Fanfiction || You're My First, My Last, My Everything || Jane/Maura || Part One

[cuzimastripper]

Title: You're My First, My Last, My Everything
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): tamswitter
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles
Rating: PG-13 (so far - will end up being NC-17)
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Length Thus Far: 6,936 words
Summary: The first time is always the easiest to remember, but the hardest to get to.
A/N: First Rizzoli & Isles fic! I found there just isn't enough 'first time' fics for this fandom (that I've seen anyway - most tend to have an already established relationship between our two girls) and since that is my writing fetish I decided to give it a shot. I'm incredibly long winded though and like to draw shit out, so this will probably be a long one lol. And I know the title is sap!fest but my creativity in titling is lacking today, haha.

CHAPTER ONE
First Attraction

The first time Maura looked at Jane as anything other than a friend, was at the Fourth of July picnic.

The entire Boston Police Department held the event and it was filled with good food, great games, and even better drinks. The sun beat down heavily on their shoulders as a light, yet persistent breeze washed through the trees, reminding them all that summer was in its prime. It was a beautiful day.

Maura’s sitting on a blanket that’s spread out on the crisp grass, one leg tucked underneath her while the other lay by its side, her heel on the verge of slipping off her foot entirely. She squints through her sunglasses as she sips her margarita, eyes searching the field for any sign of Jane. She was supposed to meet her there.

It has been almost an hour though and so far the brunette was a no show. Maura sighs a little, feeling the disappointment settle in her chest from her friend’s absence. After putting down her drink, she starts fishing through her purse in attempt to find her phone. Maybe something happened.

She dials Jane’s number from memory before gracefully moving her hair off her shoulder and placing the phone to her ear. Jane picks up on the first ring. “I’m almost there,” she answers without a hello.

“Did you get lost?” Maura asked, a hint of a tease behind her voice. She can almost hear Jane smile on the other end of the phone.

“There was this strange phenomenon called traffic.”

Maura smiles, cradling the phone between her shoulder and her ear while she settles her back against the tree behind her, “That does sound strange, considering no one else found themselves stuck in it but you. The traffic’s all at the waterfront right now.”

That makes Jane pause, and Maura congratulates herself on rendering her friend speechless for a moment while she calls her on her lie. “Where were you, really?” Maura asks.

The pause is longer this time, then finally: “Ma forced me into shopping. It was horrendous.”

Maura tries to stifle a laugh, but finds she can barely contain it. Jane’s mother taking her shopping always ended in Jane wearing things she normally wouldn’t be caught dead in. “Oh, I can’t wait,” she teases her.

“Shut up.”

Maura blinks as she hears an echo of that last sentence and she turns around; looking around the tree to see Jane standing there, looking like she feels very awkward in her brand new sundress. Jane narrows her eyes and points a finger warningly at Maura, “Don’t. Say. A. Word.”

But if Jane was expecting her to laugh or make fun of her, she was mistaken. In fact, the first thought that came to Maura was ‘Wow.’ The dress showed off her long, slender legs and the color even complimented her toned thighs, showing every ripple of muscle as she struggles to sit down on the blanket next to Maura without flashing the entire field. The dress hugged her curves in a very complementary fashion, accenting both her hips and the curve of her breasts. Maura found herself staring before she could help herself.

“Can you quit looking at me like I’m a freak of nature? I’ve already gotten to that page,” Jane asks, annoyance filtering through her voice.

“I’m… not,” Maura struggles to say, almost fumbling over the words. It must be the sun, because Jane looks like she’s glowing. She could very well be the most beautiful thing Maura has ever seen.

That thought makes her flush a little though, not knowing where it came from, and she averts her eyes and picks her margarita back up, trying to not make it obvious that she just checked her out. “You look nice,” she tells her, then takes a sip of her drink to try to stifle anymore stray thoughts that might feel the need to fall out of her mouth without warning.

“Very funny.”

“No, I mean it,” Maura insists, looking back over at her. But when their eyes catch, Maura suddenly feels a little strange and decides to break the eye contact again. She clears her throat, trying to get out of the awkward phase she had found herself in. “What’s the occasion?”

Jane sighs, rubbing her temples like she’s trying to stifle a forthcoming migraine. “Take a guess.” But before she allows Maura to answer she reaches out, grabbing the medical examiner’s margarita. “And give me some of that.”

