Fic: The Oncoming Storm (Slash, AU, Janto 30/40 Conclusion)
Author: d8rkmessngr
Pairing: Jack/OMC, Jack/?, Jack/Ianto eventually, het and slash
Rating: NC-17 (betaed)
Summary: He left Jack on the game station. Abandoned. But then…he came back…different. An AU look on what happens if things happened differently. Doctor Who 'verse with Torchwood later on. Be sure to read the warnings.
Warnings: Please read each chapter's individual warnings. Some parts down the road may briefly mention non-con, abuse, and/or violence. Dark in the beginning. Please note there are some dark thoughts as my boys are broken…for now. Each chapter will be labeled for your convenience.
Author's Notes: Please note this is an AU that will cross over DW to TW season one. I'm probably spoiling my own story, but it will eventually be Janto. There's a bit of a journey first. I hope you enjoy. I'm working on this and intend to post regularly every other day. And again, I always believe in happy endings. So without further ado…
Disclaimer: RTD and BBC owns them. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Warning For This Chapter: Very dark, suicide/ self harm themes. Graphic. Mentions past non-con/dubious consent. This is the 'dark' part of my name, folks..I pared it down, but it still reads dark. Be warned.
Notes For This Chapter: Note there are parallels to TW's "Out of Time"
Prologue + Ch , Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18. Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25, Ch 26, Ch 27, Ch 28, Ch 29, Ch 30 Act 1/4, Ch 30 Act 2/4, Ch 30 Act 3/4
Master Fic List: here
Chapter 30 "Out of Time 2.0"
Act IV
Christmas Day
Ianto absently stroked Jack's hair, feeling and reveling in the warm, patterned exhales against his throat. He sat there, his back against the headboard of his bed and watched the lights go by the blinds in his window.
Jack had been frightfully complacent, guided out of the Hub with only a tug from Ianto like a toddler. He looked confused when they reached the surface, but he eased himself into the rental with some gentle coaxing and was quiet the entire ride back to Ianto's flat. Jack curled up in the passenger seat, his greatcoat drawn up to his chin, eyes staying on Ianto. He didn't speak. Ianto was afraid of what he would say.
Almost immediately upon entering the bedroom, Jack sank into the bed without protest, his eyes sliding shut before Ianto could urge him to try and stay awake. Jack was still too lethargic to struggle; too careworn and mentally thinned to even try to wrap his mind on the fact that Ianto was slipping his shoes off, undressing him and tucking him in like a child.
The sight of Jack curled under his duvet with only a dark thatch of hair visible tugged at his chest, the same ache he felt each time he used to visit Lisa down in the vaults.
Ianto discarded the idea of making something for them both to eat. Ianto doubted that either one of them would be able to stomach even broth right now. Ianto grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, toed off his shoes, shed his jacket, and crawled into bed next to Jack. Next to the clean soapy scent and Jack's own warm unique smell, Ianto settled in with Jack pulled up against him, his arms around Jack's shoulder. That way, if Jack tried to wander off again, Ianto would wake.
Except, he didn't sleep.
Even now with exhaustion drawing lines deep into his face, Jack dreamed or else remembered. Ianto spent the night alternating between shushing the barely audible moans to planting feather light kisses along Jack's brow and hair to soothe him when Jack jerked in his embrace.
There were times when Ianto wanted to escape into the bathroom; nausea rose with each pained whimper Jack made, his arms and legs twitching and spasming under the assault of an invisible abuser. Ianto knew whom Jack called out for, his head thrashing against Ianto as if searching. Jack was frightened at times, angry at other times, confused and grieving in between. As Jack's body fought the remaining toxic mix of unknown pills and alcohol, his mind haunted him. Ianto could hear names he knew, names he didn't. Rose came up every so often, almost as much as the Doctor.
"Shh, shh, shh," Ianto hushed as one memory twisted Jack violently, nearly convulsing him out of Ianto's embrace. Ianto wiped the perspiration off Jack's face and neck with a corner of his shirt. He silently chided himself for the lack of foresight in getting a cool flannel first.
