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Desiderata...
I don't really have much to say.
I've spent the last 2 hours researching my symptoms/disease progression hoping it would make me feel better
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Storm...
I honestly don't believe it. I'm struggling to comprehend my life. My past, my present. I need answers before I can even think about the future.
I am calm. Sad. But calm.
This is changing me. More than I can explain. It was so nearly me. It was so nearly J finding me and my friends and family grieving. But it will never be.
Tomorrow, I will be a ( Read more... ) -
Slow...
I also forgot to say, I got a letter this morning.
I have an appointment at 9am on Monday morning in the Spinal Clinic at the hospital.
My head is all over the place. I feel like a zombi. I'm in shock, I am so, so sad. And I am scared for Monday.
Life is... so ludicrous. I think I got so confused today about what to feel that I have just shut down ( Read more... ) -
...
"Dear Friends,
Tragically Trish passed away last night. Arrangements are being made for a small cremation ceremony here in America to be followed by a service in her home town, UK to be scheduled in the next few weeks. It is impossible to answer any of your questions at this point in time, please pass this message on to those who would like to know ( Read more... ) -
Fade away
Dissociating is my new way to deal with this. It's not difficult on these meds anyway.
This morning there was a letter from the hospital on my doormat. I got my hopes up. It was an appointment reminder for cervical smear testing. It's sent me into PTSD hell. I spent an hour in the shower just... shaking. I felt so raw. I don't know if I was crying ( Read more... ) -
"I'll be there for you..."
I've got a couple of close friends who really need me at the moment.
I'm trying so hard to be strong for them. To help. To make exceptions and put them first. To just... help.
I'm working, not well, but I'm going. I'm turning up and doing my job.
I'm carrying through plans I make with people, even when it really hurts.
I want to give up. I really ( Read more... ) -
Dinner party...
I worked so hard yesterday. I'm trying so hard.
I fought off tears for about 4 hours until I was finally alone last night. I barely ever cry. I just... Fell apart. I couldn't stop crying or shaking. And now every time I'm alone I have to keep constantly busy or it starts again.
We are having a close friend and her fiancé over for the afternoon and ( Read more... )
