one two three four five
Title One Two Three Four Five
Fandom SNSD
Pairing(s) Jessica-centric, one-sided!Jessica/Yuri, Yuri/Yoona, Jessica/Seohyun, Jessica/Sunny, Jessica/Taeyeon/, Jessica/Tiffany, implied!Hyoyeon/Sooyoung
Rating PG-13
Summarry: ive times Jessica Jung falls in love
A/N I know it's been done to death, but shhh. I'm not too happy with Sunny's part but oh well. Also, their names sound odd to me in western order.
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one
Jessica Jung falls in love for the first time when she's fifteen and on her way to lunch.
It happens the instant she sets eyes on Yuri Kwon and it fills her chest with the most radiant warmth she's ever felt. This is it, she thinks, this what everyone has been talking about.
Sooyoung smacks her in the head with a math textbook and tells her to get her act together unless she wants to be sitting by herself at lunch.
---
Jessica spends the next week finding out everything she can about Yuri and ogling her from afar. She finds out that Yuri is friends with Amber, who has been chasing after Krystal for God knows how long, that she's a health nut and that she really likes Mickey Mouse.
Her super sleuthing starts to freak her friends out a little bit so they decide to move things along by grabbing Jessica's arms, dragging her through the halls and literally throwing her at Yuri's feet. Yuri looks at her oddly and Hyoyeon starts saying something about Jessica being too lazy to walk and that's why they had to drag her over, Sooyoung backs up her claim with a series of nods and Yuri laughs.
Just as Jessica is about to curl into a ball and roll her way out of the situation and all the way home, Yuri sticks out a hand to help her up and tells her that if they're going to be friends then Jessica needs to start using her legs.
---
She starts spending more time with Yuri after that and it makes her so happy that she almost wants to thank her ridiculous friends for the terrible introduction. Almost.
Yuri starts sitting with her at school and yelling Jessica's name down the hallways, even when she's not in sight, so that Jessica knows she's looking for her. She starts dropping by the Jung household uninvited and not leaving until it's dark or not leaving at all, much to the amusement of Krystal, who makes thrusting movements with her hips when Yuri's back is turned.
Jessica finds out that Yuri is a lot more hyper-active than she first thought and that she sticks her tongue out when she sleeps and that she does weird excercises as soon as she wakes up. She doesn't really mind because she's so in love that anything Yuri does makes Jessica fall deeper.
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It all stops one day, though, because Yuri bounds into her room and sits down on Jessica's bed with so much force that Jessica bounces off and onto the floor, and Yuri looks down at her with hearts in her eyes and starts to tell Jessica about Yoona.
She thinks she might cry and she feels like she just got punched in the heart but she keeps smiling and listening to Yuri gush about how amazing Yoona is. She sits and she listens and she takes shaky breaths as she watches the girl she loves falling for someone who isn't her.
---
Jessica is a good friend, though, and she really likes seeing Yuri happy and that's why she supports Yuri's quest to win Yoona's heart.
Yuri starts bringing Yoona over to their table during lunch and she starts yelling Yoona's name down the halls and she starts going to Yoona's house uninvited, and she does this all while Jessica stays back and lets the wounds in her heart grow deeper.
A small part of her still clings to hope and thinks that maybe one day Yuri will find something about Yoona that she absolutely hates and come running back to Jessica. She knows it's a ridiculous thought, she never really had Yuri in the first place, but she still holds on. The bigger part of her despises herself for thinkig like that, though, because the more she sees Yoona the more she understands why Yuri chose her, and the more she sees them together the more she thinks they're meant for each other. Jessica realizes that Yoona makes Yuri happier than she ever could and she tries to think of that as a good thing.
---
Her finally breaks for the first time when she's slightly older than fifteen, but not quite sixteen, and Yuri Kwon calls her at 11:29pm pm on a friday night and tells her that Yoona Im said yes.
She chokes out an I'm so happy for you and says something about needing beauty sleep before she hangs up, turns on her side and cries so much that she doesn't sleep.
She congratulates Yuri properly the next day, smiling and hugging her and telling her happy she is, and then she runs off and begs Sooyoung and Hyoyeon to skip school with her and listen to her cry.
She distances herself from Yuri and, while the other girl is confused, she doesn't say anything because she has Yoona now and Yoona is all she needs.
Jessica builds walls around her heart and doesn't let anyone in for years after that.
---
two
Jessica Jung falls in love for the second time when she's nineteen and has grown used to Yuri Kwon shooting her sad smiles across crowded rooms.
Joohyun Seo is two years younger than her and so innocent that Jessica almost feels guilty for loving her. She gets the feeling that, no matter what, no one will ever be good enough for someone like Joohyun but she decides to try anyway.
They work the same shifts at the same bookstore and Jessica is glad because she likes to watch Joohyun do mundane things like stack shelves and unpack boxes because even though it's tedious she can tell that she puts her entire soul into it. Sometimes Jessica wonders what Joohyun would look like doing something she actually loves but she never gets around to imagining it because Joohyun touches her arm or smiles at her and Jessica's brain short-circuits.