"It's alright. You're fine," Ianto murmured despite the fact that he knew, like before, that his assurances wouldn't breach through Jack's drugged hallucinations. Jack's lingering fever rose as if his body was fighting to burn off the poison inside. Ianto sweated next to him but he didn't move away.
"Stop," Jack groaned. His hands flailed as he tried to push something or someone away.
"Wake up. Don't do this to yourself," Ianto pleaded, nearly getting his chin knocked when Jack threw his head back, fighting something Ianto couldn't see and was afraid to know.
Ianto braced Jack against him, his shoulders rounded over his captain.
"He won't come near you ever again," Ianto whispered fiercely into Jack's ear as his vision blurred. He felt something hot dribbling down his nose and into Jack's hair. "I swear it on my life. I won't let him hurt you. I'll kill him first."
Jack seemed to quiet after that. Ianto kissed his damp hair. He could feel Jack slump against him like all his air had escaped his body. Ianto panicked at this sudden action until he could feel Jack's breath against his collarbone, his fingers tentatively rubbing at Ianto's cotton shirt, checking he was there. Ianto sighed, took it as acceptance and tugged the covers over them both. Jack's face settled against the hollow of his left shoulder, his body turned towards him, legs tangled with Ianto's.
Even now, with the weight of Jack's body on him, it felt like Jack was fading away, slowly burning into nothing.
Ianto wrapped his arms tighter around Jack, who merely murmured something before sighing. Ianto settled his chin on top of Jack's head, determined to anchor Jack here with him.
Ianto started awake after he dreamt of Jack being bound on that damn dais again, his vacant eyes staring up at the ceiling, the Doctor's bloody hand caressing Jack like a pet. He sneered at Ianto, who could do nothing more than stand there and watch, unable to move, unable to scream.
Ianto lay there, gasping in the dark until he realized that Jack felt too rigid, too tense against him to be asleep. He looked down and found himself under the scrutiny of half-mast cloudy cerulean eyes.
"Morning," Ianto smiled, or tried to. It hurt. Even his gritty eyes ached in the attempt. "Sorry, did I wake you?"
Jack's tongue swiped across his lower lip and he coughed. He squinted at Ianto.
"I'm real," Ianto told him. "You're in my flat, in my bed actually." He waited for it to sink in.
Perhaps the noxious cocktail was still churning inside Jack or what little humor and innuendo Jack had had died early last night, since Jack's only response was a blink.
"You…" Jack rasped. He looked surprised at the roughness of his voice. Jack moved a little, trying to place himself.
"I thought you 'ere…" Jack's eyes struggled to stay open. "…'oing 'ome for Chris'mas."
A sharp burn stabbed in his chest. "That was almost two days ago, Jack," Ianto's voice was unsteady.
Jack didn't seem to react to the revelation. He fidgeted, appearing to only now be aware of the fact he was huddled across Ianto. His brow furrowed.
Ianto struggled to sit up. He reached over for the water bottle sitting on a ring of condensation on his end table.
"Before you say anything else," Ianto told him, aware of Jack's eyes tracking him. Ianto uncapped the bottle. "Here. Drink first. You must be parched. Slowly now," Ianto murmured as he watched Jack slowly finish half the water.
"Are you hungry? I could make something." Ianto's face fell when Jack shook his head slowly. "A little broth perhaps?" Jack shook his head again. Ianto sighed. He rested against Jack's shoulder and felt Jack's hair tickling his temple.
"Later," Ianto decided out loud. "I know you haven't eaten for days."
"Not hungry," Jack rasped, sinking deeper into the bed next to Ianto.
"I didn't ask if you were hungry," Ianto chided.
"Bossy," Jack laughed hoarsely. "Who knew?"
Ianto rubbed his cheek against Jack and said nothing.
The light outside the window grew brighter. The sullen sky of pre-dawn was going away. Ianto could feel the sun between the slats.
Ianto felt Jack turn a little to rub his abdomen, his bare legs cool against his and Ianto pressed closer. He felt more than he heard Jack sigh.
"You shouldn't be here," Jack exhaled. His hand massaged Ianto over his t-shirt, his fingers pressing into muscle, like he was still checking if Ianto was there.
"Mm," Ianto murmured his approval at the deep circles Jack made on his torso. "May I point out I live here? Of course I can be here."
