blurred lines
Title: blurred lines
Pairing: minsu, yoosu
Rating: g
Length: one-shot
Prompt: water by standbymi
Summary: Changmin is an expert in self-denial.
A/N: Writer's block is eating me up inside out so yesterday, I forced myself to finally open up ms word and spit out some word vomit lol and here it is. Shitload of thanks to kratynoi, sephystabbity and safiew for their tolerance and input. Ily guys.
blurred lines
Having a meal in peace is impossible at the dorms, Changmin thinks when Jaejoong falls off the couch in an alcohol induced state of laughter, dragging a terribly amused Yunho to the hardwood floor with him. Yoochun reaches out to help them up and finds himself wrapped with tendrils of love that pull him down into the pile of limbs and refuse to let him go.
Junsu stands above the members and makes a joke, barely recognizing how lewd it sounds - and the water slips down the wrong pipe as Changmin finds himself progressing from laughing to choking and coughing and drowning. He holds onto his pride as hard as he can, uses it to help climb back up to surface, and huffs away their concern even as the burn in his throat colours his cheeks red. Eventually the laughter begins anew, breaking the silence and echoing through the dark and settling in his mind. Changmin’s eyes shutter close as he chews on the noodles, taking a snapshot of the way that he feels. He maps the image into his memory.
Eu kyang kyang!
Junsu. Do you even know what he said?
No, but it sounded funny!
A sigh. You’re impossible.
I know you are, but what am I?
And sometimes the music walks him down a nostalgic path, singing to him of home and warmth and almost love, and Changmin shuts his eyes to pretend it really is, pretends he can see his dreams emerge into life and taste the heat that lines the stars he used to see in the clear night skies. Fingers wrap around his wrist, unrelenting like a chain, and drag him reeling back to the ground. He tries to stand tall, tries to fight free, but he ends up captive in the stars dancing in Junsu’s eyes. He slips and he falls.
This is real.
Sixty seven days counted from the moment that feeling morphed from a dull ache to a throbbing pain, and Changmin wants to hurt someone in turn. He does not want to talk. He does not want be fixed. He wants to be free. Rain falls to the ground with an autumn scented promise of a second chance, and Changmin lets it devour him in its cold, wet arms. Somewhere along the line, the feather light kisses of water on his face are joined by an unfamiliar sting in his eyes that feels suspiciously like falling in love.
He needs this more than anything.
The manager chides him with I thought you were the responsible one, you could’ve gotten sick, and did you forget that you’re recording tonight? but he cannot bring himself to listen to the words. In his arms, he cradles a tiny little seed of hope that sings to him of sparkling laughter in teardrop eyes, and he has tried and tried and tried, but he cannot bring himself to throw it away. He wants it to stay.
Junsu has never been fond of subtlety. He does not pay enough attention to catch on to the little things, does not care enough to play mind games, and claims that he hates all of the accompanying drama. He would rather speak what he feels or say nothing at all, and he expects the favour to be returned. It is easy to live with Junsu because Junsu is as forthcoming and honest as Changmin is straightforward and blunt. Despite all that though, Changmin finds his hyung easiest to read on nights like this - when he is too exhausted to voice coherent fragments of conversation, too sleepy to make sense of the sound. He rests his hands on his knees and tilts his head to the side, watching Yoochun watch Jaejoong watch Yunho, and Changmin wonders why his hyung is so scared of acknowledging the thoughts that are flickering through his mind.
You should tell him, Changmin speaks up one day.
Tell who what? Junsu blinks under the soft glow of the moonlight. He is genuinely confused.
Nothing. Never mind. He wraps his hands around his hyung’s, squeezes the warmth, and lets it go. He wants Junsu to be happy.
(ignorance is bliss)
Sleep slides like liquid onto his eyelids as his mind weaves together irrational thoughts of anger and resentment spurred by his hyung’s innocence and naiveté. He’s so stupid, he thinks. So simple, so stupid, and it’s not even his fault. He focuses on the darkness with a hard frown, willing for silence that does not come.
Junsu is whispering animatedly on the phone, and though he tries to be quiet, those bits and pieces of affectionate teasing are hard to contain. There is a smile in his voice when he talks to his hyung, and it is easy to see how happy he is.
Changmin closes his eyes as he gives way to resignation.
He can’t help it. He would forgive Junsu anything.
There is a small gas lit stove in the centre of the set, and they are expected to use it to cook something or another and wow the audience. The members more or less leave the hard part to Jaejoong, crowding around him with exaggerated oohs and ahhs, making jokes and filling in the occasional silence with mirthful voices. Junsu is quiet throughout the shoot, aloof, and it is easy to see that he is bored with the concept and his thoughts are flirting with the clouds. When they find him drifting, they grab a hold of his hand and yank him back to the spotlight. There, he makes a few self-insulting jokes and misplaced comments that have them laughing and scratching their heads all the same, but eventually his eyes take on that familiar vacant look once again.
Sometimes, in between soft breaths and the bright flashes of the camera, Changmin wonders where Junsu goes when he drifts away, and why he does not take him along.
