heroinebigbang: Always on the run (need to go away) 2/3 (PG-13)
Part One
River couldn't stay in the TARDIS any longer, she simply couldn't. She couldn't stay here and watch the Doctor mourn her parents all day long, not when she couldn't allow herself to mourn them too. Reading the last page hadn't helped him as much as she - and Amy - had hoped it would.
Losing Amy and Rory had reopened old wounds. She listened to him as he told her about losing Donna and Rose, Astrid Perth, Adric and Peri. She had known that he had lost many people over the years, but she had never realised how affected he still was by these losses. She didn't say anything once he fell silent; there was just nothing she could say after that. There was just one thing she wanted to ask, but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to know the answer.
She had learned a long time ago that there were some questions she just couldn't voice. Most of them, she ended up getting an answer to by researching him and his companions. But there were a couple of questions that would probably remain unanswered. Maybe it was for the best; there were just some things she wasn't supposed to know about him, like why a sad look crossed his face whenever she mentioned going into the TARDIS library.
She sighed, sitting on their bed. She knew he was hurting, and that he was still angry at her for taking her mother's side. But she couldn't have done anything else, not after she had spent years growing up with them, seeing them fall in love. Amy had to follow Rory; there hadn't been another choice. And maybe, just maybe, there was a small part of her, that part of her that would forever remain that lonely little girl in an orphanage in Florida, who wanted her parents to be together.
But the Doctor didn't see it that way, not yet. He needed time to heal, to come to terms with never seeing Amy and Rory again. And she needed time to do the same too. And neither of them would be able to do that if she stayed in the TARDIS. It was time for her to go.
She quickly gathered the few possessions she had on the TARDIS and put them in her bag. She listened for any sound coming from the Doctor, but she could only hear the humming coming from the TARDIS itself. She wondered how long it would take him to notice that she was gone. It wasn't like there had been a lot of communication between them in the past few weeks. There were days when she barely saw him, and even more days when they didn't even speak to each other; she wouldn't be missed.
The TARDIS humming changed, as if she wanted to reassure River that someone would miss her. She smiled and put her hand on the closest wall. She would miss her too, but it was time for her to go. She couldn't stay, the Doctor couldn't heal if he saw the one person who reminds him of Amy and Rory whenever he deigned leave his swing beneath the console.
She strapped the vortex manipulator on her wrist and entered the coordinates to the one place where she would find the comfort she needed. She sent one last apologetic thought to the one parent she had left, and pressed the button that would take her away.
###
Elizabeth woke up with a start as a flash illuminated her room, and a crackling sound filled her ears. She sat up in bed and looked around, trying to identify where this had come from. She tensed when she found a silhouette standing beside the window, but relaxed when she recognized it.
"River?" she asked, her voice rough from sleep.
Her childhood friend nodded, even though Elizabeth hadn't needed an answer. She turned on the bedside lamp and took in River's appearance: her hair was dishevelled and she was close to tears.
"What happened?" she asked, getting up from the bed.
"Not now," River replied.
It wasn't hard for Elizabeth to guess that something bad had happened to River or someone close to her. She was reassured that her friend didn't seem to be physically hurt, but she knew for a fact that psychological wounds were the ones that hurt the most. She did the only thing she could at the moment: she stepped closer to River and gathered her in her arms.
River didn't resist and immediately let herself go in Elizabeth's arms. She didn't cry though; she couldn't let all her defences fall this soon. And if a small part of her refused to let Elizabeth see the damage, she wouldn't listen to it, not this time; she knew that, unlike the Doctor, her friend could accept it.
Neither knew how much time had passed when River stepped out of Elizabeth's arms. This was when she truly noticed that it was night time and Elizabeth had been sleeping when she arrived. River hadn't really considered when she would arrive when she entered the coordinates in her vortex manipulator; she had just chosen a date at random, only making sure that it was after they had found each other again. It hadn't mattered to her when exactly she would arrive. Maybe if she did pay more attention, she wouldn't have disturbed her friend's sleep.
Seeing the look on River's face, Elizabeth understood what was going on in her mind. She caught her hands in hers and found her eyes.
"It's alright. You were right to come now. I've told you that you could come any time you want."
Elizabeth's last sentence prompted a thought in River's mind; before she could say or do anything else, she needed to know when they were.
"When did we last see each other?" River asked.
"You came here a couple of months ago," Elizabeth said, without missing a beat; they had done that before and she quickly understood why it was important. "We spent most of the night watching movies and talking, just like we did when we were kids."
"Good."
They seemed to still be linear and River was glad for that; she didn't know what she would have done if she had arrived before the time she took her parents here. She couldn't have told Elizabeth what happened if she had; even though she trusted her friend not to say a word about Manhattan, she wouldn't have wanted to put that burden on her shoulders.
"What happened, River?" Elizabeth asked, knowing that she wouldn't talk unless she was prompted.
"Not now, please."
Elizabeth could see that River wasn't ready to talk, and she didn't insist; there would be time for that later. Now, though, it was the early hours of the morning, and there were still hours before the sun would rise above the ocean surrounding the City.
She could see the exhaustion on River's face, and she knew that it wasn't just one of the consequences of what happened; it was easy to see that her friend hadn't slept well - if at all - for days.
"Come on, River," she said, taking her hand and tugging her towards the bed. "You need some sleep."
"No, I…"
"When is the last time you lied in bed and slept?" Elizabeth asked, stopping River's protest.
When River didn't reply, Elizabeth knew that she had been right. She made her sit on the bed, and she heard River sigh as she realised that she had no choice. Elizabeth went to her side of the bed, and lied down on her side, waiting for her friend to do the same.
It took a couple of minutes before River mimicked Elizabeth's position.
"You're sure you don't mind?" she asked the brunette.
"It's not the first time we share a bed," Elizabeth reminded her. "Even though it has been years, it shouldn't be any different than when we were kids. And John is off-world on an overnight mission, if that's what you are worried about."
If River was honest, she hadn't even thought about Colonel John Sheppard before coming here. Her mind had been focused on Elizabeth and the safe haven she would find in coming to Atlantis. But now that she looked past Elizabeth and at the rest of the room, she noticed many men's belongings scattered everywhere.
"You two are living together now?" she asked.
"More or less," Elizabeth replied, blushing just a bit. "Most of his clothes are here, his guitar too, and we spend more nights together than apart, but he still has a few things in his quarters. We're taking it slow."
"Elizabeth," River sighed, "there's taking it slow, as you say, and barely moving an inch in months. And it looks to me that you and John are closer to the latter than the former. The last time I was here, you told me that you had been together for more than a year. Some people would be engaged by then."
"You know, what works for you and the Doctor, doesn't automatically work for other people," Elizabeth said, a bit more abruptly than she wanted.
"I know. People don't usually get willingly married to someone they haven't dated beforehand."
River knew she had surprised Elizabeth with her words. She had never told her the particulars of her relationship with the Doctor. If her friend had ever thought that their relationship was like any other, she couldn't have been farther away from the reality. And she knew she would surprise her again with what she would say next.
"At least, that was true for our first wedding."
"Your first wedding?" Elizabeth repeated. "How many times have you married the man?"
"More times than I could count," River replied with an enigmatic smile. At Elizabeth's look, though, she continued. "Alright, I think the latest count is at 154. But I guess that my favourite one remains our first, even though it happened in a timeline that doesn't exist anymore. This was when I made time collapse; I think I mentioned it to you."
"You did, although, you didn't say anything about a wedding at the time."
"Well, we got married. All that to say, Elizabeth, I agree that everybody moves at their own rhythm, but to me, it looks like you're holding back."
Elizabeth thought for a moment before nodding in agreement. Even though she had never thought about it before, she had to admit that River was correct in her assessment. Maybe it was time for her and John to move forward. After all, to any outsider, it probably looked like they were already living together; they might just as well make it official.
They were nowhere near ready to take it any farther though, not to mention that the IOA might have something to say about it if they did. It didn't matter that they had proven on many occasions already that their personal relationship didn't interfere with their work: Chen and the others - with the exception of Richard Woolsey maybe - were just waiting for them to make a mistake. She wouldn't give them this satisfaction and she knew that John agreed with her.
"You know what I love the most about weddings?" River asked, interrupting Elizabeth's thoughts.
"What is it?"
"The wedding night," River replied raising her eyebrows suggestively.
They laughed together at these words, but soon enough, Elizabeth started to yawn. With all this talk, they had almost forgotten that it was still the middle of the night, a time when the Lantean leader was supposed to be asleep. River felt guilty but took care of hiding it from her friend; she could already hear the brunette protesting that she didn't mind being awake at the wee hours of the morning.
"You should get some more sleep," River said, stroking Elizabeth's arm, just like she had done maybe times in the past. "It wouldn't do for you to be half-asleep come morning."
"Yeah... And I have a briefing with Rodney and Radek first thing in the morning. Although I probably won't understand a word they say anyway. You know me and science."
"Maybe I could come with you," River offered. "I don't know everything there is to know about your work here, but I may grasp enough concepts to help."
"I'd like that," Elizabeth said, smiling, before yawning once more.
"Ok, sleep now."
"Try to sleep for a while too."
"I'll try," River promised, knowing that it was the least she could do to reassure Elizabeth.
They said their goodnights and Elizabeth turned off the bedside lamp.