"Okay, I shouldn't be here." Jack didn't pull away though. "I should go."
Ianto chuckled under his breath.
"What?"
"I would like to see you try in just your shorts. I'm holding your trousers hostage, Harkness."
The duvet rose as Jack took a peek. "Huh," Jack digested. "Taking advantage of me in my sleep, Mr. Jones?"
Ianto flinched. "Never," he hissed, unable to stop himself. "I'm not him. I would never do that to you!"
The hand on his belly paused. Jack tensed when Ianto abruptly pulled him in close.
"Ianto," Jack sighed tiredly. He shuddered before relaxing into the hold.
"What were you thinking?" Ianto whispered brokenly. "I-God, when I came back there…" He buried his face into Jack's hair. Jack patted the small of his back hesitantly. Ianto gulped.
"What if I hadn't come back early?", Ianto asked, choking over the thought of Jack dying again and again, alone. "Why? Why on earth did you-" Ianto couldn't finish. He couldn't understand the waste of life like that. He just couldn't.
There was a loud sniff, then nothing else.
"I can't die."
It was like Jack was turning to ice. Ianto rubbed Jack's back when Jack's arms dropped to his sides. He didn't know what to say to that.
"I'd lived for decades," Jack mumbled. "What if I live for centuries? For m-millennia?" Jack shook.
Ianto felt cold as well. It was something he hadn't thought about; it never crossed his mind. What they were doing, where this could lead, they were the only things that occupied his mind.
"It's too hard sometimes," Jack rasped. His sigh was long and weary.
"You don't have to do this alone," Ianto whispered, his hand going up and down languidly.
A strangled laugh. "But I am alone. I'll always be the only one left." A muffled noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob escaped. "I can't do this anymore. I just want it to stop."
Ianto traced the knobs along Jack's spine under the worn T-shirt. "By killing yourself?" Ianto returned softly. "Even if-"
"I can't die?" Jack made a harsh sound Ianto suspected was supposed to be a laugh. "Pointless, right? How fucked up is that?"
"Shh…" Ianto heaved a sigh.
"I can't die," Jack quavered, his voice bordering anger and tears. "I can't. This is it for me."
Ianto wondered sadly if Jack ever allowed himself to think about it. Then again, who would want to dwell on it? As a child, like everyone else, there was always a fantasy about living forever, to see everything, do everything. But there was never a thought about the repercussions.
Jack trembled, shuddering in Ianto's embrace. He never looked up. He clung to Ianto like a buoy in a storm.
"He wouldn't even try. He just gave up after days. Said his life was already over. I held on for years. Years!"
Ianto winced. Jack's grip grew claw-like on his back for a brief second, then, as if realizing, Jack loosened his hold.
"It's not going to stop. Ever." The despair in Jack's voice was raw. "What did I do to deserve this? Why did this happen to me?"
The only thing he could do was murmur against Jack's hair, rub Jack's back, his legs draping over Jack to enfold the grief and misery into his embrace. He prayed it would be enough. He didn't know what he could offer Jack. His lifetime was a pittance compared to his immortality. Ianto took measured breaths, trying not to be swept along with Jack's despair.
Ianto's shoulder remained dry as Jack shook. Jack was like a taut wire, vibrating non-stop, unable to speak anymore because his teeth chattered too much to form words. Ianto suspected it was years of denial releasing, tearing through Jack in self-destructive waves.
"I just want to stop!" The wail smothered against Ianto's shoulder was still enough to send it shuddering throughout his body. "I need him to come back and fix this."
Ianto darkened but said nothing. Frankly, Ianto didn't think Jack needed the Doctor. He didn't need to be used like that and discarded so easily. Ianto didn't think the alien deserved such loyalty. How could Ianto ever make Jack see that though?
"I-I can't do this."
Fix me, was the unspoken plea in Jack's despair; a plea perhaps not directed to Ianto, not intentionally, but a request Ianto couldn't ignore.
Ianto held on tightly, Jack doing the same, their limbs tangled under the duvet. As Jack shook, tears unable to fall, vibrating as if he would shatter, Ianto wept in his place.
