heroinebigbang: Always on the run (need to go away) 1/3 (PG-13)
Title: Always on the run (need to go away)
Author: vickysg1
Artist: whogate
Fandom: Doctor Who/Stargate Atlantis
Word Count: 25,934
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: The Doctor/River Song, John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir, Amy Pond/Rory Williams, squint-and-you'll-miss-it Samantha Carter/Jack O'Neill, Carson Beckett, Teyla Emmagan, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex
Warnings Spoilers up to and including 'The Angels Take Manhattan' for Doctor Who. AU for the end of s3 of Stargate Atlantis
Summary: On the run from her life, River turned to her childhood friend to stand back on her own two feet.
Author's Note: This is a sequel to The Ghosts of the Past, written for last year's heroinebigbang, so I'd suggest you read that one first if you haven't already. Many thanks to my beta, csiangel and to my artist, whogate
Link to art master post: Here
Hearing her childhood nickname - the one only her parents and Melody used - coming from the lips of a woman she had seen for the first time the day before knocked the breath out of Elizabeth's lungs.
It just wasn't possible that this woman was speaking the truth. But in the light of what she had remembered from the day before, and the use of her childhood nickname, she knew it was real, that the woman standing in the Gateroom could only really be Melody.
And Elizabeth had come to learn in the past few years that anything was possible in the Pegasus Galaxy. But it didn't prevent her from saying the exact opposite.
"It's impossible."
"Oh, believe me, she's quite impossible," the Doctor said. "She should be, what with being the daughter of the Last Centurion and mad, impossible Pond. She's just a Pond."
"Shut up, Sweetie."
River could see that none of her husband's antics was amusing the people in the room. They probably couldn't even understand what he was saying. He was just trying to help - bless him - but it just didn't make any sense for these people. She kept looking at Elizabeth and she saw that she still wasn't ready to believe her. She would have to convince her, but knowing her like she did, even after all these years, River knew it couldn't happen here.
"Can we maybe talk somewhere more private?" she asked.
"Alright," Elizabeth replied. "Let's go to the briefing room."
"One more thing. Amy and Rory might come out looking for us, if you can ask your people not to shoot them..."
"They won't," John assured River.
The Doctor and River entered the briefing room, followed by Elizabeth and John. The door closed behind them, shutting them out of the view and earshot of the people in the control room. River turned towards the two Lanteans while her husband walked further into the room, taking a seat at the head of the table. He probably knew, just as much as River did that it was Elizabeth's usual chair, but by sitting right there - just like he sat in President Nixon's chair in the Oval Office - he was showing them that he didn't care who was in charge. She had no doubt that, under the right circumstances, the people under Elizabeth's command could draw their guns too. And just like the President's secret service, they were Americans. She wouldn't say that to her husband though; where would be the fun if she did?
"I believe you would need proof that I'm saying the truth," River said, turning back towards Elizabeth who nodded at her. "Alright. We didn't go to your office because it wouldn't offer you enough privacy. Sure, you can close the door so that no one can hear what we're saying, but that's not enough for you. People could still see us through the glass walls, and given what has happened when we arrived, people would watch. So, we're here, secluded from the rest of Atlantis, where you can feel safe."
"That's good," Elizabeth said after a moment. "But it can just mean that you're a good profiler, not that you are who you pretend to be."
River had known that her little explanation about why she chose the briefing room wouldn't convince Elizabeth. And she hadn't said all that to convince her, but rather to show her, that even though a lot of time had gone by, she still understood her. Not that it mattered right now, when Elizabeth didn't want to trust her, but with time, it would.
"What do you want me to tell you, then?" River asked, although she knew what Elizabeth wanted.
"Something only Melody could know."
River didn't have to think too long to know what she would tell Elizabeth. A long suppressed memory came to her mind almost instantly.
"We were twelve and it was New Year's Eve. It was late, we were in your room, looking at the stars. You were wondering what was out there, and I replied that one day, I'd find out and tell you all about it. You said that maybe, you'd come with me." She paused for a moment, watching Elizabeth's eyes fill with tears. "And look where we are now. You were right, Elizabeth: we're both travelling the stars."
River stopped talking, and silence fell in the room. She kept looking at Elizabeth, and was able to pinpoint the exact moment her childhood friend accepted what she told her as the truth.
"It's really you, Melody," Elizabeth breathed.
"Yeah."
John's stance considerably relaxed when Elizabeth said those words. As a trained warrior herself, River had felt the tension radiating from his body since they arrived. He had been ready to protect Elizabeth should the need had arisen. But now that he knew River to be who she said she was, he could stand down.
"How is it possible? They shot you. You were dying."
"That's actually the key word: dying. I wasn't dead, I was dying. See, the Doctor is a Time Lord and I'm..." she paused, trying to find the correct term to describe herself.
"A Time Lady?" John intervened, and River smiled.
"No, not really. Sweetie, do you want to explain?" she asked, turning towards her husband.
"Alright. Amy and Rory are one hundred percent human, so she should have been human too. But she was conceived when the TARDIS was in the Time Vortex, which gave her Time Lord DNA. She's as much Amy and Rory's daughter as she is the TARDIS'."
"With my DNA, I was the perfect weapon against the Doctor," River continued, knowing that the Doctor didn't like thinking about this. "I couldn't die, I would have just regenerated, just like the Doctor."
"And that's what you did when you were shot: you regenerated," Elizabeth interrupted her.
"Yeah."
"When you said that you were the 'perfect weapon', what did you...?" John trailed off, not sure that he wanted this question answered.
"They abducted Amy when she was pregnant with me. I was born in the future, on Demon's run. The Doctor and Rory managed to find where we were, and he built his own little army to come and get us. During the battle of Demon's run, they stole me, and brought me to the past. I first grew up in an orphanage in Florida, though it wasn't the version of me you knew. When I was about 8, I was sick and dying, and I regenerated in an alley in New York. People found me and brought me to safety."
She knew better than to try to explain that she and the Doctor were actually the ones who found her baby self, not even an hour before for them. That would only lead to a headache for all the people present.
"I grew up to be the one you used to know, Elizabeth," she just said, not wanting to get into details, and sure that Elizabeth had already told John everything he needed to know. "When I regenerated again as a toddler, they took me to Leadworth and I grew up as Amy and Rory's best friend, even though they didn't know who I was to them, obviously. Except for when I was in New York, Madame Kovarian and the Church always had their eyes on me. I was conditioned to kill the Doctor when given the opportunity. But Amy and Rory, and the Doctor himself, helped me understand that he wasn't the man I was taught about."
"Melody...," Elizabeth started, but River interrupted her by raising a hand.
"Please, don't call me Melody anymore. Melody was the woman who was trained to kill the Doctor." And succeeded, she added in her mind. "I'm not that person anymore."
Elizabeth nodded; she could understand the need River had to dissociate her present-self from a previous version of herself, and she would certainly respect her wish. It would take some getting used to, but the fact that, even though River had her childhood best friend's memories, she looked different would certainly help.
There was still one question Elizabeth needed answered. She already had an idea as to what the answer would be, but she had to ask anyway.
"Why didn't you tell me the truth when we were alone?"
River knew that this question would come sooner rather than later. Elizabeth had always wanted to get answers, even more so when she was involved. So it was no surprise that she demanded to know everything in this situation.
But even though she had anticipated the question, River didn't know how to answer it. She wasn't sure Elizabeth would understand what had gone through River's mind when she introduced herself. Still, if her parents had taught her only one thing, it was to be as honest as one could, and this time, she thought that a lie would hurt her old friend more than the truth.
"At first, I wasn't sure you were remembering me, and what happened."
"But I do. And you knew I did when we were confronted with that machine."
"Yeah… It's just… Amy, Rory and the Doctor didn't know about this regeneration. No one knew because I never told them. Many times, I tried to forget, but I never really could. But I couldn't bring myself to tell them about these years in New York. About you. Until today, when I had no choice but to tell them."
"Why did you keep it to yourself?" Elizabeth asked.
"Because it hurt just to think about it. For more than a decade, not only was I free from Madame Kovarian and the Church, but I had people who cared about me. And all of this had been taken away from me in a matter of hours. And I put you in danger. I did it again yesterday."
"Don't…"
"It's true," River interrupted her before she could go any further. "If we hadn't been here, you would have never managed to activate the machine, and you would have been safe."
"Rodney would have probably found a way, and he would have been insufferable about it," John cut in, making the other three smile.
"John's right. Rodney would have figured it out, and we would have been in the same situation, without you here." Elizabeth paused, biting her bottom lip, before resuming. "Why did you change your mind about telling me?"
"Something happened. Don't ask me what, I won't say," River added, knowing that would have been Elizabeth's next question. "I just had a chance to change it all, but I realised that I didn't want to change anything, not one line. And that includes the time we spent together."
She wasn't lying; there was a time when she would have given everything to be able to grow up with her parents. But she had understood, long ago, that the changes it would imply would be too important. She didn't know what would have happened if she hadn't been her parents' best friends and played matchmaker at just the right moment. And there was this part of her who didn't want to let go of this decade of normalcy she had spent in New York, and the bond she had had with Elizabeth.
"There's one more thing I want you to know. The TARDIS thought that it was time for us to meet again. We let her decide the destination, and she took us where you were."