The room now only bathed by the City's lights coming from outside, River watched as her friend's eyes closed. It didn't take long for her breathing to even out. River smiled; unless something bothered her enough to keep her awake, Elizabeth had always been able to fall asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. For her, it was quite the opposite; nightmares had plagued her dreams since she was a child in that orphanage in Florida, and there were moments when she was afraid to even close her eyes. She was glad for her Time Lord constitution that meant she didn't need to sleep quite as much as her parents or Elizabeth.
Sleep wouldn't come for River tonight; she didn't want to close her eyes and relive what had happened in New York. She could still see Amy disappearing right before her eyes, and even though she had agreed with her choice at the time, and she still did, it hurt. It hurt because she knew that from now on, she would only meet younger versions of her parents who had no idea who she really was. And if she had expected that to happen at one point - just like she knew it would happen with the Doctor - it didn't mean it hurt less.
She wanted to get up from the bed, but she was worried she would wake Elizabeth up with her movements, and so she stayed perfectly still. She was used to not moving for hours on end after all; it had been part of her training when the Church was shaping her into the perfect weapon. If she had long since pushed most of her training to the back of her mind, locked away never to be thought of again, she still retained some of it that proved to be useful in her adventures with the Doctor. And she knew that tonight, more than any other time since she had freed herself from the influence of the Church, she was using her training to stop her walls from crumbling down right here and now.
She couldn't allow herself to break down. Not yet.
###
Even though she had been sure she wouldn't, River must have fallen asleep, because she could swear she had just closed her eyes for a second, and it was suddenly morning. Her sleep had been nightmare free, a rarity she attributed only to her friend's reassuring presence. Elizabeth was still sound asleep beside her, but as the sky was lightening up outside, River knew it wouldn't last long. She would soon be up and rushing to get ready for the day.
Seeing movement at the corner of her eye, River turned her head just as the door opened. John came in, carrying three mugs and what looked like breakfast on a tray. He smiled, obviously not surprised to see her there, and that was when she noticed his jacket draped over a chair; it hadn't been there last night which told her that he had come in earlier, and neither she nor Elizabeth had heard him. She was surprised: never before had that happened. Either she had been more exhausted than she had thought or her mind had turned itself off, giving her one night of peace.
Careful not to wake up Elizabeth, she got up from the bed and walked towards John who was standing before one of the windows. Her clothes were rumpled from having been slept in, and she dreaded to think what her hair looked like, but it would do for the moment. She took the mug John was offering her and smiled when she saw it was filled with tea, unlike the other two that were holding coffee.
"I hope I remembered well," John whispered, not wanting to wake up Elizabeth one minute too early either; they both knew how she was in the morning.
"It's perfect," she replied, after having taken a sip.
River turned towards the window and watched as the sun started to rise above the ocean. There was a time, when she was Mels, living in Leadworth, when she couldn't care less for something like this. But after Berlin, she had learned to appreciate such a sight. The anger directed towards the Doctor that she had felt for so long had disappeared and with this newfound peace of mind, what Amy and Rory had tried to make her understand for years had finally sunk in.
She could feel John's eyes on her as she was looking outside. She could almost hear his thoughts, hear the questions he wanted to ask and she wasn't quite ready to answer. She chose to speak first, hoping that it would stop him from asking them, but all the while knowing that it would just buy her some time.
"Elizabeth said you were off-world for the night," she said, genuinely curious as to why he seemed to have come back early.
"I was. We came back a couple of hours earlier. One of the new guys fell and broke his wrist," he explained and she could hear the frustration in his voice.
"What was the mission about? If it's not classified, of course," she added.
"Atlantis itself is classified, so I think we crossed that line a long time ago. And I think you're pretty good at keeping secrets."
He hadn't meant it as an accusation, but River took it that way nonetheless. He was right; there were some things she hadn't told them and she never would. Stormcage was one of those things she hid from them. Berlin was another. There were just some things even your childhood best friend wouldn't understand. But Elizabeth had never called her on it; she understood the need to keep secrets.
It was easy to understand why John didn't see it that way though; he had to protect his people and Elizabeth. He didn't know her and he couldn't trust her the way Elizabeth did. It would probably never change, but he at least knew that she meant no harm and that was what was the most important.
"It was just a routine check up on people we recently relocated," John said after a beat. "We should have been gone overnight because of the time difference between the two planets. When it's night-time here, it's daytime on the planet. That's also one of the reasons McKay stayed behind and I decided to take a couple of guys who arrived from Earth just two days ago."
"He values his sleep too much?" she stated more than asked, and he smiled.
"You can say that. What happened?" he asked, surprising River by this change of subject.
"Not now," she replied, a lump forming in her throat as the reason for her being here came back to the front of her mind. "She doesn't know yet, and I'd rather do this only once," she said, looking over her shoulder at the still sleeping Elizabeth.
There was no question she would tell John too. From the moment she saw him walk into the room, she knew he would be there when she told Elizabeth. And she didn't mind it; even though he didn't trust her, she trusted him enough to tell him what happened in New York.
They heard bed sheets rustling behind them, and turned to see a half-awake Elizabeth sitting up in bed.
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," John said, smiling at the sight.
"Is that coffee?" she just replied, her voice rough from sleep.
When John nodded, she got up and walked towards them. She took the mug John was handing her, placing a quick kiss on his lips, before turning and kissing River's cheek too. She brought the mug to her lips and took a large gulp of the lukewarm coffee. It wasn't as hot as she would like, but she knew better than to complain; John would just tell her that she should have woken up sooner. Speaking of him, now that she was more awake, she wondered what he was doing here.
"Not that I'm not happy to see you, John, but shouldn't you be off-world?"
"Like I told River, Rollins fell and broke his wrist so we had to come back earlier. But we had made it to the settlement before that and they're fine," he added, knowing that it would have been her next question.
"Good."
"Anyway, I saw you replaced me quite easily," he said with a smile.
"My arrival was quite unexpected."
"But never unwanted," Elizabeth replied, holding River's gaze to make sure she understood it was the truth.
"I know. Still, I didn't want to wake you up in the middle of the night."
"You came when you needed to. I don't care what time it was."
River grabbed Elizabeth's free hand and squeezed it, trying to convey everything she wouldn't say out loud. She knew it was time for her to tell them why she was here; she wasn't any more ready than she was last night, but she knew she couldn't wait anymore.
Not letting go of Elizabeth's hand, she turned back towards the window. She took a deep breath and pushing her feelings aside for the moment, she started talking. She told them everything from the moment she arrived in New York in 1938, to when she first saw her father in Central Park. She told them about the Doctor and Amy's arrival, a smile on her face as she remembered the kiss he had planted on her cheek. She left out the part where she had to break her wrist, knowing that it would be hard to explain.
Their mugs were long since emptied and forgotten on Elizabeth's desk when she reached the end of her tale. She was barely able to contain her emotions when she told them about what happened in the cemetery, about how she hadn't been able to say goodbye to her father, about the choice her mother had made. She could feel Elizabeth's hand tightening around hers and John's eyes on her, both of them silently assuring her that they were there.
"We can never see them again, they created a fixed point in time. But they're together, just the way it should be. That's what matters the most." She paused, taking another deep breath. "Amy asked me to take care of him and I stayed with him until last night. But I couldn't stay anymore. I can't watch him mourning my parents when I... when I can't do the same."
"Why can't you?" Elizabeth asked, tears running down her cheeks; she had only seen Amy and Rory once after what happened on the planet, but they were her friend's parents.
"That's the thing with the Doctor: you can't let him see the damage. He's not good at dealing with it."
"And in the meantime, you're left to deal with what happened on your own," John said, reproach in his voice.
"It doesn't matter now. She's not alone," Elizabeth replied, before River had time to rise to the Doctor's defence. "River," she whispered, forcing her to face her.
When she took in River's face, her eyes filled with tears she refused to shed, Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. It took but a second for River to return the embrace just as tightly. It was then that she finally allowed herself to cry. Away from the Doctor, she could finally mourn her parents.
John was about to leave them alone, to give them some time, but he caught Elizabeth's eyes, silently asking him to stay. He complied; it wasn't like he was in any hurry to go write the mission report, and he and Elizabeth still had an hour before their day really started.
When her tears finally stopped rolling down her cheeks, River released her hold on Elizabeth and took a step away. She thanked her with a look, not yet trusting her voice. She could see that her friend had shed a few tears for her too, and she dried her cheeks with her thumb. They smiled at each other before River turned to John. She conveyed her thanks silently to him too, and he nodded imperceptibly at her.
"I should probably go. You have to work."
"Do you have anywhere you need to be? Things to do?" Elizabeth asked, and River shook her head no. "Then why don't you stay here for a while? Take a break from your life."
"What about your people back on Earth? How would you explain me if they learn I was here?"
"They know about you," Elizabeth replied. "They don't know everything, and they certainly don't know about our past, but they know enough that your presence won't be a problem."
"And it's not the first time we have visitors on Atlantis," John intervened. "You've met Ronon and Teyla, remember?"
River nodded. She had to admit that it was tempting to give in to Elizabeth's offer. She wouldn't mind forgetting about everything else even it was just for a few days. If she went back to her house, she would be alone with her thoughts. Here maybe, she had a chance to escape them, to push them to the back of her mind and focus on something else. She guessed she could do that too by accepting one of the most recent offers she got to lead an archaeological expedition, but she didn't feel like going on a new adventure right now. Elizabeth was right: she needed a break.
"And you did promise to come to the briefing I have with Rodney and Radek," Elizabeth reminded her, and River smiled.