After a few moments, when Ianto felt his head was too big for his neck, his eyes swollen and hot, Jack had quieted. Ianto thought he had fallen asleep again. Jack felt cooler now, although there was still warmth lingering on the face pressed to Ianto's throat.
"You left."
It wasn't an accusation, too quiet to be more than a statement, but Ianto felt his mouth souring all the same.
"Yes." Ianto pulled away from Jack a little. Jack looked back at him with open curiosity. "I left." He cradled the back of Jack's neck and tugged Jack to him. Jack just lay against him; his limbs limp. He was like a marionette with its strings cut, cool and lifeless despite the tickle of air against him. Ianto kissed his brow, wishing for any reaction. He leaned back. "But I came back."
Jack's eyes seemed to be brighter with focus. He looked at Ianto and Ianto had the eerie sense that Jack was searching for something. He stayed very still, his arm around Jack was motionless, his gaze steady on Jack.
"You came back?" The doubt in Jack's voice hurt to hear. "Why?"
Ianto choked at the question. He dropped his head to Jack's shoulders and felt the other man automatically raising his arms up around him.
"Why?" Ianto repeated. He kissed Jack's collarbone. "Because it was never just about sex for me. Because it didn't feel right being there without you. Because…because…"
"I came back for you," Ianto blurted out before he could stop himself. Ianto felt Jack stiffen. Suddenly, he felt very foolish.
Jack pulled away and looked at him, startled. His mouth moved as if repeating Ianto's words. Something flitted across his face and his eyes were suspiciously brighter. Then, Jack just pressed his face to the crook of Ianto's neck.
Ianto lowered his head, unsure of Jack's response, but grateful for the contact. He closed his eyes as he felt Jack turn more towards him, arms shyly moving up to wrap around Ianto's middle.
"Thank you," Jack said, his voice muffled against his shoulder.
"Whatever for?" Ianto felt Jack's hold tighten.
Jack just shook his head, his hair brushing under Ianto's chin. He stilled and it seemed he was content to just hold onto Ianto. Ianto was more than happy to do the same.
Chapter 31 "Combat"
Additional Notes: Many thanks to soullessminion for betaing this chapter. And trtmx for her magic trick that saved my sanity! LOL.
Pairing: Jack/OMC, Jack/?, Jack/Ianto eventually, het and slash
Rating: NC-17 (betaed)
Summary: He left Jack on the game station. Abandoned. But then…he came back…different. An AU look on what happens if things happened differently. Doctor Who 'verse with Torchwood later on. Be sure to read the warnings.
Warnings: Please read each chapter's individual warnings. Some parts down the road may briefly mention non-con, abuse, and/or violence. Dark in the beginning. Please note there are some dark thoughts as my boys are broken…for now. Each chapter will be labeled for your convenience.
Author's Notes: Please note this is an AU that will cross over DW to TW season one. I'm probably spoiling my own story, but it will eventually be Janto. There's a bit of a journey first. I hope you enjoy. I'm working on this and intend to post regularly every other day. And again, I always believe in happy endings. So without further ado…
Disclaimer: RTD and BBC owns them. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Warning For This Chapter: Very dark, suicide/ self harm themes. Graphic. Mentions past non-con/dubious consent. This is the 'dark' part of my name, folks..I pared it down, but it still reads dark. Be warned.
Notes For This Chapter: Note there are parallels to TW's "Out of Time"
Prologue + Ch , Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18. Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25, Ch 26, Ch 27, Ch 28, Ch 29, Ch 30 Act 1/4, Ch 30 Act 2/4, Ch 30 Act 3/4
Master Fic List: here
Chapter 30 "Out of Time 2.0"
Act IV
Christmas Day
Ianto absently stroked Jack's hair, feeling and reveling in the warm, patterned exhales against his throat. He sat there, his back against the headboard of his bed and watched the lights go by the blinds in his window.
Jack had been frightfully complacent, guided out of the Hub with only a tug from Ianto like a toddler. He looked confused when they reached the surface, but he eased himself into the rental with some gentle coaxing and was quiet the entire ride back to Ianto's flat. Jack curled up in the passenger seat, his greatcoat drawn up to his chin, eyes staying on Ianto. He didn't speak. Ianto was afraid of what he would say.
