Log: Glit and Megatron do doctoring, counseling, and petting.
Which is about par for the course, as far as Glit's concerned.
Glit: (5:55:42 PM): ::Lord Megatron, I'm available at your convenience. Would you prefer the medbay or a place of your choosing?::
Megatron: (5:59:45 PM): *Is a bit startled by the comm and it takes him a moment to reply.* ::Ah...Glit...yes... *pause and mumbles more to himself* ....I suppose there is no way to put this off...::
Glit: (6:00:53 PM): *waits, attentively, sitting straight up even though Megatron isn't actually there to see his posture* ::Lord?::
Megatron: (6:03:59 PM): ::Mmm...nothing. I'll come to the Medbay. I need more than just repairs for minor battle wounds, I think.:: *Tiredly rubs his face as he rises from the couch area of his quarters and heads for the door.*
Glit: (6:06:15 PM): ::Of course, Lord.:: *rises and starts /bolting/ around the medbay, making sure everything is absolutely spic and span*
Megatron: (6:09:43 PM): *Glit has plenty of time to pick up. Some subconscious programming forces him to drag his feet all the way to the medbay doors. A trip that should probably take 10 minutes, turns into about 30. He finally arrives, however, and steps inside.*
Glit: (6:20:26 PM): *has everything in perfect order /well/ before Megatron's arrival - there wasn't much to clean up anyway - and is perching alertly on top of a table* What can I do for you, Lord?
Megatron: (6:26:01 PM): *For the most part he looks fairly decent. Prime did a patchwork job on the injuries he could and cleaned him up, but parts of his armor are still blackened and torn. More worrisome might be the tired glow of his optics, or the seemingly indented unhappy frown on his face. He moves to a table without being asked and sits down quietly.* Do you have time to do a full system check as well as processor scan?
Megatron: (6:26:04 PM): *Gestures to the battle wounds as well* These too, of course...
Glit: (6:27:39 PM): It'd be my honor. *sets swiftly and thoroughly to work, leaping up beside Megatron on the table*
Megatron: (6:31:18 PM): *Nods slightly at the medic, his hands fidgeting in his lap. He really dislikes being in the medbay...a lot...* What first?
Glit: (6:34:47 PM): I'd like to take care of the physical damage first, lord, then a processor scan, and afterwards a full systems check and diagnostic to make sure everything comes up clean. Is that all right? *well, one hopes Megatron approves, because Glit's already powering up his welders and laser cutters*
Megatron: (6:38:09 PM): ....
Megatron: (6:38:51 PM): *Stares at the lazer cutters and welders, optics getting wider* ....uh...that's fine...butarethosereallynecessary?
Glit: (6:41:00 PM): *glances down at them nonchalantly* For a full job, unfortunately yes. *looks up, expectant and about five seconds from starting work, once Megatron gives the okay*
Megatron: (6:53:11 PM): *Stares some more, then sighs. It's not as if things could get much worse. Gives Glit an unreadable look and starts to lay down.* Hn...maybe if I'm lucky you'll meld together my peltier diodes.... *mumbled*
Glit: (6:58:27 PM): Not unless I need to. *with a cheerful tailwave* *sets to work, careful to turn off all necessary neural circuits first, though this doesn't mean that the lights and sounds aren't still there*
Megatron: (7:03:56 PM): ......pity. It would probably improve things greatly... *And he cringes inwardly at the noises from the cutter and welder. Really, it's stupid for him to be so afraid. He's had so much worse done to him in the middle of battle and never so much as flicked and optic.*
Megatron: (7:04:17 PM): ...howlongwillthistake....?
Glit: (7:11:38 PM): As quick as I can, lord. *working quickly, but thoroughly, and is going through Megatron's body as he works, making sure absolutely everything is properly calibrated and in perfect working order*
Megatron: (7:45:28 PM): *Is quiet a while, optics nervously flickering over the ceiling* ...will I be space-ready?
Megatron:: *Completely out of the blue question, perhaps asked just out of sheer nervous tension*
Glit: (7:48:34 PM): Of course, lord! By the way, did you get much of use out of the Nemesis? *kitty is a good kitty, giving Megatron something to think about other than what he's doing to Megatron's legs right now*
Megatron: (7:52:56 PM): ...not as much as I'd liked. Now...it's a wreck...like much everything else around here. I don't know if it's even worth salvaging. *Grows quiet again, optic flickering a bit as he stares at the lights, trying to shut out the noises from tools.*
Megatron: (7:53:23 PM): Graffiti...*grumbled* Bad graffiti, at that...
Glit: (7:58:35 PM): Well, frag. Surely /something/ in there must be worth keeping; I'm sure it will be much easier to make a clear analysis without Bombshell clones everywhere in it. *how Glit can sound so calm and optimistic when he's slightly less than halfway inside Megatron's side, calibrating some internal mechanism or other, is one for the ages*
Megatron: (8:09:30 PM): *Is a bit unnerved at the idea there is someone literally inside him.* ...I'm certain we could be up to our necks in all the molten slag we could ever want, if that's what you consider 'worth keeping'.
Megatron: (8:09:49 PM): ...it reminded me of Cybertron...during the war. *frown*
Glit: (8:18:02 PM): *well, Glit is very small, and Megatron is very large* Then it's all the more vital we see if it can't be rebuilt, isn't it, lord?