"She's sentient?" John asked, wondering if, on some level, the TARDIS and Atlantis were alike.
"She is, but it's even more than that," the Doctor replied. "She has her own personality, she's alive. She quite often takes control and take us to where we need to be."
"Without the TARDIS, we may never have seen each other again," River continued
"And I would still think you're dead."
River nodded, taking a step closer to Elizabeth. She grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. The brunette looked down at their hands, before looking back up at her friend. If she didn't know that the woman before her was her childhood friend, Elizabeth would never have guessed; she looked so different than Melody, except for her eyes. She still had the same eyes, and Elizabeth wondered why she hadn't noticed them before. But then, she hadn't expected to find someone from her past here in another galaxy.
"Now that you know my story, why don't you tell me yours? What are you doing, not only on another planet, but also in another galaxy?"
"It's a long story."
"I bet it is. But we have time now."
The women smiled at each other, and Elizabeth was about to talk when her radio buzzed. She held up her hand in apology, and pressed the button.
"Yes, Rodney?"
"The blue box is here. In the Gateroom."
"I know Rodney. And it's the TARDIS, not the 'blue box'," she added, rolling her eyes. The Doctor and River Song are here with us, in the briefing."
"How long are they going to stay? I'd like to take some readings..."
"You will do none of that, Rodney. They're our guests."
"But this is a technology..."
"Leave it alone, McKay," John intervened; he had only been privy to Elizabeth's side of the conversation, but he had no doubt what Rodney had been asking about.
"But..."
"Rodney!" Elizabeth cut him before he could start again.
"I should probably go keep an eye on him," John said, turning off his radio.
"I'll come with you," the Doctor offered, getting up from his chair. "Maybe I could give you a tour."
"Sweetie..." River started, but the Doctor was already out of the room; he could move fast when he wanted to. "I swear to god, if you leave without me, I'll kill you!" she shouted, surprising the people in the control room and Elizabeth, who raised an eyebrow. "He left me behind, a couple of times. Once when I was being shot at."
"Well, even if he does leave you behind, you're safe here," Elizabeth replied with a smile. "Why don't we continue this conversation outside?"
"Lead the way."
River followed Elizabeth out of the room. People in the control room were looking at them, still wondering who seemed to have gained their leaders' trust. A glance at the lower level told River that the men were already inside the TARDIS. She wasn't really worried that the TARDIS would leave without her, but after all, she never really knew what could happen.
They stepped onto the balcony, and River breathed in the fresh ocean air. She walked towards the railing and looked at the view displayed before her eyes. She had seen quite a lot in her years of travelling, but she had never seen anything like this before.
"This is breathtaking."
"Even though I've been living here for more than three years now, this view still steals my breath away. I hope this feeling will never go away."
River nodded, understanding what Elizabeth was feeling.
They stayed silent for a long moment. The sound of the waves crashing against the city was the only thing breaking the silence. Contrary to what they had both expected, it wasn't an awkward silence, but a comfortable one, like what they were used to, so many years ago. They remembered hours spent together, not talking, but just looking at the sky and the stars, or reading side by side. Just being together had been enough for them at the time, and now that they found each other again, they easily fell back to their old habits.
Elizabeth knew though that, if when they were children, they had all the time in the world, today, she could be called away for an emergency at any minute. They couldn't waste any more time to get to know each other again.
"I think it all started that day I saw you getting shot to save my life," Elizabeth started to talk, her voice barely above a whisper as she remembered the events of that day.
"Why is that?" River asked, surprised.
"I saw a therapist for a few years after it happened. He made me talk about my feelings, like any therapist would do in that case. It was in his office that I first said that I believed that words could be more powerful weapons than actual firearms. "
"The Doctor feels this way too," River said, cutting in. "He's not a warrior, although he can turn into one if you so much as threaten the people he cares about."
"I can understand that. I cross the line sometimes too, even though I'm never the one holding the gun. Anyway, it was again in his office where I decided to become a diplomat in the first place. I spent a few years bringing warring parties to the table and brokering treaties all over the world. Then, one day, our diplomatic mission had been caught in crossfire between two warring tribes in Africa. I saw one of my colleagues being shot in the head. He fell right beside me."
Elizabeth paused; if she closed her eyes, she knew she could see it happening again behind her eyelids. It was one of those things you couldn't ever forget, even though you wished it was possible to. River took her hand and squeezed it, just as she had done before in the briefing room. She wished she could just hug her, but it wasn't time for that yet; they were just learning to know each other again.
Elizabeth squeezed back, opening her eyes to look at River. They smiled at each other; at that precise moment, they knew that while it might take time, they could find that affinity they had as children once again.
"I hurt my knee pretty badly during this attack, and when I came back to the States, I was on medical leave for a couple of months. One of my former teachers at Georgetown asked me to teach a few political science classes during that time, and I ended up staying."
"You needed a change of scenery after what happened."
"Yes. I was still at Georgetown when the President asked me to come to the White House where he told me all about the Stargate Program. It was probably the strangest appointment I ever had as you can imagine."
"Oh believe me, I understand that. But maybe President Nixon would understand you even better. It's a long story for another time," River added at the look Elizabeth was giving her. "We'll have plenty of time for that later."
"I think I'd like to hear this one. So, President Hayes appointed me as the civilian commander of the Stargate Command, in Cheyenne Mountain, replacing General Hammond. You can guess that my replacing their beloved commander wasn't seen as positively as the President had hoped. During that time when I was at the SGC, one of the teams, SG-1, found an Ancient outpost in Antarctica. I left the SGC in General O'Neill's good hands, and went to Antarctica to survey the research on Atlantis, the lost City of the Ancients. We finally found a gate address for it, and here we are," she concluded, gesturing for the City around them.
She left out many parts of the story, not because she didn't think River would understand - she actually thought that she might be the only outsider who could understand the whole story - but because she knew they would have time to revisit the story later.
"Was Plato's story actually right?" River asked, the archaeologist in her demanding to know.
"Everything he wrote about was accurate," Elizabeth nodded. "He just didn't know that it had happened in a galaxy far, far away," she added with a smile, knowing that her friend would get the reference.
"Good one," River approved. "But does that mean that Atlantis had sunk in the ocean?"
"Yes. When we first arrived here, it was still underwater. The Ancients had submerged it to protect it from the Wraith's attacks."
"Ah yes. I believe it was your friend Teyla who told the Doctor about them. These life-sucking alien vampires sound pretty dangerous."
"They are. We lost good people to them."
"I'm sorry," River said when she saw that Elizabeth was saddened by those deaths.
"It comes with being their leader. I sometimes feel like I send them all to their death when they walk through the Gate."
"You can't think like that, Elizabeth. They chose to come here, and they knew beforehand that it would be dangerous, didn't they?"
"Yes."
"From what I understood, you're at war with two different enemies, and with war comes death. You don't have to be alright with that, but you have to accept that you're doing everything you can to protect them. It's not your fault when they don't come back."
"You speak like a true warrior," Elizabeth said.
"I did tell you that I was raised like this. But that doesn't mean I don't react the way you do sometimes. I had the chance to have Amy and Rory, and even the Doctor in some way, to teach me to be caring. I just know that sometimes, there's nothing you can do to stop something from happening. You just have to accept it."
Elizabeth nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. She knew that River was right, and it wasn't the first time she was the recipient of such a speech; John, Teyla and even Ronon told her as much in the past. But knowing it to be true didn't help her come to terms with it. Even after three years spent in the Pegasus Galaxy, she couldn't stop thinking like the diplomat she had been and she still was in some way, the diplomat who put her faith in words instead of weapons. And she held onto that dearly, because she knew that if she ever let it go, she would lose herself completely.
River might not be a mind reader, but she had known Elizabeth enough in the past to understand what was going on in her mind. There was nothing she could do to help her; Elizabeth had to figure everything out by herself. It wouldn't happen in an instant, and River knew that what her friend needed at the moment was to think about something else.
"How are your parents?"
"Dad died when I was just finishing my first PhD," she replied, pausing to let River absorb this information.
"I'm so sorry," River replied, feeling sad about the man who had wanted to adopt her just before Madame Kovarian found her again.
"Mom still lives in the same house, and she's doing really well. She's going to be happy to know that you're alive."
"No, Elizabeth, you can't tell her. Look, does your mom know what you're really doing?" she asked before Elizabeth could protest.
"No... No, she doesn't. Everything is classified, and I can't tell her."
"Then, how can you explain that I didn't die, and that I look so different from the little girl she knew?"
River was right, and Elizabeth knew it; there was no way she could tell her mother about River without having to explain everything. And she wasn't allowed to do that. It would be just another secret that she had to keep from her mother. She wasn't happy about it, but she knew that she had no choice.
"I'm just glad to know that she's well. Your parents meant a lot to me, Elizabeth. Just like you were the first child of my age to show me some interest, they were the first adults, outside of my social worker, who I knew truly cared about me. I would have felt lucky to be part of your family."
"But you wouldn't change a thing from your past."
"No. And it wouldn't just change me, but it would change you too. Would you be here if it wasn't for what happened?" River asked, even though she already knew the answer.