"You're right, I did. I guess I can't go back on a promise I made. And I'll stay for a few days after that."
"As long as you need."
"Now that this is settled, we should get ready for the day," John said. "I'll take care of finding you some quarters to stay in. And no need to argue," he added when he saw River open her mouth to protest. "There's plenty of space here. The City is the size of..." he trailed off, realising what he had been about to say.
"Manhattan, yes. Elizabeth told me once. You don't have to be careful about using some words around me. I have to come to terms with what happened, and I won't be able to do that if you try to protect me in some way."
Elizabeth and John nodded, understanding what River meant. They had to keep acting like they would usually do. This is what they would want if the same had happened to them. They wouldn't like it either if people started treating them as if they would break at any time.
"Well, like John said, time to get ready for the day. Would you mind if I use your bathroom once you're done, Elizabeth?"
"Not at all. You can go first, if you want."
"No you go. I'll need time to find my clothes and everything I need in there," she said, holding up her bag.
"You have clothes in this small bag?" John asked incredulously.
"It's dimensionally transcendental," Elizabeth replied for River. "It's bigger on the inside if you'd rather."
"Alright, I see. So what do you have in here?"
"Everything I need. Probably a gun too," she added to their surprise. "It can always be useful. Do you want me to secure it in your gun locker?"
"No, it's ok, I trust you with it," John replied.
River raised an eyebrow in surprise but nodded. She doubted that he trusted her completely, but at least, he knew that she wouldn't do anything to hurt his people and even less Elizabeth. Nodding back at her, John left Elizabeth's quarters to go get ready in his own, but not before throwing in a comment as to how it would take the two women forever to get ready for the day. Even though he couldn't see them, they both narrowed their eyes at his retreating back.
"And how long does it take him to get his hair styled this way?" River asked, turning towards Elizabeth.
"Sadly, it's doing that naturally," the brunette replied with a smile before disappearing inside the bathroom.
Placing her bag back on a chair for the moment, River turned back to the window. She took a deep breath, knowing that she had been right to decide to stay for a while.
###
It had been a month since River had first arrived on Atlantis, and so far, no one had questioned her presence here. Of course, in the first few days, she had been met by curious looks whenever she would step into the room. She had soon understood that people here had the utmost respect for Elizabeth and John, and once they saw that they considered her an ally and even a friend, she had been accepted as part of the expedition.
Early on, she had refused to be treated as a simple guest, and had asked Elizabeth how she could be of help. That was how she had first found herself babysitting a team of scientists in an as-of-yet unexplored part of the City. She remembered the look on John and Ronon's faces when they learned of her assignment, but unlike them, she wasn't just a warrior; she was an archaeologist first and foremost, and Atlantis was just a huge playground for her.
And now, she was about to embark on her first off-world mission with John's team. It was a simple recognition mission, but as Elizabeth once told her, there was no such thing for this team. She didn't mind a little bit of action; the most she had in the last month was sparring sessions with Ronon and Teyla.
"Are you sure you don't want to change into a uniform?" Elizabeth asked for the third time since River had entered the Gateroom.
"I am."
She didn't bother repeating that she would be much more at ease in her grey dress. Sure the black stockings and high boots weren't regulation, but it wasn't like she was officially part of the expedition. She had already been in a few fights in these clothes - including a verbal sparring match with the Doctor at Demon's Run - and she knew, should anything happen, they wouldn't impede her like a uniform she wasn't used to certainly would. She had agreed to wear a tactical vest, knowing that neither Elizabeth nor John would let her go off-world without one. Not that she had needed one before.
Her vortex manipulator was on her wrist; it had barely left it since she arrived in Atlantis. Her only weapon was her gun that was in her holster at her hip. John had wanted her to take a P-90 too, but one demonstration of how much damage she could do with just her gun had convinced him that it wouldn't be necessary.
Understanding that River wouldn't change her mind, Elizabeth turned towards John and made her last recommendations. River left them alone and went to stand beside Teyla. Aside from their sparring sessions, she hadn't spent a lot of time with the Athosian in the past month. She had joined her and Elizabeth for tea a couple of times, and the three of them had lunch together at least once a week. They hadn't shared much during those moments, though; it had been just enough to earn each other's trust. River knew what Elizabeth had in mind: she wanted her to really become part of the expedition.
John and Elizabeth's talk didn't last long. Soon enough, she looked up at the control room and nodded at Chuck to dial the planet. It wasn't the first time River saw the Gate opening, but it still looked a bit surreal to her. She was used to travelling to other planets and other eras, but it had always been in the TARDIS or with her vortex manipulator. Never before had she used such a technology.
If she interpreted his words correctly - and she usually did - the Doctor thought the Stargate network to be primitive. She could understand his point of view, of course; she was the child of the TARDIS, after all and she knew quite a lot about travelling through space and time. But it didn't mean that she wasn't still fascinated by the technology at work here.
The Kawoosh, as the members of the expedition called it, formed at the center of the Gate, breaking her line of thoughts.
"Be safe," Elizabeth whispered.
River was about to turn around to assure Elizabeth that they would, but she stopped when she noticed that no one on John's team was reacting to the words. It didn't take her long to realise that it was just a habit Elizabeth had when a team was about to leave, and that no reply was necessary. John and Rodney were already walking towards the Gate, and she followed with Teyla, Ronon on their sixes.
Elizabeth noticed a small hesitation right before River went through the Gate. She could understand why; it was her first time going through the Gate, and there had to be some apprehension, even for someone like River. Ronon was the last one through, and the Gate closed behind him.
She turned away and proceeded up the stairs and to her office. She had half an hour before a debriefing with Lorne's team, and she needed that time to review the files that would have to be sent to Earth by the end of the day. But, as luck would have it, just as soon as she had sat down, she heard a new gate activation. She knew for a fact that no team was due back for the next couple of hours.
As she quickly walked towards Chuck's station, her first thought was that something already went bad with John's team. His team certainly was a trouble-magnet, and she wouldn't be surprised if they ran into enemies right after having walked through the Gate.
Before she could go any further in her thoughts, the Gate opened.
"Do we have an IDC?" she asked Chuck.
"Yes. It's Colonel Carter's."
Elizabeth was surprised; not only it wasn't one of her teams, but she hadn't been told of the leader of SG1's visit. Nodding at Chuck to lower the shield, she walked towards the stairs and down. Sam was just walking through the Gate when Elizabeth reached the bottom.
"Colonel Carter," Elizabeth greeted her. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"I'm sorry to drop by unannounced but there wasn't much time to warn you."
"Is there a problem?" Elizabeth asked, worried that something had happened at the SGC.
"A message from the Daedalus reached us a couple of hours ago through one of our allies. They seem to have problems with one of the engines and the shields that the technicians on board can't seem to be able to fix. Since I was free, I offered General Landry to come take a look, so as not to burden someone on your expedition. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all. Although, I'm afraid the Daedalus hasn't arrived yet, and it shouldn't be here until tomorrow morning. Why didn't they contact the SGC directly?"
"It looks that whatever the problem is with the engine, it's affecting the long range communications."
"This sounds serious," Elizabeth said. "You're welcome to borrow a couple of scientists if need be."
"I hope it won't come to that, but thank you."
The two women shared a smile. They both knew that there would be one scientist very eager to help Sam once he knew she was in Atlantis.
"Let me show you your quarters," Elizabeth offered, gesturing for Sam to follow her out of the Gateroom.
"I hope I don't stop you from doing something more important."
"I was just doing one last review of the files we're going to send to Earth, tonight."
"Yes, that's quite fastidious."
"You can say that," Elizabeth said with a smile. "And if you want to add anything, you're welcome to."
"I just might take you up on that offer," Sam replied; even though General Landry would probably call him to inform him of the situation, she would rather send her own message to Jack.
"If you have some time, I have a debriefing in twenty minutes with Major Lorne's team. They came back last night from a planet where they found Ancient ruins. From what he briefly told me before he left for his post-mission check-up, there were some strange energy readings, too. I think you might be interested as Earth's leading expert on Ancient technology."
"I might be the leading expert on Ancient technology on Earth, but McKay has more experience with it since he lives here," Sam corrected her. "But it sounds interesting so I'll show up."
"Good. And here you are," Elizabeth said as she stopped in front of a door and opened it. "I trust that you remember were the mess and the other facilities are."
"I do."
"Then, I'll leave you to settle, and I'll see you in the briefing room."
"Thank you," Sam replied, entering her temporary quarters and closing the door behind her.
Putting her duffle bag next to the desk, she walked towards the floor to ceiling windows. As the sun reflected on the ocean, she thought that she wouldn't mind having this kind of view in her quarters at the SGC instead of being surrounded by gray walls.
###
River was frozen to the bones when she stepped on the other side of the Gate. Elizabeth and John had warned her that it would happen, but there was no way she could have been prepared for that. She didn't always travel through space and time safely inside the TARDIS, but even though the vortex manipulator was doing funny things to her hair, it had never left her cold like she was now.
"If you're feeling dizzy, just sit for a moment and it'll pass," John said, standing beside her. "We're in no hurry."
"Thank you, but I'm feeling perfectly fine."
"Really? You don't feeling like puking?" Rodney asked, surprised.
"Why would I?" River replied, raising an eyebrow.
"What Rodney means is that when you travel through the Gate for the first time, you can feel sick," Teyla clarified.
