You are wrong! - Jun affirmed. - I’ve never wanted anyone, but you! In my head, in my heart, it was always you… But, after drugging myself, I had no power over my body. When the sex ended or when the effect of the drugs vanished, I felt myself dirty, despicable… The regret devoured me in a way that I wasn’t able to face you. So I started avoiding going home. I didn’t want to face these sad eyes that are staring at me now.
- Have you any idea of how this teared me apart? I felt like an old toy in which you’ve lost the interest, thrown away in a corner… It hurt me a lot, Jun…
- Masaki...
- However, more than knowing that you were ignoring me or smelling the scent of someone else in your clothes, or even seeing marks that I have never done spread over your body when you got back home, what really hurt me was the idea that you didn’t trust me anymore. I wasn’t worthy of sharing your frustrations, your fears, your decisions? Knowing that you preferred getting into drugs instead of talking to me hurt me more than anything.
- Masaki... - he tried again, his voice shaken by endless sobs.
- I know it was also my fault for taking too long to notice it and, then, for pretending that you weren’t using the drugs - his tears fell, out of control. - If I had acted before… If I had imposed myself and faced the problem, maybe you wouldn’t have got so low. I’m so sorry for that…
- You don’t have to apologize for anything, Masaki - Jun left his chair and kneeled in front of him - It has always been my responsibility.
I fought against the drugs for so long, while watching the other members of Spiral using them in front of me with no restrains. I refused so many offers and even scolded so many people for that. We nearly disbanded for several times… Then, there was a moment when I couldn’t avoid it… First, it was the pills to keep me awake during the marathon of rehearsals, concerts, interviews… I was so tired, I didn’t even care about what they were giving me…When I noticed, I needed it as much as I had to breathe.
He licked his lips, feeling his chest clenching to each word. At the same time, he seemed to lift up a weight from his back as he opened up.
- I was lost, Masaki - he continued. - The only thing keeping my foot on the ground was you, my memories of the two of us, your beautiful and pure smile… How could I let you see that I wasn’t the person for who you’ve fallen in love? I didn’t want you to witness my weakness. So, maybe unconsciously, I decided it would be better to drive you away of my life.
- We have been so stupid, haven’t we? - Masaki caressed Jun’s face tenderly, wiping away his tears. - We allowed the best part of us to fall apart: the trust we have always had in each other.
- I’m so sorry…
- You know our relationship will never be as before, right? - the orthopedist was honest. - I’m not sure if I’m ready to trust you again.
Jun closed his eyes, his chest anticipating a new separation. He was right. No matter how much he had changed, no matter how recovered he was, it would never be the same.
- I’m willing to try, however.
The words made the musician’s heart beat faster. He stared at the man in front of him with hopeful eyes.
- I love you, Jun.
It was quick.
So unexpected that Jun didn’t have the time to anticipate the movements of the man he loved with all his strength. He wasn’t able to notice when he slid from the chair and got to his level on the floor. He just felt his lips against his, in a slow, longing and exploratory kiss. He couldn’t remember having shared anything of the sort with him before. There wasn’t only love in the gesture, but forgiveness, tenderness and even a little dose of resentment.
- I love you so much, Masaki… - he managed to say, their lips still partially touching.
Masaki caressed his face kindly, his eyes locked into his.
- Do you think you could give me another chance? - he asked, bravely. - promise you I…
- Don’t make any promises. - The orthopedist pressed two fingers against his lips. - We don’t need to make promises we won’t be able to fulfill. Let’s just… give ourselves a new chance, ok?
- So, you mean…?
- Yes, I do - Masaki enveloped the younger in a tight hug. - I just want us to go slowly… We rushed things by going to live together, in the illusion that what we felt for each other was enough to sustain a couple’s life. We didn’t take into account that we were too young and that none of us had a consolidated career. We didn’t know how to deal with the pressure when we faced the real life. I don’t want us to ruin anything this time.
- You are right, my love - Jun leaned in, joining their foreheads. - We don’t need to rush. But I have to check and see that it isn’t all a dream… Are you my boyfriend again?
Masaki smiled.
- I never ceased to be, Jun - he answered, before searching for his plump lips once again.
