It's 'I am reading.' Your Elizabethan is overall pretty good, but this is not correct grammar.
for art a long dead and unable to take enjoyment in thy more corporeal form.
Same problem.
only half of thyself
Thee.
whilst I do bare
I think that's while, though I could be wrong.
Elizabethan grammar is insanely tough, and you actually did a good job, all things considered. My English teacher advised us just not to try because we would undoubtedly screw up. Never stopped me, and I'm sure I've got a ton of mistakes in the Hamlet/Horatio fics I've written, but I've done enough Shakespeare to catch a few errors.
The brunet squirmed
The blond made a sound of negation
along the blond's back
coppery brown eyes.
to meet the brunetIt rarely works to refer to people by their hair color, especially here, where it doesn't actually clear anything up. Who really knows what Hamlet or Horatio's hair color is
( ... )
I appreciate the criticism a lot; I know my early mod. english is definitely not super great so I'm sure there's at least a dozen errors. I'll fix them up.
Good point about the description... I wrote this for a friend who'd drawn them but I supposed outsiders reading wouldn't know that. I should try to clear it up.
I take it this isn't beta'd? It's really helpful to have a beta, I've found. Especially if you aren't confident in your writing. If you write anything else, I'd be happy to help.
Also, I've found people are more likely to read your writing if they can see that you've been beta'd. Sometimes my beta doesn't actually find any errors, but thanking her makes my work automatically seem better, whether or not it is.
Not beta'd, no, as my normal looker-over isn't much better at EME grammar than I am. If I do write any more Hamlet fic for general consumption, though, I'd be more than happy to take you up on your offer :)
Beautiful! --I especially appreciated the formal/informal language shifts *flaps limbs*
Maybe you could title it "Entirely" ? um... "'[He That] Thou Knowest Thine'"? "'Words, Words, Words'"? "'More Ancient Roman [Than a Dane]'" ? Titles are made of good X)
Comments 8
*flaaaaaaiiiiil* "Art" is only second person informal. No "art" for Aristotle either. :o
Otherwise, I like. The dialogue is very Shakespearean, not just the language but the style.
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I'm glad you liked it.
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Loved this. Just a few nit-picky bits.
"My lord, I art reading."
It's 'I am reading.' Your Elizabethan is overall pretty good, but this is not correct grammar.
for art a long dead and unable to take enjoyment in thy more corporeal form.
Same problem.
only half of thyself
Thee.
whilst I do bare
I think that's while, though I could be wrong.
Elizabethan grammar is insanely tough, and you actually did a good job, all things considered. My English teacher advised us just not to try because we would undoubtedly screw up. Never stopped me, and I'm sure I've got a ton of mistakes in the Hamlet/Horatio fics I've written, but I've done enough Shakespeare to catch a few errors.
The brunet squirmed
The blond made a sound of negation
along the blond's back
coppery brown eyes.
to meet the brunetIt rarely works to refer to people by their hair color, especially here, where it doesn't actually clear anything up. Who really knows what Hamlet or Horatio's hair color is ( ... )
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Good point about the description... I wrote this for a friend who'd drawn them but I supposed outsiders reading wouldn't know that. I should try to clear it up.
Thank you :)
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I take it this isn't beta'd? It's really helpful to have a beta, I've found. Especially if you aren't confident in your writing. If you write anything else, I'd be happy to help.
Also, I've found people are more likely to read your writing if they can see that you've been beta'd. Sometimes my beta doesn't actually find any errors, but thanking her makes my work automatically seem better, whether or not it is.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Maybe you could title it "Entirely" ? um... "'[He That] Thou Knowest Thine'"? "'Words, Words, Words'"? "'More Ancient Roman [Than a Dane]'" ? Titles are made of good X)
Reply
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