"If you feel sick after stepping through the Gate, you should never travel with a vortex manipulator," she said, holding up her wrist. "Or in the TARDIS when the Doctor is flying her," she added as an afterthought. "I'm cold but the trip through the Gate was fine otherwise."
Rodney and John were looking at her as if she had grown a second head while Teyla was keeping her head down to hide a smile. Ronon, on the other hand, wasn't hiding his; he looked at her and nodded at her; she knew she had earned the Satedan's respect during their sparring sessions, but it looked like he was appreciating her all the more right now.
"Well, since we don't need to take a break, let's go," John said.
As per his instructions before they left the City, he took the lead, followed by Rodney and Teyla, and River and Ronon brought up the rear. While keeping an eye on any danger that could come upon them, River looked around. Even though it was exactly what she had been told she would see, she was a bit disappointed by this planet. She was used, in her adventures with the Doctor or on her own, to more exotic planets, and this simple forest was too dull for her.
She wouldn't complain though; even though Atlantis fascinated her, a change of scenery was nice. Not to mention that for her companions, it wasn't an adventure, but a mission, and they had to complete it. She could feel Ronon's eyes on her, and when she turned to look at him, he sent her a knowing look: he knew exactly what was on her mind because he was thinking the same.
"This is not the kind of planet you're used to," Ronon said, finally voicing his thoughts.
"Not really, no. I've been to planets like this one before, but only for archaeological digs. Otherwise, I find them to be quite boring."
"Which planets aren't boring?" he replied.
Ahead of them, River could see that John had slightly turned his head towards them, while still keeping an eye and an ear out for danger. She had told Elizabeth of her adventures, but he had never been there when she did. She could easily understand his curiosity now.
"I've seen planets that are just one huge market, planets where people lived inside trees and planets with moving mountains. I've even heard of a Library planet, but it had been forbidden to go there after some kind of incident. But I think my favourite planet is the one I will never be able to go to. It has an orange sky, golden fields and fields of red grass, trees with silver leaves and red deserts."
"Why can't you ever go there?" Ronon asked.
"It's a long story," she answered, not really wanting to talk about it.
"How do you know so much about this world if you have never been there?" John asked, proving that he had been listening to the conversation.
River remained silent, not wanting to let them know that this world was the Doctor's. She didn't want to have to explain to them how Gallifrey had become lost, and why the Doctor was now the last of the Time Lords. John didn't insist; he seemed to accept that it was a question he would never have an answer to. It wouldn't be his first - nor last - question left unanswered after all.
"Well, while there are markets on some planets, it must be nothing compared to the ones you mentioned," John said, changing the subject back to the planets they visited. "It's great to have that kind of diversity, although I wish we had it in the planets we visit, too. For us, it's usually dense forests like this one or deserts. Change would be nice, really."
She could easily understand what he meant. If she had to go to the same kind of planets over and over again, it would quickly become tiring. She hated routine, and it was why she had so often escaped from Stormcage in the past, even without the Doctor. Maybe when they were back on Atlantis, she could ask Elizabeth to take a look at the planets database; she might recognize one she already went to and that didn't have a forest or a desert. It would certainly be a refreshing change for them.
They stopped talking and the silence surrounding them was only broken by some birds chirping and Rodney's heavy breathing. They still couldn't see any signs of the planet being inhabited. They knew better than to assume that it was uninhabited; on many worlds, people had learnt to hide themselves, and with the Wraith out there, it was only wise to do so.
"Can't we stop for a while?" Rodney finally said. "We've been walking for almost two hours."
"I guess we can," John replied.
He knew better than to try to make the scientist continue walking when he started to ask for them to stop. He had soon found out that it was easier to give in, and rest for ten minutes, instead of pushing him to go any further. It would only serve to make them stop longer.
River couldn't say she was unpleased by the break. Although she wasn't nearly as tired as Rodney was, she wasn't really used to long treks anymore. Sure, it had been part of her training, but that was years and years ago. She now preferred to use her vortex manipulator to cover long distances. It also meant she had more time to spend at the location. At the very least, all her running with the Doctor had kept her in really good shape - better shape than the scientist - and she could probably surprise John and the two Pegasus natives once again.
She took her water can out of her bag and took a sip. Reaching inside again, she found a protein bar and handed it to Rodney who was sitting on a boulder. He accepted it with a grateful smile, and she met Teyla's eyes over the scientist's head. The Athosian nodded imperceptibly, showing River that she was appreciating her concern about Rodney. River wanted to shrug her shoulders in dismissal - it was nothing really - but she soon understood that her gesture told them that she was really part of the team, even though it was only temporary. Instead, she smiled back at her.
Knowing that John and Ronon were keeping an eye on the perimeter, River walked towards Teyla.
"I hope this first off-world mission isn't too tiring for you," Teyla asked, with concern in her voice.
"Not at all. I'm used to running with the Doctor. He has the tendency to annoy the wrong people."
"I see. Elizabeth says the same about John and Rodney sometimes."
"She mentioned something about a game that wasn't a game, once," River said, remembering one of her previous conversation with her friend.
"Yes. They thought they were playing a game when they were actually giving instructions to two opposing people on a planet. Elizabeth had to be the one to try to reconcile them when they found out the truth. You can imagine that she was none too happy with them."
"I'm surprised they're still alive, actually."
They laughed heartily, provoking curious looks from the three men. Rodney opened his mouth to ask what they were laughing about, but one look from John shut him up. He knew that it probably had to do with them, and he didn't need to know more.
As River and Teyla calmed down, the Colonel noticed that Rodney had finished eating his protein bar. He took one last sip of water before putting it back in his backpack. It was time to resume walking.
"Is everyone rested enough?" he asked.
Everyone but Rodney nodded. The scientist held two fingers and John agreed to let him sit here for a while longer.
"How long are we going to keep walking if we find nothing?" River asked, curious.
"We don't have to be back in Atlantis for another 6 hours. I'd say we continue walking for two hours, and if we find nothing we'll go back to the Gate."
"Well, I for one, hope that we will find something," Rodney said. "If we walked all this way for nothing..."
"Yes McKay, we know," John cut in before the scientist could start ranting. "Can we go, now?"
Even though they could all see that Rodney would rather stay put for a few more minutes, he got up and shouldered his backpack. They took back their respective positions, and resumed walking.
It didn't take them long after that to finally come into view of some ruins. It was easy to see the relief in Rodney's eyes when he spotted them: he hadn't walked for so long for nothing.
As they reached it, River stopped and took a look around. She counted two pillars still standing, while six others were in various state of ruin. They were encircling a large lying stone; it looked like some kind of circle used for a ritual. The lying stone could be an altar stone, pretty much like the one at Stonehenge.
Thinking about Stonehenge and what happened there, she decided to make sure there would be no bad surprise, she took her scanner out of her bag, and checked the readings. She was relieved to see that the stones were emitting no energy of any kind.
Knowing that she was their resident archaeologist for the time being, she turned towards the team. She saw that Rodney had his own scanner in his hands and made the checks too, and she couldn't blame him; better be safe than sorry.
"It's safe," she announced.
"She's right. I can't pick any energy reading. These are just ruins."
"Alright then," John said. "Let's take a closer look."
River, being the closest, was the first to enter the circle. On the pillars closest to her, she could see writings in a language she didn't know. Soon enough, though, the words changed into English. She knew it was working for her only; as she had explained to her father when they were at Grayle's, it was a gift of the TARDIS. The team, having never travelled in the Doctor's ship, couldn't have it. They needed her to know what the text was saying.
Without thinking, she brushed her hand against one of the pillars, taking off some of the moss that was hiding the writings. She was about to get her notebook out of her bag to take notes when she heard a beeping sound.
"The energy levels are rising," Rodney said in an urgent voice.
"I thought you said you couldn't detect any energy here?" John asked, turning to him.
"There wasn't," River replied for the scientist.
"Then what is this?" Ronon asked.
John was about to ask what he was talking about when he saw it: the pillars were now emitting an electric field. Soon, it ran between the pillars, completely surrounding the team. They were trapped inside the circle.
River looked around her, reading the text as fast as she could. She hoped to find an answer there, but she knew that it was probably a waste of time: some of the text had faded away, and there was just too many to read. The answer might be here, but she might not find it.
For a second, she wondered what it was with her and ruins in the Pegasus Galaxy: they seemed to have it in for her.
"McKay?" River heard John call as she was concentrated on her reading.
"The energy levels are still rising. And before you ask, I don't know why it started nor how to stop it," he said, his voice rising along with his frustration.
"River, an idea?"
"I don't know either, John. Keep an eye on the energy levels, Doctor McKay, and tell me when they start to get dangerously high."
"They already are, if you want my opinion," he replied.
"Can't we just run through?" Ronon asked.
"It might be more dangerous. We don't know what kind of energy it is," John answered, dismissing the idea, even though it was more tempting than standing here like sitting ducks.
"It's starting to glow," Teyla said, in her calm voice.
River turned around and she saw that the Athosian was right; while it had seemed inactive until now, the altar stone was glowing, and she could see an electrical field appearing.
"Ok, time to go," River said, taking one last look at the writings on the stone.
"I thought we've established we couldn't leave," Rodney replied, and River smiled enigmatically at him.
"Not the way we came, we can't," she said, quickly entering coordinates on her vortex manipulator. "Now, hold onto me."
"Is it safe?"
"It certainly looks safer than staying here," Teyla answered to the scientist.
River felt hands wrapping around her arms and shoulders. She waited for John's go, and when he did, she pressed the button and took them out of there.