*********************************
Nino moaned as soon as he felt Satoshi’s teeth biting his shoulder. The day had been perfect, one of the most incredible ones in his life. He hadn’t felt so free and refreshed in a long time.
While planning the picnic, he never imagined they would extend it to a full date. Thus, when his boyfriend accepted his suggestion, he felt like he was in heaven, his chest almost exploding in a happiness he never thought he could feel.
He noticed some expressions on Satoshi’s face he had never seen before, like his smiling eyes while contemplating the pieces of art at the museum. He has never known he was an art lover. At the zoo, for several times he believed there was a boy beside him, beaming as if it was his first time in a place like that. For several times, he had to refrain his will to catch his hand and walk beside him as a normal couple. He could only do so when they went for an ice cream and they entangled their fingers under the table.
He also had engraved in his mind his serious expression in the temple. He wondered what Satoshi could be asking the Gods so fervently. He also made his wish, even though he knew he would never be able to achieve it. He saddened for a moment, the reality suddenly interfering in his dreams. He really had not been born to be happy. And, all he could do was accept it. Not for himself… but for Satoshi.
He closed his eyes while his companion’s mouth traveled over his exposed skin. He almost smiled remembering the impetus with which they entered the apartment, their bodies curling against each other as soon as they opened the door. It reminded him of their first time, the night they’ve first met.
He was nearly naked, when Satoshi threw him in bed, pressing his perfect body against his own. At the beginning, he would let him do as he wished. Then, he would take control… for the last time.
He hesitated, before ringing the bell of his senpai’s house. At first, he considered not giving in to his summoning, but… it wasn’t as simple as that. A part of him still couldn’t get rid of Miura, even knowing it would be the right thing to do.
Until the last minute he resisted; however, when the clock of the restaurant where he worked reached eight o'clock, he took off his apron and left.
- Kazu! I knew you would come - the older man said as soon as he saw him. He came from the bedroom, wearing his t-shirt. His belt was undone. He wouldn’t mind the fact if it wasn’t for Kyoichi coming to the living room a few seconds later. He was wearing only short pants, his hair disarranged.
He felt his heart clenching. He knew Kyoi-chan had always been in love with the senpai and he felt sorry. He wasn't jealous. He would be extremely satisfied if he knew his friend was in a relationship that would make him happy. However, he knew Miura was just using him and it hurt him to see his friend running after his crumbs as a lost dog.
- I came for us to have a final talk, senpai.
Lifting his hips to help Satoshi to take off his patterned briefs, Nino felt a shiver running down his spine when their skins finally touched. In synch, they started to move slowly, in search of friction.
He bit his lower lip when his boyfriend started working on a nipple and moaned when he focused, seconds later, on his lower belly, just beneath his belly button.
He held his brown hair, wishing he could stop that moment and make it eternal, even if only in his thoughts. Had Satoshi any idea of how crazy he could drive him? Or how much he fulfilled and satisfied him? He had never felt so whole in sex as beside his boyfriend. It wasn’t just a physical surrender, it was an almost spiritual union.
- Get off! - Miura ordered the half a dozen boys and girls who were lazing around his living room. His commanding tone didn’t have to be repeated and, less than five minutes later, everybody had left. The last to leave was Kyoichi, but not before Nino noticed his sorrowful eyes. - Sit down, Kazu. Would you like something to drink? Or would you rather have something more solid?
- I don’t want anything - he declined. He sat, though, at the place the owner of the house indicated him.
- Well... if you change your mind, help yourself - Miura said, placing the crystals over the coffee table and accommodating himself beside Nino.
He felt his muscles tense with the closeness. He wondered when the tenderness he felt for the older man had turned into aversion.
- I’ve missed you... - the host whispered in his ear, at the same time he caressed his thigh, next to his crotch.
He bit his lips in pleasure when he felt Satoshi’s mouth reaching his intimacy, playing with it provocative and slowly.
- Oh-chan... - he begged, but the man ignored him, willing to prolong his torture.
Defeated, he decided to relax, his body muscles vibrating as if under an electric discharge.
- Senpai... - Nino said, turning his face in time to avoid the kiss.
- Stop toying with me, Kazu - the man warned him, holding him by his chin and forcing him to look at him. - I’m not willing to deal with your games. I think I made myself clear in the dance club.