"Probably not," Elizabeth admitted. "See, this is what I told you when you first told me about time travel: there's always the risk of doing something that would change the world as we know it," she said, and they shared a smile.
"Alright. I know I can't convince you to travel through time and space with me, but what about visiting the TARDIS? I promise we won't go anywhere."
"I'm actually really curious about this whole bigger on the inside phenomenon you talked about yesterday."
"Then, let's go," River said as she pushed away from the railing, quickly followed by Elizabeth, to go back inside. "I have to say that I'm quite relieved to see the TARDIS is still here."
"Did you really think he could leave without you?" Elizabeth asked as they walked down the stairs after she informed Chuck of where she was going.
"You don't know him as well as I do," she answered, all the while knowing that it would be true for anyone: no one knew the Doctor as well as she did, it came with her training. "At times, the Doctor has the attention span of a five year old. And it's probably an understatement," she said, snapping her fingers as they neared the TARDIS. "If something interesting catches his eyes, he'll go investigate, even if that means leaving his wife behind on a planet infested with Sontarans."
"Oh come on, I made it up to you!" the man in question exclaimed as he rounded the console.
"That you did," River replied with a smile, remembering how thorough his apology had been.
The Doctor blushed, as that had been River's intention when she said this. The real meaning behind her words hadn't been lost on Elizabeth, John and Rodney either, and the former smiled while the latter two looked anywhere but at River.
"You've already finished your tour?"
"We haven't left the control room yet," John answered River's question. "McKay had a lot of questions," he added, sending a glare the scientist's way.
"This is a technology we've never seen before, and excuse me if I think we can learn a lot from it."
"Well, we'll leave you boys to it," River cut in, recognizing as well as Elizabeth could a situation that could rapidly escalate to a full blown argument. "I'm going to show Elizabeth around. But first, can I borrow the sonic, sweetie?"
"What for?" he asked, handing it to her at the same time.
"Thank you. Give me your radio, Elizabeth," she asked, then. "See, your people can't contact you even though the TARDIS is standing right before their eyes. But if I tweak this just a bit," she added, choosing the right setting, and pointing the sonic screwdriver at Elizabeth's radio. "There you go. Now, there's no problem anymore. I suggest you do the same with their radios," she told the Doctor as she handed the screwdriver and the radio back to their respective owners.
Linking her arm through Elizabeth, she led her towards the stairs; she would keep the control room for last, as she was certain that science still wasn't Elizabeth's favourite subject. First, there was a particular room she wanted to show Elizabeth.
"It's not just 'bigger on the inside'," Elizabeth said, as she was led through different corridors. "It's huge."
"The TARDIS can generate any room you want or she thinks you might need. There's literally a room for everything you can think of. Including this," she said, pushing open the doors of the library. "This is my favourite room in the TARDIS. It has every book you can think of and more."
River stopped there, leaving Elizabeth some time to grasp what she was seeing. From the corner of her eyes, she could see the book on the History of the Time War. She knew what it contained, even though she had never opened it. The Doctor had warned her once against reading it, and even though she was curious, she respected his wish. She had seen it in his eyes that he was serious when he said that it might be dangerous, and she trusted him. She would be told one day, it just wasn't the right time yet.
Elizabeth was facing the biggest library she had ever seen. Even the library at Georgetown would seem small compared to this one. There were several levels, and as far as her eyes could see, there were books everywhere. If she had to take a guess, she would say that the shelves were holding thousands and thousands of books. Every book that was ever written was probably there. She could read books that had been published centuries ago or books that hadn't been published yet. She could probably read books coming from other planets too.
Maybe she could...
"Is there an index somewhere?" Elizabeth asked River, turning towards her.
"I'm not sure," she answered; come to think of it, she had never thought about looking for an index before, she had always just picked up a book at random. "Are you looking for a book in particular?"
"I was wondering if there were any books about Atlantis. When the Ancients lived in the City, I mean," she clarified, not wanting to read anything that pertained to the future of her City.
"I guess we could ask the Doctor... Or just take the books the TARDIS provides us with," she finished when she saw books appearing on a table a few feet away from them. "Shall we?"
They made their way to the table, Elizabeth eager to see what information she would find about Atlantis in these books.
###
When River and Elizabeth made it back to the control room after a few stops to others rooms - that included the swimming-pool, one of the many gardens and the wardrobe -, the Doctor, John and Rodney were back too. John was the first to notice the couple of books Elizabeth was carrying.
"You're taking a little souvenir?" he asked.
"These are some books about Atlantis that were in the library. River said I could borrow them, and that the TARDIS agreed," she added for the Doctor.
"Of course. I didn't even know I had them."
"Sweetie, you barely know what you have in your pockets sometimes."
"That's... true, but..." He trailed off, knowing that he couldn't end that sentence in a way that was good for him. Instead, he clapped his hands together and turned towards the three Lanteans. "Did you enjoy the visit?"
"It's a really beautiful ship that you have here," John replied sincerely to which Elizabeth and Rodney - who had his head in the notes he had taken during the tour - nodded.
"We should probably go, now," River said. "We're keeping you away from your duties."
"Can't you stay just a few hours more?" Elizabeth asked. "We could return the favour and take you on a tour of Atlantis. There's plenty to see there too."
"I have no doubt there is, Elizabeth. We'll be back for this tour. I'll come back, I promise," she said, wanting to reassure her friend that it wasn't goodbye.
Elizabeth nodded, understanding and knowing that River was right. She had reports to read and a couple of briefings to attend, and she was sure that the Doctor and River had some place to be too. Beckoning John closer, she handed him the books she was holding and turned back towards River.
Taking a step forward, she hugged her, knowing that the gesture had to come from her. River hugged her just as tightly, and tears prickled their eyes as it soon turned familiar, as if no time at all had passed since they had last been able to do that. When they released each other, River grabbed Elizabeth's hands, keeping her close.
"I'm glad we found each other again," River said.
"Me too. And remember, you're welcome to come whenever you want, both of you," Elizabeth added, looking at the Doctor who nodded in agreement. "And your parents are welcome too, of course. I'm looking forward to meeting them."
"I know for sure that they're looking forward to meeting you too."
"See you soon, then."
"Very soon, I hope."
Elizabeth squeezed River's hands one last time before releasing them. She walked towards John and Rodney, who were waiting for her by the door, having already said their goodbyes. She made a move to take the books back from John, but he shook his head no. Rodney opened the door, and with one last look towards the Doctor and River, she stepped out of the TARDIS.
While Rodney went straight to the labs to share what he had learned with Zelenka, John and Elizabeth stayed in the Gateroom, standing a couple of feet away from the blue box. As the ship started to dematerialise before their eyes, John's hand found Elizabeth's.
"We will see them again," John whispered, reassuring her.
"I know."
She had no doubt about that, but she didn't know when that would be. The Doctor and River were time travellers, but from what her friend had told her the day before, they didn't travel together all the time. It might be a while before they came back here, in between two of their adventures. But even if a lot of time passed before they saw each other again, it would happen, of that she was certain.
"So, where were we?" John wondered out loud, and before she could ask what he was talking about, he added. "Oh yes, we were about to go have lunch. I believe that you still have an hour before your briefing with Lorne's team."
"I should probably go back to work," Elizabeth said. "And you should too."
"Come on, Elizabeth. You can't skip lunch. I promise I'll get you back here in half an hour," he added, knowing that she liked having some time to review her notes before a briefing.
Knowing that she wouldn't have the last word, Elizabeth relented and nodded. They stopped by her office, so they could leave the books there, before going to the mess. All the while, a smile was playing on Elizabeth's lips.
"You're happy," John finally said as they sat with their trays at a table beside the windows.
"I am, yes."
"So what do you think of the story River and the Doctor told us?" he asked, wanting to have her opinion now that they were alone.
"I have to say that it was strange, to say the least. But we've seen stranger things in our time here, haven't we?"
"Yeah... That's a nice little trick they have, being able to regenerate."
"I might be able to breathe easier if your team could do it, you more than the others," she admitted.
"Because you can't live without me?" he asked, jokingly, but she knew that, in a way, he was really asking.
"Well that, and because you're the one trouble finds the most often."
They shared a look, thinking about some of the too close calls they had. There were times, like when they were aboard that hive, when she thought that the team - he - was dead. There was nothing either of them could do about it; his team would always go on the most dangerous missions and coming back unscathed every single time was a promise he couldn't make. When they began their relationship, they agreed to never let it interfere with their work, and they knew that it might one day mean sending the other to their death to protect Atlantis and its people.
"You know, now that I think about it, I kind of regenerated myself when Todd gave me back the life he took from me and some. Carson did say that I came back from the mission at least a few months younger than when I left."
"If by younger he meant more immature..." Elizabeth said playfully, and he narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't think I have weirder mornings than the one we just had, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"I didn't think you would. We should probably leave the fact that River Song is your not-so-dead childhood friend out of our reports, though. I think that even though our jobs calls for weirdness, this would be too much."
Elizabeth nodded, agreeing to his statement; she didn't think the IOA would be too impressed about that either. They wouldn't hide having met with River, the Doctor, Amy and Rory, but no one outside of John and Lorne's teams needed to know about what happened in her childhood, and no one needed to know what had been said in the briefing room. No one except maybe Rodney, who had been present during their goodbyes and most probably had questions. She resolved to stop by his lab in the afternoon to talk to him.
