the scale

[crazeehazel]

i am trying to understand some of my current crazy emotions.  i feel sickened that the physical number that appears on the scale has been such an incorporated part of my daily happiness.  it can totally make a mood for the day, and i feel that disgusting.  i feel so molded by society because deep down i do not actually have the views that a person

Comments

[pushinon]

aw i hope things work out for you dear.

I know what thats like so if you need to talk let me know.

[crazeehazel]

awwww, thanks.

[prtyldy]

I dont own a scale, though I have obsessed over whether I should buy one... As it is now I only weigh myself at friends houses. But not having the scale has given me a complex anyway. The problem is, I never know how much I weigh, and I honestly cant look in the mirror and tell whether I have lost or gained. I lost 30 lbs when my ex and I broke up, and last I checked I had only gained back about 10 of them, but some days I feel HUGE. Today for example, my clothing fits okay, but for some reason I cant shake the feeling that I am bursting at the seams! I feel like a complete cow... I dont even want to eat. But a couple of days ago I felt so thin, I had to restrain myself from strutting...

Without a scale it seems to be pretty arbitrary how I feel about my weight. Its kind of the opposite problem, I guess.

[crazeehazel]

the main reason i like to weigh myself is that same thing. i look in the mirror and somedays will see something disgusting and fat, and two days later a thin, attractive girl.... but i only will be within a pound of the other day.

[crazeehazel]

i hope so....

[amynicole717]

*hugs you* You are beautiful, and I can understand this trauma. This is the reason I don't own a scale, because I obsess. My mom used to say "my gosh, you're getting fat, you'd better not eat so much" to the point where I stopped eating for a long time. It still hurts me deep inside when people criticize me for physical characteristics.

I wish I could say something to help, but I guess all I know to do is realize that you are beautiful and loved. *hugs you*

[crazeehazel]

awwww.. im sorry. parents are so often traumatizing their children. if only they knew. grrrrrrr... thanks for the kind words. :)

[nphoenixdragon]

I was filled with sadness when I read this entry. How sad, too, that the pain that so many people suffer is the very thing that causes them to be so beautiful inside - often unknowingly.

All I can say is that when I see you, I see a person who is admired and loved by many.

[crazeehazel]

awwwww, thanks :) that really made me smile.