Megatron: (8:25:23 PM): ...why bother? *Sounds a bit irritated now* So it can just be destroyed by the next absurd anomaly that comes along?
Megatron: (8:26:11 PM): ...Primus...everything is probably gone. All our records, personal belongings... *yeah, getting a bit worked up*
Glit: (8:28:08 PM): *pulls his head out of Megatron's side and looks up at the warlord* Rebuilding things that only get wrecked again is what I do for a living, lord. It can be done. Belongings can be replaced; records copied.
Megatron: (8:32:00 PM): ...I didn't mean to offend. *sighs* It's just...tiresome. I'm very, very tired....
Glit: (8:36:09 PM): I didn't take offense, lord. *sets back to work after another moment of looking at Megatron* This is a fragging complicated situation we've all found ourselves in; you and the Prime must have your hands full managing it.
Megatron: (8:45:34 PM): Manage is a kind word, Glit. Too kind, if I do say so myself...*sort of laughs, the sound harsh* ...I remember a time when mechs paid attention to me, to what I had to say... I gave an order, it was done.
Megatron: (8:45:42 PM): *Goes quiet for a moment* Maybe I should start beating them again. That seemed to work. Or I could just kill someone and hang their corpse up outside...Hn...but that wouldn't go over well with Prime...
Megatron: (8:45:59 PM): *Has brightened somewhat*
Glit: (8:50:59 PM): That's the tricky part, isn't it? Maintaining discipline in such an - /unordered/ situation. But I have every confidence in your abilities, lord. *pulls himself out of Megatron's side and starts sealing it up again*
Megatron: (8:55:39 PM): ...
Megatron: (8:55:51 PM): We were once one...*quietly*
Megatron: (8:56:15 PM): Why is it so hard to be that way once again?
Glit: (9:10:15 PM): I'm not sure, lord. I think... I haven't been here long, but there's a feeling of - desperation, almost. The sense that there is no time to waste, and that there's no reason to adhere to discipline because there is nothing to be disciplined /for./ I may be wrong; that's just my impression. *finishes sealing up Megatron's side, and proceeds to his torso, climbing up on top of the warlord*
Megatron: (9:33:05 PM): *Stares down his body at the cat the best he can.* ...desperation? In regards to what? We aren't going anywhere... *puzzled frown*
Glit: (9:41:28 PM): *looks back up at Megatron, yellow eyes calm* Everyone knows that Cybertron is dead and we're the last of our kind. Even I've picked that up, and I haven't been here very long at all. I suspect it's leading to a sense of - denial, almost. Or the desire to do everything in the rest of one's life as fast as possible, because it's a reminder of our own mortality. This is just a theory; there's no way of proving it. But I suspect something of the sort, lord.
Megatron: (9:58:17 PM): *Winces at the mention of Cybertron being dead, his optics going returning to the ceiling and lights. He grows very quiet, mulling over the medic's words, and finally acknowledges what he's feeling--has been feeling--for quite some time. Despair.* ...I can't fix this...* almost a whisper*
Glit: (10:19:54 PM): No, lord. *soft and calm* What's done is done.
Megatron: (10:21:01 PM): ...
Megatron: (10:30:34 PM): *Still watching the ceiling* ...I want to fix it.
Megatron: (10:31:15 PM): ...I want to go home...
Glit: (10:48:16 PM): I know. *quietly, no longer working, just - /there,/ resting on Megatron's torso and watching him with calm eyes* But it's not possible.
Megatron: (11:04:52 PM): ...*He knows. Primus, he knows. And that makes the ache in his spark worse. He'll never see home again...ever...none of them will and it's his fault. He can't even form words for the emotion that stabs him straight through when he thinks on it. He puts an arm over his optics, the beginnings of a very nasty processor ache starting at the back of his helm.* What do I do now?
Glit: (11:11:51 PM): You go on. You fix things that break themselves again right afterwards; things like that. *stretches forward a little, watching what he can see of Megatron's expression*
Megatron: (11:17:59 PM): You sound like Prime. *Facial plates along his mouth are tense. He pauses again, arm still hiding most of his face from view* ...what if I can't go on...?
Glit: (11:36:23 PM): I sound like Prime because Prime's apparently sensible. *edges a little further up Megatron's body, towards his head* Do you think that you can't, or are afraid that you might not be able to? *almost as soft and inaudible as Megatron's own*
Megatron: (11:50:08 PM): ....I don't know...both? *Chest vibrates with pent up tension, then settles once more* ....maybe I don't deserve to?
Glit: (11:56:16 PM): It's not a matter of /deserving/ life. We all have it, and that's enough to know. The real question is what we do with it. /Not,/ lord, what have we done with it, or if we deserve it. Just what we do next. *still calm, reaching out with a forepaw and putting it lightly on Megatron's chest*
Megatron: (12:08:17 AM): *Arm lifts up to peer out at Glit* ...keep talking like that and you very well could be the next Prime. *sighs* Optimus said as much...so maybe it's just me...and I'm just stuck...*trails off*
Megatron: (12:08:22 AM): ...sometimes I think I need to go away for awhile...*quietly*
Glit: (12:16:17 AM): It might help give you a new perspective, lord, but I wouldn't be surprised if your problems came with. *meets Megatron's gaze evenly*
Megatron: (12:32:07 AM): ....I know. *heavy sigh* I'm just tired...but I don't recharge decently. Well, except right after...ah...youknow....ANYWAY...primus...I should really just go....