- I’m not toying with you.
- No? So why are you avoiding me? Haven’t you come to stay?
- No - he answered, his eyes steadily facing the older man.
Miura smiled.
- Why did you come, then?
- To put an end to our story.
Satoshi’s hands held Nino’s hips when he decided to stop playing with him. The feeling of his mouth, of his hot tongue exploring him couldn’t be more pleasant and it didn’t take long for him to hit the climax.
The cop, then, took his way back, until catching his lips, which he took with passion. Nino involved him with his legs and arms, enveloping him in a suffocating hug, while begging for more and more of his kisses.
- You know this is never gonna happen. You depend on me, Kazu. You depend on the drugs I offer you…
- I’m quitting.
Miura laughed.
- Really? How many times have you tried?
He couldn’t deny that. He had tried to quit for several times and has always failed, just like the last time. He tried really hard, for Satoshi. For weeks, he had managed to stay away from the methamphetamines, but then came the first symptoms of abstinence. First, the insomnia. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep.
For several times he tried to use sex to tire his body, but he wasn’t lucky. Satoshi even questioned him once about his lack of sleep and, in order for him not to suspect anything, he started pretending he was asleep.
Afterwards, the shivering started. In the first time, he managed to run to the bathroom before his boyfriend could notice. In the second one, luckily, his boyfriend had already gone to work.
In the end, the angst overpowered every part of his being. He knew it was just a matter of time before Satoshi found out about his weakness.
He couldn’t let this happen, so he called Ren. He started ingesting less, just enough to relax his body. He took it during his break and used the euphoria as an energy boost in his job.
With time, he would stop at once.
- You are so beautiful... - Ohno whispered; his eyes teary with emotion, while caressing his face with the back of a hand.
Even before he had the chance to say anything, his mouth took his again. His fingers prepared him carefully. Just when he felt he was ready, he took the lube and the preservative over the bedside table.
It didn’t take long for Nino to feel him inside his body, their bodies moving in the same rhythm.
- You will never be able to quit. Trust me, I know.
- This time is different… I will look for help.
Miura combed his long hair with his fingers and sighed, impatiently.
- To do so, you will have to tell your little secret to your boyfriend, the cop. Do you think he will accept you after he discover you are an addicted?
- It’s a risk I'm willing to take... - he answered saddened. He had already considered the idea of losing Satoshi as soon as he told him about his addiction.
However, he decided it was time for him to face the situation and he didn’t want to lie anymore. Even if this would cost him his relationship.
- Do you like him that much?
- I love him - he confessed. - Like I’ve never...
- Don’t tease me! - Miura’s face contorted in anger. Furious, he held Nino’s wrists and threw him over the sofa, positioning himself over him. - You love no one but me, Kazu!
The blonde-haired lad took one of his hands to the older man’s face, caressing him tenderly.
- I’ve loved you, senpai... - his tone was kind, as the look in his eyes. - But it’s over now...
- No! I won’t take this! You are mine and I won’t lose you to anyone! - he attacked the defenseless lips in a forced kiss.
At first, Nino tried to resist, but the man was much stronger than he was. Thus, he just let him finish.
Ohno kissed him once more. Again, he felt like at their first time. Not only for the tingling, that ran all through his body, but also for the sensation of being loved.
It was so good to feel wanted, as if he made a difference in the world.
He couldn’t prevent his tears to fall.
- Is everything all right? Are you feeling uncomfortable? - Satoshi asked, worriedly, stopping his movements.
- I’m fine, Satoshi... - he used his first name for the first time. - I’m just happy...
- You love me. I know you do. Can’t you see how perfect we are together? - Miura asked, his fingers travelling over the younger man’s face.
- I love Ohno-san, senpai.
- Damn it, Kazu! - his tone became brutal once again. - What do the men from this family have of so special? Do they fuck better than I do?
Nino didn’t catch the implication of the question.
- It wasn’t enough for you to surrender to the father; you had to search for the son, now?
- What are you talking about? - Nino asked, desperate.
- Stop playing dumb! I’m talking about that disgusting old man, the police captain that seduced you!