Changmin may have to try hard to be a good performer, but Junsu has to try even harder to look like one. Jealousy simmers in his eyes as he sips on his water and watches Changmin eat a deliciously hot slice of pizza, and another and another and another. Changmin wants to offer him a slice, but he won’t. Instead he laughs as he takes another bite and teases his hyung until his cheeks are tinged a pretty shade of pink. It is almost midnight. Yoochun and Yunho are out with Jaejoong.
Hey Changmin, he broaches hesitantly.
Hmm?
Did you- he swallows audibly. Silence.
Changmin wipes his lips with his thumb. Did I what?
Nothing.
There is an unspoken conversation taking place in the lounge. Jaejoong did not tell him what happened, but Changmin is smart enough to figure it out. Junsu and Yoochun are perfect together. Yoochun winds his fingers around Junsu’s in an apology, and receives a brave smile in return. Under the faint glow of the tv screen, Changmin catches a flash of a soft kiss pressed to sunken cheeks, drawing out a melodic string of laughter. It douses all the remnants of his hope.
Something dark and heavy unravels in his chest, and free falling into his stomach until he feels sick like the world has turned itself upside down. He closes his eyes shut, wants to forget what he just saw, wants to wipe the image from his brain. He feels - desperate, drowning, suffocating.
It hurts.
He excuses himself. He feels like a voyeur witnessing an intimate interaction, and he knows that he is not intruding, but - he feels like an outcast sitting in this room. (It feels wrong to stay.)
He puts on a coat and steps out into the cold, does not come back home until he sees the sun rise up. By then, the rooms are empty and the house is quiet, and there is no one around to make him feel alone.
He scoffs at the irony and crashes on the couch.
He dreams of his death. He packs his bags and moves away, to a cottage somewhere in Brazil. In the empty rooms and the empty halls he finds his empty voice. There, he laughs and laughs and laughs until the nightfall covers his eyes and slowly turns him blind. He falls asleep and does not wake up. No one finds his body.
He splashes his face with water to bring himself back to life, but his eyes stay glazed and empty, and his words still come out cold and hollow. His throat is parched.
Changminnie, the others probe him. Changmin-ah. Where did you go last night? Did something happen? He can hear them speak, but he does not register a word. There is a piercing pain in his mind that overrides the aching cavity in his chest.
He pushes them away.
"When I fight with Yoochun, it's because I'm looking for trouble.
When I fight with Changmin, it's because he's looking for trouble.
But lately, Changmin doesn't try to bother me anymore. I feel very lonely."
- Junsu, Oshareism 090322.
Pairing: minsu, yoosu
Rating: g
Length: one-shot
Prompt: water by standbymi
Summary: Changmin is an expert in self-denial.
A/N: Writer's block is eating me up inside out so yesterday, I forced myself to finally open up ms word and spit out some word vomit lol and here it is. Shitload of thanks to kratynoi, sephystabbity and safiew for their tolerance and input. Ily guys.
blurred lines
Having a meal in peace is impossible at the dorms, Changmin thinks when Jaejoong falls off the couch in an alcohol induced state of laughter, dragging a terribly amused Yunho to the hardwood floor with him. Yoochun reaches out to help them up and finds himself wrapped with tendrils of love that pull him down into the pile of limbs and refuse to let him go.
Junsu stands above the members and makes a joke, barely recognizing how lewd it sounds - and the water slips down the wrong pipe as Changmin finds himself progressing from laughing to choking and coughing and drowning. He holds onto his pride as hard as he can, uses it to help climb back up to surface, and huffs away their concern even as the burn in his throat colours his cheeks red. Eventually the laughter begins anew, breaking the silence and echoing through the dark and settling in his mind. Changmin’s eyes shutter close as he chews on the noodles, taking a snapshot of the way that he feels. He maps the image into his memory.
Eu kyang kyang!
Junsu. Do you even know what he said?
No, but it sounded funny!
A sigh. You’re impossible.
I know you are, but what am I?
And sometimes the music walks him down a nostalgic path, singing to him of home and warmth and almost love, and Changmin shuts his eyes to pretend it really is, pretends he can see his dreams emerge into life and taste the heat that lines the stars he used to see in the clear night skies. Fingers wrap around his wrist, unrelenting like a chain, and drag him reeling back to the ground. He tries to stand tall, tries to fight free, but he ends up captive in the stars dancing in Junsu’s eyes. He slips and he falls.
This is real.
Sixty seven days counted from the moment that feeling morphed from a dull ache to a throbbing pain, and Changmin wants to hurt someone in turn. He does not want to talk. He does not want be fixed. He wants to be free. Rain falls to the ground with an autumn scented promise of a second chance, and Changmin lets it devour him in its cold, wet arms. Somewhere along the line, the feather light kisses of water on his face are joined by an unfamiliar sting in his eyes that feels suspiciously like falling in love.
He needs this more than anything.
The manager chides him with I thought you were the responsible one, you could’ve gotten sick, and did you forget that you’re recording tonight? but he cannot bring himself to listen to the words. In his arms, he cradles a tiny little seed of hope that sings to him of sparkling laughter in teardrop eyes, and he has tried and tried and tried, but he cannot bring himself to throw it away. He wants it to stay.