Megatron: (12:32:35 AM): *Yeah, getting a little antsy!*
Megatron: (12:33:51 AM): *Sadly, he cannot sit up due to kitty on his chest. Well, he could, but that would be...mean...*
Glit: (12:38:23 AM): *That, and the kitty still has laser cutters and welders primed, and might attempt to /stay/ on Megatron's chest if Megatron attempts to move him. Glit, being a cat, has magical cat powers of increasing his gravitational pull when he feels like it.* I'm not done yet, lord? I wouldn't want to be less than thorough...
Megatron: (12:39:31 AM): *Eyes the welder and laser cutters* ....Ah...very well. *Lays back down, staring at the ceiling again.*
Megatron: (12:39:55 AM): *Rather, stops squirming...*
Glit: (12:45:49 AM): Have you found yourself dwelling on problems while you were trying to recharge, lord? *this is kitty's professional we-are-going-to-discover-symptoms voice*
Megatron: (12:50:38 AM): .....I find watching human television programs numbs my processor nicely. I don't think of much while viewing my programs. *Yes, just totally dodged the question.*
Glit: (1:21:41 AM): I'll take that as a yes. *dryly* I can check for any sort of hardware or true-software problem regarding entering a recharge cycle, and I /will,/ but I must say I don't honestly expect to find anything. *does, though, set back to work.*
Megatron: (1:23:11 AM): *Gives him a blank look* ...and isn't that a good thing?
Glit: (1:31:59 AM): Yes and no. A glitch or a misfire I could handle in five minutes, but I suspect that it's happening because your processors just - won't let things go enough to recharge. That's harder to counteract. *back to work going through all of Megatron's physical systems, replacing strained parts and basically 'tuning' him*
Megatron: (10:46:53 PM): ...let things go? As in thinking too much? *frowns slightly*
Megatron: (10:47:00 PM): How does one, stop thinking?
Glit: (11:22:27 PM): Overloading generally works, as you've found out. *that's actually a hint of mischief* Apparently so does human television, which /I/ didn't know.
Megatron: (11:23:48 PM): ...
Megatron: (11:25:02 PM): ...so, are you saying IshouldreachoverloadeverynightifIwanttogetsomesleep?
Glit: (11:38:22 PM): That's between you and the Prime; if you want me to medically prescribe it, I will, but I reserve the right to break the news to the Prime myself so I can see his face when I do. *yeah, that is /high/ mischief right there* On a more serious note... There're some thought exercises that I can tell you how to do, designed for just this kind of thing. Failing /that,/ I can give you actual medications, but I'd really prefer not to.
Megatron: (11:44:45 PM): ...ifyouthinkitwouldhelp*cough* DoesitworkthesameifIdoitmyself*BIGCOUGH*? And what do you mean, 'thought exercises'? You aren't telling me I need one of those games where you try to stick a round peg in a square hole, are you? *Yeah, eyes back on the ceiling now*
Glit: (11:58:46 PM): It'd work the same, if it were a good enough overload. I can't give you any advice there; I'm not an expert in /bipedal/ self-overloading for obvious reasons. *unfazed, unflappable* And no, no round pegs in square holes. /Primus/ no. *sits up, and gestures with his paws, turning /off/ the welders and cutters for the moment* It's actually very simple, and designed to let yourself overwrite unwanted thought patterns.
Megatron: (12:03:00 AM): ...unwanted thought patterns? You mean I can just shut off whatever I don't want to think about? *frowning now, looking at the cat*
Megatron: (12:03:31 AM): Isn't that...avoiding the problems I'm thinking about?
Glit: (12:07:07 AM): *nods* But that's exactly what you want to do when you're just trying to get some slagging recharge. You don't want to chase your own thoughts around in circles, with recursion loops all over the place. It keeps your processors running at full capacity while not enabling you to think constructively about them.
Megatron: (12:17:03 AM): *sighs*
Megatron: (12:18:58 AM): *He really doesn't understand any of this, and what he does understand, he has little faith that it'll work.* ...there's just too much to do. So many slagging problems to address. I don't know even know what I'd think about if I wasn't worrying about something...
Glit: (12:32:33 AM): Exactly, lord. *pricks up his ears* Before entering recharge, you're trying /not/ to think, so that your processor has a chance to enter power-saving modes. You have to be aware that you /are/ worrying, and simply tell yourself "stop." Which sounds ludicrously simple, and is, but nonetheless if done with sufficient force, honestly does work.
Megatron: (12:34:04 AM): ...stop?
Megatron: (12:34:18 AM): *Gives Glit a look*
Megatron: (12:34:34 AM): If I try not to think, I think harder! *distress*
Glit: (12:37:37 AM): There's a difference, lord, between "I'm not going to think about this;" and "stop." The one thought has the problem embedded in it; just plain "stop" doesn't. That's the technical difference.