The younger froze in face of those words, finally understanding why he was always under the impression he had already seen Satoshi’s eyes in somebody else. Suddenly, he lost his support and felt the strength leaving his body.
- You didn’t know? - Miura asked, realizing that, until then, Nino had not connected the two men. He got off from over him and, sitting again, started laughing as a lunatic. - The name of that captain was Ohno Tatsuo - he said, cruel.
Without a warning, Nino twisted his body in bed, inverting their positions. Holding his boyfriend’s legs beside his body, he took a comfortable position and took control in his hands.
He had to bite his lip, excited, in face of a sexy Satoshi, subjected to his rhythm.
He felt a frenzy enveloping him, as soon as his boyfriend’s hands circled his waist. He intensified his movements in a desperate way, trying to engrave on his body a last memory of them two.
They loved each other almost all through the night, restlessly, passionately. When he believed his companion had no strength left, he felt him cuddling against his back. His hot breath caressed his nape, seconds before he said the words he waited to hear for all his life, but he didn’t want to listen at that very moment.
- I love you, Nino.
Nino never learned the name of the captain whose advices he started receiving after being caught painting graffiti in the walls of the city in a distressful night. Just as everybody else, he only knew him by the nickname, ‘Maou’, as they called him, due to his severe look and the rigidity with which he handled the outlaws.
It was all a facade; he came to learn. Behind his severity, there was a kind and worried man. Nino started anticipating their meetings with anxiety, counting on the minutes to see him. He not only admired him, but also was attracted to him. Maybe for, in a way, having him as a father figure.
For several times, the captain paid for his meal and advised him. He said he wanted to introduce him to his son, who was around his age, for he was sure they would become good friends.
Yes… he loved the captain, but in a filial way.
- The Captain never laid a hand on me, senpai. He always respected me...
- Please, Kazu! Do you really think I will believe you have never done anything perverted in your secret meetings? You were my boyfriend! And you were getting more distant from me each day! It could only be his fault!
- Our relationship was nothing like this...
- Don’t lie to me!
- I’m not lying - his voice was teary and, for a moment, Nino felt as if the room was revolving.
- Just as you weren’t lying when you said Ohno was just a friend?
The mention to his boyfriend made Nino lose his air.
- Senpai...
- Enough, Kazu! - he got closer to Nino’s face, his eyes shining in a way that the youngest had never seen before. - This clownery ends here. You are mine and you will come live with me once again.
- I’m not...
- Don’t make me lose my mind! - he cut him - Or shall I kill the son just like I did to the father?
*****************************
Satoshi stretched his body, making the bones of his back click in the process. He blinked a few times and then rubbed his eyes, lazily. He was tired, but incredibly satisfied.
He smiled, remembering the day before. He had not felt himself so light and so happy in a long time.
His smile died on his face when he didn’t find Nino beside him in bed. In his place, there was a notebook sheet, folded in the middle.
The bad feeling started to pulse in his chest again when he picked it up.
'Oh-chan,
A long time ago, I lived trapped in a world of shadows and illusions. It took a long time for me to remember that, one day, there was a colorful world inside me.
Meeting you made me remember that I was entitled to make plans.
You are the light I have always searched for.
You not only made me believe in the future again, but also restored my will to move on.
I will never have enough words to thank you for all the happiness I felt in our months together.
No… don’t think about this as a goodbye.
I’m not leaving you, but I will need to stay away for a while.
I’m sorry for being unable to explain my reasons, but can you trust me and don’t come looking for me?
I’ll let Niji under your care. I can only entrust her to you.
I love you. '
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Notes: Hello Minna! As you did requested here we are with a bonus chapter as Easter Gift xD So first of all don't kill us... Second of all about Junba, As you did read Masaki is really hurt but he did gave to Jun a second chance will Jun deserve it? Well his actes will show that for us soon... Even tho as a Good friend Masaki couldn't take his worries about Sho off his mind, righT?
About Ohmiya, we know were cruel a trully DoS LOL But for Nino protect Ohno is more important than his own life, plus with that he did undrstand what happened to Ohno, his sadness and crisis even indirect has to do with him... So that's it! Wait just remember something folks Ohno trully loves Nino, will he let Nino go that easily? We see you in the next chapter ♥
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