(no subject)
Title: Life altering
Author: cream4me
Genre: AU, angst, male/male
Fandom: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Pairing: Kyo x Shinya, Kyo x Mana
Overall Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They are real people too, or at least that’s what my therapists says. So no I guess I only own them in my mind
Summary: Shinya was thrown on the streets; force to live with is best friend. He needed help but didn’t know where to turn to for help. Luckily he didn’t have to go far to find his knight in shinnying armor but will he regret his decision and go back to the one person who manage to ruin his life in only one day?
Warning: Homosexuality and mpreg, mentions of attempted murder
Chapter nine
It was late in the night before Kyo and Shinya arrived at Mana's house. Mana was waiting for them on the porch holding Kanon.
"Hey Mana, sorry it took so long."
"It's ok." he said softly.
"Have you been a good girl for mommy?" said Kyo
"She's been up all day. She must have been eager to see Daddy again." said Mana. "Oh my! Where are my manners? Good evening Terachi-san." he said bowing slightly.
"Please call me Shinya. Sorry for kinda barging in on you like this. I hope you don't mind, I wanted to talk to you in person, kinda clear the air."
"No it's ok. Well come inside. I want to give you a tour of the house." They walked inside and took off their shoes and looked around. "It's not much but its home." It was a traditional style house, nothing special. "And now for the tour." He showed him the kitchen, living room and then made his way upstairs. "And here is your room. Kyo open the door." he said. Kyo sighed loudly and opened the door. "Yes Master."
"Sorry about the mess. I don't have anywhere else to put them." Inside was a collection of very elegant, high class dresses.
"It's fine. Mana these are beautiful. Did you make all this?" Shinya said sitting on the bed.
“Yes, I'm glad you like them." He sat on the bed next to him.
"Where did you find the time to make all this?" Mana looked at his baby and then around the room with a sullen look on his face.
"I made all these before Kanon was born." he said with a sad smile on his face. Fortunately for Mana, Shinya didn't see but Kyo did, and he didn't look to happy about it.
"Oh..." said Shinya.
"Hey can you hold her for a minute? I'll be right back."
"Sure, I don't mind. Besides I need all the practice I can get." he said as Mana handed him the baby.” Now be sure you support her head ok?" After Mana left Shinya was left to look at the baby.
"You are the most adorable baby girl I have ever seen. You look nothing like Kyo." he squealed. Kanon was a fair-skinned baby with big brown eyes, a small button nose, and a head full of wavy black hair. "Hey I am offended by that." said Kyo. He walked over from his position by the door and took Kanon out his hands and sat next to him. "I'll have you know when I was a baby I looked just like that."
"Well I'll be! Is Kyo finally admitting that he is cute? Somebody must have thrown a snowball in Hell."
"Ha ha very funny. And I'm not cute."
"Well congratulations Kyo, you have a beautiful daughter."
"That's the problem!" Shinya furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Kyo confused.
"Come again. You want an ugly baby?"
"No not ugly...just slightly unattractive."
"I'm confused. Please explain."
"From the moment I first held her I've realized. My only purpose in life is two things. One, keep her away from the male species. And if that don't work. Keep her off the pole."
Just as Shinya was about to respond Mana came back in the room. "Sorry that took so long. I hope I didn't keep you waiting."
"Well I'm going to go put her down for the night." said Kyo.
"I'll do it." Mana said quickly.
"I don't think that is such a good idea."
"It's fine Kyo really. I've been ok for almost a week."
"That's not long enough." he said softly as he walked out the room gently rocking the small baby sleep. Mana looked away with a sad look on his face as he went to go sit down. "Um...I don't mean to be all in your business or anything but...What was that all about?" It was quite for a while before anyone spoke. "Hey it's ok; you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No I want to tell you." Mana took a deep breath. "Almost a month after Kanon was born...I tried to kill her." he whispered softly.
~Flashback~
Loud wailing came from room 533 as young Mana tried to quiet his newborn baby. "Please stop crying Kanon. Mommy is here now ok so stop crying." he said rocking the baby girl. "Please stop. You’re giving mommy a headache." Nothing worked in his attempts to quiet the child. Feeding her, rocking her and singing but nothing worked. The only time he had time she didn't cry was when she was asleep. Young Mana was unable to sleep though. Afraid something might happen to his baby while he slept, she was born prematurely. He soon developed deep dark bags under his eyes, and lost a lot of weight due to loss of appetite. His eyes no longer showed life, only a deep distance void. He would just sit there and watch his daughter sleep, tears falling out his eyes when she woke up.
"Please stop now Kanon. Mommy is tired. Please stop." Little Kanon continued to cry as he rocked her. "What's wrong? Why do you keep crying? Why won't somebody help me?"
