LANE KIFFIN IS A FUCKING DOUCHE

[volunteerspirit]

[ OUT IN THE CAPSLOCK FOREST, THERE'S A BIG BONFIRE. THIS GUY HAS A BOX OF SHIRTS LIKE THIS, A COOLER FILLED WITH BEER, AND A BOOMBOX PLAYING THIS SONG. WHEE, THEM SHIRTS MAKE DAMN GOOD KINDLING. ]

THAT DADGUM ASS....

Comments

[lostthebridle]

...WHAT HAPPENED?

[volunteerspirit]

THAT LITTLE INGRATE LANE KIFFIN LEFT MY TEAM. I WAS ONLY POKIN' A BIT OF FUN AT HIM!

[ TOSSES IN A FEW MORE SHIRTS ]

[lostthebridle]

*WATCHES THE FIRE CURIOUSLY*

WHAT'D YA SAY TO HIM?

[volunteerspirit]

WELL, I WAS ONLY TELLIN' HIM HE OUGHTA LAY OFF THE PICKIN' FIGHTS OR WHATEVER, AND HE GETS ALL DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT-- NEXT THING I KNOW, HE'S ON A DADGUM PLANE TO L.A.!

[ TEETERS A BIT... AND OPENING A NEW BEER. HALF OF THE ONES IN THE COOLER ARE EMPTY... AND IT'S A BIG-ASS COOLER. ]

[spurslikestars]

*BONFIRE!?*

*OH NO- GOING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION- ...EXCEPT IT'S HARD TO TELL WHAT THE OTHER DIRECTION IS WHEN YOU'RE SURROUND BY TREES. DAMN!*

[volunteerspirit]

[ HEARS THE CRACKING OF TWIGS UNDERFOOT-- ]

I AIN'T GONNA HIRE YA' BACK, I DON'T CARE IF USC TOLD YA' TO GET YOUR ASS PACKIN'!

[spurslikestars]

QUIT JOKIN' AROUND, TENNESSEE, JUST TELL ME WHICH WAY'S OUT!

[volunteerspirit]

TH' WAY OUT'S TO USC, AND YA' BETTER START PACKIN', YA' DAMN UNGRATEFUL SUMNABITCH!

[dances_w_tigers]

[...GOD DAMMIT, ITS LIKE A NIGHTMARE WHERE HE'S STUCK IN AMERICA. WHY ARE THERE STATES EVERYWHERE?]

I NEED TO WAKE UP...

[volunteerspirit]

YA' DON'T LOOK ASLEEP TO ME, SON, WHAT'RE YA' GOIN' ON 'BOUT WITH THAT CRAZY-TALK?

[dances_w_tigers]

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A NIGHTMARE.

[volunteerspirit]

IT AIN'T NO DAMN NIGHTMARE, SON, I CAN ASSURE YA' OF THAT. SHOOT, I WISH IT WERE, EVEN IF THAT ASS KEPT GETTIN' ALL THEM NCAA VIOLATIONS...!