Maura lets her take the glass, watching Jane swallow what’s left of the frozen cocktail like it’s a shot. “You’re going to get Spheno Palatine Gangleoneuralgia that way,” she informs her.

“What?” Jane asks, right before wincing and holding her head. “Shit, ow.”

“Brain freeze,” Maura explains, though obviously a little too late. “It’s the result of your blood vessels in your stomach constricting when put in contact with cold fluids too fast. Which is interesting, actually, because the pain is diverted from your stomach to a nerve in your head which-“

“Maura,” Jane says flatly, still holding her head in pain. “Please shut up.” She was obviously in no mood to hear any medical facts at the moment.

“Give me your thumb,” Maura tells her, holding out her hand.

“What?”

“Your thumb; give it to me,” Maura repeats as she takes Jane’s hand before guiding her thumb into her mouth. “Press and hold the roof of your mouth. The heat from your fingertip should warm the sensitive spot that can trigger it.”

“Mmfph.”

“And don’t talk,” Maura tells her with a pointed look as she holds Jane’s hand still, knowing her friend’s tendency to be stubborn. Jane’s response is the narrowing of her eyes, but she relents and lets Maura help her. They make eye contact, Maura’s hands wrapped around hers, and Maura feels her stomach do a little flip. She clears her throat again, and after thirty seconds, she let’s go of Jane’s hands. “Feel better?” she asks, averting her eyes for a moment while she picks invisible lint off of the blanket.

Jane makes a face at having to have had her own hand in her mouth and grabs a napkin to wipe it off before responding, “Yeah. Thanks.” She crumples up the napkin and throws it onto the blanket carelessly, which makes Maura make a face and daintily pick it up with two fingers before placing it in a bag she’s already designated for trash.

She’s trying to distract herself from the endless theories about her newfound reactions to Jane that are running rampant in her mind, seemingly only drawing to one, logical conclusion that Maura really doesn’t want to dwell on at the moment.

“So,” Maura starts, trying not to seem at all awkward as she gets back to the conversation prior to the brain freeze incident, “Your mother is hoping you find a man at this picnic, I take it?” Maura wishes that didn’t come out sounding so bitter. What is happening to her?

She also wishes she wasn’t becoming so aware of what’s going on. Ignorance is definitely bliss; there is no question about that after today.

Jane scoffs, adding a slight eye roll for effect. “You know my Ma; she’s always on my case about that. No matter how many times I tell her I’m not gonna date a man from work, or a man from her church, or a man who’s seen what her ‘bottom line’ is before my own-”

“Wait, what?” Maura interrupts, eyebrows rising in slight horror. “Did she try to set you up with someone she dated before her and your father got together?”

“What? No! Maura, that’s sick,” Jane responds, pulling a disgusted face. “I meant her gynecologist.” There’s a pause as she weighs that up against the previous assumption. “Not like that’s any better.”

Maura’s inclined to agree.

Jane continues her rant though, “I mean, so what if I’d rather be working than at home, raising a family? I have a hectic life because of my job and the last thing I even have time for is a man and the many ways he’ll need his ego stroked.” Jane scoffs a little at the mere thought of it and reaches into Maura’s picnic basket, taking out a grape and popping it into her mouth. “Besides,” she goes on, still chewing the grape, “she goes on and on about how I need someone to love and protect me, when frankly I got all the protection I need right here.” She pats her thigh, which makes Maura notice the distinctive bulge.

“You strapped your gun to your thigh?” Maura asks, though she shouldn’t be surprised.

Jane smirks and hikes the bottom of her dress up a little to expose her firm, supple thigh that’s holstering her weaponry. “Well where else would I keep it?”

Maura doesn’t have an answer for that, but probably because she’s staring at Jane’s thigh. Probably for a bit longer than she needed to be, too.

“Maura?” Silence. “Maura!” Jane snaps her fingers in her friend’s face, who shakes herself out of her staring contest with the curves of Jane’s legs and instead looks up her face, a bit sheepish. “You spaced out on me,” Jane tells her, amusement in her voice. “The sun getting to you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Maura replies, deciding that the heat was more than likely affecting her sense of perception, which is causing this whole ordeal in the first place. Not that Jane is aware of the ordeal though, seeing as it seems to only being running amok in Maura’s head. “Sorry,” she apologizes, looking up at her friend and giving her a reassuring smile. “I knew I should have worn a hat or something,” she finishes, subconsciously touching her hair.