"Well, time to go back to work," she said seeing that both their trays were empty. "And I think you have a sparring session planned with Ronon."
"If I don't come to get you for dinner, don't go assuming I have forgotten," he replied, taking her tray before she could get up from her chair. "It might just mean I'm in the infirmary."
They parted ways at the doors, with nothing more than a look shared, keeping true to their promise to stay as professional as possible while on duty.
###
By the time the Doctor sent the TARDIS into the Vortex, River was nowhere to be found. Even if he wanted to go look for her, he understood that she needed some time alone. He decided on going beneath the console, sitting on the swing and trying to fix, for the nth time, the Chameleon Circuit. He was certain he would be able to fix it one day. But he had grown fond of the blue police box, and he could feel that the TARDIS had too. That was why he was taking his time trying to fix it.
Now, though, he was just using it as the perfect excuse to give River some time. His mind wasn't on the wires he was holding; his thoughts went to his wife and he wondered why there were some times where she didn't want to talk to him. Maybe he wasn't the best listener, but he could try, for her, but she didn't seem to notice. She would keep everything to herself, closing up like a clam, and he knew in these occasions that he shouldn't even try to make her talk. Today would be no exception, he was sure, and when he joined her, wherever she might be, she would start a conversation on a topic light years away from the one that was currently occupying her mind.
He was acting this way too, he knew that. It was his - their - way to protect themselves. He could kid himself and say that it was a gallifreyan trait, but he knew she picked it up from him. They were alike, he and River, even though neither of them was willing to admit it; they would rather brood on their own instead of talking to each other.
When he estimated that enough time had passed, the Doctor left the control room. He didn't have to look very long to find River: she was in the kitchen, sitting before a cup of tea, just as he had expected her to. He saw another cup of tea waiting for him at the counter, and he took it before going to sit on the other side of the table from his wife. They drank their tea in silence, River anxiously waiting for the Doctor to start asking questions, and he unsure of what he could say.
Finally, they were saved from this uncomfortable silence by footsteps coming in their direction. Sure enough, Amy and Rory entered the kitchen. Amy made a beeline for the kettle and they heard her growl when she found it empty. Rory went to sit beside his daughter, who planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Slept well?" she asked as her mother filled the kettle with water and put it back on the stove.
"Yes," Rory answered. "You?"
River shrugged; it had been a while since she had last had a full night's sleep. She could actually barely remember the last time she slept the whole night without waking up from nightmares. It must have been when she was a child, as Mels, even though she remembered more nightmares than peaceful dreams from that time. Now, there were times when she wasn't even trying to go to sleep anymore. Her Time Lord DNA made sure that she didn't need sleep as much as her parents did, and it was a real blessing in her case.
"So what have you two done when we were asleep?" Amy asked as she came to the table with cups of tea for Rory and herself. "Got married again?"
"You're never going to let us forget about this one, are you Mum?" River asked with a smile.
"You got married on Space Vegas while we were sleeping, so no, I don't think so. Rory and I should have been there. We could even have had a double wedding."
Rory's eyebrows shot up and his eyes went wide at Amy's suggestion. It wasn't that he was opposed to the idea - he actually kind of liked it - but even he would find it weird to get married at the same time as his daughter. But apparently, that wasn't bothering his wife, nor his daughter he realised as he looked at her. The only one who seemed to be thinking as he did was the Doctor who had choked on his tea when Amy talked about a double wedding. At least, if he had to defend his point of view, he wouldn't be on his own. Or come to think of it, he might be on his own seeing as the Doctor always tried his best to stay on Amy and River's right side. He could understand why: together, they were a force to be reckoned with.
Thankfully for him, the conservation rapidly moved to other topics. He had noticed that it was River who changed topics, and that she had never answered Amy's first question. And that was when he noticed it, the look in her eyes. Something had happened to her and the Doctor when he and Amy were asleep, something that profoundly moved his daughter. She was always so careful never to let them see anything usually, and he understood why she did that; it was the way she had found to protect herself and them, the Doctor included. The Doctor wasn't duped, of that he was sure, but he didn't know whether River realised that he could see past the mask she put on as well.
But even though he could see that she was hiding something from them, he wouldn't try talking to her. She was too much like Amy on that subject and he knew it wouldn't work. While he was one to speak about his feelings, his two girls weren't. And he respected that. But that didn't mean he didn't wish he could erase that look from River's eyes and soothe her worry. She was still his daughter, no matter what, and he was feeling just like any father would in this situation. It didn't matter that their family was unconventional, he still took his role very seriously.
He had to admit that he was glad that River had finally opened up earlier about a part of her life she had never talked to them about. They hadn't said a word when she talked, nor did they after they finished. He and Amy just did what every parent would do in this case, and took her in their arms. It had been enough for them; no word had been needed, everything had been said at least once in the past and they didn't have to go through that again.
He wondered if that story was still haunting her and was the reason for this look in her eyes. Or maybe something else had happened to them when he and Amy were asleep. He guessed he would never get an answer, but he hoped that whatever it was, River would soon be feeling better.
"Well, I think it's time for me to go back to Stormcage," River said, as the conversation came to a lull. "My guards are going to think I'm never coming back if I stay away any longer."
"They should have got by now that you'll always come back, even if you're a little late," Amy said.
"Oh Mother, I don't think it will ever happen. They don't trust me enough for that, and they probably never will, and I can't blame them."
The two women left the kitchen first, and the Doctor was about to follow when Rory stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"What is it?" the Doctor asked.
"You'll always take care of her, right? Even when... even when Amy and I aren't here anymore," Rory said, knowing that given their shorter lifespan, it would happen.
"Of course, of course I will, Rory," the Doctor replied, holding Rory by the shoulders to look at him in the eyes.
"Good. Because if you don't, I'll kick your Time Lord butt, you can be sure of that."
"I know."
Nodding at each other in understanding, the two men quickly went to join their wives, not wanting them to wonder where they had been. In the control room, River was about to enter the coordinate for Stormcage but Amy stopped her.
"Maybe you should drop us off first," Amy said, looking at her daughter and son-in-law.
"Oh, I thought I could take you somewhere else before you had to leave," the Doctor said.
"Maybe another time? We have quite a lot of things to do at home."
The Doctor tried not to think about how, a while ago, home used to be the TARDIS for them too. But he had sent them away, to protect them, and he couldn't go back on this decision. River had already entered the coordinates to her parents' house, and he trusted her to pilot them safely there.
"Where are you going now, Doctor?" Amy asked him as River landed the TARDIS in the garden.
"I was thinking of going to Ancient Egypt," he replied without really thinking, but he found out that he actually liked the idea.
"You'd better be careful there, Sweetie. There are dangers of all kinds there."
"Yes, like curses," Rory joked along.
"Haha, very funny."
They said their goodbyes, and the TARDIS left, leaving Amy and Rory behind.
###
River couldn't stay in the TARDIS any longer, she simply couldn't. She couldn't stay here and watch the Doctor mourn her parents all day long, not when she couldn't allow herself to mourn them too. Reading the last page hadn't helped him as much as she - and Amy - had hoped it would.
Losing Amy and Rory had reopened old wounds. She listened to him as he told her about losing Donna and Rose, Astrid Perth, Adric and Peri. She had known that he had lost many people over the years, but she had never realised how affected he still was by these losses. She didn't say anything once he fell silent; there was just nothing she could say after that. There was just one thing she wanted to ask, but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to know the answer.
She had learned a long time ago that there were some questions she just couldn't voice. Most of them, she ended up getting an answer to by researching him and his companions. But there were a couple of questions that would probably remain unanswered. Maybe it was for the best; there were just some things she wasn't supposed to know about him, like why a sad look crossed his face whenever she mentioned going into the TARDIS library.
She sighed, sitting on their bed. She knew he was hurting, and that he was still angry at her for taking her mother's side. But she couldn't have done anything else, not after she had spent years growing up with them, seeing them fall in love. Amy had to follow Rory; there hadn't been another choice. And maybe, just maybe, there was a small part of her, that part of her that would forever remain that lonely little girl in an orphanage in Florida, who wanted her parents to be together.
But the Doctor didn't see it that way, not yet. He needed time to heal, to come to terms with never seeing Amy and Rory again. And she needed time to do the same too. And neither of them would be able to do that if she stayed in the TARDIS. It was time for her to go.
She quickly gathered the few possessions she had on the TARDIS and put them in her bag. She listened for any sound coming from the Doctor, but she could only hear the humming coming from the TARDIS itself. She wondered how long it would take him to notice that she was gone. It wasn't like there had been a lot of communication between them in the past few weeks. There were days when she barely saw him, and even more days when they didn't even speak to each other; she wouldn't be missed.
The TARDIS humming changed, as if she wanted to reassure River that someone would miss her. She smiled and put her hand on the closest wall. She would miss her too, but it was time for her to go. She couldn't stay, the Doctor couldn't heal if he saw the one person who reminds him of Amy and Rory whenever he deigned leave his swing beneath the console.
She strapped the vortex manipulator on her wrist and entered the coordinates to the one place where she would find the comfort she needed. She sent one last apologetic thought to the one parent she had left, and pressed the button that would take her away.