Almost immediately upon entering the bedroom, Jack sank into the bed without protest, his eyes sliding shut before Ianto could urge him to try and stay awake. Jack was still too lethargic to struggle; too careworn and mentally thinned to even try to wrap his mind on the fact that Ianto was slipping his shoes off, undressing him and tucking him in like a child.
The sight of Jack curled under his duvet with only a dark thatch of hair visible tugged at his chest, the same ache he felt each time he used to visit Lisa down in the vaults.
Ianto discarded the idea of making something for them both to eat. Ianto doubted that either one of them would be able to stomach even broth right now. Ianto grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, toed off his shoes, shed his jacket, and crawled into bed next to Jack. Next to the clean soapy scent and Jack's own warm unique smell, Ianto settled in with Jack pulled up against him, his arms around Jack's shoulder. That way, if Jack tried to wander off again, Ianto would wake.
Except, he didn't sleep.
Even now with exhaustion drawing lines deep into his face, Jack dreamed or else remembered. Ianto spent the night alternating between shushing the barely audible moans to planting feather light kisses along Jack's brow and hair to soothe him when Jack jerked in his embrace.
There were times when Ianto wanted to escape into the bathroom; nausea rose with each pained whimper Jack made, his arms and legs twitching and spasming under the assault of an invisible abuser. Ianto knew whom Jack called out for, his head thrashing against Ianto as if searching. Jack was frightened at times, angry at other times, confused and grieving in between. As Jack's body fought the remaining toxic mix of unknown pills and alcohol, his mind haunted him. Ianto could hear names he knew, names he didn't. Rose came up every so often, almost as much as the Doctor.
"Shh, shh, shh," Ianto hushed as one memory twisted Jack violently, nearly convulsing him out of Ianto's embrace. Ianto wiped the perspiration off Jack's face and neck with a corner of his shirt. He silently chided himself for the lack of foresight in getting a cool flannel first.
"It's alright. You're fine," Ianto murmured despite the fact that he knew, like before, that his assurances wouldn't breach through Jack's drugged hallucinations. Jack's lingering fever rose as if his body was fighting to burn off the poison inside. Ianto sweated next to him but he didn't move away.
"Stop," Jack groaned. His hands flailed as he tried to push something or someone away.
"Wake up. Don't do this to yourself," Ianto pleaded, nearly getting his chin knocked when Jack threw his head back, fighting something Ianto couldn't see and was afraid to know.
Ianto braced Jack against him, his shoulders rounded over his captain.
"He won't come near you ever again," Ianto whispered fiercely into Jack's ear as his vision blurred. He felt something hot dribbling down his nose and into Jack's hair. "I swear it on my life. I won't let him hurt you. I'll kill him first."
Jack seemed to quiet after that. Ianto kissed his damp hair. He could feel Jack slump against him like all his air had escaped his body. Ianto panicked at this sudden action until he could feel Jack's breath against his collarbone, his fingers tentatively rubbing at Ianto's cotton shirt, checking he was there. Ianto sighed, took it as acceptance and tugged the covers over them both. Jack's face settled against the hollow of his left shoulder, his body turned towards him, legs tangled with Ianto's.
Even now, with the weight of Jack's body on him, it felt like Jack was fading away, slowly burning into nothing.
Ianto wrapped his arms tighter around Jack, who merely murmured something before sighing. Ianto settled his chin on top of Jack's head, determined to anchor Jack here with him.
Ianto started awake after he dreamt of Jack being bound on that damn dais again, his vacant eyes staring up at the ceiling, the Doctor's bloody hand caressing Jack like a pet. He sneered at Ianto, who could do nothing more than stand there and watch, unable to move, unable to scream.
Ianto lay there, gasping in the dark until he realized that Jack felt too rigid, too tense against him to be asleep. He looked down and found himself under the scrutiny of half-mast cloudy cerulean eyes.
"Morning," Ianto smiled, or tried to. It hurt. Even his gritty eyes ached in the attempt. "Sorry, did I wake you?"
Jack's tongue swiped across his lower lip and he coughed. He squinted at Ianto.
"I'm real," Ianto told him. "You're in my flat, in my bed actually." He waited for it to sink in.
