fic: twilight - bred my misery and drowned it in him, part two (edward/jacob)
title. bred my misery and drowned it in him
fandom/pairing. twilight / edward/jacob
rating. pg13
parts. i, ii, iii
summary. He wasn't sure what he felt for the wolf -- unsure if he could feel anything but extreme hatred for him -- but, it wasn't anything that he'd experienced before. His hatred consumed him, to the point that he would entertain himself with ripping the dog apart, tasting his blood, and relishing in the sound of cracking bones under a killer's hands.
notes. Set after the wedding in Breaking Dawn, then it goes AU. Betaed by worthless_hope. Title from Margot & the Nuclear So and So's Skeleton Key.
Edward walked home in silence, at a pace that a human would consider brisk. To Edward this was the slowest pace he could walk without standing still. He could hear his cell phone ringing, knowing it was Alice, and knowing she was worried when his future disappeared from in front of her. It was hours before he got home, smelling like the mutt and reeking of deceit.
Rosalie was the only one downstairs and greeted him with a snicker. "Are you serious? Why do you bother with him? He's such a child," she said condescendingly. This didn't get the reaction she wanted from Edward which caused her to look at him closer as he meandered to the stairway. "Wait. Wait. What happened? I know that look," she whispered mockingly.
Edward looked up at her, glaring and dismissing everything she had said. "Stay the fuck out of my life, Rosalie," he spat at her. Rosalie huffed and fell into the large armchair behind her. Edward walked up the stairs, taking them two at a time and trying to figure out what the hell happened. He had replayed every second from before in his head during his walk home. None of it made sense -- he didn't make sense.
He reached his room and stuck his hand in his pocket, unsure of what time it was but glad he still had Jacob's phone number programmed in his phone from when Bella actually talked to Jacob. Jacob always wanted lines of communication to stay open, but once Bella was turned, she barely remembered him, wouldn't let herself. Edward had always blamed that on why she now was the monster that could leave her husband. None of this mattered now -- what was done was done and there was no repairing what was shattered beyond repair.
Edward pushed send after he scrolled to Jacob's number. He carelessly walked around his room, looking outside and seeing the first signs of daylight make his skin streak diamonds across the ceiling. After a few rings, Jacob's husky tone was on the other end.
"Embry? If this is you again, I'm going to take the phone off the hook. I'm not coming to get you again."
Edward was stunned and sat in silence, his mind completely blank. Jacob cleared his throat and raised his tone. "Quil, I can hear you breathing. Seriously, this is so old."
He breathed out slowly and then finally spoke. "Jacob, it's... it's Edward."
Edward heard Jacob take in a quick breath and then sputter a response. "What? Why are you calling me, leech?"
"I wanted to discuss what happened before," Edward said carefully.
Jacob scoffed. "Nothing happened. Not a damn thing."
"Jacob, I-"
"Don't say my fucking name."
Edward opened his mouth to say something and then paused; saying it in his head and knowing it wouldn't do any good. "I don't want to make this a big deal, but I'm not going to ignore what happened in the woods."
"Why? So you can torment me with the fact you caught me off-guard? I don't want you; I don't even want to talk to you. I'm hanging up now."
"No, wait. Please," Edward pleaded. "Just, please don't hang up."
Jacob sighed loudly, "Why?"
"I don't know. Just don't hang up." Edward felt desperate. Jacob was the first person he felt slightly connected to in weeks. The first person since Bella that resonated in him, that awoke something he thought was dormant.
Jacob laughed. "You are pathetic. I'm not going to be your friend, leech."
"I don't want you to be my friend, I..." Edward hesitated and exhaled. "I don't know what I want."
Jacob laughed again, "In that case, I'm done with this. Go back to being an emotional girl, now."
Before Edward could say anything, Jacob hung up. Edward threw the phone across the room and watched it as it slammed against the wall and shattered into a million pieces. "Fuck!" he yelled loudly and collapsed into the couch behind him.
"What the hell have I done?"
.
Edward sat impatiently on a hotel bed, the sheets stiff with too many scents for him to pick apart. He kept his eyes closed, his head searching every car that went by, every person that came close enough for the thoughts he could pick up every time they were near. It seemed like betrayal, but it wasn't. He knew if Bella returned into his life, he would drop everything to be with her again, even if it meant she never loved him like she had before. Until that time came -- and Edward was so sure it would -- he needed to stay busy, and Jacob was a beautiful distraction.
He looked back at the past week; his eyes moving rapidly under his closed lids. He wasn't sure what he felt for the wolf -- unsure if he could feel anything but extreme hatred for him -- but, it wasn't anything that he'd experienced before. His hatred consumed him, to the point that he would entertain himself with ripping the dog apart, tasting his blood, and relishing in the sound of cracking bones under a killer's hands. Edward began to lick his lips, tasting the blood he never would on them. It made a heart that was dead inside his chest flutter with excitement; And this, the moment when he was doing everything to Jacob inside his mind's eye that he couldn't in reality, is when the musky scent of wet dog and sun-kissed skin invaded his sense.
