Comments | crabby_lioness: Fiction: A Change on the Wind

crabby_lioness

Fiction: A Change on the Wind

Jan 27, 2009 01:59

Title: A Change on the Wind
Author: CrabbyLioness
Main Characters: Merlin, Arthur, Uther
Summary: immediately after The Poisoned Chalice.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they'd have different plot holes.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 769
Spoilers: I've only seen through Episode 4.

( Arthur looked around slowly, carefully schooling his face into an expression of calm to mask his growing unease. )

merlin, fic

Comments 29

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crabby_lioness January 28 2009, 07:56:21 UTC

Thank you!

nightrider101 January 28 2009, 01:27:39 UTC

Oh, very good!

Great job with the characterization and dialogue.

I also like how you wrote Arthur and Merlin so they sounded their age - not yet so wise beyond their years.

I hope we see more from you soon!

crabby_lioness January 29 2009, 02:52:41 UTC

Thank you. Wisdom comes with experience. They don't have a lot of that yet.

I've got a review done and more on the way. Just click on the "Merlin" tag.

lilithilien January 28 2009, 05:01:24 UTC

Really nice! I like the tense atmosphere in this piece, and how everybody realises it but clueless Merlin. And I loved this: "Make sure my quarters are clean," he ordered brusquely, hoping the lazy dolt would take a nap on his bed. They can't just come out and talk to each other, of course, but they're still getting the message across. Well done!

crabby_lioness January 28 2009, 07:51:59 UTC

Of course they can't. They're teenage boys, the most inarticulate creatures on the planet.

Thank you!

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crabby_lioness January 28 2009, 17:20:44 UTC

Thank you. "Teenage" is another word for "awkward".

janne_d January 28 2009, 17:27:47 UTC

They were measuring looks, assessing looks, mixed with a certain wary respect. They were the kinds of looks he was used to seeing from opponents on the field or from strangers to the court, not from servants and subjects. And no one threw anything. The few children who tried were stopped by their neighbors.

Really, really nice. There was a lot of atmosphere in this and I like that both Arthur and Uther can feel things changing and Merlin is apparently oblivious.

crabby_lioness January 28 2009, 17:44:03 UTC

Merlin is too new to have a baseline for comparisons.

The thing that made Arthur more than just another Dark Age warlord was that he treated commoners with the same respect he showed to nobles. That got people's attention.