IAM- Ch 5/8
Chapter 5: Nishikido Ryo
****
The ear splitting buzz of the alarm clock woke me up. Ugh. My head... it hurts. My hand grope around the table looking for that noisy thing which caused me to stir up.
I found it. At last.
I sat down; I shook my head and yawned. Where am I? I blink my eyes. I fell asleep at my living room; the place was a complete mess! When was the last time I cleaned it? Was it two days ago? A week? A month? Or the worst scenario was it a year already? I looked at my hand phone; it flashed a picture of us-- me and my best friend.
I gasp. "Yabai! (Not good)"
It reminded me something very special, not for me, but for him. It’s a very important day that I shouldn’t forget; my memory got jolted back to reality. I yelled.
“Damn it!” I stood up and scooted around one way or two.
Hi. My name is Ino Chiaki and the guy on the picture is my best friend, Nishikido Ryo.
We’ve known each other almost half of our lives and... I was secretly in love with him.
What can I do? I've let the moment passes us by.
Now it's over...
____
"Chiaki!!! Oh my god I can’t believe you're late!!" Ayame yelled at me as I sat beside her. I was panting really hard and my feet hurts big time.
"Something came up." I said bending forward as I massage my foot.
"Oh... really?" she incline closer to me and started to sniff. "Hey! Chiaki! Did you drink again?!"
Uh oh... she caught me. "Yes?"
"Oh boy!!! Of all the nights you could have drunk, why did you choose last night?! "
"Look... All of us know, that I was supposed to be the girl standing beside him!! THERE!" I pointed out angrily in front. "There! Beside him! At the altar! I'm supposed to be his bride!! I was supposed to be the one wearing that gown! Holding the bouquet! Having that brightest smile! Achieving his best smile!!"
"Yeah! And all of us know either, that you broke his heart! You even choose his birthday to make that move! GREAT!" she said sarcastically.
I didn’t answer. Coz I'm highly classified as guilty.
"Grow up Chiaki! We're 25 years old! And it happened 6 months ago! We're adults here, for Pete's sake!"
Six months ago, the biggest and stupidest mistake I've ever done-- letting go of the person whom I truly love...
It was a sacrifice for the betterment of other people.
________________________________________________________________________________
My phone rang; it was a message from the prodigal friend. Ryo's ex girlfriend.
'Chiaki, let's meet up.' She stated the address of this coffee shop.
What does she want?
---
"I wanted to see you." she said casually, her expression did not change. "Because I want to clear something, between us."
"And what's that?" my voice sounded angrily.
"I still love Ryo... and I'm willing to give it another try."
"Why are you telling this to me?"
"Because... I know you love him too... Am I right?" I grab the glass and drink the water. Her voice suddenly changes into a mellow one. "... and he loves you too, more than you could ever possibly imagine." I almost choked. I wipe my lips. I don’t know what to say. But definitely, I'm happy. I'm excited. But I know where she's up to, that's why she’s saying this. "The day when Ryo came to my life... it was the same day; my mother left me alone in this world... I knew she send Ryo to me, that's why I cling on him... but all those years, I've always thought he held on me... he did... but it bound to change... He finally blurted the truth... it was you all along."
"Gomenasai (I’m sorry)." I bow in front of her. I tilted my head upward again, I saw her eyes, and it was shimmering. Then she sigh wearily, like she was about to choke.
She stood up from her chair and kneels in front of me. I got startled. She held my hand. I said, "hey... hey..." trying to make her stand her up.
She sobbed on my knees, "you've got everything... I only had Ryo... I humbly ask you, to give him up."
"It will always be his choice... so please respect whatever he would say."
"You know Ryo... once his mind is set... it will never change... and one of us will get hurt... on the choice he makes.”
"He's the only thing for me now... He's the only guy..."
"He's the only guy for me too... I've loved him for years... It was me who love him first... "
That's not true... that's not true! I wanted to yell and correct her; instead I sniffed and look upward trying to fight the flow of my tears. I sobbed quietly.
No.
It wasn’t you who love him first.
It was I, who loved him before you.
It was I, who always watch him from afar during his ups and down.
It was I, who stood beside him during his downfall.
It was I, who catch him when he fall.
And...
It was I, who truly love him.
