Fat Ass and Fiery River: A Pictorial Fairy Tale

[csecooney]

WARNING: This entry contains cussing. Lots of it. Really. Stop reading if it bothers you.

Once upon a time, there lived a woman of Westerly.

Comments

[sevenravens]

I believe he meant, "You have a phat ass, miss","phat" meaning "pretty hot and tempting" - which your ass most certainly is.
Which is still fairly rude behavior. But a testament to how fabulous your caboose is.
Wanna skpe/phone date tomorrow?

[csecooney]

Gracious, you're right! MY MISTAKE!!! This whole entry was a MISINTERPRETATION! I should write him a poem in thanks and flirtation...

[sevenravens]

I do not think his use of out dated and easily misinterpreted slang should be rewarded.

[csecooney]

Right again.

But you -- you should be rewarded! WITH A PHONE CALL!

I am, in fact, OFF TOMORROW. Name the hour.

[rose_lemberg]

You're gorgeous. I hope you know this :)

Idiots, however, are idiots. I am sorry you encountered one of them.

[csecooney]

You are lovely and kind to me. And today I knew I was gorgeous, which is why I had to do a little photo-documentary to prove it. And, gah, to believe it again, after my belief in myself (in burgundy mind, not in khaki; I don't believe in myself when I wear khaki -- I can only believe in that which it represents, namely, belugas...) was PROFOUNDLY PUT UPON.

[rose_lemberg]

I am not any kind of kind, I simply speak the truth, the quality for which I hope one day to be widely known!

You look glorious in burgundy, and people who do not appreciate the glory of voluptuous proportions are missing on many finer things in life. People who, upon not appreciating the glory of such proportions, feel compelled to shout about it from cars are, to put it simply, cowardly buckets of sloshing dregs!

I remember once peacefully walking the streets of Tel Aviv in a dashing yellow dress, and two guys in a car yelled at me: "COW!" I admit that it perplexed me, because I have never seen cows in yellow, but who knows? And even more importantly, who cares?

[csecooney]

Yes, and once I had an egg thrown at me on an otherwise fine night. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Were they not hugged enough as babies or what?

You can be both KIND and TRUTHFUL -- at the same time! AND I MAINTAIN YOU WERE BEING SO! Not that you always have to work the two in tandem, but I was in need of kindness. And truth. Both being a kind of beauty. And you were there. So thanks.

And I should LOVE to see you in a dashing yellow dress.

[thegreenyear]

grrr patriarchy and presumption and assholes. you are stunning and so are these photos.

[csecooney]

Thank you very kindly.

[shadesong]

All of this. Dear Claire, you are sumptuous and ravishing! (Dear Ashley: You too!)

[csecooney]

Well, thank you. Takes one to know one I suppose.

"Sumptuous" now always reminds me of that cute wolf in Ten Kingdoms. Also "Succulent." The actor took such joy in enunciating each syllable of those words.

[deliasherman]

Honey, you are glorious.

When Ellen and I were at Lowell, we heard a woman singing traditional Greek music, to which a young woman who disappeared when she turned sideways elected to dance sinuously but untrainedly in the rain. After watching her for a while, a Woman of a Certain Age and Size began to dance, quietly, without fuss, certainly without tossing her hair or hitching up the bespangled scarf inadequately tied around her inconsiderable haunches, because she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, thank you very much. And the young woman stopped and smiled and went over and begged her to show her some moves, because all she had was sinuousness, and what the Woman of a Certain Age and Size had was skill and presence and remarkable muscle control. And the guy sitting two rows ahead of me, who was laughing? His girlfriend gave him a big elbow in the ribs and the Glare of the Century and a furious whisper that shut him up pronto, you betcha.

Your pictures are wonderful, as always. I love fire on water. It's so magical.

[csecooney]

I love when people sing and dance in the rain. Dudes should stop laughing at those of us who do it and do it themselves more often, eh?

I like the girlfriend. Girl needs sharp elbows with a fellow like that.

Beautiful to hear that music, though, I bet. Beautiful to see them dance, trained and untrained.

Thank you.

[cucumberseed]

You have given me a goal, Sister Discord, a grand goal, and I would like to share it with you.

I am going to become the Great Patriarch. I may have to murder in order to achieve this, but I will become the One From Whom All Patriarchy Powers Come. And then I am going to revoke them for everyone - myself too, if I can manage, but failing that, I will sequester myself on a lonely mountain guarded by shaggy and carnivorous beasts so that when a battered and bitten man comes to me seeking the Powers of the Patriarchy, I will laugh and throw him off the mountain.

Or tl;dr - You're lovely (which you know, but validation never hurt), that guy was an asshole wielding powers he was far too irresponsible to have and I want to be Crom.

[csecooney]

Awright, Bro' Chaos, if it makes you happy. I guess I don't really understand what the "powers of patriarchy" are. To me a Patriarch is either Havelock Vetinari in Discworld or someone who supports the arts, both of whom, I think, would be fine examples for any ambitious fellow to emulate. But ceding words like power and patriarchy to immature pissants who think tacking a "miss" to the end of an insult makes it any cleverer? Nah. Nah - you can do better than that, mon frere. You can redefine patriarchy to mean YOU. And we shall one day take it to mean "deeply thoughtful and wildly sensitive and demonically poetic..."

"...And nice to cats."

And I think that would be cool, too.

[rose_lemberg]

I admit, your comment made me imagine Vetinari issuing comments on ladies' asses... *cognitive dissonance, cognitive dissonance*

[csecooney]

I always did have a big old stupid crush on the man.

Oh, Vetinari.

Sigh.

SLURP!

Sigh.