Unfortunately for him all the constant days of crying caused something to snap in young Mana's head. "Stop it! All you do it cry! What's wrong with you!" he yelled. He put her on her back and grabbed a pillow from behind him. He brought the pillow down on her small form and the cries where muffled. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!" he screamed. A nurse walking by heard the screams and rushed into the room. She saw Mana smothering the small child and called the other nurses and doctors into the room as they separated him from her limp body "Give him a shot of Valium and restrain him!" yelled a nurse. "No! Let go! I have to make it stop. Make it stop!" he screamed. They were able to get him strapped to the bed and injected him with the sedative. Within seconds his body was beginning to be limp.
"How is the baby?" asked one doctor.
"She's not breathing. We have to do CPR." As they were taking her away, Mana looked into his daughter’s eyes. They were lifeless and void, just like his. As if seeing his dying child was a light switch in his brain, he began to regain his sanity. "...no...Nonononono...Kanon! Baby say something! Say something for mommy!" He began to fight to get out of the bed and over to his baby. "Move Kanon! Please wake up." His vision began to blur. "Move for mommy. I'm...sorry baby. Mommy’s...sorry. I didn’t mean it." They rushed her out the room before Mana blacked out.
~End Flashback~
By now Mana was sobbing and rocking and repeating 'Mommy is sorry.' and 'I didn't mean to.'
"KYO! Get in here! Something is wrong with Mana!" Kyo ran in and saw Mana on the floor pulling at his hair as if trying to rip out the images. "Mana stop it. Everything is okay now." He rushed over and picked him up and carried him out the room, leaving a distraught Shinya in the room. Kyo took him to his other room and inside was a hospital bed and heart monitor. After fighting with the boy to calm down, Kyo was finally able to strap him down so he couldn't hurt himself. He went over to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of Valium and a needle. He gave him the correct dose and Mana slowly began to calm down. When he was sure that wasn't going to try and break free, he went back to Shinya's room to see him breathing deeply and holding his stomach. "Are you okay?"
"Yea, I'm okay. My nerves are just rattled but I'll be fine. What was all that?"
Kyo walked over and sat beside him.
"He has Post Partum Depression. It use to be a lot worse than that. It only happens when he remembers. "
"Sorry I brought it up."
"It's okay. It's a good thing you know. And besides, he won't remember any of this in the morning. Now you try and get some sleep. I'm sure he has something planned for tomorrow." said Kyo. He walked out the room as Shinya started to undress and back to Mana. He unstrapped him and lied down beside him. "Please get better Mana," he said before he fell into a dreamless sleep.
~TBC~
A/N: Soooo what do you think? This is a new chapter that was suppose to come out last year....don't know what happened. The next few chapters are about Mana and his past
Author: cream4me
Genre: AU, angst, male/male
Fandom: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Pairing: Kyo x Shinya, Kyo x Mana
Overall Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They are real people too, or at least that’s what my therapists says. So no I guess I only own them in my mind
Summary: Shinya was thrown on the streets; force to live with is best friend. He needed help but didn’t know where to turn to for help. Luckily he didn’t have to go far to find his knight in shinnying armor but will he regret his decision and go back to the one person who manage to ruin his life in only one day?
Warning: Homosexuality and mpreg, mentions of attempted murder
Chapter nine
It was late in the night before Kyo and Shinya arrived at Mana's house. Mana was waiting for them on the porch holding Kanon.
"Hey Mana, sorry it took so long."
"It's ok." he said softly.
"Have you been a good girl for mommy?" said Kyo
"She's been up all day. She must have been eager to see Daddy again." said Mana. "Oh my! Where are my manners? Good evening Terachi-san." he said bowing slightly.
"Please call me Shinya. Sorry for kinda barging in on you like this. I hope you don't mind, I wanted to talk to you in person, kinda clear the air."
"No it's ok. Well come inside. I want to give you a tour of the house." They walked inside and took off their shoes and looked around. "It's not much but its home." It was a traditional style house, nothing special. "And now for the tour." He showed him the kitchen, living room and then made his way upstairs. "And here is your room. Kyo open the door." he said. Kyo sighed loudly and opened the door. "Yes Master."
"Sorry about the mess. I don't have anywhere else to put them." Inside was a collection of very elegant, high class dresses.
"It's fine. Mana these are beautiful. Did you make all this?" Shinya said sitting on the bed.
“Yes, I'm glad you like them." He sat on the bed next to him.
"Where did you find the time to make all this?" Mana looked at his baby and then around the room with a sullen look on his face.
"I made all these before Kanon was born." he said with a sad smile on his face. Fortunately for Mana, Shinya didn't see but Kyo did, and he didn't look to happy about it.
"Oh..." said Shinya.
"Hey can you hold her for a minute? I'll be right back."
"Sure, I don't mind. Besides I need all the practice I can get." he said as Mana handed him the baby.” Now be sure you support her head ok?" After Mana left Shinya was left to look at the baby.
"You are the most adorable baby girl I have ever seen. You look nothing like Kyo." he squealed. Kanon was a fair-skinned baby with big brown eyes, a small button nose, and a head full of wavy black hair. "Hey I am offended by that." said Kyo. He walked over from his position by the door and took Kanon out his hands and sat next to him. "I'll have you know when I was a baby I looked just like that."
