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[daisan]

I'm very unhappy with the way I've been handling Kaden's nighttime tantrums. It just doesn't sit well with me to leave him crying and whining and screaming for however long it takes him to calm down. I mean, that's totally CIO. He's three, so it's not as though he's an infant who can't understand WHY I'm not coming to get him, but frankly, he's

Comments

[pink_aster]

I don't know what I'd do for sure, in your situation, but you do have to think about yourself. He is probably fine and I think it's likely you're doing the right thing. He's got to start getting himself back to sleep if he wakes up and you may as well work on it now, and not after the baby comes.

I know it's so hard.

[daisan]

I wish I knew if this was a function of being away from home, or if it's just a phase, or if he thinks that he can get away with it so he's testing boundaries so much more. He's been acting up something terrible the whole time we've been up here, refusing to listen, running out of the house without waiting for me, whining and throwing tantrums about EVERYTHING. Is this ALL because he misses home and my parents? Or is he just 3 and discovering his own power and, like all tyrants, totally abusing said power?

Ugh. I always wanted that magical power where you can read minds. I'm sure it would bite me in the ass most of the time, but in situations like this it would be SOOOO freaking helpful.

[bobbiewriting]

Maybe pull his mattress into your room? I know that is totally the wrong direction to where you want to be (with him sleeping in his own bed peacefully) but maybe that would help you to each get some sleep and slowly work back up to being alone in his room. Maybe he is just scared of being alone at night (with or without a nightlight). Maybe you could even just do it one night a week with a sleeping bag, like on Fridays or something to give him something to look forward to? I don't know I'm kind of just grasping here. I sooo hope that I can learn how to freeze time to avoid Tyler getting older...

[daisan]

There is the possibility of moving down into the basement with him. It's not a totally bad idea; that room has two twin beds so he could sleep in one and I could sleep in the other. It's cool down there and very quiet (I wouldn't be hearing the TV at night or Dan's dad leaving in the morning or anything.)

But I'm reluctant for two reasons. 1. When Dan comes back next week, there's no where for him to sleep. The twin bed is NOT going to fit both Dan and I, so we'd have to move all our stuff back upstairs again and get Kaden used to sleeping alone again. Which we'd have to do when we go home anyway. And 2. I wouldn't be able to go to bed before Kaden does. If he's up till 11 getting stories and what not, I'd have to listen and have the light on. It might not kill me, but I've been going to bed at 9 pm because I'm just so darn tired. I really want to keep that option.

But you're right. I feel like I need to compromise somehow. When Dan's grandma leaves tomorrow I think I'll try it for a couple nights and see if it makes a difference.

[novemberhour]

NOT to scare you, but, crazy story. My mother went through a similar situation with my sister, and I was no help at all. My sister would be crying, sobbing, standing up in her crib, and I'd hear her and I'd start crying with her, saying "Mom, please hold her, mom, she's sad." My mother tried over and over to explain to me how Sally needed to learn to go to bed, etc. So, one night, Sally's screaming at the top of her lungs, and I'm adding to the uproar, and my mother's going nuts. Finally, Sally stops crying, and my mom's happy, and I'm still paranoid. So Mom goes to check on her, and Sally's slid down between the crib frame and her mattress, choking. She was only quiet because she was losing airflow. Needless to say, this didn't help my mother's conscience.

A few weeks after that, though, Sally calmed down and started going to sleep comfortably in her own bed. So, it will stop. And it is the right thing to do, even though you feel bad.

[daisan]

EEEEP!

That's a really crazy story. It kind of exemplefies too, why I don't believe in CIO. Not that I think Kaden's necessarily going to suffocate himself if I don't go to him (though seriously, that thought is just ALWAYS there when you're a parent, it's so annoying) but that letting a baby cry like that goes against natural human insticts. You, as a child, were actually more in tune with what your sister needed than your mom, who was working from logic and against her conscience.

It's different, of course, as a kid gets older. I'm kind of torn right now between whether or not it really IS the right thing to do to let Kaden comfort himself. In so many ways he's still a baby, but in so many others he's old enough to understand that he has his own bed, we'll be there for him in the morning, and he simply can't sleep with me.

And it could also be that he's just not tired enough at night to go to sleep right away. Today we're trying no nap, though I think it's going to make things even worse. Eh. Cross your fingers for me!

[novemberhour]

I'm drawing a blank: what does CIO mean?

Hope the nap goes well! *crosses fingers*