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Her constant rambling about Joohyun attracts the interest of Hyoyeon and Sooyoung because they start coming into her work, loitering and being nuisances, asking Joohyun's opinion on this book and her help with finding that one. Jessica knows they're just trying to help but she wants to crack their skulls when they tell Joohyun to start seeing Jessica outside of work, to be nice to her because she's a fragile soul who needs all the companionship she can get.
Joohyun just laughs and herds them out of the store. She laughs even harder when she sees Jessica in the process of crawling under the cash register in a pathetic attempt to hide, but she gets down on the ground with her and asks Jessica what kind of ice cream she likes.
---
They grow closer over time and Jessica is glad to feel Joohyun tearing down her carefully built walls piece by piece.
She finds out that Joohyun is just as formal outside of work as she is during, that she has a passionate dislike for unhealthy things and is always bothering Jessica about eating healthy, and that she has an almost unstoppable love for sweet potatoes.
All Jessica wants to do is look after Joohyun but somehow it always ends up the other way around because Joohyun is the one reminding her to wear her seatbelt and to look both ways when she crosses the street.
---
Jessica feels like all her dreams have come true when Joohyun pauses when she's stacking shelves, beckons Jessica closer and kisses her while holding up an oversized art book so that no one sees.
She's still speechless when Joohyun goes back to her work, smiling like Jessica just gave her the world.
---
The day that Joohyun starts telling Jessica about her goals for the future is the day that Jessica knows she has no place in Joohyun's life.
It's not that Joohyun doesn't want her there, it's just that she wants so much and Jessica knows that all she can ever do is hold her back. She feels tears start to form so she pulls Joohyun into a hug and tells her she's sure she'll get everything she wants.
Joohyun smiles and thanks her, placing a kiss on her forehead and asking Jessica what she wants. Jessica is sure that she'll lose it if she looks at the younger girl so she closes her eyes and presses their lips together and thinks that a kiss is the most honest answer she could give.
---
Her heart breaks for the second time in her life when she is almost twenty and she tells Joohyun Seo that their time is up.
She sees shock, confusion, hurt flash across Joohyun's face, she sees her wrestle with something inside herself before her expression morphs into understanding and Jessica hates herself even more.
Her vision blurs and she feels tears make their way down her cheeks, tears that Joohyun wipes away before holding her arms open and waiting for Jessica to fall into them.
Jessica knows this is for the best, knows that Joohyun is better off without out her, but as the younger girl holds her she can't help but wish she was good enough.
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three
Jessica Jung is twenty-one and still trying to convince herself that one hamburger won't kill her when she falls in love for the third time in her life.
Sunny Lee quite literally tumbles into her life one day, tripping over Sooyoung's pushed out chair and falling right into Jessica's lap.
Sunny is all eye-smiles and laughs as she struggles to stand up again and Jessica thinks that she'd let three-hundred Sunnys fall onto her if it meant that she could hold on to the bubble of happiness growing in her chest.
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Jessica spends the rest of the day catching Sunny every time she fell and she would have thought the smaller woman was incredibly clumsy if she didn't know that Hyoyeon, who was always near, could move her legs faster than the wind.
She spends hours deliberating, shifting nervously and coughing awkwardly before she finally decides to just go for it and grab Sunny's hand.
She's not prepared for the way it knocks the breath out of her but she's not really complaining since she hears Sunny do weird little breathing excercises like she's trying not to get too excited.
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Sunny lets Jessica take her home that night (and every night after that) and when Sunny mewls quietly into her neck and digs her fingernails into her back Jessica thinks that this is all she ever could have asked for.
She can't help but go along with it when Sunny sweeps her off her feet, when she makes Jessica feel like everything she does is more than enough, and she can't help but smile when she turns her head and Sunny is there, quietly telling her that she can do it.
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Jessica doesn't mind that Sunny is always out, always doing something new and throwing herself completely into everything. Jessica doesn't mind that Sunny is always going new places, places she'd never even think of going, and meeting new people, the kind of people she'd never think to talk to.
She doesn't mind because she's the one that Sunny comes back to every night with a new story to tell and a kiss that draws her in more that ever.
She doesn't mind because even when it's hard she has Sunny by her side, holding her tight and telling her that everything will be alright because hard work always pays off.
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Except one day she does mind because Sunny forgets to kiss her as soon as she's in reach, Sunny doesn't tell her any stories and Sunny has to wait until she's turned away before she rests her forehead against Jessica's shoulder and mouths a goodnight against her skin.
She's not sure what's wrong, just that Sunny seems tired like she's missing something important that she had yesterday or the day before or the day before that.
Jessica hopes that Sunny can find it, or better yet, that she can help Sunny find it because she doesn't know if her heart can handle a Sunny who's incomplete.
So she closes her eyes and puts her hand over Sunny's and wishes that tomorrow Sunny will wake up whole again.