“And completely offset your entire outfit?” Jane asks, her voice higher than normal.

Maura narrows her eyes. “You’re mocking me.”

“A little,” Jane answers, a teasing grin forming on her lips. Maura purses her lips together, trying not to smile as she lightly shoves her.

“Here,” Maura says, reaching into her picnic basket to grab her a sandwich. She hands it to her and says, “I made you your favorite.”

“You spoil me,” Jane says with a grin as she grabs it, unwrapping the foil from around it before taking a bite.

“Well, you don’t want a man to do it so I guess that responsibility now lies on your friends’ shoulders,” Maura tells her with a little half smile, looking at her under her eyelashes. She then realizes how flirty that could be construed and quickly averts her eyes as she grabs her own sandwich.

Jane doesn’t notice Maura’s behavior though. She holds up her sandwich to accent her point as she says, food still her mouth, “Exactly. I don’t need a man; I have you.”

Maura wishes her stomach didn’t do a tiny flip at that sentence.

“Hey Rizzoli, what’s with the dress, you got a date after this?”

Jane’s response to Korsak’s friendly teasing was with her middle finger as she chews her food. “Eat me,” she responds after she’s swallowed.

Korsak holds up his hands in surrender. “Hey, it was only a question.” He nods at her in acknowledgement, “You look nice.”

“Ha, ha.”

“She doesn’t know how to take a compliment,” Maura tells Korsak, feeling like she needs to explain Jane’s self conscious behavior.

“Hey, I can take a compliment!” Jane protests. “I just resent being mocked.”

Korsak and Maura share a look, but neither says anything, not finding it worth it to argue. Changing the subject, Korsak tells her, “There’s a softball game starting soon. Frost wanted to me to check on the teams.”

“I’m in,” Jane says. “Maura?” she asks, looking at her.

“Yeah, I’ll play.”

“Alright, I’ll let him know,” Korsak says, but he pauses before turning to walk away. “You do look nice, Jane.”

Jane rolls her eyes. “Whatever,” she mumbles, a bit agitated.

Korsak looks at Maura again, who just shrugs helplessly before he finally turns and walks away. Jane takes another big bite of her sandwich, stuffing her mouth and looking a little irritated. Maura doesn’t say anything for awhile, and they both eat in silence. Once they both finish their sandwiches though, Maura decides to ask something that she’s been wondering ever since Jane said her mom made her wear the dress.

“Jane?”

“Mmm?” Jane acknowledges, looking up at her as she shoves her trash into the bag.

“Now, don’t get mad… but I have a question.”

“Well that’s a great opener, Maura,” Jane responds sarcastically.

“I mean it!”

Jane just sighs, once again irritation setting in. “What?”

“Your mother made you buy and wear the dress to attract a man, right? But you don’t want a man, so why are you still wearing it if it’s making you feel uncomfortable? I know you keep a spare change of clothes in your trunk.”

Jane opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out for a moment. Maura raises her eyebrows and Jane closes her mouth and begins to look increasingly uncomfortable before she snaps defensively, “It’s hot out, alright?”

“Alright,” Maura starts in a voice filled with surrender on the subject, seeing as it’s obviously a sensitive one for some reason. “I was just-”

“It’s too fucking hot for slacks,” Jane snaps again, interrupting her. “I don’t want to be analyzed.”

“I wasn’t analyzing you!” Maura hastily responds. “Why are you getting upset with me?”

“I’m not upset.”

She’s obviously upset.

Actually she’s… embarrassed? Maura notices a slight blush coloring Jane’s cheeks and her eyes widen a little. Did Jane actually dress up for someone? Who?

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” Maura asks, perplexed by the request.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“I’m not looking at you like anything, Jane. I was just looking at you,” Maura tells her, starting to get a little irritated as well at Jane just snapping at her like that over a simple question.

Jane doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t look at her either.

Maura takes a breath, trying to calm this whole situation down. “Hey, Jane? Look at me,” she says, reaching out and putting her hand on top of the brunette’s, which is resting on the blanket. Jane looks down at her hand, and then back up at her face. Maura looks her in the eyes and says sincerely, “I wasn’t trying to analyze you. If it’s too hot to wear slacks than that’s fine. And… I’m glad you wore the dress. You…” she pauses, a little hesitant of what she’s going to say next, but decides to continue being sincere and tells her, “You look really amazing right now.”