Megatron: (12:39:29 AM): *Goes quiet for a long moment* ...what do...what do I do if I'm not worrying? What do I think about? *quietly*
Glit: (12:42:31 AM): Things you enjoy, lord. Your bonded; your television shows; things that relax you. Punishing yourself for what you regret by worrying yourself into pieces isn't good for either you or the Decepticons. *just as quiet*
Megatron: (12:46:36 AM): *He thinks about this for awhile* ...part of me feels like I don't have any right not to worry.
Megatron: (12:46:40 AM): The other half is so tired I almost hope this works.
Megatron: (12:47:03 AM): *Gives the kitty a forced half smile*
Glit: (1:07:37 AM): You have /every/ right not to worry yourself to pieces, lord. *sits bolt upright and /fixes/ Megatron with a look, trying to impress on him just how sincere he is* It isn't good for you, and it isn't good for the Decepticons, and it isn't good for your bonded, either.
Megatron: (1:13:44 AM): *Has his mouth open to say something else, but closes it when he sees the glint in the medic's optics.* It is difficult to lead when my processor is so muddled. *Frowns* ...and I know my moodiness is hard on Prime. He's been a bit distant lately, and I don't blame him. I can barely stand me... *weak and nervous laugh*
Megatron: (1:14:40 AM): Can't you just tighten some bolts and screw in some wires? *Now he's joking, trying to hide a slew of new worries running through his processor.*
Glit: (1:15:19 AM): *gives Megatron an uncannily /knowing/ look* Lord?
Glit: (1:15:31 AM): STOP.
Glit: (1:15:51 AM): *you may be amazed that small kitty has that impressive a vocalizer now.*
Megatron: (1:17:00 AM): *Optics widen and he actually jumps. And surprisingly enough, all his worries abruptly disappear. He stares at Glit, completely stupified.*
Glit: (1:17:59 AM): *cat-smiles* Told you.
Megatron: (1:18:27 AM): ...it worked.
Megatron: (1:18:32 AM): *blinks*
Megatron: (1:20:01 AM): *Then doubt creeps back in* ...but I think there's a difference between you shouting at me and me trying to convince myself to knock it off...
Glit: (1:20:41 AM): You can make a recording of me and play it back for yourself if you want.
Megatron: (1:20:55 AM): ...
Glit: (1:21:08 AM): You don't /convince/ yourself to knock it off; you just say /stop/ inside your own head as loud as I did.
Megatron: (1:21:52 AM): *Nods slowly, a frown creeping across his face* ...I suppose it'll take some practice?
Glit: (1:22:50 AM): Not that much. I was serious about the sound recording, too.
Megatron: (1:23:37 AM): ...I don't think Prime would appreciate being woken up every five seconds...
Glit: (1:24:43 AM): Have him turn off his audio receptors if you don't think just playing it internally would work. If he minds, he can come talk to me about it.
Megatron: (1:28:41 AM): *Raises an optic ridge, then sighs and settles back down* I don't think that's necessary.
Megatron: (1:31:53 AM): *And he reaches up almost idly, though it's probably more out of habit, to give the medic a scritch on the head* ...I just want a break from myself. I'm so slagging exhausted. I hope this works...
Glit: (1:32:59 AM): *purrs, nudging his head up against Megatron's hand* Come back and tell me if it doesn't. We'll try something else.
Megatron: (1:36:41 AM): *Scritches more, facial plates shifting in that tell-tale sign of more worrying. He continues to rub the kitty's head, obviously thinking hard on something.* ...Maybe...maybe I can rest here for tonight? It's strange, I hate being in the medbay, but I'm almost afraid to go back to my quarters. Maybe it just works here, and not there?
Glit: (1:47:39 AM): STOP.
Megatron: (1:47:50 AM): ....
Glit: (1:47:59 AM): *clears throat* You're doing it again, lord. But it works just as well at home as it does here.
Glit: (1:51:41 AM): If you want to rest here or in my quarters - Primus knows if I stay here an emergency /will/ happen - I don't mind, but I don't want you to be under the misimpression that I have to be here, or you have to be here specifically, for it to work. It works everywhere.
Megatron: (1:56:52 AM): *Nods slowly, optics brighter and a bit wider than usual under a worried frown.* I understand. I think I'll just rest here for a bit, it's quiet here. I'll return to my quarters later, if that's alright? *scritch scritch*
Megatron: (1:56:56 AM): *Yes, scritches more as his nervousness grows <3~*
Glit: (2:05:26 AM): Of course. *walks back and forth under Megatron's hand, causing scritching to go from his head down his back*
Megatron: (2:09:15 AM): *Seems to sag a bit in relief.* Thank you. *A deep sigh leaves him as he settles down on the berth. Optics dim tiredly.* Just a short nap...