---
Her heart breaks for the third time when she's twenty-one and a half and she wakes up hating the fact that she's such a heavy sleeper.
Sunny left her life as quickly as she entered it, falling out of bed and walking out the door. At least she left a note but Jessica kind of wishes she didn't because she thinks that now she'll never be able to hear someone tell her to work hard without bursting into tears.
Deep down she knows they weren't in it for the long run but that doesn't make it hurt any less and it doesn't do anything to stop her from regretting that she didn't try harder to find Sunny's missing piece before it disappeared.
She drives straight to Hyoyeon and Sooyoung's apartment and cries on their couch so loudly that not even Adele can cover it up and she hopes that she never finds anyone like Sunny again.
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four
When Jessica Jung falls in love for the fourth time she's one week shy of twenty-two and still makes a point of never working hard.
Taeyeon Kim is her new neighbour and Jessica doesn't even know she's there until she hears her ridiculous laugh through the kitchen walls and she thinks that the last thing her floor needs is another person making a ruckus in the middle of the night.
She doesn't find out that it's Taeyeon's laugh until they bump into each other in the elevator and Jessica is so flustered that she repeats Taeyeon's name instead of giving her own. She thinks the laugh is strangely fitting and makes a mental note to hear it more often.
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She starts spending more time in Taeyeon's apartment after she hears a midnight rendition of some 70s ballad. She makes up some excuse about good neighbourly relations but all she really wants to do is hear Taeyeon sing without pressing her ear to the wall like a creeper.
She finds out that Taeyeon is a lot more boyish that her adorable looks would lead anyone to believe, that she's a bit obssessed with pea soft toys and that her eyes are always fixated on Jessica's backside when she walks. The last one is Jessica's favourite and she purposely sways her hips more than usual just so she can see Taeyeon swallow nervously.
While the more reasonable part of her says that Taeyeon can be a little weird, she makes lame jokes and she acts like she's twenty years older than she actually is, the louder part of her says that it doesn't matter because no matter how strange the other woman is, ll she has to do is smile and Jessica is eating out of her hand.
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She finds being with Taeyeon is simple in a way she's not quite familiar with.
Taeyeon likes to run her fingers through Jessica's hair until one or both of them fall asleep and she likes to make Jessica push her when she sits on swings that should only fit grade school kids. She likes to people watch from her balcony and she likes to jump the meter wide gap to Jessica's so that she can scare her half to death.
Even when she tells her not to, Taeyeon comes over and folds Jessica's laundry because she thinks that if she doesn't then it will never get done and that Jessica will have mismatched socks and wrinkled shirts.
Jessica stops pointing out that she got on just fine before Taeyeon became her maid because she kind of likes the way the other woman makes her apartment seem a little less empty.
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She likes the way that Taeyeon doesn't rush, the way she's so calm and the way that Taeyeon just gets her, because when Sooyoung tells them they should just move in together since it's pointless living right next door to each other she freezes up for a moment but Taeyeon just laughs and says that being neighbours is half the fun.
She's glad that her friends accept that answer because she doesn't really want to tell them that even when she sleeps by herself she's not really alone because Taeyeon is on the other side of the wall taking hours to tap out love declarations and Taylor Swift lyrics in morse code.
She sometimes wonders about Taeyeon's sanity when comes to their coded conversations, though, because no matter how many times she says it, the other woman will not believe that morse code is an unacceptable substitute for sexting.
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Occasionally Jessica has doubts about them, because she thinks that it's not normal to act like they're married and have absolutely zero disagreements, not even about what to have for dinner.
She never says it out loud, though, because who in their right mind would complain about a lack of fighting and she ends up sitting on her couch, all sullen and miserable, until Taeyeon pokes her in the ribs and kisses her on the lips and tells her that her face will get stuck like that one day.
Jessica smiles because she realizes she's never been more comfortable.
---
Her heart breaks for the fourth time when she's twenty-three and a bit and she comes to a mutual agreement with Taeyeon Kim that it's time to call it quits.
Both of them feel that they can't get anything more out of each other and it's honestly one of the least painful things Jessica has ever had to do but she still feels all ripped up inside because being with Taeyeon was so easy and she's not sure if she's ready to let that go yet.
They spend the next three weeks handing each other bits and pieces they left in the wrong apartment and Jessica realizes that Taeyeon is a bigger part of her life than she thought when she has to make do with odd socks for a whole week.
A month and a half after they break up Jessica hears Taeyeon tap out a message on her wall. It takes her a while to decipher it but when she does she feels tears start to form and she has to spend a minute taking calming breaths before she answers. She tells Taeyeon that yes, she did hear her sing 80s classics at ungodly hours of the morning and that she still doesn't like them.
When the other woman tells her to be happy she doesn't sing at night anymore Jessica cries because she's just happy she doesn't have a Taeyeon-shaped hole in her life anymore.
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five
Jessica Jung is twenty-three and a half and still tries to convince Taeyeon to do her laundry when she falls in love for the fifth time.