"...must you take the only thing I had now? I need you to understand... that... I need Ryo... I only need him, in order to survive..."
---
"Happii baasudei tu yu.
Happii baasudei tu yu.
Happii baasudei tu dear Ryo-chan
Happii baasudei tu yu."
"Yey! Otanjoubi Omedeto!"
"Ryo blow the candles!"
"Yey!!!"
Everybody sounded happy, except for me. I had to put on a smiling face, as if I was celebrating a happy thing to.
"...and now, let the annual pumpkin carving begin!"
Ayame screeched happily. Then she passed the pumpkin to each one of us. It’s a routine, every year during Ryo’s birthday; we do this to compensate for late celebration of the Halloween party. Ayame as the judge sat on the chair near the bar and look at us three.
Ryo, sat at the corner
---
"Times up! Up! Up!"
I wiped my eye. Everybody seems busy that nobody noticed I was crying my heart out here. Should I really do this? Ryo and I… both of us will get hurt.
But I’ve already got everything, whilst she hasn’t.
He stood up in front of me and handed his pumpkin, it says, "Marry me."
He was grinning, so do Ayame. They were waiting for my reply. I pursed my lips and look down.
I opened my eyes wide and didn't blink often. As they say, it is easier to keep the tears from starting than it is to stop them after they begin to fall.
It was the simplest yet the sweetest proposal ever!
‘YES! YES!’ I wanted to yell, instead…
I suck-in a lungful air, and held it for 20-30 seconds. Slowly I released it.
Then I bit my tongue, in order to divert the pain I’m experiencing.
I looked straight at his eyes; I smiled at him and say, “Friends should not fall in love with each other right?”
Their reaction started to change. The aura became ominous.
“What?” I said and shrugged, playing dumb in front of them. Ryo look at the side, his jaw seemed tighten.
He gawked back at me, with glistening eyes. He cleared his throat and said in his husky voice, “I could understand you… and it would be better if you would just say, you’re not prepared, not saying some bullshits likes that.”
________________________________________________________________________________
I didn’t answer. Coz I'm highly classified as guilty.
"Will you guys shut your mouth?!" Her boyfriend, who was our friend too, yelled. And we did -- shut our mouth. "Today is Ryo's special day... and we should not give any sarcastic remarks, or regret things that didn’t bind to happen before."
I swallowed hard. It was my first time to hear him like that. My insides were shaking. I sat quietly on my place. He's right. I shouldn’t think of myself, I should not be selfish, for once.
“...If anyone present can show just cause as to why this couple may not be legally joined together, you should now declare it, or hereafter hold your peace...”
I tighten my grip and shut my eyes. My instinct tells me to stand up or yell in order to stop this marriage--this erroneous marriage. I felt my body rose up, but someone held me by my wrist. I open my eyes; it was Ayame and it’s getting tighter.
She bit her lips and shook her head slowly.
I sigh and gave up. I sat on the chair. I stare at Ryo’s back - he turned around then our gazes met. Somehow, I could feel his inner thoughts. I look away.
I'm sorry Ryo... I guess, I still don’t have the courage to do this after all this time.
"It should have been me." I said under my breath.
"Yeah... it should be you." I look at Ayame. Her gaze was fixed forward. I smiled. It was like push on my back.
Nobody dared to stop the wedding, the preacher continued until they said their vows.
"...I pronounce that you are husband and wife. Ryo, you may kiss your bride.” Ryo raised her veil. Their faces were only inch apart, but before he could kiss her. He took a glance to me.
I sigh silently until I was able to catch my breath. I nodded at him -- in approval and in my sign of letting go.
He looked at her again and they kissed.
With puff eyes, I clap my hands, and chorus with other people.
___
At the reception, I went first to the rest room and fixed myself. My make up got smudge. I look more intently at myself in the mirror; I look like a zombie now. My baby face was gone, I got wrinkles, and I’ve got dark circles under my eyes.
I put some powder on my face, some lip gloss and viola! I look good again!
I fixed my dress, making sure it perfectly shapes my curve.
Who knows, I might be able to meet other man here?
I went outside as I heard the MC shouted over the microphone.
"Ryo!" I snorted and got startled as I saw him standing outside.
"Chiaki..."
"What are you doing here? Shouldn’t be you're there?"