Megatron: (2:09:57 AM): *Pets, but the scritches start to slow gradually*
Glit: (2:12:28 AM): *purrs, settling down and curling up on Megatron's chest*
Megatron: (2:16:25 AM): *Scritch, scritch...scritch.....and finally his optics dim, his hand stilling on the kitty's back. There's a quiet rumble from his cooling intakes mingling with the sounds of the medbay. He's out, and for once his rest is quiet and undisturbed.*
Glit: (2:18:00 AM): *keeps purring with the satisfaction of a job well done, and doesn't shift underneath Megatron's hand. Perhaps a nap /wouldn't/ go amiss, really...*
Glit: (5:55:42 PM): ::Lord Megatron, I'm available at your convenience. Would you prefer the medbay or a place of your choosing?::
Megatron: (5:59:45 PM): *Is a bit startled by the comm and it takes him a moment to reply.* ::Ah...Glit...yes... *pause and mumbles more to himself* ....I suppose there is no way to put this off...::
Glit: (6:00:53 PM): *waits, attentively, sitting straight up even though Megatron isn't actually there to see his posture* ::Lord?::
Megatron: (6:03:59 PM): ::Mmm...nothing. I'll come to the Medbay. I need more than just repairs for minor battle wounds, I think.:: *Tiredly rubs his face as he rises from the couch area of his quarters and heads for the door.*
Glit: (6:06:15 PM): ::Of course, Lord.:: *rises and starts /bolting/ around the medbay, making sure everything is absolutely spic and span*
Megatron: (6:09:43 PM): *Glit has plenty of time to pick up. Some subconscious programming forces him to drag his feet all the way to the medbay doors. A trip that should probably take 10 minutes, turns into about 30. He finally arrives, however, and steps inside.*
Glit: (6:20:26 PM): *has everything in perfect order /well/ before Megatron's arrival - there wasn't much to clean up anyway - and is perching alertly on top of a table* What can I do for you, Lord?
Megatron: (6:26:01 PM): *For the most part he looks fairly decent. Prime did a patchwork job on the injuries he could and cleaned him up, but parts of his armor are still blackened and torn. More worrisome might be the tired glow of his optics, or the seemingly indented unhappy frown on his face. He moves to a table without being asked and sits down quietly.* Do you have time to do a full system check as well as processor scan?
Megatron: (6:26:04 PM): *Gestures to the battle wounds as well* These too, of course...
Glit: (6:27:39 PM): It'd be my honor. *sets swiftly and thoroughly to work, leaping up beside Megatron on the table*
Megatron: (6:31:18 PM): *Nods slightly at the medic, his hands fidgeting in his lap. He really dislikes being in the medbay...a lot...* What first?
Glit: (6:34:47 PM): I'd like to take care of the physical damage first, lord, then a processor scan, and afterwards a full systems check and diagnostic to make sure everything comes up clean. Is that all right? *well, one hopes Megatron approves, because Glit's already powering up his welders and laser cutters*
Megatron: (6:38:09 PM): ....
Megatron: (6:38:51 PM): *Stares at the lazer cutters and welders, optics getting wider* ....uh...that's fine...butarethosereallynecessary?
Glit: (6:41:00 PM): *glances down at them nonchalantly* For a full job, unfortunately yes. *looks up, expectant and about five seconds from starting work, once Megatron gives the okay*
Megatron: (6:53:11 PM): *Stares some more, then sighs. It's not as if things could get much worse. Gives Glit an unreadable look and starts to lay down.* Hn...maybe if I'm lucky you'll meld together my peltier diodes.... *mumbled*
Glit: (6:58:27 PM): Not unless I need to. *with a cheerful tailwave* *sets to work, careful to turn off all necessary neural circuits first, though this doesn't mean that the lights and sounds aren't still there*
Megatron: (7:03:56 PM): ......pity. It would probably improve things greatly... *And he cringes inwardly at the noises from the cutter and welder. Really, it's stupid for him to be so afraid. He's had so much worse done to him in the middle of battle and never so much as flicked and optic.*
Megatron: (7:04:17 PM): ...howlongwillthistake....?
Glit: (7:11:38 PM): As quick as I can, lord. *working quickly, but thoroughly, and is going through Megatron's body as he works, making sure absolutely everything is properly calibrated and in perfect working order*
Megatron: (7:45:28 PM): *Is quiet a while, optics nervously flickering over the ceiling* ...will I be space-ready?
Megatron:: *Completely out of the blue question, perhaps asked just out of sheer nervous tension*
Glit: (7:48:34 PM): Of course, lord! By the way, did you get much of use out of the Nemesis? *kitty is a good kitty, giving Megatron something to think about other than what he's doing to Megatron's legs right now*
Megatron: (7:52:56 PM): ...not as much as I'd liked. Now...it's a wreck...like much everything else around here. I don't know if it's even worth salvaging. *Grows quiet again, optic flickering a bit as he stares at the lights, trying to shut out the noises from tools.*
Megatron: (7:53:23 PM): Graffiti...*grumbled* Bad graffiti, at that...
Glit: (7:58:35 PM): Well, frag. Surely /something/ in there must be worth keeping; I'm sure it will be much easier to make a clear analysis without Bombshell clones everywhere in it. *how Glit can sound so calm and optimistic when he's slightly less than halfway inside Megatron's side, calibrating some internal mechanism or other, is one for the ages*
Megatron: (8:09:30 PM): *Is a bit unnerved at the idea there is someone literally inside him.* ...I'm certain we could be up to our necks in all the molten slag we could ever want, if that's what you consider 'worth keeping'.
Megatron: (8:09:49 PM): ...it reminded me of Cybertron...during the war. *frown*
Glit: (8:18:02 PM): *well, Glit is very small, and Megatron is very large* Then it's all the more vital we see if it can't be rebuilt, isn't it, lord?