Tiffany Hwang just returned from overseas and claims that she's Taeyeon's oldest friend. Jessica realizes that there's something extraordinarily backwards about this whole situation but can't quite bring herself to say anything because Tiffany calls her Jessi and hugs her like they've been friends forever.
Tiffany's smile is like sunshine and the way her eyes curve up into half-moons is so breathtaking that Jessica can almost ignore the fact that Taeyeon is always behind them mumbling the lyrics to My Girl nder her breath.
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Jessica discovers that TIffany, much like herself, spends more time at Taeyeon's than she does at her own apartment. She doesn't mind, though, because Taeyeon makes a habit of slinking off and playing Starcraft so that they're left alone.
She learns that Tiffany has an unhealthy obssession with the color pink, that she's deathly afraid of bugs and that she's one of the clumsiest people on the face of the earth.
She thinks that Tiffany is one of the brightest people she's ever met, so bright that Jessica feels like she can't look at her for too long because she's scared she'll spontaneously combust.
Jessica absolutely loves the way that Tiffany does everything she can to make her smile even though she has no real reason to
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When they finally venture outside of Taeyeon's apartment, Jessica sees that Tiffany is just that kind of person. She buys meals for the homeless and tries to befriend stray cats and gives charities every last cent in her wallet.
It confuses her the way Tiffany can be so caring and the way that she can smile so easily at people she'll never see again, but when she asks about it Tiffany just giggles and runs her fingers down the length of Jessica's arm.
Jessica doesn't even mind that half of the smiles aren't directed at her because she knows that Tiffany keeps a diary and that she's made a note of every day they've been out together. She also knows that Tiffany has drawn little pink hearts next to those days and she makes a mental note to thank Taeyeon for that information later.
---
Jessica comes home one day and finds Tiffany lying on her couch and watching some sappy romance movie that she hides when people come over. She's confused, to say the least, and she's sure Taeyeon is home because everyone on their floor can hear that laugh, but Tiffany pats the spot beside her and tearfully whispers that she can't help but cry eight scenes too early because this movie is just ugh and Jessica knows the other woman is there to see her.
They watch the rest of the movie side by side and Jessica laughs when Tiffany laughs, she holds her breath when Tiffany holds her breath and she sits there stoically and tries not to cry when Tiffany sobs like a baby into her shoulder.
During the grand finale, the ultimate declaration of love, they turn to each other and act out the whole scene and Tiffany doesn't complain complain when Jessica takes it a step futher than the actors and goes in for a second, third, fourth kiss.
She only complains later on, when they've both taken it so far that they don't want to turn back, and Jessica accidentally rips a button off her dress.
Jessica doesn't complain, though, because with the noises Tiffany is making and the way she's gripping her hair, she can't find a thing to complain about.
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They fight sometimes, over small things; Jessica is too lazy to empty the dishwasher even though it's her turn and Tiffany has turned yet another of Jessica's possessions into some horrendous shade of pink, and sometimes they fight over big things; TIffany doesn't like the way it seems too easy for Jessica to put up walls and shut her out and Jessica doesn't like the way that Tiffany thinks she does that intentionally.
They fight and Jessica gets so angry that she wipes all emotion off her face sits on her bed in silence, watching as Tiffany storms out the door and listens to her pound on Taeyeon's door because she doesn't want to go back in to get the key. Jessica thinks that her reluctance to chase after Tiffany and prove her wrong only adds to the problem, but she's so used to other people bringing her out of her misery that she doesn't know what to do so she sits and waits and hopes she figures it out soon because she feels like a part of her is missing when Tiffany isn't there.
It's only when Taeyeon's knuckles are sore from ranting in morse code and she slams open the door and marches into the bedroom to give her an earful that Jessica knows that she has to do.
When she apologizes, Tiffany stares at her in silence for a few moments and Jessica thinks that she's never been more nervous. Tiffany deliberates, bites her lip and grabs Jessica's hand, and tells her that it's okay, that it will always be okay because she looks like a lost puppy when she's sad and she can never really be mad at her Jessi for long.
Jessica is still banished to the couch for a week but it's not that bad since TIffany is weak-willed and misses her too much and ends up sleeping out there with her. She knows it's ridiculous and that they have a bed in the next room but it's one of their things, so she loves it as much as she loves Tiffany herself.
---
Her heart is in no danger of breaking for the first time in her life when she's twenty-six and she accidentally finds Tiffany Hwang's Ten Year Plan when she's looking for her missing sock.
She knows she shouldn't be reading it without permission but she can't help herself, definitely not when she sees a number of small additions made in her favourite shade of blue. She runs her eyes over the plan at least three more times before she puts it down.
She picks it up again moments later and lets out a giddy half-laugh, half-dolphin squeal when she reads it for what seems like the fiftieth time. When she takes in the neat with Jessi Tiffany has added to the end of everything she hopes will happen, she smiles so wide that her face might split in half.
Jessica picks up her phone and sends Tiffany a quick I love you and gets up to make her own Ten Year Plan that she'll leave somewhere she knows Tiffany will find it.