Part Three
River couldn't stay in the TARDIS any longer, she simply couldn't. She couldn't stay here and watch the Doctor mourn her parents all day long, not when she couldn't allow herself to mourn them too. Reading the last page hadn't helped him as much as she - and Amy - had hoped it would.
Losing Amy and Rory had reopened old wounds. She listened to him as he told her about losing Donna and Rose, Astrid Perth, Adric and Peri. She had known that he had lost many people over the years, but she had never realised how affected he still was by these losses. She didn't say anything once he fell silent; there was just nothing she could say after that. There was just one thing she wanted to ask, but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to know the answer.
She had learned a long time ago that there were some questions she just couldn't voice. Most of them, she ended up getting an answer to by researching him and his companions. But there were a couple of questions that would probably remain unanswered. Maybe it was for the best; there were just some things she wasn't supposed to know about him, like why a sad look crossed his face whenever she mentioned going into the TARDIS library.
She sighed, sitting on their bed. She knew he was hurting, and that he was still angry at her for taking her mother's side. But she couldn't have done anything else, not after she had spent years growing up with them, seeing them fall in love. Amy had to follow Rory; there hadn't been another choice. And maybe, just maybe, there was a small part of her, that part of her that would forever remain that lonely little girl in an orphanage in Florida, who wanted her parents to be together.
But the Doctor didn't see it that way, not yet. He needed time to heal, to come to terms with never seeing Amy and Rory again. And she needed time to do the same too. And neither of them would be able to do that if she stayed in the TARDIS. It was time for her to go.
She quickly gathered the few possessions she had on the TARDIS and put them in her bag. She listened for any sound coming from the Doctor, but she could only hear the humming coming from the TARDIS itself. She wondered how long it would take him to notice that she was gone. It wasn't like there had been a lot of communication between them in the past few weeks. There were days when she barely saw him, and even more days when they didn't even speak to each other; she wouldn't be missed.
The TARDIS humming changed, as if she wanted to reassure River that someone would miss her. She smiled and put her hand on the closest wall. She would miss her too, but it was time for her to go. She couldn't stay, the Doctor couldn't heal if he saw the one person who reminds him of Amy and Rory whenever he deigned leave his swing beneath the console.
She strapped the vortex manipulator on her wrist and entered the coordinates to the one place where she would find the comfort she needed. She sent one last apologetic thought to the one parent she had left, and pressed the button that would take her away.
###
Elizabeth woke up with a start as a flash illuminated her room, and a crackling sound filled her ears. She sat up in bed and looked around, trying to identify where this had come from. She tensed when she found a silhouette standing beside the window, but relaxed when she recognized it.
"River?" she asked, her voice rough from sleep.
Her childhood friend nodded, even though Elizabeth hadn't needed an answer. She turned on the bedside lamp and took in River's appearance: her hair was dishevelled and she was close to tears.
"What happened?" she asked, getting up from the bed.
"Not now," River replied.
It wasn't hard for Elizabeth to guess that something bad had happened to River or someone close to her. She was reassured that her friend didn't seem to be physically hurt, but she knew for a fact that psychological wounds were the ones that hurt the most. She did the only thing she could at the moment: she stepped closer to River and gathered her in her arms.
River didn't resist and immediately let herself go in Elizabeth's arms. She didn't cry though; she couldn't let all her defences fall this soon. And if a small part of her refused to let Elizabeth see the damage, she wouldn't listen to it, not this time; she knew that, unlike the Doctor, her friend could accept it.
Neither knew how much time had passed when River stepped out of Elizabeth's arms. This was when she truly noticed that it was night time and Elizabeth had been sleeping when she arrived. River hadn't really considered when she would arrive when she entered the coordinates in her vortex manipulator; she had just chosen a date at random, only making sure that it was after they had found each other again. It hadn't mattered to her when exactly she would arrive. Maybe if she did pay more attention, she wouldn't have disturbed her friend's sleep.
Seeing the look on River's face, Elizabeth understood what was going on in her mind. She caught her hands in hers and found her eyes.
"It's alright. You were right to come now. I've told you that you could come any time you want."
Elizabeth's last sentence prompted a thought in River's mind; before she could say or do anything else, she needed to know when they were.
"When did we last see each other?" River asked.
"You came here a couple of months ago," Elizabeth said, without missing a beat; they had done that before and she quickly understood why it was important. "We spent most of the night watching movies and talking, just like we did when we were kids."
"Good."
They seemed to still be linear and River was glad for that; she didn't know what she would have done if she had arrived before the time she took her parents here. She couldn't have told Elizabeth what happened if she had; even though she trusted her friend not to say a word about Manhattan, she wouldn't have wanted to put that burden on her shoulders.
"What happened, River?" Elizabeth asked, knowing that she wouldn't talk unless she was prompted.
"Not now, please."
Elizabeth could see that River wasn't ready to talk, and she didn't insist; there would be time for that later. Now, though, it was the early hours of the morning, and there were still hours before the sun would rise above the ocean surrounding the City.
She could see the exhaustion on River's face, and she knew that it wasn't just one of the consequences of what happened; it was easy to see that her friend hadn't slept well - if at all - for days.
"Come on, River," she said, taking her hand and tugging her towards the bed. "You need some sleep."
"No, I…"
"When is the last time you lied in bed and slept?" Elizabeth asked, stopping River's protest.
When River didn't reply, Elizabeth knew that she had been right. She made her sit on the bed, and she heard River sigh as she realised that she had no choice. Elizabeth went to her side of the bed, and lied down on her side, waiting for her friend to do the same.
It took a couple of minutes before River mimicked Elizabeth's position.
"You're sure you don't mind?" she asked the brunette.
"It's not the first time we share a bed," Elizabeth reminded her. "Even though it has been years, it shouldn't be any different than when we were kids. And John is off-world on an overnight mission, if that's what you are worried about."
If River was honest, she hadn't even thought about Colonel John Sheppard before coming here. Her mind had been focused on Elizabeth and the safe haven she would find in coming to Atlantis. But now that she looked past Elizabeth and at the rest of the room, she noticed many men's belongings scattered everywhere.
"You two are living together now?" she asked.
"More or less," Elizabeth replied, blushing just a bit. "Most of his clothes are here, his guitar too, and we spend more nights together than apart, but he still has a few things in his quarters. We're taking it slow."
"Elizabeth," River sighed, "there's taking it slow, as you say, and barely moving an inch in months. And it looks to me that you and John are closer to the latter than the former. The last time I was here, you told me that you had been together for more than a year. Some people would be engaged by then."
"You know, what works for you and the Doctor, doesn't automatically work for other people," Elizabeth said, a bit more abruptly than she wanted.
"I know. People don't usually get willingly married to someone they haven't dated beforehand."
River knew she had surprised Elizabeth with her words. She had never told her the particulars of her relationship with the Doctor. If her friend had ever thought that their relationship was like any other, she couldn't have been farther away from the reality. And she knew she would surprise her again with what she would say next.
"At least, that was true for our first wedding."
"Your first wedding?" Elizabeth repeated. "How many times have you married the man?"
"More times than I could count," River replied with an enigmatic smile. At Elizabeth's look, though, she continued. "Alright, I think the latest count is at 154. But I guess that my favourite one remains our first, even though it happened in a timeline that doesn't exist anymore. This was when I made time collapse; I think I mentioned it to you."
"You did, although, you didn't say anything about a wedding at the time."
"Well, we got married. All that to say, Elizabeth, I agree that everybody moves at their own rhythm, but to me, it looks like you're holding back."
Elizabeth thought for a moment before nodding in agreement. Even though she had never thought about it before, she had to admit that River was correct in her assessment. Maybe it was time for her and John to move forward. After all, to any outsider, it probably looked like they were already living together; they might just as well make it official.
They were nowhere near ready to take it any farther though, not to mention that the IOA might have something to say about it if they did. It didn't matter that they had proven on many occasions already that their personal relationship didn't interfere with their work: Chen and the others - with the exception of Richard Woolsey maybe - were just waiting for them to make a mistake. She wouldn't give them this satisfaction and she knew that John agreed with her.
"You know what I love the most about weddings?" River asked, interrupting Elizabeth's thoughts.
"What is it?"
"The wedding night," River replied raising her eyebrows suggestively.
They laughed together at these words, but soon enough, Elizabeth started to yawn. With all this talk, they had almost forgotten that it was still the middle of the night, a time when the Lantean leader was supposed to be asleep. River felt guilty but took care of hiding it from her friend; she could already hear the brunette protesting that she didn't mind being awake at the wee hours of the morning.
"You should get some more sleep," River said, stroking Elizabeth's arm, just like she had done maybe times in the past. "It wouldn't do for you to be half-asleep come morning."
"Yeah... And I have a briefing with Rodney and Radek first thing in the morning. Although I probably won't understand a word they say anyway. You know me and science."
"Maybe I could come with you," River offered. "I don't know everything there is to know about your work here, but I may grasp enough concepts to help."
"I'd like that," Elizabeth said, smiling, before yawning once more.
"Ok, sleep now."
"Try to sleep for a while too."
"I'll try," River promised, knowing that it was the least she could do to reassure Elizabeth.
They said their goodnights and Elizabeth turned off the bedside lamp.