He's here, Edward thought anxiously.
Every second ticked away like he was awaiting battle, as if this would be the final resting place for one of their bodies. Edward listened as Jacob slowly climbed the stairs in threes, his heart starting to race as he got closer to the floor Edward was residing. Edward wanted to equate this to the physical demands of climbing over a hundred steps but part of him knew better -- the wolf was excited to see him, just like Edward was to see him.
Jacob's fist balled up, ready to hit the door. Edward saw all of this in Jacob's mind. Jacob's thoughts were erratic and were almost too hard to decipher. The pack can't know. Fucking bloodsucker. Damn leech. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Why am I here? Why can't I leave? Why didn't I destroy my phone? I hate him. I can smell him. Why doesn't he smell like before? He smells different. Dammit. Dammit! The pack will hate me. Sam will cast me out. I can't do this. I need to go back home. Despite this inner monologue, Jacob's feet took him step by step to the belly of the beast he wanted nothing more than to run from. Jacob stood in front of the hotel door, his fist raised to knock. Edward saw every second of this and took in a deep breath as he went to the door to open it. Jacob's hand hovered in the air, waiting to make the choice Edward had made for him.
"Hello, Jacob." Edward stared at him like he was dessert, like he could possibly hurt him. Every fiber of him wanted to tear him apart and make it impossible for Bella to love anyone but him; however, a much more dominant part stayed his hand and begged him to let Jacob be near, to kiss him again, to touch his soft warm skin. "Thank you for coming," Edward choked out as Jacob pushed by him and stood in the center of the room. Edward closed the door, turning on his heels to see Jacob staring at everything except him. "Your pack doesn't know, do they?"
Jacob sneered at Edward, his eyes set on Edward's forehead instead of his eyes. Edward knew this trick well, and the fact that Jacob was using it amused him. "Why do you fucking care?" Jacob growled.
"It could make it difficult for both of us if they did."
Jacob turned, looking at the program guide for the television. "You'll be killed, and I'll be exiled. One of us will be happier, I'm sure."
Edward moved to stand behind Jacob but still kept enough distance so they wouldn't be uncomfortable. "I don't know why I asked you here, and I don't know why you decided to come. It speaks volumes for both of us," Edward said quietly, staring at the back of Jacob's messy black hair.
"It says nothing except that I'd like to keep this quiet and know how much you like to boast about your conquests." Jacob said all of this angrily, without turning to look the vampire in the eye.
"I don't want anyone to know, and no one does. Don't worry about that, okay?"
Jacob finally turned, taking in the sight before him. Edward's eyes were dark and sunken in. He looked the same as the last time he'd see him -- like he'd lost months of sleep over something he shouldn't have thought much of. Edward's arms were tightly around his middle, his hair in perpetual disarray that was somewhat of a signature. "Do you… wait," Jacob said carelessly and then looked up into his enemy's eyes. "You like me. Fuck, Cullen. Are you serious?"
Edward turned from Jacob, his eyes flitting back and forth, trying to find the right response to something he didn't have one for. Jacob's mind raced with the idea of this, with the idea of them as something other than warriors in a battle of who loved a girl that didn't love either of them back anymore.
No, this is fucking insane. No, no. No! I refuse to listen to him, or see him, or… god. I don't like him. I hate him. I hate every single thing about him. From the pathetic way he holds himself like a girl to the nastily, sweet scent that… isn't as bad as it used to be. Fuck! Shut up, Jacob. Stop. You don't want this, or him. FUCK!
Edward turned back around; a hand going out to take one of Jacob's that were at his sides, balled into fists ready to punch if he felt threatened. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Jacob. Not one single thing. Can you honestly tell me you don't want this?" Edward pried one of Jacob's hands apart, slipping his cold finger within Jacob's warm palm. "Retract from me. Do it. I want to see you lie to yourself."
God dammit, Cullen. Why? Why the hell do you… why am I letting him… why can't I pull away? Shit.
Edward took another step forward, their faces a breath apart. "Resist this. Attack like a good dog should," Edward said with malice lacing through each syllable. "Sic."
Jacob shoved Edward forward, his lips connecting with the vampire's. He squeezed Edward's hand as hard as he could, wishing he could break every bone within it. Edward's other hand went around Jacob's waist, pulling the boy against him. Jacob kissed him harder, his lips parting and tongue shoving his way into Edward's mouth. Edward felt the sharp undertones to this embrace, to this kiss. How it was born of hate, born of a common distaste they both had and couldn't deny.
Edward pushed Jacob until his knees hit the bed behind them, pushed more until Jacob was down upon it. Edward lay on top of him, his hands searching Jacob's body, all the warm skin burning his fingertips. He pushed his hand under Jacob's shirt; Jacob's skin felt like fire was kindling below it. It wasn't until Jacob pushed at his shoulders that he remembered the boy needed to breathe. Jacob sucked in breaths hard, his chest heaving and straining. Edward looked down at him and there wasn't hesitation in Jacob's eyes. Edward wanted to regret this, regret his hands pushing and pulling at the flesh of a wolf he could barely tolerate the smell of. He couldn't though, couldn't make himself hate it.