Jane looks a little shocked at how honestly that came out of Maura’s mouth, but then she makes a little face of defiance before looking down at the blanket. “It’s just a stupid dress.”

“Yeah? Well you look beautiful in that ‘stupid dress’” Maura tells her honestly, but firmly. She isn’t about to take any more back talk about it.

Jane’s silent for a moment as she looks at Maura’s hand on top of hers. When she does finally look up and meet her eyes, she gives her a little apologetic smile and mumbles, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Maura says, squeezing Jane’s hand a little before letting go of it. “Can you stop being cranky now?”

“Yeah. Sorry,” Jane says, still seeming a little uncomfortable as she tries to shrug it off. She purses her lips together before she looks out across the field. “We should probably go see what’s up with the softball game.”

Maura looks out at the field, then back at Jane. “You go. Let me clear this away and I’ll catch up,” she tells her, motioning to their little picnic area.

“You sure? I can help.”

“No, it’s fine. Really. I’ll see you out there in a minute, okay?”

Jane wrinkles her brow, but relents. “Alright,” she says, getting herself off the ground. “I’ll save you a spot on my team,” she tells her with a smile.

“You better,” Maura says, returning her smile before she watches Jane walk off in the opposite direction.

Maura sighs a little to herself, watching the sun illuminate every ridiculously attractive curve of Jane’s body as she walks away. God, she’s in so much trouble right now.

She knows how attraction works; how all of a sudden you can look at someone one way, and then the next day they’re something completely different in your eyes. It’s random and it’s spontaneous and it sure as hell isn’t planned, but it also can’t be stopped. And it’s hard, it’s so hard especially when that person is your friend; when they’re your best friend.

All Maura can hope for right now is that she’ll be able to suppress it, because even if Jane doesn’t want a man, it definitely doesn’t mean that she’ll want a woman instead.

A/N: Wow you guys! I'm stunned by how much feedback I've gotten after only the first chapter. Thank you! I'll try not to disappoint :)

CHAPTER TWO
First Exposure

The first time Maura saw Jane naked was during a case involving a serial killer named Jackson who was, at the moment, unfortunately interested in Maura.

Because of that, Jane insisted it was far too dangerous for Maura to stay at home. So she packed her a bag, practically threw Maura in the car, and drove her friend to her apartment. The way Jane handled it was like she was fearful that Maura would try to protest. She was very “I Jane, you victim” about it; all tough girl and protective and demanding that Maura practically stay handcuffed to her to stay safe.

Alright, she may have been exaggerating about the handcuffs. But regardless.

The minute Jane found out Maura was the target she went completely overboard on protection detail; a patrol car driving by every fifteen minutes and two policemen stationed at either entrance of the apartment building. Maura was not allowed, under any circumstances, to leave the house, let alone go to work.

Maura didn’t mind being stuck in Jane’s apartment with her. She didn’t mind her friend being overprotective of her. But what she did mind? Not working. How do they expect to solve this case without a proper medical examiner?

“Jane, neurosis is not a nice look on you,” Maura tells her flatly as Jane double bolts the lock.

Jane turns; a look of mild irritation on her face that Maura would classify her need to protect her as being neurotic. “I’m not going to let you get slaughtered, Maura.”

“I understand that, and I appreciate that; really, Jane, I do… but locking me up in a cage with you is not going to make catching this guy any faster or any easier. Do you know the statistical probability of you solving this case without me being able to look at that last body? I need to compare trace evidence, I need to see if the trauma to the last victim’s sternum is similar to the first, if there is a new kind of weapon involved. We need a pattern, Jane. We need-”

“Maura, please,” Jane says, holding up her hand to stop her midsentence, her face looking worn from age just by how tired and stressed she is over this case. “It’s been a very long day filled with disturbing and very graphic threats against you, and we both just need to try and relax, alright? I know you want to work, but I’d appreciate you also having the required amount of fear people are supposed to have in situations like this. So do me a favor and please, for one second,” she places both of her hands on Maura’s forearms, grasping with enough force to make her point as she looks her in the eyes seriously, “look very, very scared that some second-rate psychopath wants to slice and dice you.” She’s trying so hard to get the reality of the situation through Maura’s head.