Megatron: (8:25:23 PM): ...why bother? *Sounds a bit irritated now* So it can just be destroyed by the next absurd anomaly that comes along?
Megatron: (8:26:11 PM): ...Primus...everything is probably gone. All our records, personal belongings... *yeah, getting a bit worked up*
Glit: (8:28:08 PM): *pulls his head out of Megatron's side and looks up at the warlord* Rebuilding things that only get wrecked again is what I do for a living, lord. It can be done. Belongings can be replaced; records copied.
Megatron: (8:32:00 PM): ...I didn't mean to offend. *sighs* It's just...tiresome. I'm very, very tired....
Glit: (8:36:09 PM): I didn't take offense, lord. *sets back to work after another moment of looking at Megatron* This is a fragging complicated situation we've all found ourselves in; you and the Prime must have your hands full managing it.
Megatron: (8:45:34 PM): Manage is a kind word, Glit. Too kind, if I do say so myself...*sort of laughs, the sound harsh* ...I remember a time when mechs paid attention to me, to what I had to say... I gave an order, it was done.
Megatron: (8:45:42 PM): *Goes quiet for a moment* Maybe I should start beating them again. That seemed to work. Or I could just kill someone and hang their corpse up outside...Hn...but that wouldn't go over well with Prime...
Megatron: (8:45:59 PM): *Has brightened somewhat*
Glit: (8:50:59 PM): That's the tricky part, isn't it? Maintaining discipline in such an - /unordered/ situation. But I have every confidence in your abilities, lord. *pulls himself out of Megatron's side and starts sealing it up again*
Megatron: (8:55:39 PM): ...
Megatron: (8:55:51 PM): We were once one...*quietly*
Megatron: (8:56:15 PM): Why is it so hard to be that way once again?
Glit: (9:10:15 PM): I'm not sure, lord. I think... I haven't been here long, but there's a feeling of - desperation, almost. The sense that there is no time to waste, and that there's no reason to adhere to discipline because there is nothing to be disciplined /for./ I may be wrong; that's just my impression. *finishes sealing up Megatron's side, and proceeds to his torso, climbing up on top of the warlord*
Megatron: (9:33:05 PM): *Stares down his body at the cat the best he can.* ...desperation? In regards to what? We aren't going anywhere... *puzzled frown*
Glit: (9:41:28 PM): *looks back up at Megatron, yellow eyes calm* Everyone knows that Cybertron is dead and we're the last of our kind. Even I've picked that up, and I haven't been here very long at all. I suspect it's leading to a sense of - denial, almost. Or the desire to do everything in the rest of one's life as fast as possible, because it's a reminder of our own mortality. This is just a theory; there's no way of proving it. But I suspect something of the sort, lord.
Megatron: (9:58:17 PM): *Winces at the mention of Cybertron being dead, his optics going returning to the ceiling and lights. He grows very quiet, mulling over the medic's words, and finally acknowledges what he's feeling--has been feeling--for quite some time. Despair.* ...I can't fix this...* almost a whisper*
Glit: (10:19:54 PM): No, lord. *soft and calm* What's done is done.
Megatron: (10:21:01 PM): ...
Megatron: (10:30:34 PM): *Still watching the ceiling* ...I want to fix it.
Megatron: (10:31:15 PM): ...I want to go home...
Glit: (10:48:16 PM): I know. *quietly, no longer working, just - /there,/ resting on Megatron's torso and watching him with calm eyes* But it's not possible.
Megatron: (11:04:52 PM): ...*He knows. Primus, he knows. And that makes the ache in his spark worse. He'll never see home again...ever...none of them will and it's his fault. He can't even form words for the emotion that stabs him straight through when he thinks on it. He puts an arm over his optics, the beginnings of a very nasty processor ache starting at the back of his helm.* What do I do now?
Glit: (11:11:51 PM): You go on. You fix things that break themselves again right afterwards; things like that. *stretches forward a little, watching what he can see of Megatron's expression*
Megatron: (11:17:59 PM): You sound like Prime. *Facial plates along his mouth are tense. He pauses again, arm still hiding most of his face from view* ...what if I can't go on...?
Glit: (11:36:23 PM): I sound like Prime because Prime's apparently sensible. *edges a little further up Megatron's body, towards his head* Do you think that you can't, or are afraid that you might not be able to? *almost as soft and inaudible as Megatron's own*
Megatron: (11:50:08 PM): ....I don't know...both? *Chest vibrates with pent up tension, then settles once more* ....maybe I don't deserve to?
Glit: (11:56:16 PM): It's not a matter of /deserving/ life. We all have it, and that's enough to know. The real question is what we do with it. /Not,/ lord, what have we done with it, or if we deserve it. Just what we do next. *still calm, reaching out with a forepaw and putting it lightly on Megatron's chest*
Megatron: (12:08:17 AM): *Arm lifts up to peer out at Glit* ...keep talking like that and you very well could be the next Prime. *sighs* Optimus said as much...so maybe it's just me...and I'm just stuck...*trails off*
Megatron: (12:08:22 AM): ...sometimes I think I need to go away for awhile...*quietly*
Glit: (12:16:17 AM): It might help give you a new perspective, lord, but I wouldn't be surprised if your problems came with. *meets Megatron's gaze evenly*
Megatron: (12:32:07 AM): ....I know. *heavy sigh* I'm just tired...but I don't recharge decently. Well, except right after...ah...youknow....ANYWAY...primus...I should really just go....