"Yeah, I know. I should be... well... I just want to say thank you for coming. I did not expect that you'll accept my invitation."
"Of course, I would not miss this opportunity to see and attend the most important day of your life!" I punch his shoulder. Pretending that everything is alright, but it wasn’t.
Even feigning to be happy in front of him, hurts.
Tears welled on my eyes again. He took a step forward and embraced me. "daisuki. (I love you.)" He whispers breathlessly.
I sobbed lightly. Then I wrap my hands around his neck. "or---"
"Ryo!" someone called, we turned on her direction -- it was his wife. We had to break the moment we had, "come on." she said. I gave her a half smile. And she did the same.
"Wait. I'll just follow you." Ryo said, she shrugged and walked away.
We're alone again. We stared at each other for a minute, but I wanted that moment to last for eternity. He held my face and wiped it with his thumb. Ryo gave me a quick peck on my lips. Then he walked out, leaving me all by myself.
I whisper.
"...Ore mo (me too)... watashi mo, daisuki. (I love you too)"
Then he walked out, leaving me all by myself.
Walk out of my life forever.
And today, I can only watch him from afar.
.........................................................................
"Now... let me present you some pictures of our groom." the MC stated just about when I returned on my chair.
On the projector, a lot of pictures flashed on the screen. And most of pictures, I could see my face. My smiling face. His smiling face.
How I wish I could bring back that smile...
I lay down my head on the table and buried my face.
If only.
“An author once said, 'we must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons... And I bet you're weighing tons over your shoulder.”
Eh?! An unfamiliar voice started to chatter, I tilted my head upward. I saw an old lady, whom I've never seen on before and during the whole ceremony.
I look at weird lady while tapping Ayame's hand, "Ayame... do you know her?" Oh god... this is so weird. The old lady stood up from her seat and started circling the buffet table... "Ayame!" I decided to turn my head on her direction.
EHHH???!!! Out of terror and adrenalin rush I immediately stood up from my chair, Ayame is not moving! What is this!? This is so freakkkkky!!!!!
Everybody is not moving!!! Oh my god!!!
I'm having hard time to breathe again. My breathing cycle isn’t normal, I'm having palpitation once more.
I gather my courage and trailed obaasan (grandmother).
"Obaasan...!"
"Ino Chiaki..." EH?! She knows my name?! "Look at the picture... that face of yours is different compare today." I turn around and looked at it. Indeed, I'm wearing a happy face there.
But now...?
I scratched my head, "ye-yeah?"
"Both of you look happy there. When was it taken?"
"Before I reject his proposal." I answered honestly and straight to the point, afterwards, I get embarrassed... and guilty.
"'If only'... those must be the two saddest word in the world... am I right?"
It hit me. The things she said. "Yes, I concur..."
"So what have you learn from your past?"
"Ugh... many things? And I've regret some of them"
"Like what?"
I sigh. "To be honest... Today, I've learned that, sometimes being selfish won’t hurt... and when you love someone, you must not set him free unless he gave up on you."
She nodded, I don’t know if she agreed with me or not, but I'm glad I've got that out of my chest.
"I agree... And I think that you are really a stupid girl." Eep. That's mean. I grimace. "...but do you believe in magic?"
I laugh and shook my head. "I'm not a kid anymore."
"Do you believe in love?"
"Yes."
"Do you believe in fate?"
"Yes."
"In destiny?"
"ugh... yes?"
"In magic?"
Okay fine, I decided to believe this time. "Yes."
"Do you think wishes come true?"
"Perhaps."
"Have you wished your wish?"
"Yes... unfortunately it didn’t bind to happen... Ne... Obaasan, why are you asking me this weird questions?"
She smiled at me sweetly, "if you ask, it will be given to you."
"Eh?!"
"Go on... before you ran out of chances." she grin at me and took a bite of her food. I spun around and look at Ryo... then to the projector.
I took a deep breath and close my eyes. 'I wish I could rewind the clock and make Ryo... mine.'
______
"Ino Chiaki..."
"Mmm..."
"Ino Chiaki..." I smirk and groan again. "Ino Chiaki!!!"
I tilted my head upward angrily, "what?!"
"Boss is looking at you." whispered by Ayame.
"What boss?! Are you crazy?! We’re at Ryo's wedding!! Where’s Ryo? I need to see him now! I had to confide him!" I shrieked. Then I notice something that makes my voice hushed. "I need to tell him that..."