Perhaps the noxious cocktail was still churning inside Jack or what little humor and innuendo Jack had had died early last night, since Jack's only response was a blink.
"You…" Jack rasped. He looked surprised at the roughness of his voice. Jack moved a little, trying to place himself.
"I thought you 'ere…" Jack's eyes struggled to stay open. "…'oing 'ome for Chris'mas."
A sharp burn stabbed in his chest. "That was almost two days ago, Jack," Ianto's voice was unsteady.
Jack didn't seem to react to the revelation. He fidgeted, appearing to only now be aware of the fact he was huddled across Ianto. His brow furrowed.
Ianto struggled to sit up. He reached over for the water bottle sitting on a ring of condensation on his end table.
"Before you say anything else," Ianto told him, aware of Jack's eyes tracking him. Ianto uncapped the bottle. "Here. Drink first. You must be parched. Slowly now," Ianto murmured as he watched Jack slowly finish half the water.
"Are you hungry? I could make something." Ianto's face fell when Jack shook his head slowly. "A little broth perhaps?" Jack shook his head again. Ianto sighed. He rested against Jack's shoulder and felt Jack's hair tickling his temple.
"Later," Ianto decided out loud. "I know you haven't eaten for days."
"Not hungry," Jack rasped, sinking deeper into the bed next to Ianto.
"I didn't ask if you were hungry," Ianto chided.
"Bossy," Jack laughed hoarsely. "Who knew?"
Ianto rubbed his cheek against Jack and said nothing.
The light outside the window grew brighter. The sullen sky of pre-dawn was going away. Ianto could feel the sun between the slats.
Ianto felt Jack turn a little to rub his abdomen, his bare legs cool against his and Ianto pressed closer. He felt more than he heard Jack sigh.
"You shouldn't be here," Jack exhaled. His hand massaged Ianto over his t-shirt, his fingers pressing into muscle, like he was still checking if Ianto was there.
"Mm," Ianto murmured his approval at the deep circles Jack made on his torso. "May I point out I live here? Of course I can be here."
"Okay, I shouldn't be here." Jack didn't pull away though. "I should go."
Ianto chuckled under his breath.
"What?"
"I would like to see you try in just your shorts. I'm holding your trousers hostage, Harkness."
The duvet rose as Jack took a peek. "Huh," Jack digested. "Taking advantage of me in my sleep, Mr. Jones?"
Ianto flinched. "Never," he hissed, unable to stop himself. "I'm not him. I would never do that to you!"
The hand on his belly paused. Jack tensed when Ianto abruptly pulled him in close.
"Ianto," Jack sighed tiredly. He shuddered before relaxing into the hold.
"What were you thinking?" Ianto whispered brokenly. "I-God, when I came back there…" He buried his face into Jack's hair. Jack patted the small of his back hesitantly. Ianto gulped.
"What if I hadn't come back early?", Ianto asked, choking over the thought of Jack dying again and again, alone. "Why? Why on earth did you-" Ianto couldn't finish. He couldn't understand the waste of life like that. He just couldn't.
There was a loud sniff, then nothing else.
"I can't die."
It was like Jack was turning to ice. Ianto rubbed Jack's back when Jack's arms dropped to his sides. He didn't know what to say to that.
"I'd lived for decades," Jack mumbled. "What if I live for centuries? For m-millennia?" Jack shook.
Ianto felt cold as well. It was something he hadn't thought about; it never crossed his mind. What they were doing, where this could lead, they were the only things that occupied his mind.
"It's too hard sometimes," Jack rasped. His sigh was long and weary.
"You don't have to do this alone," Ianto whispered, his hand going up and down languidly.
A strangled laugh. "But I am alone. I'll always be the only one left." A muffled noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob escaped. "I can't do this anymore. I just want it to stop."
Ianto traced the knobs along Jack's spine under the worn T-shirt. "By killing yourself?" Ianto returned softly. "Even if-"
"I can't die?" Jack made a harsh sound Ianto suspected was supposed to be a laugh. "Pointless, right? How fucked up is that?"
"Shh…" Ianto heaved a sigh.
"I can't die," Jack quavered, his voice bordering anger and tears. "I can't. This is it for me."