Maura just looks at her indignantly. She doesn’t like being talked to like she’s an incompetent child. She’s very much aware of how serious this situation is; thank you. She can’t even hear a car alarm now without jumping halfway out of her skin.

“Please, for me?” Jane requests. “Just look a little bit scared for me?”

Maura sighs; clearly her friend doesn’t understand her point of view in all of this. She takes a breath and looks at Jane, who’s still trying to plead at her with her eyes. She’s scared too; Maura can tell just by the way she’s looking at her. “Of course I’m scared Jane,” she tells her softly, hoping that a calmer tone of voice will better convince Jane than being huffy over being locked up. She puts her hands on Jane’s, helping her remove them from her arms. She still holds them though, fingers linked together as she explains, “I’m not an idiot. But my response to fear is to solve the problem and make the object of my fear go away, not sit around and wait for someone else to do it for me while I hide in a corner and grow increasingly paranoid. That’s counterproductive.”

Jane takes a breath and pauses to contemplate Maura’s argument. Maura just looks at her expectantly, knowing Jane will have to see her point eventually, seeing as when Hoyt was a threat, the last thing Jane wanted to do was sit idly by and watch. “Fine,” Jane says finally, letting go of Maura’s hands. She instantly missed the contact. “I get that, but right now it’s late and you aren’t going to be doing this case any favors if you examine the body while exhausted.”

“I’m not-” Maura starts to protest, but is interrupted by Jane putting a finger to her lips and literally silencing her.

“Shh,” Jane tells her, making a zipping motion with her other hand. “Yes, you are. I am. So can we just… relax a little together? Please? We can have a girl’s night or…” she makes a face, clearly out of her element, “whatever it is that you call it.”

Maura looks amused and when Jane takes her fingers away from her lips she asks, “You mean a sleepover?”

“Yeah. That. You can do my hair while we talk about boys… or whatever it is that gets you off.”

Jane says that last sentence mockingly, but yet it took Maura’s brain straight to the gutter and there it sat as it made up incredibly graphic scenarios.

That’s the thing with Jane though; it can be completely serious one minute and then the next she says one thing, or moves a certain way, or just smiles at her and Maura’s back to being a lovesick puppy. It’s kind of awful, actually. Maura is eighty nine percent sure her crush will never actually amount to anything real, so she’s been trying to talk herself out of having one. It hasn’t been working as well as she had expected, however.

When Maura doesn’t respond to Jane’s suggestion, the brunette revises, “Or I can cook?”

That snaps Maura out of her inappropriate daydream and she shakes her head. “No, really, please don’t do that.” Jane was in no way the world’s best chef. “I’ll cook, if you want.”

“Not hungry,” Jane says with a shrug. Maura knows that’s a lie; she’s always hungry. She constantly says things like ‘I could eat a horse’, but then looks at Maura funny when she informs her that eating a horse in its entirety would more than likely get her very sick. “But I’m always up for some beer. You want?” Jane asks, heading towards the kitchen.

“Do you have any wine?” Maura asks, pulling a little face at the beer suggestion. She tried it once and while it was better than she would have guessed, she’s still a wine person at heart. Maura knows it was a pointless question to ask though even before Jane snorted in response. “Okay, I guess that was a stupid question, given where I am,” Maura revises.

“What do you mean by that?” Jane asks, stopping as she opens the fridge to look at Maura a little defensively.

Crap.

“Well…” Maura starts, then motions to her with her hands, hoping that explains it. While half the time she doesn’t know what could offend Jane, or other people for that matter, there are the rare times, like now, where she can become wary of what comes out of her mouth and how it can construed. People look at things a lot differently than she does most of the time.

“Well?” Crud, and there goes the arms across the chest.

“You just…” Maura starts, trying to find a way to say what she’s thinking in the most explanatory, yet nicest way possible, “you’ve situated yourself into this male role in your life with your job and the kind of attitude you have, so what I meant was that I shouldn’t be surprised that your regular beverage choices reflect that, is all.”

“Are you calling me butch?” Jane asks, halfway between laughing her ass off and being offended.