Ayame laughed almost loudly. "Maybe you're the crazy one! What Ryo's wedding?! We're here at the office! And you're sleeping for almost two hours!"
"WHAT?! No! Today is Ryo's wedding! He's going to marry that..." I stopped. I don’t know what to call her; I sat on my chair firmly and looked around. Eh?! Where am I? "Hey! Ayame! Where are we?"
She exhale deeply, irritated. "We're on the office! And boss is giving you death glares!" I look upward and indeed he was giving me those glares. I gulp and look downward. I started typing something on the computer.
---
"Look! Ayame! I came from the future..." I raised my voice. Suddenly people from the line started to look at me oddly. "...And I anticipate that boss would give me a note, because of my attitude... Always falling asleep during working hours. Just like what I’ve told you, it already happened!"
"You know what Chiaki? You’re acting crazy today! You kept on forcing that today is Ryo's wedding, but it’s not! Now, you’re telling me you’re from the future, that's bullshit!"
"I'm telling the truth! Will you just listen and believe on me?"
"All those years, I've always been on your side, I've always believe your stories, you’re my best friend, I even treated you as my very own sister, but this... this is insane! You’re from the future and Ryo is settling down?! tss! To whom?!"
"Okay..." my eyeballs seemed unstable. “He’s going to marry her! Not me!"
"You mean the bitch ex girlfriend?!"
"YES!!!"
"You're crazy!"
"Huh? But it's the truth!"
She smirked. "They separated for almost a year already! And your relationship with Ryo is getting better!"
My aura turned gloomy. "...but I reject Ryo's proposal because of her... coz she asked me to."
"What are you talking about?! Ryo haven’t proposed to you or to her! Oh... my... god... you are really crazy!"
Eh. Eh? Eh! Wait a minute, what day is it today? Am I really talking about futile stuffs here? Ayame walked forward and swerve as she passed by another employee. "Ne... Ayame... What day is it today?"
"Ayame to chiaki, the lady who is acting crazy.... Today is November 3, Nishikido Ryo's 25 birthday!"
"EH????!!!!!!!!" My eyeballs wanted to pop out. I've never been this surprised before. If today is Ryo's birthday... then it means...
TODAY...
TODAY is the day he would propose to me!!!
Right!
Correct!
I guess, Obaasan really gave me second chance! Okay, just like what she has said, I must used this last chance to obtain the happiness I've been looking for.
So I could stop wondering about what if's or if only's.
Being selfish sometimes won’t hurt, right? God! I'm so happy!!
"Ayame? Ayame?" I look around, unfortunately she wasn’t around! "Effing idiot!"
---
My phone rang; it was a message from... uhm... my great rival, Ryo's ex girlfriend.
'Chiaki, let's meet up.' She stated the address of this coffee shop.
This is it! This is the sign!
---
"I wanted to see you." she said casually, her expression did not change. "because I wanted to clear with one thing."
"And what's that?" my voice sounded angrily.
"I still love Ryo... and I'm willing to give it another try."
"Why are you telling this to me?"
"Because... I know you love him too... Am I right?" I grab the glass and drink the water. Her voice suddenly changes into a mellow one. DONT EVER THINK THAT I WILL GET FOOLED BY YOU AGAIN! "... and he loves you too, more than you could ever possibly imagine." I almost choked. I wipe my lips. At the back of my mind, I leered. "The day when Ryo came to my life... it was the same day; my mother left me alone in this world... I knew she send Ryo to me, that's why I cling on him... but all those years, I've always thought he held on me... he did... but it bound to change... He finally blurted the truth... it was you all along."
Instead of saying sorry just like what I’ve did on the past, I gave her a half smile, but my eyeballs linger. And my mind slowly drifted. She stood up and knelt in front of me. People gaze at us, she sobbed on my knees and say, "you've got everything... I only had Ryo... I humbly ask you, to give him up."
"It will always be his choice... so please respect whatever he would say."
"You know Ryo... once his mind is set... it will never change... and one of us will get hurt... on the choice he makes.”
"He's the only thing for me now... He's the only guy..."
