Double Secret Probation
We have a coworker who has missed so much time calling in sick the bossman put him on probation. He signed a document in late May stating he would work at least 8 hours per day for two months. Never mind that our schedule is 7am to 5pm and everyone else works at least 10 hour days. The bossman would be content getting 8 hours from the 'Genus'. Today he called in sick. "I had bad Wendy's last night. I can't stop throwing up."
His health issues started in the spring of 2006 when the then 28-year old man was out three months because ....."I have a swollen prostate." Prior to that he was steady and mostly reliable. I was his immediate supervisor and felt the brunt of his absence. We felt badly that a man so young would have prostate problems, normally reserved for men twice his age. He returned from that leave for a few days then missed more time because ... "My medication is causing problems." He returned again for a week but missed the next couple of weeks because ... "My doctor changed my medication and I'm adjusting to the new meds." Again, we felt badly that he was dealing with this health issue. I did not take vacation that summer because we were shorthanded. We all did what we could to compensate.
After his third leave things got bizarre as his excuses started to change. He called in one day saying ... "I have an explosive bowel.", missing a few days that week. He missed nearly five months in 2006. When he finally returned he was still missing at least one day per week, often more. He was basically working part-time with full benefits. As 2007 unfolded he had new excuses every week and in some cases they were very strange. We had already stopped believing his bullshit, the compassion ended and resentment began. The following list are actual excuses for missing work given by the same young man.
I have missed so much time that I have errands to catch up on.
I have diarrhea.
I did not sleep last night.
I need to refill my prescriptions today
I had bad Whataburger last night.
I woke up to find two flat tires on my truck.
I tripped over my dog.
I hate my job.............(finally some truth)
Eventually he confessed that he had 'other issues' besides physical health. His doctor diagnosed him as a 'genius' who has emotional difficulty dealing with people of average intelligence. He cannot cope with us regular people in the workplace. Trust me when I tell you this man is no genius. He once wrote the word spelling it 'genus' and has displayed a level of functional illiteracy on company documents that's embarrassing. He's not without merit. I will admit he's mechanically gifted and very good with electronics. When here he generally does a good job. Unfortunately he's socially immature, argues with his 'inferior' coworkers and is not to be trusted. The absentee days continued to pile up over 2007 into 2008.
My truck has a dead battery.
I have things to do.
My refrigerator died.
I lost my dog.
I have a sinus headache.
My girlfriend has car trouble.
As we speak, I'm puking........aaaaargh. (sound affects his)
I have to find my girlfriend a flight.
One after another the bizarre excuses continued and the bossman did nothing. During busy periods he would be upset with the Genus for missing work, he made threats, but it never affects the bottom line. Grumpy John, Hermanos and I pick up the slack meeting all deadlines. Grumpy and Hermanos are dependable workers. I demanded him transferred out of my department and asked for a replacement. I'm willing to train anyone that shows up every day and has a good attitude. Even when the Genus comes in he arrives at least one hour late, every single day! Finally The bossman had a heart to heart talk with him. He now works as Captain Sod's right hand man. Sod thought we were too harsh regarding the issue. He soon changed his tune.
I stepped in dog shit.
My girlfriend's room mate died.
I had bad chicken last night.
I was on my way to work, had diarrhea and had to turn back home.
My cat lost it's tail.
I have a migraine headache.
On the way to work I ate a breakfast burrito. I must go home and puke.
My washing machine hose broke, I must fix it.
Not one of these excuses are fabricated. Okay, maybe they are, but not by me. The Genus' lies, taking advantage of the bossman's lienency and missing over 100 days in the past 18 months eventually lead to the two month probation. If he did not work through this period he would lose benefits. The eight hour demand gave the Genus a free pass to set his own schedule within our 10 hour workday. He now arrives 90+ minutes late every day, works 7-8 hours and goes home. He's never been challenged on the days under 8 hours and today he missed his first day since probation started.
A situation like this does not help morale especially when other employees have been held to a higher standard and told as much. We've considered the possibility that he's actually a genius. You have to be a genius to get away with the lies and total disregard for the company and coworkers and ........ still have a job. I may suggest to the bossman that he should take a page out of Dean Wormer's book and put the Genus on Double Secret Probation since it's clear regular probation has failed. That didn't work in Animal House but it's worth a try.
I start vacation tomorrow. I really need one.