It's The LIttle Things That Get To You

[comes_the_light]

Standing in the return/exchange line at a local retailer is something I avoid at all costs. Invariably there are twenty people in line, few with receipts, and one cashier wearing a tag "new member in training". If anything can send me off the deep end fast, this will

Comments

[melleecat]

This post was very helpful to me as it touched on the feelingless that helplessness evoke in me, and also put things in perspective.

[comes_the_light]

I think feeling helpless is one of the worst feelings in the world. Or maybe it isn't that I feel helpless, but unable to react in the way I want to.

[melleecat]

I have helpless dreams now and then--probably PTSD from when I was a victim of statutory rape as a teen. The dreams are not about the incident, but the themes are always that I can't find my way or get somewhere that I need to be. They are disturbing and I have had them my whole adult life.

[comes_the_light]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dreams. I cannot imagine how difficult something like your experience must have been. Have you done any work with hypnosis or biofeedback or anything?

[spikeyfluff123]

Well, I know that you know I also feel the need to "cut it out" when I feel trapped, and helpless. You definitely are not alone in that. Also, I can't help but thing some pretty mean things when I get stuck behind people like that as well...for instance... I was spending some time with a friend of mine, and we decided to go bowling so she needed a single pair of socks. We decided since that was all we were buying we would do self checkout. Big mistake! We get stuck behind this lady and her boyfriend/husband who decide that they want to pay in all ones. I don't know if you have ever used self checkout, but this means she has to feed each one into the machine one at a time. She knows this is ridiculous though, and that is what gets me. She keeps looking back at the rest of us behind her, and kind of giving us that look like "haha sucks for you." We ended up just going to a different line, because someone else FINALLY finished, but still while we were stuck there I could feel my body tensing up, and the anger starting to brew. Once it

[comes_the_light]

I share your self check out frustration. I live in a place where more and more people don't speak English and so they aren't totally sure how the machine works. On my more patient days, I try to help them. But sometimes I just don't have it in me and it KILLS me to sit there and watch them figure out produce codes, etc. when I have a a coke and some female products. Do people not see the "10 items or less" sign above these stands?

In situations like this, I am most angry at myself. The woman described was totally insensitive, but my anger would be at me for not being bold enough to say anything!! People like this continue to be jerks because no one wants to call them on what they do. Like you, I don't say anything and then hate myself for being so passive. People aren't mind readers, but my life would be easier sometimes if they were!

[bookends27]

I have had the same sort of experiences, and I also am triggered horrifically by little things like this. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this, as I know how extremely angering and frustrating things like this are.

[comes_the_light]

I wonder why it's the little things that impact me so much. You'd think I'd be more stressed out over something big like a flat tire or something. In the whole scheme of things, incidents like this aren't a big deal, but to me they feel HUGE and overwhelming!

[golly_goth]

Oh hun, I am sorry. I do know how you feel. When other people frustrate me I have no other ways of expressing it. Even when it's something small and I feel I have no right to be complaining to my friends, who have other, bigger worries (though I know they'd rather I vented and didn't cut, rather than didn't vent and cut)! But writing is therapeutic, and on LJ you get some comfort from other people telling you they understand.

Sometimes the stupidity of the human race is unbelievable.

I know this feels bad. But if you can get through this without cutting, when beforehand you definitely would, surely then it's a gauge of how far you have come? You've written this, tried to express how you feel some other way, and then you'll maybe sleep or have a cup of tea and feel a little better. And then you'll continue. Months down the line this will become forgotten. It will not sit on your body reminding you.

Take care of yourself, hun.

[comes_the_light]

I think humans owe something to other humans: consideration and respect. If I have something to buy and it doesn't have a tag on it, I will just go ahead and pay for the other items, let someone else go through the line while the store checks on my missing tag and then pay a second time for that lone item. I never want to hold other people up just because of one stupid detail. If other people realized the world didn't revolve around them alone, we'd all be a little better off!

I'm so glad someone else feels this way too. And you're right. The fact that I can now identify my triggers without giving into them shows a tremendous amount of growth. It's been a long time coming though, but at least it's coming! :)

[golly_goth]

I totally agree with you there! Unfortunately, some people are just so wrapped up in their own lives and problems, they're blinkered to other peoples.

As it stands when I see someone put a little extra effort in for someone else it brings a smile to my face and brightens up the world for me. It makes me appreciate it MORE when someone goes out their way for me.

Think how many people appreciate you going out your way for them!

I think the fact it's been a long time coming makes it even more of an achievement, and in turn hope for other people. Keep going!

[comes_the_light]

In situations where I see someone going above and beyond, especially if they are in a role of service, I make it a point to tell their manager. I think people should be rewarded for their good deeds, even if it only a kind word or a comment to their supervisors. If positive efforts are noticed, I think people are more inclined to continue making that effort!

[mf_wookiee]

Having worked as a customer service cashier I can tell you that those people are the kind of idiots that make the cashiers seem so inept to others. Trust me, I feel your anger.

[comes_the_light]

I too worked as a cashier when I was in high school and college. Customers need to realize that the customer/cashier interaction is as pleasant as they make it. It only takes one jerk customer to ruin a shift. NO ONE should have the right to make another person have a bad day!