Megatron: (12:32:35 AM): *Yeah, getting a little antsy!*
Megatron: (12:33:51 AM): *Sadly, he cannot sit up due to kitty on his chest. Well, he could, but that would be...mean...*
Glit: (12:38:23 AM): *That, and the kitty still has laser cutters and welders primed, and might attempt to /stay/ on Megatron's chest if Megatron attempts to move him. Glit, being a cat, has magical cat powers of increasing his gravitational pull when he feels like it.* I'm not done yet, lord? I wouldn't want to be less than thorough...
Megatron: (12:39:31 AM): *Eyes the welder and laser cutters* ....Ah...very well. *Lays back down, staring at the ceiling again.*
Megatron: (12:39:55 AM): *Rather, stops squirming...*
Glit: (12:45:49 AM): Have you found yourself dwelling on problems while you were trying to recharge, lord? *this is kitty's professional we-are-going-to-discover-symptoms voice*
Megatron: (12:50:38 AM): .....I find watching human television programs numbs my processor nicely. I don't think of much while viewing my programs. *Yes, just totally dodged the question.*
Glit: (1:21:41 AM): I'll take that as a yes. *dryly* I can check for any sort of hardware or true-software problem regarding entering a recharge cycle, and I /will,/ but I must say I don't honestly expect to find anything. *does, though, set back to work.*
Megatron: (1:23:11 AM): *Gives him a blank look* ...and isn't that a good thing?
Glit: (1:31:59 AM): Yes and no. A glitch or a misfire I could handle in five minutes, but I suspect that it's happening because your processors just - won't let things go enough to recharge. That's harder to counteract. *back to work going through all of Megatron's physical systems, replacing strained parts and basically 'tuning' him*
Megatron: (10:46:53 PM): ...let things go? As in thinking too much? *frowns slightly*
Megatron: (10:47:00 PM): How does one, stop thinking?
Glit: (11:22:27 PM): Overloading generally works, as you've found out. *that's actually a hint of mischief* Apparently so does human television, which /I/ didn't know.
Megatron: (11:23:48 PM): ...
Megatron: (11:25:02 PM): ...so, are you saying IshouldreachoverloadeverynightifIwanttogetsomesleep?
Glit: (11:38:22 PM): That's between you and the Prime; if you want me to medically prescribe it, I will, but I reserve the right to break the news to the Prime myself so I can see his face when I do. *yeah, that is /high/ mischief right there* On a more serious note... There're some thought exercises that I can tell you how to do, designed for just this kind of thing. Failing /that,/ I can give you actual medications, but I'd really prefer not to.
Megatron: (11:44:45 PM): ...ifyouthinkitwouldhelp*cough* DoesitworkthesameifIdoitmyself*BIGCOUGH*? And what do you mean, 'thought exercises'? You aren't telling me I need one of those games where you try to stick a round peg in a square hole, are you? *Yeah, eyes back on the ceiling now*
Glit: (11:58:46 PM): It'd work the same, if it were a good enough overload. I can't give you any advice there; I'm not an expert in /bipedal/ self-overloading for obvious reasons. *unfazed, unflappable* And no, no round pegs in square holes. /Primus/ no. *sits up, and gestures with his paws, turning /off/ the welders and cutters for the moment* It's actually very simple, and designed to let yourself overwrite unwanted thought patterns.
Megatron: (12:03:00 AM): ...unwanted thought patterns? You mean I can just shut off whatever I don't want to think about? *frowning now, looking at the cat*
Megatron: (12:03:31 AM): Isn't that...avoiding the problems I'm thinking about?
Glit: (12:07:07 AM): *nods* But that's exactly what you want to do when you're just trying to get some slagging recharge. You don't want to chase your own thoughts around in circles, with recursion loops all over the place. It keeps your processors running at full capacity while not enabling you to think constructively about them.
Megatron: (12:17:03 AM): *sighs*
Megatron: (12:18:58 AM): *He really doesn't understand any of this, and what he does understand, he has little faith that it'll work.* ...there's just too much to do. So many slagging problems to address. I don't know even know what I'd think about if I wasn't worrying about something...
Glit: (12:32:33 AM): Exactly, lord. *pricks up his ears* Before entering recharge, you're trying /not/ to think, so that your processor has a chance to enter power-saving modes. You have to be aware that you /are/ worrying, and simply tell yourself "stop." Which sounds ludicrously simple, and is, but nonetheless if done with sufficient force, honestly does work.
Megatron: (12:34:04 AM): ...stop?
Megatron: (12:34:18 AM): *Gives Glit a look*
Megatron: (12:34:34 AM): If I try not to think, I think harder! *distress*
Glit: (12:37:37 AM): There's a difference, lord, between "I'm not going to think about this;" and "stop." The one thought has the problem embedded in it; just plain "stop" doesn't. That's the technical difference.