“No!” Maura insists. Well, once again her lack of knowing what’s actually appropriate to say is biting her in the butt. “That’s not… Jane, you don’t have to be ‘butch’ to find yourself in a man’s role, and I’m not implying that it’s wrong in any way. I think it’s nice that you’re protective and strong; that you know how to take care of yourself and everyone else around you. I think it’s admirable that you don’t back down and you fight for who and what you love.”

Jane looked like she was about to start protesting throughout the start of Maura’s explanation, but by the end found herself smiling a bit, despite herself. For complaining about how much men need their ego stroked, Maura realized Jane needs it just as much sometimes. She’s practically preening right now because her higher status in the food chain has just been validated. “Yeah?” she asks, this big grin on her face that makes Maura smile big too, just because Jane looks so damn happy over it.

She also just managed to say something right for once, which was a pleasant surprise.

“Yeah,” Maura tells her, shifting on the couch to cross one leg over the other. “And I think it’s wonderful when a woman doesn’t conform to society’s norms; it’s like trying to rewrite a system that’s been in place for millions of years. That takes confidence and rebellion and it’s…” sexy, but Maura stops herself before she says that and instead tugs on the bottom of her skirt a bit awkwardly.

She used to have no problems saying those types of things. Now it seems she’s second guessing everything.

“It’s what?” Jane asks, pressing that matter once she notices how quickly Maura shut herself up. She finally takes her beer out of the fridge and pops the cap off, taking a sip.

“Nothing,” Maura says, shrugging it off. “It’s just nice, is all.”

Jane gives her a teasing smirk as she walks over, then flops down on the couch next to her. “That wasn’t what you were going to say.” The way she says it makes Maura wonder if she already knows what she was going to say.

“That was about the gist of it, yes,” Maura insists, trying to feign complete innocence on the matter. She tugs on her skirt again. It’s starting to ride up.

“Nahhh, don’t think so,” Jane says, trying to act casual about it as she props her feet up on the coffee table and relaxes into the couch. But she’s got this tone in her voice that’s of complete disbelief and it kind of nags at Maura. “I think you were going to say something else.” Jane turns her head to look at her friend, this shit-eating teasing grin on her face. She knows she’s bugging her.

“Do you enjoy embarrassing me?” Maura asks, trying to sound indignant, even though she’s finding it hard to fault her. But she’s not going to let this go on like a teenager’s game of crush, so she tells her flatly, “I just thought it was sexy.” She doesn’t look at Jane when she says that though.

She’s going to end up ripping this skirt if she doesn’t quit pulling on it though.

Jane does continue to look at her though, that smirk plastered on her face as she nudges Maura with her elbow. “Is that your way of telling me you have a crush on my butchy awesomeness?”

“’Awesomeness’ isn’t a word, Jane.” A pause. “Neither is ‘butchy’, actually.”

Yeah, how’s that for avoiding the question?

Jane just chuckles though, letting the subject drop for now, which Maura is entirely thankful for because frankly, she knows she can’t lie about her crush on Jane. Not that she can lie about much already to begin with; but it’s been weeks and her crush seems to be getting progressively worse. While Maura thinks she’s handling it relatively well, it still frightens her a bit; the thought of Jane finding out. They tease and they play, sure. But it’s all games; it’s all in fun. If Jane ever found out Maura was playing for real, she’s pretty sure Jane would run in the other direction as fast as she possibly can.

“Yeah well,” Jane starts, then takes another sip of her beer. “English wasn’t my best subject in school.”

“I believe my toughest was Forensic Neuropathology.”

Jane just gives her Maura a look of disbelief before she laughs a little into her beer. Maura looks at her confused, seeing as she was just trying to share, but Jane just puts her hand on her thigh and tells her, “You’re a trip sometimes, Maura.”

If this skirt wasn’t so short, Jane’s hand being on her thigh wouldn’t be a problem. But it is, so it’s causing focus issues for Maura, who can only respond with a confused sounding:

“Thanks?”

“Hey,” Jane says, squeezing Maura’s thigh a little (which Maura tried very hard to not physically react to) before she stands up. “Will you be okay for a little while? I need to hit the shower. I feel wicked grimy; it’s not a nice feeling.”

“Yeah,” Maura says, giving her a smile and taking a breath of relief that Jane isn’t touching her like that anymore. It’s nice, don’t get her wrong. More than nice. But it’s too distracting. “I’ll just settle myself in and then maybe we can watch a movie or something after.”

“Nothing sappy,” Jane tells her, actually pointing at her in warning.