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Fandom SNSD
Pairing(s) Jessica-centric, one-sided!Jessica/Yuri, Yuri/Yoona, Jessica/Seohyun, Jessica/Sunny, Jessica/Taeyeon/, Jessica/Tiffany, implied!Hyoyeon/Sooyoung
Rating PG-13
Summarry: ive times Jessica Jung falls in love
A/N I know it's been done to death, but shhh. I'm not too happy with Sunny's part but oh well. Also, their names sound odd to me in western order.
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one
Jessica Jung falls in love for the first time when she's fifteen and on her way to lunch.
It happens the instant she sets eyes on Yuri Kwon and it fills her chest with the most radiant warmth she's ever felt. This is it, she thinks, this what everyone has been talking about.
Sooyoung smacks her in the head with a math textbook and tells her to get her act together unless she wants to be sitting by herself at lunch.
---
Jessica spends the next week finding out everything she can about Yuri and ogling her from afar. She finds out that Yuri is friends with Amber, who has been chasing after Krystal for God knows how long, that she's a health nut and that she really likes Mickey Mouse.
Her super sleuthing starts to freak her friends out a little bit so they decide to move things along by grabbing Jessica's arms, dragging her through the halls and literally throwing her at Yuri's feet. Yuri looks at her oddly and Hyoyeon starts saying something about Jessica being too lazy to walk and that's why they had to drag her over, Sooyoung backs up her claim with a series of nods and Yuri laughs.
Just as Jessica is about to curl into a ball and roll her way out of the situation and all the way home, Yuri sticks out a hand to help her up and tells her that if they're going to be friends then Jessica needs to start using her legs.
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She starts spending more time with Yuri after that and it makes her so happy that she almost wants to thank her ridiculous friends for the terrible introduction. Almost.
Yuri starts sitting with her at school and yelling Jessica's name down the hallways, even when she's not in sight, so that Jessica knows she's looking for her. She starts dropping by the Jung household uninvited and not leaving until it's dark or not leaving at all, much to the amusement of Krystal, who makes thrusting movements with her hips when Yuri's back is turned.
Jessica finds out that Yuri is a lot more hyper-active than she first thought and that she sticks her tongue out when she sleeps and that she does weird excercises as soon as she wakes up. She doesn't really mind because she's so in love that anything Yuri does makes Jessica fall deeper.
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It all stops one day, though, because Yuri bounds into her room and sits down on Jessica's bed with so much force that Jessica bounces off and onto the floor, and Yuri looks down at her with hearts in her eyes and starts to tell Jessica about Yoona.
She thinks she might cry and she feels like she just got punched in the heart but she keeps smiling and listening to Yuri gush about how amazing Yoona is. She sits and she listens and she takes shaky breaths as she watches the girl she loves falling for someone who isn't her.
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Jessica is a good friend, though, and she really likes seeing Yuri happy and that's why she supports Yuri's quest to win Yoona's heart.
Yuri starts bringing Yoona over to their table during lunch and she starts yelling Yoona's name down the halls and she starts going to Yoona's house uninvited, and she does this all while Jessica stays back and lets the wounds in her heart grow deeper.
A small part of her still clings to hope and thinks that maybe one day Yuri will find something about Yoona that she absolutely hates and come running back to Jessica. She knows it's a ridiculous thought, she never really had Yuri in the first place, but she still holds on. The bigger part of her despises herself for thinkig like that, though, because the more she sees Yoona the more she understands why Yuri chose her, and the more she sees them together the more she thinks they're meant for each other. Jessica realizes that Yoona makes Yuri happier than she ever could and she tries to think of that as a good thing.
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Her finally breaks for the first time when she's slightly older than fifteen, but not quite sixteen, and Yuri Kwon calls her at 11:29pm pm on a friday night and tells her that Yoona Im said yes.
She chokes out an I'm so happy for you and says something about needing beauty sleep before she hangs up, turns on her side and cries so much that she doesn't sleep.
She congratulates Yuri properly the next day, smiling and hugging her and telling her happy she is, and then she runs off and begs Sooyoung and Hyoyeon to skip school with her and listen to her cry.
She distances herself from Yuri and, while the other girl is confused, she doesn't say anything because she has Yoona now and Yoona is all she needs.
Jessica builds walls around her heart and doesn't let anyone in for years after that.
---
two
Jessica Jung falls in love for the second time when she's nineteen and has grown used to Yuri Kwon shooting her sad smiles across crowded rooms.
Joohyun Seo is two years younger than her and so innocent that Jessica almost feels guilty for loving her. She gets the feeling that, no matter what, no one will ever be good enough for someone like Joohyun but she decides to try anyway.
They work the same shifts at the same bookstore and Jessica is glad because she likes to watch Joohyun do mundane things like stack shelves and unpack boxes because even though it's tedious she can tell that she puts her entire soul into it. Sometimes Jessica wonders what Joohyun would look like doing something she actually loves but she never gets around to imagining it because Joohyun touches her arm or smiles at her and Jessica's brain short-circuits.