Megatron: (12:39:29 AM): *Goes quiet for a long moment* ...what do...what do I do if I'm not worrying? What do I think about? *quietly*
Glit: (12:42:31 AM): Things you enjoy, lord. Your bonded; your television shows; things that relax you. Punishing yourself for what you regret by worrying yourself into pieces isn't good for either you or the Decepticons. *just as quiet*
Megatron: (12:46:36 AM): *He thinks about this for awhile* ...part of me feels like I don't have any right not to worry.
Megatron: (12:46:40 AM): The other half is so tired I almost hope this works.
Megatron: (12:47:03 AM): *Gives the kitty a forced half smile*
Glit: (1:07:37 AM): You have /every/ right not to worry yourself to pieces, lord. *sits bolt upright and /fixes/ Megatron with a look, trying to impress on him just how sincere he is* It isn't good for you, and it isn't good for the Decepticons, and it isn't good for your bonded, either.
Megatron: (1:13:44 AM): *Has his mouth open to say something else, but closes it when he sees the glint in the medic's optics.* It is difficult to lead when my processor is so muddled. *Frowns* ...and I know my moodiness is hard on Prime. He's been a bit distant lately, and I don't blame him. I can barely stand me... *weak and nervous laugh*
Megatron: (1:14:40 AM): Can't you just tighten some bolts and screw in some wires? *Now he's joking, trying to hide a slew of new worries running through his processor.*
Glit: (1:15:19 AM): *gives Megatron an uncannily /knowing/ look* Lord?
Glit: (1:15:31 AM): STOP.
Glit: (1:15:51 AM): *you may be amazed that small kitty has that impressive a vocalizer now.*
Megatron: (1:17:00 AM): *Optics widen and he actually jumps. And surprisingly enough, all his worries abruptly disappear. He stares at Glit, completely stupified.*
Glit: (1:17:59 AM): *cat-smiles* Told you.
Megatron: (1:18:27 AM): ...it worked.
Megatron: (1:18:32 AM): *blinks*
Megatron: (1:20:01 AM): *Then doubt creeps back in* ...but I think there's a difference between you shouting at me and me trying to convince myself to knock it off...
Glit: (1:20:41 AM): You can make a recording of me and play it back for yourself if you want.
Megatron: (1:20:55 AM): ...
Glit: (1:21:08 AM): You don't /convince/ yourself to knock it off; you just say /stop/ inside your own head as loud as I did.
Megatron: (1:21:52 AM): *Nods slowly, a frown creeping across his face* ...I suppose it'll take some practice?
Glit: (1:22:50 AM): Not that much. I was serious about the sound recording, too.
Megatron: (1:23:37 AM): ...I don't think Prime would appreciate being woken up every five seconds...
Glit: (1:24:43 AM): Have him turn off his audio receptors if you don't think just playing it internally would work. If he minds, he can come talk to me about it.
Megatron: (1:28:41 AM): *Raises an optic ridge, then sighs and settles back down* I don't think that's necessary.
Megatron: (1:31:53 AM): *And he reaches up almost idly, though it's probably more out of habit, to give the medic a scritch on the head* ...I just want a break from myself. I'm so slagging exhausted. I hope this works...
Glit: (1:32:59 AM): *purrs, nudging his head up against Megatron's hand* Come back and tell me if it doesn't. We'll try something else.
Megatron: (1:36:41 AM): *Scritches more, facial plates shifting in that tell-tale sign of more worrying. He continues to rub the kitty's head, obviously thinking hard on something.* ...Maybe...maybe I can rest here for tonight? It's strange, I hate being in the medbay, but I'm almost afraid to go back to my quarters. Maybe it just works here, and not there?
Glit: (1:47:39 AM): STOP.
Megatron: (1:47:50 AM): ....
Glit: (1:47:59 AM): *clears throat* You're doing it again, lord. But it works just as well at home as it does here.
Glit: (1:51:41 AM): If you want to rest here or in my quarters - Primus knows if I stay here an emergency /will/ happen - I don't mind, but I don't want you to be under the misimpression that I have to be here, or you have to be here specifically, for it to work. It works everywhere.
Megatron: (1:56:52 AM): *Nods slowly, optics brighter and a bit wider than usual under a worried frown.* I understand. I think I'll just rest here for a bit, it's quiet here. I'll return to my quarters later, if that's alright? *scritch scritch*
Megatron: (1:56:56 AM): *Yes, scritches more as his nervousness grows <3~*
Glit: (2:05:26 AM): Of course. *walks back and forth under Megatron's hand, causing scritching to go from his head down his back*
Megatron: (2:09:15 AM): *Seems to sag a bit in relief.* Thank you. *A deep sigh leaves him as he settles down on the berth. Optics dim tiredly.* Just a short nap...
Megatron: (2:09:57 AM): *Pets, but the scritches start to slow gradually*
Glit: (2:12:28 AM): *purrs, settling down and curling up on Megatron's chest*
Megatron: (2:16:25 AM): *Scritch, scritch...scritch.....and finally his optics dim, his hand stilling on the kitty's back. There's a quiet rumble from his cooling intakes mingling with the sounds of the medbay. He's out, and for once his rest is quiet and undisturbed.*
Glit: (2:18:00 AM): *keeps purring with the satisfaction of a job well done, and doesn't shift underneath Megatron's hand. Perhaps a nap /wouldn't/ go amiss, really...*