"Well I'll be! Is Kyo finally admitting that he is cute? Somebody must have thrown a snowball in Hell."
"Ha ha very funny. And I'm not cute."
"Well congratulations Kyo, you have a beautiful daughter."
"That's the problem!" Shinya furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Kyo confused.
"Come again. You want an ugly baby?"
"No not ugly...just slightly unattractive."
"I'm confused. Please explain."
"From the moment I first held her I've realized. My only purpose in life is two things. One, keep her away from the male species. And if that don't work. Keep her off the pole."
Just as Shinya was about to respond Mana came back in the room. "Sorry that took so long. I hope I didn't keep you waiting."
"Well I'm going to go put her down for the night." said Kyo.
"I'll do it." Mana said quickly.
"I don't think that is such a good idea."
"It's fine Kyo really. I've been ok for almost a week."
"That's not long enough." he said softly as he walked out the room gently rocking the small baby sleep. Mana looked away with a sad look on his face as he went to go sit down. "Um...I don't mean to be all in your business or anything but...What was that all about?" It was quite for a while before anyone spoke. "Hey it's ok; you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No I want to tell you." Mana took a deep breath. "Almost a month after Kanon was born...I tried to kill her." he whispered softly.
~Flashback~
Loud wailing came from room 533 as young Mana tried to quiet his newborn baby. "Please stop crying Kanon. Mommy is here now ok so stop crying." he said rocking the baby girl. "Please stop. You’re giving mommy a headache." Nothing worked in his attempts to quiet the child. Feeding her, rocking her and singing but nothing worked. The only time he had time she didn't cry was when she was asleep. Young Mana was unable to sleep though. Afraid something might happen to his baby while he slept, she was born prematurely. He soon developed deep dark bags under his eyes, and lost a lot of weight due to loss of appetite. His eyes no longer showed life, only a deep distance void. He would just sit there and watch his daughter sleep, tears falling out his eyes when she woke up.
"Please stop now Kanon. Mommy is tired. Please stop." Little Kanon continued to cry as he rocked her. "What's wrong? Why do you keep crying? Why won't somebody help me?"
Unfortunately for him all the constant days of crying caused something to snap in young Mana's head. "Stop it! All you do it cry! What's wrong with you!" he yelled. He put her on her back and grabbed a pillow from behind him. He brought the pillow down on her small form and the cries where muffled. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!" he screamed. A nurse walking by heard the screams and rushed into the room. She saw Mana smothering the small child and called the other nurses and doctors into the room as they separated him from her limp body "Give him a shot of Valium and restrain him!" yelled a nurse. "No! Let go! I have to make it stop. Make it stop!" he screamed. They were able to get him strapped to the bed and injected him with the sedative. Within seconds his body was beginning to be limp.
"How is the baby?" asked one doctor.
"She's not breathing. We have to do CPR." As they were taking her away, Mana looked into his daughter’s eyes. They were lifeless and void, just like his. As if seeing his dying child was a light switch in his brain, he began to regain his sanity. "...no...Nonononono...Kanon! Baby say something! Say something for mommy!" He began to fight to get out of the bed and over to his baby. "Move Kanon! Please wake up." His vision began to blur. "Move for mommy. I'm...sorry baby. Mommy’s...sorry. I didn’t mean it." They rushed her out the room before Mana blacked out.
~End Flashback~
By now Mana was sobbing and rocking and repeating 'Mommy is sorry.' and 'I didn't mean to.'
"KYO! Get in here! Something is wrong with Mana!" Kyo ran in and saw Mana on the floor pulling at his hair as if trying to rip out the images. "Mana stop it. Everything is okay now." He rushed over and picked him up and carried him out the room, leaving a distraught Shinya in the room. Kyo took him to his other room and inside was a hospital bed and heart monitor. After fighting with the boy to calm down, Kyo was finally able to strap him down so he couldn't hurt himself. He went over to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of Valium and a needle. He gave him the correct dose and Mana slowly began to calm down. When he was sure that wasn't going to try and break free, he went back to Shinya's room to see him breathing deeply and holding his stomach. "Are you okay?"
"Yea, I'm okay. My nerves are just rattled but I'll be fine. What was all that?"
Kyo walked over and sat beside him.
"He has Post Partum Depression. It use to be a lot worse than that. It only happens when he remembers. "
"Sorry I brought it up."
"It's okay. It's a good thing you know. And besides, he won't remember any of this in the morning. Now you try and get some sleep. I'm sure he has something planned for tomorrow." said Kyo. He walked out the room as Shinya started to undress and back to Mana. He unstrapped him and lied down beside him. "Please get better Mana," he said before he fell into a dreamless sleep.
~TBC~
A/N: Soooo what do you think? This is a new chapter that was suppose to come out last year....don't know what happened. The next few chapters are about Mana and his past