Ianto wondered sadly if Jack ever allowed himself to think about it. Then again, who would want to dwell on it? As a child, like everyone else, there was always a fantasy about living forever, to see everything, do everything. But there was never a thought about the repercussions.
Jack trembled, shuddering in Ianto's embrace. He never looked up. He clung to Ianto like a buoy in a storm.
"He wouldn't even try. He just gave up after days. Said his life was already over. I held on for years. Years!"
Ianto winced. Jack's grip grew claw-like on his back for a brief second, then, as if realizing, Jack loosened his hold.
"It's not going to stop. Ever." The despair in Jack's voice was raw. "What did I do to deserve this? Why did this happen to me?"
The only thing he could do was murmur against Jack's hair, rub Jack's back, his legs draping over Jack to enfold the grief and misery into his embrace. He prayed it would be enough. He didn't know what he could offer Jack. His lifetime was a pittance compared to his immortality. Ianto took measured breaths, trying not to be swept along with Jack's despair.
Ianto's shoulder remained dry as Jack shook. Jack was like a taut wire, vibrating non-stop, unable to speak anymore because his teeth chattered too much to form words. Ianto suspected it was years of denial releasing, tearing through Jack in self-destructive waves.
"I just want to stop!" The wail smothered against Ianto's shoulder was still enough to send it shuddering throughout his body. "I need him to come back and fix this."
Ianto darkened but said nothing. Frankly, Ianto didn't think Jack needed the Doctor. He didn't need to be used like that and discarded so easily. Ianto didn't think the alien deserved such loyalty. How could Ianto ever make Jack see that though?
"I-I can't do this."
Fix me, was the unspoken plea in Jack's despair; a plea perhaps not directed to Ianto, not intentionally, but a request Ianto couldn't ignore.
Ianto held on tightly, Jack doing the same, their limbs tangled under the duvet. As Jack shook, tears unable to fall, vibrating as if he would shatter, Ianto wept in his place.
After a few moments, when Ianto felt his head was too big for his neck, his eyes swollen and hot, Jack had quieted. Ianto thought he had fallen asleep again. Jack felt cooler now, although there was still warmth lingering on the face pressed to Ianto's throat.
"You left."
It wasn't an accusation, too quiet to be more than a statement, but Ianto felt his mouth souring all the same.
"Yes." Ianto pulled away from Jack a little. Jack looked back at him with open curiosity. "I left." He cradled the back of Jack's neck and tugged Jack to him. Jack just lay against him; his limbs limp. He was like a marionette with its strings cut, cool and lifeless despite the tickle of air against him. Ianto kissed his brow, wishing for any reaction. He leaned back. "But I came back."
Jack's eyes seemed to be brighter with focus. He looked at Ianto and Ianto had the eerie sense that Jack was searching for something. He stayed very still, his arm around Jack was motionless, his gaze steady on Jack.
"You came back?" The doubt in Jack's voice hurt to hear. "Why?"
Ianto choked at the question. He dropped his head to Jack's shoulders and felt the other man automatically raising his arms up around him.
"Why?" Ianto repeated. He kissed Jack's collarbone. "Because it was never just about sex for me. Because it didn't feel right being there without you. Because…because…"
"I came back for you," Ianto blurted out before he could stop himself. Ianto felt Jack stiffen. Suddenly, he felt very foolish.
Jack pulled away and looked at him, startled. His mouth moved as if repeating Ianto's words. Something flitted across his face and his eyes were suspiciously brighter. Then, Jack just pressed his face to the crook of Ianto's neck.
Ianto lowered his head, unsure of Jack's response, but grateful for the contact. He closed his eyes as he felt Jack turn more towards him, arms shyly moving up to wrap around Ianto's middle.
"Thank you," Jack said, his voice muffled against his shoulder.
"Whatever for?" Ianto felt Jack's hold tighten.
Jack just shook his head, his hair brushing under Ianto's chin. He stilled and it seemed he was content to just hold onto Ianto. Ianto was more than happy to do the same.
Chapter 31 "Combat"
Additional Notes: Many thanks to soullessminion for betaing this chapter. And trtmx for her magic trick that saved my sanity! LOL.