The room now only bathed by the City's lights coming from outside, River watched as her friend's eyes closed. It didn't take long for her breathing to even out. River smiled; unless something bothered her enough to keep her awake, Elizabeth had always been able to fall asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. For her, it was quite the opposite; nightmares had plagued her dreams since she was a child in that orphanage in Florida, and there were moments when she was afraid to even close her eyes. She was glad for her Time Lord constitution that meant she didn't need to sleep quite as much as her parents or Elizabeth.
Sleep wouldn't come for River tonight; she didn't want to close her eyes and relive what had happened in New York. She could still see Amy disappearing right before her eyes, and even though she had agreed with her choice at the time, and she still did, it hurt. It hurt because she knew that from now on, she would only meet younger versions of her parents who had no idea who she really was. And if she had expected that to happen at one point - just like she knew it would happen with the Doctor - it didn't mean it hurt less.
She wanted to get up from the bed, but she was worried she would wake Elizabeth up with her movements, and so she stayed perfectly still. She was used to not moving for hours on end after all; it had been part of her training when the Church was shaping her into the perfect weapon. If she had long since pushed most of her training to the back of her mind, locked away never to be thought of again, she still retained some of it that proved to be useful in her adventures with the Doctor. And she knew that tonight, more than any other time since she had freed herself from the influence of the Church, she was using her training to stop her walls from crumbling down right here and now.
She couldn't allow herself to break down. Not yet.
###
Even though she had been sure she wouldn't, River must have fallen asleep, because she could swear she had just closed her eyes for a second, and it was suddenly morning. Her sleep had been nightmare free, a rarity she attributed only to her friend's reassuring presence. Elizabeth was still sound asleep beside her, but as the sky was lightening up outside, River knew it wouldn't last long. She would soon be up and rushing to get ready for the day.
Seeing movement at the corner of her eye, River turned her head just as the door opened. John came in, carrying three mugs and what looked like breakfast on a tray. He smiled, obviously not surprised to see her there, and that was when she noticed his jacket draped over a chair; it hadn't been there last night which told her that he had come in earlier, and neither she nor Elizabeth had heard him. She was surprised: never before had that happened. Either she had been more exhausted than she had thought or her mind had turned itself off, giving her one night of peace.
Careful not to wake up Elizabeth, she got up from the bed and walked towards John who was standing before one of the windows. Her clothes were rumpled from having been slept in, and she dreaded to think what her hair looked like, but it would do for the moment. She took the mug John was offering her and smiled when she saw it was filled with tea, unlike the other two that were holding coffee.
"I hope I remembered well," John whispered, not wanting to wake up Elizabeth one minute too early either; they both knew how she was in the morning.
"It's perfect," she replied, after having taken a sip.
River turned towards the window and watched as the sun started to rise above the ocean. There was a time, when she was Mels, living in Leadworth, when she couldn't care less for something like this. But after Berlin, she had learned to appreciate such a sight. The anger directed towards the Doctor that she had felt for so long had disappeared and with this newfound peace of mind, what Amy and Rory had tried to make her understand for years had finally sunk in.
She could feel John's eyes on her as she was looking outside. She could almost hear his thoughts, hear the questions he wanted to ask and she wasn't quite ready to answer. She chose to speak first, hoping that it would stop him from asking them, but all the while knowing that it would just buy her some time.
"Elizabeth said you were off-world for the night," she said, genuinely curious as to why he seemed to have come back early.
"I was. We came back a couple of hours earlier. One of the new guys fell and broke his wrist," he explained and she could hear the frustration in his voice.
"What was the mission about? If it's not classified, of course," she added.
"Atlantis itself is classified, so I think we crossed that line a long time ago. And I think you're pretty good at keeping secrets."
He hadn't meant it as an accusation, but River took it that way nonetheless. He was right; there were some things she hadn't told them and she never would. Stormcage was one of those things she hid from them. Berlin was another. There were just some things even your childhood best friend wouldn't understand. But Elizabeth had never called her on it; she understood the need to keep secrets.
It was easy to understand why John didn't see it that way though; he had to protect his people and Elizabeth. He didn't know her and he couldn't trust her the way Elizabeth did. It would probably never change, but he at least knew that she meant no harm and that was what was the most important.
"It was just a routine check up on people we recently relocated," John said after a beat. "We should have been gone overnight because of the time difference between the two planets. When it's night-time here, it's daytime on the planet. That's also one of the reasons McKay stayed behind and I decided to take a couple of guys who arrived from Earth just two days ago."
"He values his sleep too much?" she stated more than asked, and he smiled.
"You can say that. What happened?" he asked, surprising River by this change of subject.
"Not now," she replied, a lump forming in her throat as the reason for her being here came back to the front of her mind. "She doesn't know yet, and I'd rather do this only once," she said, looking over her shoulder at the still sleeping Elizabeth.
There was no question she would tell John too. From the moment she saw him walk into the room, she knew he would be there when she told Elizabeth. And she didn't mind it; even though he didn't trust her, she trusted him enough to tell him what happened in New York.
They heard bed sheets rustling behind them, and turned to see a half-awake Elizabeth sitting up in bed.
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," John said, smiling at the sight.
"Is that coffee?" she just replied, her voice rough from sleep.
When John nodded, she got up and walked towards them. She took the mug John was handing her, placing a quick kiss on his lips, before turning and kissing River's cheek too. She brought the mug to her lips and took a large gulp of the lukewarm coffee. It wasn't as hot as she would like, but she knew better than to complain; John would just tell her that she should have woken up sooner. Speaking of him, now that she was more awake, she wondered what he was doing here.
"Not that I'm not happy to see you, John, but shouldn't you be off-world?"
"Like I told River, Rollins fell and broke his wrist so we had to come back earlier. But we had made it to the settlement before that and they're fine," he added, knowing that it would have been her next question.
"Good."
"Anyway, I saw you replaced me quite easily," he said with a smile.
"My arrival was quite unexpected."
"But never unwanted," Elizabeth replied, holding River's gaze to make sure she understood it was the truth.
"I know. Still, I didn't want to wake you up in the middle of the night."
"You came when you needed to. I don't care what time it was."
River grabbed Elizabeth's free hand and squeezed it, trying to convey everything she wouldn't say out loud. She knew it was time for her to tell them why she was here; she wasn't any more ready than she was last night, but she knew she couldn't wait anymore.
Not letting go of Elizabeth's hand, she turned back towards the window. She took a deep breath and pushing her feelings aside for the moment, she started talking. She told them everything from the moment she arrived in New York in 1938, to when she first saw her father in Central Park. She told them about the Doctor and Amy's arrival, a smile on her face as she remembered the kiss he had planted on her cheek. She left out the part where she had to break her wrist, knowing that it would be hard to explain.
Their mugs were long since emptied and forgotten on Elizabeth's desk when she reached the end of her tale. She was barely able to contain her emotions when she told them about what happened in the cemetery, about how she hadn't been able to say goodbye to her father, about the choice her mother had made. She could feel Elizabeth's hand tightening around hers and John's eyes on her, both of them silently assuring her that they were there.
"We can never see them again, they created a fixed point in time. But they're together, just the way it should be. That's what matters the most." She paused, taking another deep breath. "Amy asked me to take care of him and I stayed with him until last night. But I couldn't stay anymore. I can't watch him mourning my parents when I... when I can't do the same."
"Why can't you?" Elizabeth asked, tears running down her cheeks; she had only seen Amy and Rory once after what happened on the planet, but they were her friend's parents.
"That's the thing with the Doctor: you can't let him see the damage. He's not good at dealing with it."
"And in the meantime, you're left to deal with what happened on your own," John said, reproach in his voice.
"It doesn't matter now. She's not alone," Elizabeth replied, before River had time to rise to the Doctor's defence. "River," she whispered, forcing her to face her.
When she took in River's face, her eyes filled with tears she refused to shed, Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. It took but a second for River to return the embrace just as tightly. It was then that she finally allowed herself to cry. Away from the Doctor, she could finally mourn her parents.
John was about to leave them alone, to give them some time, but he caught Elizabeth's eyes, silently asking him to stay. He complied; it wasn't like he was in any hurry to go write the mission report, and he and Elizabeth still had an hour before their day really started.
When her tears finally stopped rolling down her cheeks, River released her hold on Elizabeth and took a step away. She thanked her with a look, not yet trusting her voice. She could see that her friend had shed a few tears for her too, and she dried her cheeks with her thumb. They smiled at each other before River turned to John. She conveyed her thanks silently to him too, and he nodded imperceptibly at her.
"I should probably go. You have to work."
"Do you have anywhere you need to be? Things to do?" Elizabeth asked, and River shook her head no. "Then why don't you stay here for a while? Take a break from your life."
"What about your people back on Earth? How would you explain me if they learn I was here?"
"They know about you," Elizabeth replied. "They don't know everything, and they certainly don't know about our past, but they know enough that your presence won't be a problem."
"And it's not the first time we have visitors on Atlantis," John intervened. "You've met Ronon and Teyla, remember?"
River nodded. She had to admit that it was tempting to give in to Elizabeth's offer. She wouldn't mind forgetting about everything else even it was just for a few days. If she went back to her house, she would be alone with her thoughts. Here maybe, she had a chance to escape them, to push them to the back of her mind and focus on something else. She guessed she could do that too by accepting one of the most recent offers she got to lead an archaeological expedition, but she didn't feel like going on a new adventure right now. Elizabeth was right: she needed a break.
"And you did promise to come to the briefing I have with Rodney and Radek," Elizabeth reminded her, and River smiled.