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Her constant rambling about Joohyun attracts the interest of Hyoyeon and Sooyoung because they start coming into her work, loitering and being nuisances, asking Joohyun's opinion on this book and her help with finding that one. Jessica knows they're just trying to help but she wants to crack their skulls when they tell Joohyun to start seeing Jessica outside of work, to be nice to her because she's a fragile soul who needs all the companionship she can get.
Joohyun just laughs and herds them out of the store. She laughs even harder when she sees Jessica in the process of crawling under the cash register in a pathetic attempt to hide, but she gets down on the ground with her and asks Jessica what kind of ice cream she likes.
---
They grow closer over time and Jessica is glad to feel Joohyun tearing down her carefully built walls piece by piece.
She finds out that Joohyun is just as formal outside of work as she is during, that she has a passionate dislike for unhealthy things and is always bothering Jessica about eating healthy, and that she has an almost unstoppable love for sweet potatoes.
All Jessica wants to do is look after Joohyun but somehow it always ends up the other way around because Joohyun is the one reminding her to wear her seatbelt and to look both ways when she crosses the street.
---
Jessica feels like all her dreams have come true when Joohyun pauses when she's stacking shelves, beckons Jessica closer and kisses her while holding up an oversized art book so that no one sees.
She's still speechless when Joohyun goes back to her work, smiling like Jessica just gave her the world.
---
The day that Joohyun starts telling Jessica about her goals for the future is the day that Jessica knows she has no place in Joohyun's life.
It's not that Joohyun doesn't want her there, it's just that she wants so much and Jessica knows that all she can ever do is hold her back. She feels tears start to form so she pulls Joohyun into a hug and tells her she's sure she'll get everything she wants.
Joohyun smiles and thanks her, placing a kiss on her forehead and asking Jessica what she wants. Jessica is sure that she'll lose it if she looks at the younger girl so she closes her eyes and presses their lips together and thinks that a kiss is the most honest answer she could give.
---
Her heart breaks for the second time in her life when she is almost twenty and she tells Joohyun Seo that their time is up.
She sees shock, confusion, hurt flash across Joohyun's face, she sees her wrestle with something inside herself before her expression morphs into understanding and Jessica hates herself even more.
Her vision blurs and she feels tears make their way down her cheeks, tears that Joohyun wipes away before holding her arms open and waiting for Jessica to fall into them.
Jessica knows this is for the best, knows that Joohyun is better off without out her, but as the younger girl holds her she can't help but wish she was good enough.
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three
Jessica Jung is twenty-one and still trying to convince herself that one hamburger won't kill her when she falls in love for the third time in her life.
Sunny Lee quite literally tumbles into her life one day, tripping over Sooyoung's pushed out chair and falling right into Jessica's lap.
Sunny is all eye-smiles and laughs as she struggles to stand up again and Jessica thinks that she'd let three-hundred Sunnys fall onto her if it meant that she could hold on to the bubble of happiness growing in her chest.
---
Jessica spends the rest of the day catching Sunny every time she fell and she would have thought the smaller woman was incredibly clumsy if she didn't know that Hyoyeon, who was always near, could move her legs faster than the wind.
She spends hours deliberating, shifting nervously and coughing awkwardly before she finally decides to just go for it and grab Sunny's hand.
She's not prepared for the way it knocks the breath out of her but she's not really complaining since she hears Sunny do weird little breathing excercises like she's trying not to get too excited.
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Sunny lets Jessica take her home that night (and every night after that) and when Sunny mewls quietly into her neck and digs her fingernails into her back Jessica thinks that this is all she ever could have asked for.
She can't help but go along with it when Sunny sweeps her off her feet, when she makes Jessica feel like everything she does is more than enough, and she can't help but smile when she turns her head and Sunny is there, quietly telling her that she can do it.
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Jessica doesn't mind that Sunny is always out, always doing something new and throwing herself completely into everything. Jessica doesn't mind that Sunny is always going new places, places she'd never even think of going, and meeting new people, the kind of people she'd never think to talk to.
She doesn't mind because she's the one that Sunny comes back to every night with a new story to tell and a kiss that draws her in more that ever.
She doesn't mind because even when it's hard she has Sunny by her side, holding her tight and telling her that everything will be alright because hard work always pays off.
---
Except one day she does mind because Sunny forgets to kiss her as soon as she's in reach, Sunny doesn't tell her any stories and Sunny has to wait until she's turned away before she rests her forehead against Jessica's shoulder and mouths a goodnight against her skin.
She's not sure what's wrong, just that Sunny seems tired like she's missing something important that she had yesterday or the day before or the day before that.
Jessica hopes that Sunny can find it, or better yet, that she can help Sunny find it because she doesn't know if her heart can handle a Sunny who's incomplete.
So she closes her eyes and puts her hand over Sunny's and wishes that tomorrow Sunny will wake up whole again.
---
Her heart breaks for the third time when she's twenty-one and a half and she wakes up hating the fact that she's such a heavy sleeper.