Part Two
Author: vickysg1
Artist: whogate
Fandom: Doctor Who/Stargate Atlantis
Word Count: 25,934
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: The Doctor/River Song, John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir, Amy Pond/Rory Williams, squint-and-you'll-miss-it Samantha Carter/Jack O'Neill, Carson Beckett, Teyla Emmagan, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex
Warnings Spoilers up to and including 'The Angels Take Manhattan' for Doctor Who. AU for the end of s3 of Stargate Atlantis
Summary: On the run from her life, River turned to her childhood friend to stand back on her own two feet.
Author's Note: This is a sequel to The Ghosts of the Past, written for last year's heroinebigbang, so I'd suggest you read that one first if you haven't already. Many thanks to my beta, csiangel and to my artist, whogate
Link to art master post: Here
Hearing her childhood nickname - the one only her parents and Melody used - coming from the lips of a woman she had seen for the first time the day before knocked the breath out of Elizabeth's lungs.
It just wasn't possible that this woman was speaking the truth. But in the light of what she had remembered from the day before, and the use of her childhood nickname, she knew it was real, that the woman standing in the Gateroom could only really be Melody.
And Elizabeth had come to learn in the past few years that anything was possible in the Pegasus Galaxy. But it didn't prevent her from saying the exact opposite.
"It's impossible."
"Oh, believe me, she's quite impossible," the Doctor said. "She should be, what with being the daughter of the Last Centurion and mad, impossible Pond. She's just a Pond."
"Shut up, Sweetie."
River could see that none of her husband's antics was amusing the people in the room. They probably couldn't even understand what he was saying. He was just trying to help - bless him - but it just didn't make any sense for these people. She kept looking at Elizabeth and she saw that she still wasn't ready to believe her. She would have to convince her, but knowing her like she did, even after all these years, River knew it couldn't happen here.
"Can we maybe talk somewhere more private?" she asked.
"Alright," Elizabeth replied. "Let's go to the briefing room."
"One more thing. Amy and Rory might come out looking for us, if you can ask your people not to shoot them..."
"They won't," John assured River.
The Doctor and River entered the briefing room, followed by Elizabeth and John. The door closed behind them, shutting them out of the view and earshot of the people in the control room. River turned towards the two Lanteans while her husband walked further into the room, taking a seat at the head of the table. He probably knew, just as much as River did that it was Elizabeth's usual chair, but by sitting right there - just like he sat in President Nixon's chair in the Oval Office - he was showing them that he didn't care who was in charge. She had no doubt that, under the right circumstances, the people under Elizabeth's command could draw their guns too. And just like the President's secret service, they were Americans. She wouldn't say that to her husband though; where would be the fun if she did?
"I believe you would need proof that I'm saying the truth," River said, turning back towards Elizabeth who nodded at her. "Alright. We didn't go to your office because it wouldn't offer you enough privacy. Sure, you can close the door so that no one can hear what we're saying, but that's not enough for you. People could still see us through the glass walls, and given what has happened when we arrived, people would watch. So, we're here, secluded from the rest of Atlantis, where you can feel safe."
"That's good," Elizabeth said after a moment. "But it can just mean that you're a good profiler, not that you are who you pretend to be."
River had known that her little explanation about why she chose the briefing room wouldn't convince Elizabeth. And she hadn't said all that to convince her, but rather to show her, that even though a lot of time had gone by, she still understood her. Not that it mattered right now, when Elizabeth didn't want to trust her, but with time, it would.
"What do you want me to tell you, then?" River asked, although she knew what Elizabeth wanted.
"Something only Melody could know."
River didn't have to think too long to know what she would tell Elizabeth. A long suppressed memory came to her mind almost instantly.
"We were twelve and it was New Year's Eve. It was late, we were in your room, looking at the stars. You were wondering what was out there, and I replied that one day, I'd find out and tell you all about it. You said that maybe, you'd come with me." She paused for a moment, watching Elizabeth's eyes fill with tears. "And look where we are now. You were right, Elizabeth: we're both travelling the stars."
River stopped talking, and silence fell in the room. She kept looking at Elizabeth, and was able to pinpoint the exact moment her childhood friend accepted what she told her as the truth.
"It's really you, Melody," Elizabeth breathed.
"Yeah."
John's stance considerably relaxed when Elizabeth said those words. As a trained warrior herself, River had felt the tension radiating from his body since they arrived. He had been ready to protect Elizabeth should the need had arisen. But now that he knew River to be who she said she was, he could stand down.
"How is it possible? They shot you. You were dying."
"That's actually the key word: dying. I wasn't dead, I was dying. See, the Doctor is a Time Lord and I'm..." she paused, trying to find the correct term to describe herself.
"A Time Lady?" John intervened, and River smiled.
"No, not really. Sweetie, do you want to explain?" she asked, turning towards her husband.
"Alright. Amy and Rory are one hundred percent human, so she should have been human too. But she was conceived when the TARDIS was in the Time Vortex, which gave her Time Lord DNA. She's as much Amy and Rory's daughter as she is the TARDIS'."
"With my DNA, I was the perfect weapon against the Doctor," River continued, knowing that the Doctor didn't like thinking about this. "I couldn't die, I would have just regenerated, just like the Doctor."
"And that's what you did when you were shot: you regenerated," Elizabeth interrupted her.
"Yeah."
"When you said that you were the 'perfect weapon', what did you...?" John trailed off, not sure that he wanted this question answered.
"They abducted Amy when she was pregnant with me. I was born in the future, on Demon's run. The Doctor and Rory managed to find where we were, and he built his own little army to come and get us. During the battle of Demon's run, they stole me, and brought me to the past. I first grew up in an orphanage in Florida, though it wasn't the version of me you knew. When I was about 8, I was sick and dying, and I regenerated in an alley in New York. People found me and brought me to safety."
She knew better than to try to explain that she and the Doctor were actually the ones who found her baby self, not even an hour before for them. That would only lead to a headache for all the people present.
"I grew up to be the one you used to know, Elizabeth," she just said, not wanting to get into details, and sure that Elizabeth had already told John everything he needed to know. "When I regenerated again as a toddler, they took me to Leadworth and I grew up as Amy and Rory's best friend, even though they didn't know who I was to them, obviously. Except for when I was in New York, Madame Kovarian and the Church always had their eyes on me. I was conditioned to kill the Doctor when given the opportunity. But Amy and Rory, and the Doctor himself, helped me understand that he wasn't the man I was taught about."
"Melody...," Elizabeth started, but River interrupted her by raising a hand.
"Please, don't call me Melody anymore. Melody was the woman who was trained to kill the Doctor." And succeeded, she added in her mind. "I'm not that person anymore."
Elizabeth nodded; she could understand the need River had to dissociate her present-self from a previous version of herself, and she would certainly respect her wish. It would take some getting used to, but the fact that, even though River had her childhood best friend's memories, she looked different would certainly help.
There was still one question Elizabeth needed answered. She already had an idea as to what the answer would be, but she had to ask anyway.
"Why didn't you tell me the truth when we were alone?"
River knew that this question would come sooner rather than later. Elizabeth had always wanted to get answers, even more so when she was involved. So it was no surprise that she demanded to know everything in this situation.
But even though she had anticipated the question, River didn't know how to answer it. She wasn't sure Elizabeth would understand what had gone through River's mind when she introduced herself. Still, if her parents had taught her only one thing, it was to be as honest as one could, and this time, she thought that a lie would hurt her old friend more than the truth.
"At first, I wasn't sure you were remembering me, and what happened."
"But I do. And you knew I did when we were confronted with that machine."
"Yeah… It's just… Amy, Rory and the Doctor didn't know about this regeneration. No one knew because I never told them. Many times, I tried to forget, but I never really could. But I couldn't bring myself to tell them about these years in New York. About you. Until today, when I had no choice but to tell them."
"Why did you keep it to yourself?" Elizabeth asked.
"Because it hurt just to think about it. For more than a decade, not only was I free from Madame Kovarian and the Church, but I had people who cared about me. And all of this had been taken away from me in a matter of hours. And I put you in danger. I did it again yesterday."
"Don't…"
"It's true," River interrupted her before she could go any further. "If we hadn't been here, you would have never managed to activate the machine, and you would have been safe."
"Rodney would have probably found a way, and he would have been insufferable about it," John cut in, making the other three smile.
"John's right. Rodney would have figured it out, and we would have been in the same situation, without you here." Elizabeth paused, biting her bottom lip, before resuming. "Why did you change your mind about telling me?"
"Something happened. Don't ask me what, I won't say," River added, knowing that would have been Elizabeth's next question. "I just had a chance to change it all, but I realised that I didn't want to change anything, not one line. And that includes the time we spent together."
She wasn't lying; there was a time when she would have given everything to be able to grow up with her parents. But she had understood, long ago, that the changes it would imply would be too important. She didn't know what would have happened if she hadn't been her parents' best friends and played matchmaker at just the right moment. And there was this part of her who didn't want to let go of this decade of normalcy she had spent in New York, and the bond she had had with Elizabeth.
"There's one more thing I want you to know. The TARDIS thought that it was time for us to meet again. We let her decide the destination, and she took us where you were."