"He's the only guy for me too... I've loved him for years... It was me who love him first... "
"That's not true... that's not true!" finally, the six months of regret has been said. I utter it. "No. It wasn’t you who love him first. It was I, who loved him before you. It was I, who always watch him from afar during his ups and down. It was I, who stood beside him during his downfall. It was I, who catch him when he fell. And... It was I, who truly love him. So you don’t have the rights to ask to me to step down!"
She looked shock by my sudden outburst. Her tears ceased. "WHAT?! ...must you take the only thing I had now? I need you to understand... that... I need Ryo... I only need him, in order to survive..."
"No! You’re the one who should understand the situation! Stop pushing yourself on something that is not meant or you! Whoever Ryo would choose between us, you must respect it, just like what I've did before!"
Uh-oh, did I said before? If yes, it meant the mistake I’ve down, when I step down and make her win.
She stood up and glare daggers at me, "Fine! If that's what you want, whoever who would lose, shall go away forever."
From seraphim she immediately turned to draconian.
I crossed my arms above my chest and smiled proudly, "if that’s what you wish, it’s a deal then!"
---
"Happii baasudei tu yu.
Happii baasudei tu yu.
Happii baasudei tu dear Ryo-chan
Happii baasudei tu yu."
"Yey! Otanjoubi Omedeto!"
"Ryo blow the candles!"
"Yey!!!"
"...and now, let the annual pumpkin carving begin!"
Ayame as the judge sat on the chair near the bar and look at us three. Ryo, sat at the corner, just like what he did on the past. I wanted to hide my excitement; I wish I could successfully do that. I started curving a smiling face on my pumpkin, something I didn’t do from the past.
---
"Times up! Up! Up!"
I smile confidently as I brought my pumpkin. I glance over at Ayame and Ryo, they were looking at each other intently like they were sending message from their stares.
I sat on the couch and took a zip of my cola.
He stood up in front of me and handed his pumpkin, it says, "Marry me."
The same simple line that made my heart beat double time. At last, I could finally express my real answer. Warm droplets of liquid started to roll on my cheeks; I stood in front of him and clasp my arms around his neck happily, "yes. I'll marry you."
I said in between of cry and chuckle.
I want to stay by your side.
I want to wake up each morning and find you beside me.
---
“I , Ino Chiaki, take you Nishikido Ryo, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honour, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.”
“...The ring is a symbol of unity into which your two lives are now joined in an unbroken circle; in which, wherever you go, you will return to one another. “
“Chiaki, I offer this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you. “
“Ryo, I offer this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you.”
“Nishikido Ryo and Ino Chiaki, the two separate candles symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. I ask that each of you take one of the lit candles and that together you light the centre candle. The individual candles represent your lives before today. Lighting the centre candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining of your two families and circles of friends into one, may your home be a haven of peace and your relationship be one of truth and understanding. May you enjoy length of days, fulfillment of hopes, and peace and content of mind as you, day by day, live and fulfill the terms of this covenant you have made with one another. And now, for as much as you have made your vows, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving your rings, I pronounce that you are husband and wife. Ryo, you may kiss your bride!”
We smiled at each other widely, he lean forward to me, until our faces were inches apart.
Then we kissed.
This is the happiest day of my life.
...............................................................................
I open my eyes for the first time. I blink it very slowly. Where am I? The place looks different. I touched my face, there was a tube attached on my nose. What happened?
I gaze downward and saw a palm holding my hand.
"Ryo?"
I noticed he was wearing a ring. I smiled.
I looked at different direction, to my hands to be exact.
I frowned. Huh? Where's my ring? This is impossible! How come I'm not wearing my ring?! I started to move around my bed. Somebody sat on the couch, it was Ayame. She instantly walked beside me.
"Chiaki... are you okay?"
"No! Ayame! What happened? What am I doing here? Where's my ring?"
Ayame started to sob silently. Why? What's wrong? "Chiaki... you've fainted on Ryo's wedding."
"What?! Me?"
"Yes, we just find your idle body outside the restroom."
"Oh...kay?" I sounded disbelief, I tried to smile. "I am his wife right?"
She lowered her head became more somber. Then she shook it... "It’s her."
I gape blankly on the thin air and daze out.
'If only... must be really be the saddest two words... for indeed people will always recur their past and ask themselves... what if?'
Only when I sleep, such thing as magic and happy ending will only occur.