“Of course not,” Maura says with a smirk, amused by Jane’s rebellion against any and all things girly.

“Good. I’d rather not be sick tonight,” Jane replies with her signature dry sarcasm before she heads off into the bathroom.

Knowing that Jane can take an abnormally long time in the shower for someone who isn’t girly, Maura realizes she has time to call for some pizza and have it delivered right before, if not around the same time Jane actually exits the bathroom. Normally she would just cook for her, because even though Jane said she isn’t hungry she knows that’s a flat out lie, but Maura was exhausted from the day’s events and preferred something a little easier.

It’s been a hard day for both of them. While Maura will try her hardest not to outright show her fear (much like Jane, actually) she is scared. More than scared. For a serial killer to expressly threaten her… well, she knows how Jane feels about Hoyt now. Not that it’s even a comparison though, since what Jane went through with him was worse than Maura could even imagine, but she understands the fear now of being terrified of what’s behind every corner.

But Jane was right about one thing; she isn’t as scared as she probably should be, and because of that, she ended up making a very bad decision about the pizza. She feels the safest she’s felt at Jane’s house (which may be why she didn’t think about the repercussions), and it seemed like an innocent and simple enough thing. But Jane’s reaction was far from innocent or simple.

The second there was a knock on the door, Jane practically flew out of the bathroom (almost slipping and falling from being wet and dripping all over the place), gun drawn in hand and with a face of pure determination behind the slight fear that a serial killer’s on the other side of it, stark nude. It would have been hilarious if it hasn’t been so completely unexpected. “Get away from the door,” she orders Maura, advancing on the threshold herself.

But Maura can’t move. She’s just staring at her, mouth open at Jane’s unashamed display of her body, trying like hell not to notice the way droplets of water would fall from her wet hair and slide between her breasts.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

“Maura!” Jane hisses, before practically shoving her out of the way. “Get in the bedroom!”

“What? No,” Maura says as she shakes her head, realizing now what exactly is going on and how she just made of mess of things. She struggles to focus her attention on her face as she explains, “Jane, it’s just the pizza guy.”

“You ordered…?!” Jane starts in an angry and disbelief-filled whisper. “What the fuck did you do that for? You don’t know who’s on the other side of that door; Jackson could be waiting for an opportunity like this! What the hell were you thinking?! Serial killers can knock, Maura!”

“Jane, you’re nude!” Maura protests in a heated whisper, since that’s the only thing she can seem to focus on at the moment. She hopes she doesn’t try to answer the door like that.

“And you’re an idiot,” Jane snaps at her, which makes Maura automatically drawback, hurt. It was like getting punched.

Maura doesn’t say anything, though more out of fear that she may actually cry over that like some kind of child. So she backs up slowly before retreating into the bedroom, shutting the door and sitting on Jane’s bed. She puts her head in her hands and breathes slowly as one tear does finally, slowly, make its way down her cheek. She wipes it away and sniffs, trying to calm herself down. While she realizes she has no way to stop her lacrimal glands from producing a reaction, it still makes her feel childish to react that way.

If it were anyone else she probably wouldn’t be reacting this way… but it’s Jane.

Damnit, she really just made of mess of things, didn’t she? She didn’t even think about Jackson, all she thought about was Jane and how her face would light up when she realizes there’s a meat lover’s pizza waiting for her once she got out of the shower. She loves the stuff, even though Maura will remind her it’s one step closer to a heart attack which each bite she takes.

Jane’s right though; she is an idiot. Attraction usually makes people act like one though. All those chemicals sparking your brain into thinking it’s better to impress than actually think, and in the end, doesn’t everyone end up looking like a fool?

She really needs to get a hold of this crush she has. It’s obviously proving that it can put herself and the people she cares about in danger. She needs a clear head. What if it was Jackson on the other side of the door? Maura knows it’s not now; she can hear Jane speaking softly to someone and with the absence of yelling and/or sounds of gunfire.

Maura should have known better though. She should have taken two seconds to think.

It still hurt though; Jane calling her that, even if it’s true under the circumstances. It kind of cut her because Jane has never spoken to her like that before.

It takes awhile, but Jane finally does enter the bedroom, though this time in a robe that’s tied loosely at the front. Maura looks up at her, hoping her face doesn’t betray her and show her how hurt she is, but clearly it does because Jane sighs, placing her gun on the bedside table before she closes the bedroom door and leans against it. “I turned away the pizza guy. I tipped him for the trip though.”