Sunny left her life as quickly as she entered it, falling out of bed and walking out the door. At least she left a note but Jessica kind of wishes she didn't because she thinks that now she'll never be able to hear someone tell her to work hard without bursting into tears.
Deep down she knows they weren't in it for the long run but that doesn't make it hurt any less and it doesn't do anything to stop her from regretting that she didn't try harder to find Sunny's missing piece before it disappeared.
She drives straight to Hyoyeon and Sooyoung's apartment and cries on their couch so loudly that not even Adele can cover it up and she hopes that she never finds anyone like Sunny again.
---
four
When Jessica Jung falls in love for the fourth time she's one week shy of twenty-two and still makes a point of never working hard.
Taeyeon Kim is her new neighbour and Jessica doesn't even know she's there until she hears her ridiculous laugh through the kitchen walls and she thinks that the last thing her floor needs is another person making a ruckus in the middle of the night.
She doesn't find out that it's Taeyeon's laugh until they bump into each other in the elevator and Jessica is so flustered that she repeats Taeyeon's name instead of giving her own. She thinks the laugh is strangely fitting and makes a mental note to hear it more often.
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She starts spending more time in Taeyeon's apartment after she hears a midnight rendition of some 70s ballad. She makes up some excuse about good neighbourly relations but all she really wants to do is hear Taeyeon sing without pressing her ear to the wall like a creeper.
She finds out that Taeyeon is a lot more boyish that her adorable looks would lead anyone to believe, that she's a bit obssessed with pea soft toys and that her eyes are always fixated on Jessica's backside when she walks. The last one is Jessica's favourite and she purposely sways her hips more than usual just so she can see Taeyeon swallow nervously.
While the more reasonable part of her says that Taeyeon can be a little weird, she makes lame jokes and she acts like she's twenty years older than she actually is, the louder part of her says that it doesn't matter because no matter how strange the other woman is, ll she has to do is smile and Jessica is eating out of her hand.
---
She finds being with Taeyeon is simple in a way she's not quite familiar with.
Taeyeon likes to run her fingers through Jessica's hair until one or both of them fall asleep and she likes to make Jessica push her when she sits on swings that should only fit grade school kids. She likes to people watch from her balcony and she likes to jump the meter wide gap to Jessica's so that she can scare her half to death.
Even when she tells her not to, Taeyeon comes over and folds Jessica's laundry because she thinks that if she doesn't then it will never get done and that Jessica will have mismatched socks and wrinkled shirts.
Jessica stops pointing out that she got on just fine before Taeyeon became her maid because she kind of likes the way the other woman makes her apartment seem a little less empty.
---
She likes the way that Taeyeon doesn't rush, the way she's so calm and the way that Taeyeon just gets her, because when Sooyoung tells them they should just move in together since it's pointless living right next door to each other she freezes up for a moment but Taeyeon just laughs and says that being neighbours is half the fun.
She's glad that her friends accept that answer because she doesn't really want to tell them that even when she sleeps by herself she's not really alone because Taeyeon is on the other side of the wall taking hours to tap out love declarations and Taylor Swift lyrics in morse code.
She sometimes wonders about Taeyeon's sanity when comes to their coded conversations, though, because no matter how many times she says it, the other woman will not believe that morse code is an unacceptable substitute for sexting.
---
Occasionally Jessica has doubts about them, because she thinks that it's not normal to act like they're married and have absolutely zero disagreements, not even about what to have for dinner.
She never says it out loud, though, because who in their right mind would complain about a lack of fighting and she ends up sitting on her couch, all sullen and miserable, until Taeyeon pokes her in the ribs and kisses her on the lips and tells her that her face will get stuck like that one day.
Jessica smiles because she realizes she's never been more comfortable.
---
Her heart breaks for the fourth time when she's twenty-three and a bit and she comes to a mutual agreement with Taeyeon Kim that it's time to call it quits.
Both of them feel that they can't get anything more out of each other and it's honestly one of the least painful things Jessica has ever had to do but she still feels all ripped up inside because being with Taeyeon was so easy and she's not sure if she's ready to let that go yet.
They spend the next three weeks handing each other bits and pieces they left in the wrong apartment and Jessica realizes that Taeyeon is a bigger part of her life than she thought when she has to make do with odd socks for a whole week.
A month and a half after they break up Jessica hears Taeyeon tap out a message on her wall. It takes her a while to decipher it but when she does she feels tears start to form and she has to spend a minute taking calming breaths before she answers. She tells Taeyeon that yes, she did hear her sing 80s classics at ungodly hours of the morning and that she still doesn't like them.
When the other woman tells her to be happy she doesn't sing at night anymore Jessica cries because she's just happy she doesn't have a Taeyeon-shaped hole in her life anymore.
---
five
Jessica Jung is twenty-three and a half and still tries to convince Taeyeon to do her laundry when she falls in love for the fifth time.
