Dunh da dunh-dunh dunh da dunnnnnnnh!

"Hot Item Smells Like a Fig"
(taken from the New York TimesThe mind reels in consideration, but in reality it is a twenty-five dollar candle that is "fig" scented, whatever the fuck that means. It is, apparently, the big seller this holiday season and has been compared to such previous flash-in-the-pans like ( Read more... )

I broke the big toe on my right foot during my lunch break ( Read more... )

Only 21,780 seconds until I can go home.

Only 22,860 seconds until I can go home.

In the Netherlands the Dutch eagerly await December 5th for it is on ( Read more... )

I know that everyone must make their own mistakes in life, but sometimes a piece of advice comes along that truly can save a lot of painful false steps.

In the morning, do NOT drink, like, three cups of coffee and then go ride your bike around for "awhile."

Regret is the bitterest of poisons!

This is my one hundredth livejournal posting.

Does this make it the best livejournal posting of all time?
Yes!

More importantly, does this make me the greatest man in the entire world?
Yes!

I RULE!

I have a great idea for free-market entrepreneurship that will fit in perfectly with the recent invention of the information superhighway: an on-line salvation army store. Much like any e-retailer you can browse through our wide selection of broken-in jeans, corduroy sport coats, and ironic DARE t-shirts, all for reasonable prices. There will be a ( Read more... )

This may be my latest CCHOD posting ever, but I knew that eventually the Associated Press, bastion of free speech and timely reporting, would come through for me.

"Goodyear Blimp Crashes into Fertilizer Pile, Injures One"
(taken from salon.comThe headline fails to mention that before crashing into a fertilizer pile, the Spirit of America, Goodyear ( Read more... )

I think the world would be a better place if I had the power of tele-kinesis. For one thing, if a tree fell on someone, I could carefully lift it off of them using only my mind. Also, if someone was smoking and I found it unpleasant I could shove all the unwanted smoke down their black throats and into their poisoned lungs, or have the smoke spread ( Read more... )