"She's sentient?" John asked, wondering if, on some level, the TARDIS and Atlantis were alike.
"She is, but it's even more than that," the Doctor replied. "She has her own personality, she's alive. She quite often takes control and take us to where we need to be."
"Without the TARDIS, we may never have seen each other again," River continued
"And I would still think you're dead."
River nodded, taking a step closer to Elizabeth. She grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. The brunette looked down at their hands, before looking back up at her friend. If she didn't know that the woman before her was her childhood friend, Elizabeth would never have guessed; she looked so different than Melody, except for her eyes. She still had the same eyes, and Elizabeth wondered why she hadn't noticed them before. But then, she hadn't expected to find someone from her past here in another galaxy.
"Now that you know my story, why don't you tell me yours? What are you doing, not only on another planet, but also in another galaxy?"
"It's a long story."
"I bet it is. But we have time now."
The women smiled at each other, and Elizabeth was about to talk when her radio buzzed. She held up her hand in apology, and pressed the button.
"Yes, Rodney?"
"The blue box is here. In the Gateroom."
"I know Rodney. And it's the TARDIS, not the 'blue box'," she added, rolling her eyes. The Doctor and River Song are here with us, in the briefing."
"How long are they going to stay? I'd like to take some readings..."
"You will do none of that, Rodney. They're our guests."
"But this is a technology..."
"Leave it alone, McKay," John intervened; he had only been privy to Elizabeth's side of the conversation, but he had no doubt what Rodney had been asking about.
"But..."
"Rodney!" Elizabeth cut him before he could start again.
"I should probably go keep an eye on him," John said, turning off his radio.
"I'll come with you," the Doctor offered, getting up from his chair. "Maybe I could give you a tour."
"Sweetie..." River started, but the Doctor was already out of the room; he could move fast when he wanted to. "I swear to god, if you leave without me, I'll kill you!" she shouted, surprising the people in the control room and Elizabeth, who raised an eyebrow. "He left me behind, a couple of times. Once when I was being shot at."
"Well, even if he does leave you behind, you're safe here," Elizabeth replied with a smile. "Why don't we continue this conversation outside?"
"Lead the way."
River followed Elizabeth out of the room. People in the control room were looking at them, still wondering who seemed to have gained their leaders' trust. A glance at the lower level told River that the men were already inside the TARDIS. She wasn't really worried that the TARDIS would leave without her, but after all, she never really knew what could happen.
They stepped onto the balcony, and River breathed in the fresh ocean air. She walked towards the railing and looked at the view displayed before her eyes. She had seen quite a lot in her years of travelling, but she had never seen anything like this before.
"This is breathtaking."
"Even though I've been living here for more than three years now, this view still steals my breath away. I hope this feeling will never go away."
River nodded, understanding what Elizabeth was feeling.
They stayed silent for a long moment. The sound of the waves crashing against the city was the only thing breaking the silence. Contrary to what they had both expected, it wasn't an awkward silence, but a comfortable one, like what they were used to, so many years ago. They remembered hours spent together, not talking, but just looking at the sky and the stars, or reading side by side. Just being together had been enough for them at the time, and now that they found each other again, they easily fell back to their old habits.
Elizabeth knew though that, if when they were children, they had all the time in the world, today, she could be called away for an emergency at any minute. They couldn't waste any more time to get to know each other again.
"I think it all started that day I saw you getting shot to save my life," Elizabeth started to talk, her voice barely above a whisper as she remembered the events of that day.
"Why is that?" River asked, surprised.
"I saw a therapist for a few years after it happened. He made me talk about my feelings, like any therapist would do in that case. It was in his office that I first said that I believed that words could be more powerful weapons than actual firearms. "
"The Doctor feels this way too," River said, cutting in. "He's not a warrior, although he can turn into one if you so much as threaten the people he cares about."
"I can understand that. I cross the line sometimes too, even though I'm never the one holding the gun. Anyway, it was again in his office where I decided to become a diplomat in the first place. I spent a few years bringing warring parties to the table and brokering treaties all over the world. Then, one day, our diplomatic mission had been caught in crossfire between two warring tribes in Africa. I saw one of my colleagues being shot in the head. He fell right beside me."
Elizabeth paused; if she closed her eyes, she knew she could see it happening again behind her eyelids. It was one of those things you couldn't ever forget, even though you wished it was possible to. River took her hand and squeezed it, just as she had done before in the briefing room. She wished she could just hug her, but it wasn't time for that yet; they were just learning to know each other again.
Elizabeth squeezed back, opening her eyes to look at River. They smiled at each other; at that precise moment, they knew that while it might take time, they could find that affinity they had as children once again.
"I hurt my knee pretty badly during this attack, and when I came back to the States, I was on medical leave for a couple of months. One of my former teachers at Georgetown asked me to teach a few political science classes during that time, and I ended up staying."
"You needed a change of scenery after what happened."
"Yes. I was still at Georgetown when the President asked me to come to the White House where he told me all about the Stargate Program. It was probably the strangest appointment I ever had as you can imagine."
"Oh believe me, I understand that. But maybe President Nixon would understand you even better. It's a long story for another time," River added at the look Elizabeth was giving her. "We'll have plenty of time for that later."
"I think I'd like to hear this one. So, President Hayes appointed me as the civilian commander of the Stargate Command, in Cheyenne Mountain, replacing General Hammond. You can guess that my replacing their beloved commander wasn't seen as positively as the President had hoped. During that time when I was at the SGC, one of the teams, SG-1, found an Ancient outpost in Antarctica. I left the SGC in General O'Neill's good hands, and went to Antarctica to survey the research on Atlantis, the lost City of the Ancients. We finally found a gate address for it, and here we are," she concluded, gesturing for the City around them.
She left out many parts of the story, not because she didn't think River would understand - she actually thought that she might be the only outsider who could understand the whole story - but because she knew they would have time to revisit the story later.
"Was Plato's story actually right?" River asked, the archaeologist in her demanding to know.
"Everything he wrote about was accurate," Elizabeth nodded. "He just didn't know that it had happened in a galaxy far, far away," she added with a smile, knowing that her friend would get the reference.
"Good one," River approved. "But does that mean that Atlantis had sunk in the ocean?"
"Yes. When we first arrived here, it was still underwater. The Ancients had submerged it to protect it from the Wraith's attacks."
"Ah yes. I believe it was your friend Teyla who told the Doctor about them. These life-sucking alien vampires sound pretty dangerous."
"They are. We lost good people to them."
"I'm sorry," River said when she saw that Elizabeth was saddened by those deaths.
"It comes with being their leader. I sometimes feel like I send them all to their death when they walk through the Gate."
"You can't think like that, Elizabeth. They chose to come here, and they knew beforehand that it would be dangerous, didn't they?"
"Yes."
"From what I understood, you're at war with two different enemies, and with war comes death. You don't have to be alright with that, but you have to accept that you're doing everything you can to protect them. It's not your fault when they don't come back."
"You speak like a true warrior," Elizabeth said.
"I did tell you that I was raised like this. But that doesn't mean I don't react the way you do sometimes. I had the chance to have Amy and Rory, and even the Doctor in some way, to teach me to be caring. I just know that sometimes, there's nothing you can do to stop something from happening. You just have to accept it."
Elizabeth nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. She knew that River was right, and it wasn't the first time she was the recipient of such a speech; John, Teyla and even Ronon told her as much in the past. But knowing it to be true didn't help her come to terms with it. Even after three years spent in the Pegasus Galaxy, she couldn't stop thinking like the diplomat she had been and she still was in some way, the diplomat who put her faith in words instead of weapons. And she held onto that dearly, because she knew that if she ever let it go, she would lose herself completely.
River might not be a mind reader, but she had known Elizabeth enough in the past to understand what was going on in her mind. There was nothing she could do to help her; Elizabeth had to figure everything out by herself. It wouldn't happen in an instant, and River knew that what her friend needed at the moment was to think about something else.
"How are your parents?"
"Dad died when I was just finishing my first PhD," she replied, pausing to let River absorb this information.
"I'm so sorry," River replied, feeling sad about the man who had wanted to adopt her just before Madame Kovarian found her again.
"Mom still lives in the same house, and she's doing really well. She's going to be happy to know that you're alive."
"No, Elizabeth, you can't tell her. Look, does your mom know what you're really doing?" she asked before Elizabeth could protest.
"No... No, she doesn't. Everything is classified, and I can't tell her."
"Then, how can you explain that I didn't die, and that I look so different from the little girl she knew?"
River was right, and Elizabeth knew it; there was no way she could tell her mother about River without having to explain everything. And she wasn't allowed to do that. It would be just another secret that she had to keep from her mother. She wasn't happy about it, but she knew that she had no choice.
"I'm just glad to know that she's well. Your parents meant a lot to me, Elizabeth. Just like you were the first child of my age to show me some interest, they were the first adults, outside of my social worker, who I knew truly cared about me. I would have felt lucky to be part of your family."
"But you wouldn't change a thing from your past."
"No. And it wouldn't just change me, but it would change you too. Would you be here if it wasn't for what happened?" River asked, even though she already knew the answer.
"Probably not," Elizabeth admitted. "See, this is what I told you when you first told me about time travel: there's always the risk of doing something that would change the world as we know it," she said, and they shared a smile.