"You're right, I did. I guess I can't go back on a promise I made. And I'll stay for a few days after that."
"As long as you need."
"Now that this is settled, we should get ready for the day," John said. "I'll take care of finding you some quarters to stay in. And no need to argue," he added when he saw River open her mouth to protest. "There's plenty of space here. The City is the size of..." he trailed off, realising what he had been about to say.
"Manhattan, yes. Elizabeth told me once. You don't have to be careful about using some words around me. I have to come to terms with what happened, and I won't be able to do that if you try to protect me in some way."
Elizabeth and John nodded, understanding what River meant. They had to keep acting like they would usually do. This is what they would want if the same had happened to them. They wouldn't like it either if people started treating them as if they would break at any time.
"Well, like John said, time to get ready for the day. Would you mind if I use your bathroom once you're done, Elizabeth?"
"Not at all. You can go first, if you want."
"No you go. I'll need time to find my clothes and everything I need in there," she said, holding up her bag.
"You have clothes in this small bag?" John asked incredulously.
"It's dimensionally transcendental," Elizabeth replied for River. "It's bigger on the inside if you'd rather."
"Alright, I see. So what do you have in here?"
"Everything I need. Probably a gun too," she added to their surprise. "It can always be useful. Do you want me to secure it in your gun locker?"
"No, it's ok, I trust you with it," John replied.
River raised an eyebrow in surprise but nodded. She doubted that he trusted her completely, but at least, he knew that she wouldn't do anything to hurt his people and even less Elizabeth. Nodding back at her, John left Elizabeth's quarters to go get ready in his own, but not before throwing in a comment as to how it would take the two women forever to get ready for the day. Even though he couldn't see them, they both narrowed their eyes at his retreating back.
"And how long does it take him to get his hair styled this way?" River asked, turning towards Elizabeth.
"Sadly, it's doing that naturally," the brunette replied with a smile before disappearing inside the bathroom.
Placing her bag back on a chair for the moment, River turned back to the window. She took a deep breath, knowing that she had been right to decide to stay for a while.
###
It had been a month since River had first arrived on Atlantis, and so far, no one had questioned her presence here. Of course, in the first few days, she had been met by curious looks whenever she would step into the room. She had soon understood that people here had the utmost respect for Elizabeth and John, and once they saw that they considered her an ally and even a friend, she had been accepted as part of the expedition.
Early on, she had refused to be treated as a simple guest, and had asked Elizabeth how she could be of help. That was how she had first found herself babysitting a team of scientists in an as-of-yet unexplored part of the City. She remembered the look on John and Ronon's faces when they learned of her assignment, but unlike them, she wasn't just a warrior; she was an archaeologist first and foremost, and Atlantis was just a huge playground for her.
And now, she was about to embark on her first off-world mission with John's team. It was a simple recognition mission, but as Elizabeth once told her, there was no such thing for this team. She didn't mind a little bit of action; the most she had in the last month was sparring sessions with Ronon and Teyla.
"Are you sure you don't want to change into a uniform?" Elizabeth asked for the third time since River had entered the Gateroom.
"I am."
She didn't bother repeating that she would be much more at ease in her grey dress. Sure the black stockings and high boots weren't regulation, but it wasn't like she was officially part of the expedition. She had already been in a few fights in these clothes - including a verbal sparring match with the Doctor at Demon's Run - and she knew, should anything happen, they wouldn't impede her like a uniform she wasn't used to certainly would. She had agreed to wear a tactical vest, knowing that neither Elizabeth nor John would let her go off-world without one. Not that she had needed one before.
Her vortex manipulator was on her wrist; it had barely left it since she arrived in Atlantis. Her only weapon was her gun that was in her holster at her hip. John had wanted her to take a P-90 too, but one demonstration of how much damage she could do with just her gun had convinced him that it wouldn't be necessary.
Understanding that River wouldn't change her mind, Elizabeth turned towards John and made her last recommendations. River left them alone and went to stand beside Teyla. Aside from their sparring sessions, she hadn't spent a lot of time with the Athosian in the past month. She had joined her and Elizabeth for tea a couple of times, and the three of them had lunch together at least once a week. They hadn't shared much during those moments, though; it had been just enough to earn each other's trust. River knew what Elizabeth had in mind: she wanted her to really become part of the expedition.
John and Elizabeth's talk didn't last long. Soon enough, she looked up at the control room and nodded at Chuck to dial the planet. It wasn't the first time River saw the Gate opening, but it still looked a bit surreal to her. She was used to travelling to other planets and other eras, but it had always been in the TARDIS or with her vortex manipulator. Never before had she used such a technology.
If she interpreted his words correctly - and she usually did - the Doctor thought the Stargate network to be primitive. She could understand his point of view, of course; she was the child of the TARDIS, after all and she knew quite a lot about travelling through space and time. But it didn't mean that she wasn't still fascinated by the technology at work here.
The Kawoosh, as the members of the expedition called it, formed at the center of the Gate, breaking her line of thoughts.
"Be safe," Elizabeth whispered.
River was about to turn around to assure Elizabeth that they would, but she stopped when she noticed that no one on John's team was reacting to the words. It didn't take her long to realise that it was just a habit Elizabeth had when a team was about to leave, and that no reply was necessary. John and Rodney were already walking towards the Gate, and she followed with Teyla, Ronon on their sixes.
Elizabeth noticed a small hesitation right before River went through the Gate. She could understand why; it was her first time going through the Gate, and there had to be some apprehension, even for someone like River. Ronon was the last one through, and the Gate closed behind him.
She turned away and proceeded up the stairs and to her office. She had half an hour before a debriefing with Lorne's team, and she needed that time to review the files that would have to be sent to Earth by the end of the day. But, as luck would have it, just as soon as she had sat down, she heard a new gate activation. She knew for a fact that no team was due back for the next couple of hours.
As she quickly walked towards Chuck's station, her first thought was that something already went bad with John's team. His team certainly was a trouble-magnet, and she wouldn't be surprised if they ran into enemies right after having walked through the Gate.
Before she could go any further in her thoughts, the Gate opened.
"Do we have an IDC?" she asked Chuck.
"Yes. It's Colonel Carter's."
Elizabeth was surprised; not only it wasn't one of her teams, but she hadn't been told of the leader of SG1's visit. Nodding at Chuck to lower the shield, she walked towards the stairs and down. Sam was just walking through the Gate when Elizabeth reached the bottom.
"Colonel Carter," Elizabeth greeted her. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"I'm sorry to drop by unannounced but there wasn't much time to warn you."
"Is there a problem?" Elizabeth asked, worried that something had happened at the SGC.
"A message from the Daedalus reached us a couple of hours ago through one of our allies. They seem to have problems with one of the engines and the shields that the technicians on board can't seem to be able to fix. Since I was free, I offered General Landry to come take a look, so as not to burden someone on your expedition. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all. Although, I'm afraid the Daedalus hasn't arrived yet, and it shouldn't be here until tomorrow morning. Why didn't they contact the SGC directly?"
"It looks that whatever the problem is with the engine, it's affecting the long range communications."
"This sounds serious," Elizabeth said. "You're welcome to borrow a couple of scientists if need be."
"I hope it won't come to that, but thank you."
The two women shared a smile. They both knew that there would be one scientist very eager to help Sam once he knew she was in Atlantis.
"Let me show you your quarters," Elizabeth offered, gesturing for Sam to follow her out of the Gateroom.
"I hope I don't stop you from doing something more important."
"I was just doing one last review of the files we're going to send to Earth, tonight."
"Yes, that's quite fastidious."
"You can say that," Elizabeth said with a smile. "And if you want to add anything, you're welcome to."
"I just might take you up on that offer," Sam replied; even though General Landry would probably call him to inform him of the situation, she would rather send her own message to Jack.
"If you have some time, I have a debriefing in twenty minutes with Major Lorne's team. They came back last night from a planet where they found Ancient ruins. From what he briefly told me before he left for his post-mission check-up, there were some strange energy readings, too. I think you might be interested as Earth's leading expert on Ancient technology."
"I might be the leading expert on Ancient technology on Earth, but McKay has more experience with it since he lives here," Sam corrected her. "But it sounds interesting so I'll show up."
"Good. And here you are," Elizabeth said as she stopped in front of a door and opened it. "I trust that you remember were the mess and the other facilities are."
"I do."
"Then, I'll leave you to settle, and I'll see you in the briefing room."
"Thank you," Sam replied, entering her temporary quarters and closing the door behind her.
Putting her duffle bag next to the desk, she walked towards the floor to ceiling windows. As the sun reflected on the ocean, she thought that she wouldn't mind having this kind of view in her quarters at the SGC instead of being surrounded by gray walls.
###
River was frozen to the bones when she stepped on the other side of the Gate. Elizabeth and John had warned her that it would happen, but there was no way she could have been prepared for that. She didn't always travel through space and time safely inside the TARDIS, but even though the vortex manipulator was doing funny things to her hair, it had never left her cold like she was now.
"If you're feeling dizzy, just sit for a moment and it'll pass," John said, standing beside her. "We're in no hurry."
"Thank you, but I'm feeling perfectly fine."
"Really? You don't feeling like puking?" Rodney asked, surprised.
"Why would I?" River replied, raising an eyebrow.
"What Rodney means is that when you travel through the Gate for the first time, you can feel sick," Teyla clarified.
"If you feel sick after stepping through the Gate, you should never travel with a vortex manipulator," she said, holding up her wrist. "Or in the TARDIS when the Doctor is flying her," she added as an afterthought. "I'm cold but the trip through the Gate was fine otherwise."