Tiffany Hwang just returned from overseas and claims that she's Taeyeon's oldest friend. Jessica realizes that there's something extraordinarily backwards about this whole situation but can't quite bring herself to say anything because Tiffany calls her Jessi and hugs her like they've been friends forever.
Tiffany's smile is like sunshine and the way her eyes curve up into half-moons is so breathtaking that Jessica can almost ignore the fact that Taeyeon is always behind them mumbling the lyrics to My Girl nder her breath.
---
Jessica discovers that TIffany, much like herself, spends more time at Taeyeon's than she does at her own apartment. She doesn't mind, though, because Taeyeon makes a habit of slinking off and playing Starcraft so that they're left alone.
She learns that Tiffany has an unhealthy obssession with the color pink, that she's deathly afraid of bugs and that she's one of the clumsiest people on the face of the earth.
She thinks that Tiffany is one of the brightest people she's ever met, so bright that Jessica feels like she can't look at her for too long because she's scared she'll spontaneously combust.
Jessica absolutely loves the way that Tiffany does everything she can to make her smile even though she has no real reason to
---
When they finally venture outside of Taeyeon's apartment, Jessica sees that Tiffany is just that kind of person. She buys meals for the homeless and tries to befriend stray cats and gives charities every last cent in her wallet.
It confuses her the way Tiffany can be so caring and the way that she can smile so easily at people she'll never see again, but when she asks about it Tiffany just giggles and runs her fingers down the length of Jessica's arm.
Jessica doesn't even mind that half of the smiles aren't directed at her because she knows that Tiffany keeps a diary and that she's made a note of every day they've been out together. She also knows that Tiffany has drawn little pink hearts next to those days and she makes a mental note to thank Taeyeon for that information later.
---
Jessica comes home one day and finds Tiffany lying on her couch and watching some sappy romance movie that she hides when people come over. She's confused, to say the least, and she's sure Taeyeon is home because everyone on their floor can hear that laugh, but Tiffany pats the spot beside her and tearfully whispers that she can't help but cry eight scenes too early because this movie is just ugh and Jessica knows the other woman is there to see her.
They watch the rest of the movie side by side and Jessica laughs when Tiffany laughs, she holds her breath when Tiffany holds her breath and she sits there stoically and tries not to cry when Tiffany sobs like a baby into her shoulder.
During the grand finale, the ultimate declaration of love, they turn to each other and act out the whole scene and Tiffany doesn't complain complain when Jessica takes it a step futher than the actors and goes in for a second, third, fourth kiss.
She only complains later on, when they've both taken it so far that they don't want to turn back, and Jessica accidentally rips a button off her dress.
Jessica doesn't complain, though, because with the noises Tiffany is making and the way she's gripping her hair, she can't find a thing to complain about.
---
They fight sometimes, over small things; Jessica is too lazy to empty the dishwasher even though it's her turn and Tiffany has turned yet another of Jessica's possessions into some horrendous shade of pink, and sometimes they fight over big things; TIffany doesn't like the way it seems too easy for Jessica to put up walls and shut her out and Jessica doesn't like the way that Tiffany thinks she does that intentionally.
They fight and Jessica gets so angry that she wipes all emotion off her face sits on her bed in silence, watching as Tiffany storms out the door and listens to her pound on Taeyeon's door because she doesn't want to go back in to get the key. Jessica thinks that her reluctance to chase after Tiffany and prove her wrong only adds to the problem, but she's so used to other people bringing her out of her misery that she doesn't know what to do so she sits and waits and hopes she figures it out soon because she feels like a part of her is missing when Tiffany isn't there.
It's only when Taeyeon's knuckles are sore from ranting in morse code and she slams open the door and marches into the bedroom to give her an earful that Jessica knows that she has to do.
When she apologizes, Tiffany stares at her in silence for a few moments and Jessica thinks that she's never been more nervous. Tiffany deliberates, bites her lip and grabs Jessica's hand, and tells her that it's okay, that it will always be okay because she looks like a lost puppy when she's sad and she can never really be mad at her Jessi for long.
Jessica is still banished to the couch for a week but it's not that bad since TIffany is weak-willed and misses her too much and ends up sleeping out there with her. She knows it's ridiculous and that they have a bed in the next room but it's one of their things, so she loves it as much as she loves Tiffany herself.
---
Her heart is in no danger of breaking for the first time in her life when she's twenty-six and she accidentally finds Tiffany Hwang's Ten Year Plan when she's looking for her missing sock.
She knows she shouldn't be reading it without permission but she can't help herself, definitely not when she sees a number of small additions made in her favourite shade of blue. She runs her eyes over the plan at least three more times before she puts it down.
She picks it up again moments later and lets out a giddy half-laugh, half-dolphin squeal when she reads it for what seems like the fiftieth time. When she takes in the neat with Jessi Tiffany has added to the end of everything she hopes will happen, she smiles so wide that her face might split in half.
Jessica picks up her phone and sends Tiffany a quick I love you and gets up to make her own Ten Year Plan that she'll leave somewhere she knows Tiffany will find it.
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