"Alright. I know I can't convince you to travel through time and space with me, but what about visiting the TARDIS? I promise we won't go anywhere."
"I'm actually really curious about this whole bigger on the inside phenomenon you talked about yesterday."
"Then, let's go," River said as she pushed away from the railing, quickly followed by Elizabeth, to go back inside. "I have to say that I'm quite relieved to see the TARDIS is still here."
"Did you really think he could leave without you?" Elizabeth asked as they walked down the stairs after she informed Chuck of where she was going.
"You don't know him as well as I do," she answered, all the while knowing that it would be true for anyone: no one knew the Doctor as well as she did, it came with her training. "At times, the Doctor has the attention span of a five year old. And it's probably an understatement," she said, snapping her fingers as they neared the TARDIS. "If something interesting catches his eyes, he'll go investigate, even if that means leaving his wife behind on a planet infested with Sontarans."
"Oh come on, I made it up to you!" the man in question exclaimed as he rounded the console.
"That you did," River replied with a smile, remembering how thorough his apology had been.
The Doctor blushed, as that had been River's intention when she said this. The real meaning behind her words hadn't been lost on Elizabeth, John and Rodney either, and the former smiled while the latter two looked anywhere but at River.
"You've already finished your tour?"
"We haven't left the control room yet," John answered River's question. "McKay had a lot of questions," he added, sending a glare the scientist's way.
"This is a technology we've never seen before, and excuse me if I think we can learn a lot from it."
"Well, we'll leave you boys to it," River cut in, recognizing as well as Elizabeth could a situation that could rapidly escalate to a full blown argument. "I'm going to show Elizabeth around. But first, can I borrow the sonic, sweetie?"
"What for?" he asked, handing it to her at the same time.
"Thank you. Give me your radio, Elizabeth," she asked, then. "See, your people can't contact you even though the TARDIS is standing right before their eyes. But if I tweak this just a bit," she added, choosing the right setting, and pointing the sonic screwdriver at Elizabeth's radio. "There you go. Now, there's no problem anymore. I suggest you do the same with their radios," she told the Doctor as she handed the screwdriver and the radio back to their respective owners.
Linking her arm through Elizabeth, she led her towards the stairs; she would keep the control room for last, as she was certain that science still wasn't Elizabeth's favourite subject. First, there was a particular room she wanted to show Elizabeth.
"It's not just 'bigger on the inside'," Elizabeth said, as she was led through different corridors. "It's huge."
"The TARDIS can generate any room you want or she thinks you might need. There's literally a room for everything you can think of. Including this," she said, pushing open the doors of the library. "This is my favourite room in the TARDIS. It has every book you can think of and more."
River stopped there, leaving Elizabeth some time to grasp what she was seeing. From the corner of her eyes, she could see the book on the History of the Time War. She knew what it contained, even though she had never opened it. The Doctor had warned her once against reading it, and even though she was curious, she respected his wish. She had seen it in his eyes that he was serious when he said that it might be dangerous, and she trusted him. She would be told one day, it just wasn't the right time yet.
Elizabeth was facing the biggest library she had ever seen. Even the library at Georgetown would seem small compared to this one. There were several levels, and as far as her eyes could see, there were books everywhere. If she had to take a guess, she would say that the shelves were holding thousands and thousands of books. Every book that was ever written was probably there. She could read books that had been published centuries ago or books that hadn't been published yet. She could probably read books coming from other planets too.
Maybe she could...
"Is there an index somewhere?" Elizabeth asked River, turning towards her.
"I'm not sure," she answered; come to think of it, she had never thought about looking for an index before, she had always just picked up a book at random. "Are you looking for a book in particular?"
"I was wondering if there were any books about Atlantis. When the Ancients lived in the City, I mean," she clarified, not wanting to read anything that pertained to the future of her City.
"I guess we could ask the Doctor... Or just take the books the TARDIS provides us with," she finished when she saw books appearing on a table a few feet away from them. "Shall we?"
They made their way to the table, Elizabeth eager to see what information she would find about Atlantis in these books.
###
When River and Elizabeth made it back to the control room after a few stops to others rooms - that included the swimming-pool, one of the many gardens and the wardrobe -, the Doctor, John and Rodney were back too. John was the first to notice the couple of books Elizabeth was carrying.
"You're taking a little souvenir?" he asked.
"These are some books about Atlantis that were in the library. River said I could borrow them, and that the TARDIS agreed," she added for the Doctor.
"Of course. I didn't even know I had them."
"Sweetie, you barely know what you have in your pockets sometimes."
"That's... true, but..." He trailed off, knowing that he couldn't end that sentence in a way that was good for him. Instead, he clapped his hands together and turned towards the three Lanteans. "Did you enjoy the visit?"
"It's a really beautiful ship that you have here," John replied sincerely to which Elizabeth and Rodney - who had his head in the notes he had taken during the tour - nodded.
"We should probably go, now," River said. "We're keeping you away from your duties."
"Can't you stay just a few hours more?" Elizabeth asked. "We could return the favour and take you on a tour of Atlantis. There's plenty to see there too."
"I have no doubt there is, Elizabeth. We'll be back for this tour. I'll come back, I promise," she said, wanting to reassure her friend that it wasn't goodbye.
Elizabeth nodded, understanding and knowing that River was right. She had reports to read and a couple of briefings to attend, and she was sure that the Doctor and River had some place to be too. Beckoning John closer, she handed him the books she was holding and turned back towards River.
Taking a step forward, she hugged her, knowing that the gesture had to come from her. River hugged her just as tightly, and tears prickled their eyes as it soon turned familiar, as if no time at all had passed since they had last been able to do that. When they released each other, River grabbed Elizabeth's hands, keeping her close.
"I'm glad we found each other again," River said.
"Me too. And remember, you're welcome to come whenever you want, both of you," Elizabeth added, looking at the Doctor who nodded in agreement. "And your parents are welcome too, of course. I'm looking forward to meeting them."
"I know for sure that they're looking forward to meeting you too."
"See you soon, then."
"Very soon, I hope."
Elizabeth squeezed River's hands one last time before releasing them. She walked towards John and Rodney, who were waiting for her by the door, having already said their goodbyes. She made a move to take the books back from John, but he shook his head no. Rodney opened the door, and with one last look towards the Doctor and River, she stepped out of the TARDIS.
While Rodney went straight to the labs to share what he had learned with Zelenka, John and Elizabeth stayed in the Gateroom, standing a couple of feet away from the blue box. As the ship started to dematerialise before their eyes, John's hand found Elizabeth's.
"We will see them again," John whispered, reassuring her.
"I know."
She had no doubt about that, but she didn't know when that would be. The Doctor and River were time travellers, but from what her friend had told her the day before, they didn't travel together all the time. It might be a while before they came back here, in between two of their adventures. But even if a lot of time passed before they saw each other again, it would happen, of that she was certain.
"So, where were we?" John wondered out loud, and before she could ask what he was talking about, he added. "Oh yes, we were about to go have lunch. I believe that you still have an hour before your briefing with Lorne's team."
"I should probably go back to work," Elizabeth said. "And you should too."
"Come on, Elizabeth. You can't skip lunch. I promise I'll get you back here in half an hour," he added, knowing that she liked having some time to review her notes before a briefing.
Knowing that she wouldn't have the last word, Elizabeth relented and nodded. They stopped by her office, so they could leave the books there, before going to the mess. All the while, a smile was playing on Elizabeth's lips.
"You're happy," John finally said as they sat with their trays at a table beside the windows.
"I am, yes."
"So what do you think of the story River and the Doctor told us?" he asked, wanting to have her opinion now that they were alone.
"I have to say that it was strange, to say the least. But we've seen stranger things in our time here, haven't we?"
"Yeah... That's a nice little trick they have, being able to regenerate."
"I might be able to breathe easier if your team could do it, you more than the others," she admitted.
"Because you can't live without me?" he asked, jokingly, but she knew that, in a way, he was really asking.
"Well that, and because you're the one trouble finds the most often."
They shared a look, thinking about some of the too close calls they had. There were times, like when they were aboard that hive, when she thought that the team - he - was dead. There was nothing either of them could do about it; his team would always go on the most dangerous missions and coming back unscathed every single time was a promise he couldn't make. When they began their relationship, they agreed to never let it interfere with their work, and they knew that it might one day mean sending the other to their death to protect Atlantis and its people.
"You know, now that I think about it, I kind of regenerated myself when Todd gave me back the life he took from me and some. Carson did say that I came back from the mission at least a few months younger than when I left."
"If by younger he meant more immature..." Elizabeth said playfully, and he narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't think I have weirder mornings than the one we just had, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"I didn't think you would. We should probably leave the fact that River Song is your not-so-dead childhood friend out of our reports, though. I think that even though our jobs calls for weirdness, this would be too much."
Elizabeth nodded, agreeing to his statement; she didn't think the IOA would be too impressed about that either. They wouldn't hide having met with River, the Doctor, Amy and Rory, but no one outside of John and Lorne's teams needed to know about what happened in her childhood, and no one needed to know what had been said in the briefing room. No one except maybe Rodney, who had been present during their goodbyes and most probably had questions. She resolved to stop by his lab in the afternoon to talk to him.