Rodney and John were looking at her as if she had grown a second head while Teyla was keeping her head down to hide a smile. Ronon, on the other hand, wasn't hiding his; he looked at her and nodded at her; she knew she had earned the Satedan's respect during their sparring sessions, but it looked like he was appreciating her all the more right now.
"Well, since we don't need to take a break, let's go," John said.
As per his instructions before they left the City, he took the lead, followed by Rodney and Teyla, and River and Ronon brought up the rear. While keeping an eye on any danger that could come upon them, River looked around. Even though it was exactly what she had been told she would see, she was a bit disappointed by this planet. She was used, in her adventures with the Doctor or on her own, to more exotic planets, and this simple forest was too dull for her.
She wouldn't complain though; even though Atlantis fascinated her, a change of scenery was nice. Not to mention that for her companions, it wasn't an adventure, but a mission, and they had to complete it. She could feel Ronon's eyes on her, and when she turned to look at him, he sent her a knowing look: he knew exactly what was on her mind because he was thinking the same.
"This is not the kind of planet you're used to," Ronon said, finally voicing his thoughts.
"Not really, no. I've been to planets like this one before, but only for archaeological digs. Otherwise, I find them to be quite boring."
"Which planets aren't boring?" he replied.
Ahead of them, River could see that John had slightly turned his head towards them, while still keeping an eye and an ear out for danger. She had told Elizabeth of her adventures, but he had never been there when she did. She could easily understand his curiosity now.
"I've seen planets that are just one huge market, planets where people lived inside trees and planets with moving mountains. I've even heard of a Library planet, but it had been forbidden to go there after some kind of incident. But I think my favourite planet is the one I will never be able to go to. It has an orange sky, golden fields and fields of red grass, trees with silver leaves and red deserts."
"Why can't you ever go there?" Ronon asked.
"It's a long story," she answered, not really wanting to talk about it.
"How do you know so much about this world if you have never been there?" John asked, proving that he had been listening to the conversation.
River remained silent, not wanting to let them know that this world was the Doctor's. She didn't want to have to explain to them how Gallifrey had become lost, and why the Doctor was now the last of the Time Lords. John didn't insist; he seemed to accept that it was a question he would never have an answer to. It wouldn't be his first - nor last - question left unanswered after all.
"Well, while there are markets on some planets, it must be nothing compared to the ones you mentioned," John said, changing the subject back to the planets they visited. "It's great to have that kind of diversity, although I wish we had it in the planets we visit, too. For us, it's usually dense forests like this one or deserts. Change would be nice, really."
She could easily understand what he meant. If she had to go to the same kind of planets over and over again, it would quickly become tiring. She hated routine, and it was why she had so often escaped from Stormcage in the past, even without the Doctor. Maybe when they were back on Atlantis, she could ask Elizabeth to take a look at the planets database; she might recognize one she already went to and that didn't have a forest or a desert. It would certainly be a refreshing change for them.
They stopped talking and the silence surrounding them was only broken by some birds chirping and Rodney's heavy breathing. They still couldn't see any signs of the planet being inhabited. They knew better than to assume that it was uninhabited; on many worlds, people had learnt to hide themselves, and with the Wraith out there, it was only wise to do so.
"Can't we stop for a while?" Rodney finally said. "We've been walking for almost two hours."
"I guess we can," John replied.
He knew better than to try to make the scientist continue walking when he started to ask for them to stop. He had soon found out that it was easier to give in, and rest for ten minutes, instead of pushing him to go any further. It would only serve to make them stop longer.
River couldn't say she was unpleased by the break. Although she wasn't nearly as tired as Rodney was, she wasn't really used to long treks anymore. Sure, it had been part of her training, but that was years and years ago. She now preferred to use her vortex manipulator to cover long distances. It also meant she had more time to spend at the location. At the very least, all her running with the Doctor had kept her in really good shape - better shape than the scientist - and she could probably surprise John and the two Pegasus natives once again.
She took her water can out of her bag and took a sip. Reaching inside again, she found a protein bar and handed it to Rodney who was sitting on a boulder. He accepted it with a grateful smile, and she met Teyla's eyes over the scientist's head. The Athosian nodded imperceptibly, showing River that she was appreciating her concern about Rodney. River wanted to shrug her shoulders in dismissal - it was nothing really - but she soon understood that her gesture told them that she was really part of the team, even though it was only temporary. Instead, she smiled back at her.
Knowing that John and Ronon were keeping an eye on the perimeter, River walked towards Teyla.
"I hope this first off-world mission isn't too tiring for you," Teyla asked, with concern in her voice.
"Not at all. I'm used to running with the Doctor. He has the tendency to annoy the wrong people."
"I see. Elizabeth says the same about John and Rodney sometimes."
"She mentioned something about a game that wasn't a game, once," River said, remembering one of her previous conversation with her friend.
"Yes. They thought they were playing a game when they were actually giving instructions to two opposing people on a planet. Elizabeth had to be the one to try to reconcile them when they found out the truth. You can imagine that she was none too happy with them."
"I'm surprised they're still alive, actually."
They laughed heartily, provoking curious looks from the three men. Rodney opened his mouth to ask what they were laughing about, but one look from John shut him up. He knew that it probably had to do with them, and he didn't need to know more.
As River and Teyla calmed down, the Colonel noticed that Rodney had finished eating his protein bar. He took one last sip of water before putting it back in his backpack. It was time to resume walking.
"Is everyone rested enough?" he asked.
Everyone but Rodney nodded. The scientist held two fingers and John agreed to let him sit here for a while longer.
"How long are we going to keep walking if we find nothing?" River asked, curious.
"We don't have to be back in Atlantis for another 6 hours. I'd say we continue walking for two hours, and if we find nothing we'll go back to the Gate."
"Well, I for one, hope that we will find something," Rodney said. "If we walked all this way for nothing..."
"Yes McKay, we know," John cut in before the scientist could start ranting. "Can we go, now?"
Even though they could all see that Rodney would rather stay put for a few more minutes, he got up and shouldered his backpack. They took back their respective positions, and resumed walking.
It didn't take them long after that to finally come into view of some ruins. It was easy to see the relief in Rodney's eyes when he spotted them: he hadn't walked for so long for nothing.
As they reached it, River stopped and took a look around. She counted two pillars still standing, while six others were in various state of ruin. They were encircling a large lying stone; it looked like some kind of circle used for a ritual. The lying stone could be an altar stone, pretty much like the one at Stonehenge.
Thinking about Stonehenge and what happened there, she decided to make sure there would be no bad surprise, she took her scanner out of her bag, and checked the readings. She was relieved to see that the stones were emitting no energy of any kind.
Knowing that she was their resident archaeologist for the time being, she turned towards the team. She saw that Rodney had his own scanner in his hands and made the checks too, and she couldn't blame him; better be safe than sorry.
"It's safe," she announced.
"She's right. I can't pick any energy reading. These are just ruins."
"Alright then," John said. "Let's take a closer look."
River, being the closest, was the first to enter the circle. On the pillars closest to her, she could see writings in a language she didn't know. Soon enough, though, the words changed into English. She knew it was working for her only; as she had explained to her father when they were at Grayle's, it was a gift of the TARDIS. The team, having never travelled in the Doctor's ship, couldn't have it. They needed her to know what the text was saying.
Without thinking, she brushed her hand against one of the pillars, taking off some of the moss that was hiding the writings. She was about to get her notebook out of her bag to take notes when she heard a beeping sound.
"The energy levels are rising," Rodney said in an urgent voice.
"I thought you said you couldn't detect any energy here?" John asked, turning to him.
"There wasn't," River replied for the scientist.
"Then what is this?" Ronon asked.
John was about to ask what he was talking about when he saw it: the pillars were now emitting an electric field. Soon, it ran between the pillars, completely surrounding the team. They were trapped inside the circle.
River looked around her, reading the text as fast as she could. She hoped to find an answer there, but she knew that it was probably a waste of time: some of the text had faded away, and there was just too many to read. The answer might be here, but she might not find it.
For a second, she wondered what it was with her and ruins in the Pegasus Galaxy: they seemed to have it in for her.
"McKay?" River heard John call as she was concentrated on her reading.
"The energy levels are still rising. And before you ask, I don't know why it started nor how to stop it," he said, his voice rising along with his frustration.
"River, an idea?"
"I don't know either, John. Keep an eye on the energy levels, Doctor McKay, and tell me when they start to get dangerously high."
"They already are, if you want my opinion," he replied.
"Can't we just run through?" Ronon asked.
"It might be more dangerous. We don't know what kind of energy it is," John answered, dismissing the idea, even though it was more tempting than standing here like sitting ducks.
"It's starting to glow," Teyla said, in her calm voice.
River turned around and she saw that the Athosian was right; while it had seemed inactive until now, the altar stone was glowing, and she could see an electrical field appearing.
"Ok, time to go," River said, taking one last look at the writings on the stone.
"I thought we've established we couldn't leave," Rodney replied, and River smiled enigmatically at him.
"Not the way we came, we can't," she said, quickly entering coordinates on her vortex manipulator. "Now, hold onto me."
"Is it safe?"
"It certainly looks safer than staying here," Teyla answered to the scientist.
River felt hands wrapping around her arms and shoulders. She waited for John's go, and when he did, she pressed the button and took them out of there.
Part Three