Junsu has never been fond of subtlety. He does not pay enough attention to catch on to the little things, does not care enough to play mind games, and claims that he hates all of the accompanying drama. He would rather speak what he feels or say nothing at all, and he expects the favour to be returned. It is easy to live with Junsu because Junsu is as forthcoming and honest as Changmin is straightforward and blunt. Despite all that though, Changmin finds his hyung easiest to read on nights like this - when he is too exhausted to voice coherent fragments of conversation, too sleepy to make sense of the sound. He rests his hands on his knees and tilts his head to the side, watching Yoochun watch Jaejoong watch Yunho, and Changmin wonders why his hyung is so scared of acknowledging the thoughts that are flickering through his mind.
You should tell him, Changmin speaks up one day.
Tell who what? Junsu blinks under the soft glow of the moonlight. He is genuinely confused.
Nothing. Never mind. He wraps his hands around his hyung’s, squeezes the warmth, and lets it go. He wants Junsu to be happy.
(ignorance is bliss)
Sleep slides like liquid onto his eyelids as his mind weaves together irrational thoughts of anger and resentment spurred by his hyung’s innocence and naiveté. He’s so stupid, he thinks. So simple, so stupid, and it’s not even his fault. He focuses on the darkness with a hard frown, willing for silence that does not come.
Junsu is whispering animatedly on the phone, and though he tries to be quiet, those bits and pieces of affectionate teasing are hard to contain. There is a smile in his voice when he talks to his hyung, and it is easy to see how happy he is.
Changmin closes his eyes as he gives way to resignation.
He can’t help it. He would forgive Junsu anything.
There is a small gas lit stove in the centre of the set, and they are expected to use it to cook something or another and wow the audience. The members more or less leave the hard part to Jaejoong, crowding around him with exaggerated oohs and ahhs, making jokes and filling in the occasional silence with mirthful voices. Junsu is quiet throughout the shoot, aloof, and it is easy to see that he is bored with the concept and his thoughts are flirting with the clouds. When they find him drifting, they grab a hold of his hand and yank him back to the spotlight. There, he makes a few self-insulting jokes and misplaced comments that have them laughing and scratching their heads all the same, but eventually his eyes take on that familiar vacant look once again.
Sometimes, in between soft breaths and the bright flashes of the camera, Changmin wonders where Junsu goes when he drifts away, and why he does not take him along.
Changmin may have to try hard to be a good performer, but Junsu has to try even harder to look like one. Jealousy simmers in his eyes as he sips on his water and watches Changmin eat a deliciously hot slice of pizza, and another and another and another. Changmin wants to offer him a slice, but he won’t. Instead he laughs as he takes another bite and teases his hyung until his cheeks are tinged a pretty shade of pink. It is almost midnight. Yoochun and Yunho are out with Jaejoong.
Hey Changmin, he broaches hesitantly.
Hmm?
Did you- he swallows audibly. Silence.
Changmin wipes his lips with his thumb. Did I what?
Nothing.
There is an unspoken conversation taking place in the lounge. Jaejoong did not tell him what happened, but Changmin is smart enough to figure it out. Junsu and Yoochun are perfect together. Yoochun winds his fingers around Junsu’s in an apology, and receives a brave smile in return. Under the faint glow of the tv screen, Changmin catches a flash of a soft kiss pressed to sunken cheeks, drawing out a melodic string of laughter. It douses all the remnants of his hope.
Something dark and heavy unravels in his chest, and free falling into his stomach until he feels sick like the world has turned itself upside down. He closes his eyes shut, wants to forget what he just saw, wants to wipe the image from his brain. He feels - desperate, drowning, suffocating.
It hurts.
He excuses himself. He feels like a voyeur witnessing an intimate interaction, and he knows that he is not intruding, but - he feels like an outcast sitting in this room. (It feels wrong to stay.)
He puts on a coat and steps out into the cold, does not come back home until he sees the sun rise up. By then, the rooms are empty and the house is quiet, and there is no one around to make him feel alone.
He scoffs at the irony and crashes on the couch.
He dreams of his death. He packs his bags and moves away, to a cottage somewhere in Brazil. In the empty rooms and the empty halls he finds his empty voice. There, he laughs and laughs and laughs until the nightfall covers his eyes and slowly turns him blind. He falls asleep and does not wake up. No one finds his body.
He splashes his face with water to bring himself back to life, but his eyes stay glazed and empty, and his words still come out cold and hollow. His throat is parched.
Changminnie, the others probe him. Changmin-ah. Where did you go last night? Did something happen? He can hear them speak, but he does not register a word. There is a piercing pain in his mind that overrides the aching cavity in his chest.
He pushes them away.
"When I fight with Yoochun, it's because I'm looking for trouble.
When I fight with Changmin, it's because he's looking for trouble.
But lately, Changmin doesn't try to bother me anymore. I feel very lonely."
- Junsu, Oshareism 090322.