"Well, time to go back to work," she said seeing that both their trays were empty. "And I think you have a sparring session planned with Ronon."
"If I don't come to get you for dinner, don't go assuming I have forgotten," he replied, taking her tray before she could get up from her chair. "It might just mean I'm in the infirmary."
They parted ways at the doors, with nothing more than a look shared, keeping true to their promise to stay as professional as possible while on duty.
###
By the time the Doctor sent the TARDIS into the Vortex, River was nowhere to be found. Even if he wanted to go look for her, he understood that she needed some time alone. He decided on going beneath the console, sitting on the swing and trying to fix, for the nth time, the Chameleon Circuit. He was certain he would be able to fix it one day. But he had grown fond of the blue police box, and he could feel that the TARDIS had too. That was why he was taking his time trying to fix it.
Now, though, he was just using it as the perfect excuse to give River some time. His mind wasn't on the wires he was holding; his thoughts went to his wife and he wondered why there were some times where she didn't want to talk to him. Maybe he wasn't the best listener, but he could try, for her, but she didn't seem to notice. She would keep everything to herself, closing up like a clam, and he knew in these occasions that he shouldn't even try to make her talk. Today would be no exception, he was sure, and when he joined her, wherever she might be, she would start a conversation on a topic light years away from the one that was currently occupying her mind.
He was acting this way too, he knew that. It was his - their - way to protect themselves. He could kid himself and say that it was a gallifreyan trait, but he knew she picked it up from him. They were alike, he and River, even though neither of them was willing to admit it; they would rather brood on their own instead of talking to each other.
When he estimated that enough time had passed, the Doctor left the control room. He didn't have to look very long to find River: she was in the kitchen, sitting before a cup of tea, just as he had expected her to. He saw another cup of tea waiting for him at the counter, and he took it before going to sit on the other side of the table from his wife. They drank their tea in silence, River anxiously waiting for the Doctor to start asking questions, and he unsure of what he could say.
Finally, they were saved from this uncomfortable silence by footsteps coming in their direction. Sure enough, Amy and Rory entered the kitchen. Amy made a beeline for the kettle and they heard her growl when she found it empty. Rory went to sit beside his daughter, who planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Slept well?" she asked as her mother filled the kettle with water and put it back on the stove.
"Yes," Rory answered. "You?"
River shrugged; it had been a while since she had last had a full night's sleep. She could actually barely remember the last time she slept the whole night without waking up from nightmares. It must have been when she was a child, as Mels, even though she remembered more nightmares than peaceful dreams from that time. Now, there were times when she wasn't even trying to go to sleep anymore. Her Time Lord DNA made sure that she didn't need sleep as much as her parents did, and it was a real blessing in her case.
"So what have you two done when we were asleep?" Amy asked as she came to the table with cups of tea for Rory and herself. "Got married again?"
"You're never going to let us forget about this one, are you Mum?" River asked with a smile.
"You got married on Space Vegas while we were sleeping, so no, I don't think so. Rory and I should have been there. We could even have had a double wedding."
Rory's eyebrows shot up and his eyes went wide at Amy's suggestion. It wasn't that he was opposed to the idea - he actually kind of liked it - but even he would find it weird to get married at the same time as his daughter. But apparently, that wasn't bothering his wife, nor his daughter he realised as he looked at her. The only one who seemed to be thinking as he did was the Doctor who had choked on his tea when Amy talked about a double wedding. At least, if he had to defend his point of view, he wouldn't be on his own. Or come to think of it, he might be on his own seeing as the Doctor always tried his best to stay on Amy and River's right side. He could understand why: together, they were a force to be reckoned with.
Thankfully for him, the conservation rapidly moved to other topics. He had noticed that it was River who changed topics, and that she had never answered Amy's first question. And that was when he noticed it, the look in her eyes. Something had happened to her and the Doctor when he and Amy were asleep, something that profoundly moved his daughter. She was always so careful never to let them see anything usually, and he understood why she did that; it was the way she had found to protect herself and them, the Doctor included. The Doctor wasn't duped, of that he was sure, but he didn't know whether River realised that he could see past the mask she put on as well.
But even though he could see that she was hiding something from them, he wouldn't try talking to her. She was too much like Amy on that subject and he knew it wouldn't work. While he was one to speak about his feelings, his two girls weren't. And he respected that. But that didn't mean he didn't wish he could erase that look from River's eyes and soothe her worry. She was still his daughter, no matter what, and he was feeling just like any father would in this situation. It didn't matter that their family was unconventional, he still took his role very seriously.
He had to admit that he was glad that River had finally opened up earlier about a part of her life she had never talked to them about. They hadn't said a word when she talked, nor did they after they finished. He and Amy just did what every parent would do in this case, and took her in their arms. It had been enough for them; no word had been needed, everything had been said at least once in the past and they didn't have to go through that again.
He wondered if that story was still haunting her and was the reason for this look in her eyes. Or maybe something else had happened to them when he and Amy were asleep. He guessed he would never get an answer, but he hoped that whatever it was, River would soon be feeling better.
"Well, I think it's time for me to go back to Stormcage," River said, as the conversation came to a lull. "My guards are going to think I'm never coming back if I stay away any longer."
"They should have got by now that you'll always come back, even if you're a little late," Amy said.
"Oh Mother, I don't think it will ever happen. They don't trust me enough for that, and they probably never will, and I can't blame them."
The two women left the kitchen first, and the Doctor was about to follow when Rory stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"What is it?" the Doctor asked.
"You'll always take care of her, right? Even when... even when Amy and I aren't here anymore," Rory said, knowing that given their shorter lifespan, it would happen.
"Of course, of course I will, Rory," the Doctor replied, holding Rory by the shoulders to look at him in the eyes.
"Good. Because if you don't, I'll kick your Time Lord butt, you can be sure of that."
"I know."
Nodding at each other in understanding, the two men quickly went to join their wives, not wanting them to wonder where they had been. In the control room, River was about to enter the coordinate for Stormcage but Amy stopped her.
"Maybe you should drop us off first," Amy said, looking at her daughter and son-in-law.
"Oh, I thought I could take you somewhere else before you had to leave," the Doctor said.
"Maybe another time? We have quite a lot of things to do at home."
The Doctor tried not to think about how, a while ago, home used to be the TARDIS for them too. But he had sent them away, to protect them, and he couldn't go back on this decision. River had already entered the coordinates to her parents' house, and he trusted her to pilot them safely there.
"Where are you going now, Doctor?" Amy asked him as River landed the TARDIS in the garden.
"I was thinking of going to Ancient Egypt," he replied without really thinking, but he found out that he actually liked the idea.
"You'd better be careful there, Sweetie. There are dangers of all kinds there."
"Yes, like curses," Rory joked along.
"Haha, very funny."
They said their goodbyes, and the TARDIS left, leaving Amy and Rory behind.
###
River couldn't stay in the TARDIS any longer, she simply couldn't. She couldn't stay here and watch the Doctor mourn her parents all day long, not when she couldn't allow herself to mourn them too. Reading the last page hadn't helped him as much as she - and Amy - had hoped it would.
Losing Amy and Rory had reopened old wounds. She listened to him as he told her about losing Donna and Rose, Astrid Perth, Adric and Peri. She had known that he had lost many people over the years, but she had never realised how affected he still was by these losses. She didn't say anything once he fell silent; there was just nothing she could say after that. There was just one thing she wanted to ask, but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to know the answer.
She had learned a long time ago that there were some questions she just couldn't voice. Most of them, she ended up getting an answer to by researching him and his companions. But there were a couple of questions that would probably remain unanswered. Maybe it was for the best; there were just some things she wasn't supposed to know about him, like why a sad look crossed his face whenever she mentioned going into the TARDIS library.
She sighed, sitting on their bed. She knew he was hurting, and that he was still angry at her for taking her mother's side. But she couldn't have done anything else, not after she had spent years growing up with them, seeing them fall in love. Amy had to follow Rory; there hadn't been another choice. And maybe, just maybe, there was a small part of her, that part of her that would forever remain that lonely little girl in an orphanage in Florida, who wanted her parents to be together.
But the Doctor didn't see it that way, not yet. He needed time to heal, to come to terms with never seeing Amy and Rory again. And she needed time to do the same too. And neither of them would be able to do that if she stayed in the TARDIS. It was time for her to go.
She quickly gathered the few possessions she had on the TARDIS and put them in her bag. She listened for any sound coming from the Doctor, but she could only hear the humming coming from the TARDIS itself. She wondered how long it would take him to notice that she was gone. It wasn't like there had been a lot of communication between them in the past few weeks. There were days when she barely saw him, and even more days when they didn't even speak to each other; she wouldn't be missed.
The TARDIS humming changed, as if she wanted to reassure River that someone would miss her. She smiled and put her hand on the closest wall. She would miss her too, but it was time for her to go. She couldn't stay, the Doctor couldn't heal if he saw the one person who reminds him of Amy and Rory whenever he deigned leave his swing beneath the console.
She strapped the vortex manipulator on her wrist and entered the coordinates to the one place where she would find the comfort she needed. She sent one last apologetic thought to the one parent she had left, and pressed the button that would take her away.
Part Two