“Fine,” Maura says flatly, trying to sound indifferent, but ends up wincing a little at the shake that comes out. She hopes there aren’t tear stains on her cheeks.

“Maura…” Jane starts regrettably, but Maura just shakes her head, not wanting to hear it.

“No, it’s fine. I understand.”

“No you don’t.”

“I think I do.”

“Maura,” Jane says firmly, grabbing her friend’s hands in hers and kneeling down in front of her to become eye level with her on the bed. “You scared the shit out of me tonight.” Her eyes search hers, like she’s desperately trying to make her understand that. “You don’t know who could have been on the other side of that door. You don’t know what could have happened if it was anyone other than the pizza guy. You don’t fucking know what it would do to me if something happened and I wasn’t able to stop it!” The last sentence is slightly hysterical, which gains Maura’s attention completely, seeing as she’s never seen Jane be that way. “And I’m sorry for calling you an idiot, that was a stupid thing to say. I was just… I was fucking scared, Maura. I just… I can’t handle that shit right now. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if something happened to you. I wouldn’t be able to fucking live with myself. Do you get that?”

Maura purses her lips together and looks down, not really knowing what to say besides, “I’m sorry.” She knows Jane was scared; the way she’s talking proves it more than anything since the only times she actively swears is either when she’s angry, terrified, or embarrassed and defensive about it. Terrified always gets the most swears per percentage of words though.

“God,” Jane mumbles under her breath, mostly to herself in relief before she takes Maura’s head in her hands and kisses her firmly on the forehead. She leaves her hands on her cheeks though, wiping away the last of her tears with her thumbs, face only inches away from Maura’s as she tells her seriously, “I care about you, okay? So please don’t try to recreationally kill yourself.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” Maura tells her softly, still feeling awfully guilty that she almost gave her best friend a heart attack. It also isn’t helping her guilt any that she keeps inappropriately picturing Jane naked from time to time, especially after something like this.

This is a disaster.

Maura groans at her predicament, pitching forward to bury her head in Jane’s neck, deciding facing the world is a no for today. She’s just done.

Jane looks a little surprised at Maura slumping into her, but she runs her fingers through her hair and then down her back before telling her, “It’s alright.”

“Not really,” Maura mumbles into her neck. “You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me,” Jane says, pushing Maura by her shoulders to have her sit up and face her.

“I think I’m going to respectively decline,” Maura tells her, moving away from her a little as she scoots further up the bed. She isn’t ready for this conversation. “I’m exhausted; do you think we can just go to sleep?”

Jane looks at her for a moment, as if trying to read her mind. But she must have not gotten anywhere with it, because a moment later she tells her softly, “Sure.” She gives her a small, reassuring smile as she climbs into bed next to her, then without any kind of warning, basically pulls Maura against her. Maura makes a little yelp of surprise, but Jane just chuckles. “Relax, I’m not going to bite.” She looks at her and shrugs a little self-consciously as she explains, “You just look like you needed a hug.”

“This is more like a snuggle, Jane,” Maura tells her, finally finding it in her to at least chuckle softly in teasing as she lays her head on Jane’s chest. She wipes at her cheek self consciously, needing to make sure they were all gone.

“Tomato, Tomahto,” Jane brushes it off, wrapping an arm around her friend. “But we’re probably going to have to find our way to opposite sides of the bed before we sleep, otherwise I’ll probably kick you.”

“Not used to sharing?” Maura teases softly, but a little distracted as she finds herself staring at the swell of Jane’s breast where her robe had fallen open a little. Jesus. Yeah. Opposite sides of the bed may be one of the better decisions of the night.

“Not used to being smothered,” Jane corrects with a smirk.

“I don’t smother!” Maura protests, looking up at her in mock offense. Jane snorts.

“Somehow, I doubt that.”

The two did eventually end up falling asleep; Maura still in her clothes and Jane still in her robe, both of them still snuggled into each other. Maura had one arm slung around Jane’s waist and the detective had Maura practically enveloped in her arms. It was definitely one of the best night sleeps Maura had ever gotten, even under the stressful and frightening circumstances.

And Jane didn’t kick her. For the record.

GO TO PART TWO