Jacob's large hands pushed under Edward's shirt, leaving a trail of sparks in their wake. Edward moaned into Jacob's mouth when they kissed again, the feel of Jacob's skin enough to make him want more than he could have, more than he knew Jacob would willingly give him. Jacob's thoughts rushed through him, becoming part of his own inner narration. He didn't understand why it was so easy to melt into Jacob, to become one single being.
On the bed -- a bed they wouldn't sleep in or do more than touch -- Edward exhausted Jacob emotionally until they parted and said nothing to each other. Jacob looked at him like he'd just committed a sin - and maybe they had - as he walked out the door. Edward closed his eyes, still tasting Jacob on his lips and wishing he could have one second more.
I can't go home. I can't go anywhere, Jacob thought.
Edward felt remorse if only because he was ruining everything Jacob had for his own selfish needs. Edward knew he couldn't be alone and Jacob was his cure for that. He sat alone in the hotel room, his eyes seeing Jacob's wanting mouth, begging for his own. His hands touched where Jacob had, still feeling the warmth left of his skin. He sighed and forced himself to rise; walking down the hundreds of stairs once Jacob had left. His mind cycled the same thought over and over.
I can't say no; I won't say no. I want him, even if I don't need him.
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fandom/pairing. twilight / edward/jacob
rating. pg13
parts. i, ii, iii
summary. He wasn't sure what he felt for the wolf -- unsure if he could feel anything but extreme hatred for him -- but, it wasn't anything that he'd experienced before. His hatred consumed him, to the point that he would entertain himself with ripping the dog apart, tasting his blood, and relishing in the sound of cracking bones under a killer's hands.
notes. Set after the wedding in Breaking Dawn, then it goes AU. Betaed by worthless_hope. Title from Margot & the Nuclear So and So's Skeleton Key.
Edward walked home in silence, at a pace that a human would consider brisk. To Edward this was the slowest pace he could walk without standing still. He could hear his cell phone ringing, knowing it was Alice, and knowing she was worried when his future disappeared from in front of her. It was hours before he got home, smelling like the mutt and reeking of deceit.
Rosalie was the only one downstairs and greeted him with a snicker. "Are you serious? Why do you bother with him? He's such a child," she said condescendingly. This didn't get the reaction she wanted from Edward which caused her to look at him closer as he meandered to the stairway. "Wait. Wait. What happened? I know that look," she whispered mockingly.
Edward looked up at her, glaring and dismissing everything she had said. "Stay the fuck out of my life, Rosalie," he spat at her. Rosalie huffed and fell into the large armchair behind her. Edward walked up the stairs, taking them two at a time and trying to figure out what the hell happened. He had replayed every second from before in his head during his walk home. None of it made sense -- he didn't make sense.
He reached his room and stuck his hand in his pocket, unsure of what time it was but glad he still had Jacob's phone number programmed in his phone from when Bella actually talked to Jacob. Jacob always wanted lines of communication to stay open, but once Bella was turned, she barely remembered him, wouldn't let herself. Edward had always blamed that on why she now was the monster that could leave her husband. None of this mattered now -- what was done was done and there was no repairing what was shattered beyond repair.
Edward pushed send after he scrolled to Jacob's number. He carelessly walked around his room, looking outside and seeing the first signs of daylight make his skin streak diamonds across the ceiling. After a few rings, Jacob's husky tone was on the other end.
"Embry? If this is you again, I'm going to take the phone off the hook. I'm not coming to get you again."
Edward was stunned and sat in silence, his mind completely blank. Jacob cleared his throat and raised his tone. "Quil, I can hear you breathing. Seriously, this is so old."
He breathed out slowly and then finally spoke. "Jacob, it's... it's Edward."
Edward heard Jacob take in a quick breath and then sputter a response. "What? Why are you calling me, leech?"
"I wanted to discuss what happened before," Edward said carefully.
Jacob scoffed. "Nothing happened. Not a damn thing."
"Jacob, I-"
"Don't say my fucking name."
Edward opened his mouth to say something and then paused; saying it in his head and knowing it wouldn't do any good. "I don't want to make this a big deal, but I'm not going to ignore what happened in the woods."
"Why? So you can torment me with the fact you caught me off-guard? I don't want you; I don't even want to talk to you. I'm hanging up now."
"No, wait. Please," Edward pleaded. "Just, please don't hang up."
Jacob sighed loudly, "Why?"
"I don't know. Just don't hang up." Edward felt desperate. Jacob was the first person he felt slightly connected to in weeks. The first person since Bella that resonated in him, that awoke something he thought was dormant.
Jacob laughed. "You are pathetic. I'm not going to be your friend, leech."
"I don't want you to be my friend, I..." Edward hesitated and exhaled. "I don't know what I want."
Jacob laughed again, "In that case, I'm done with this. Go back to being an emotional girl, now."
Before Edward could say anything, Jacob hung up. Edward threw the phone across the room and watched it as it slammed against the wall and shattered into a million pieces. "Fuck!" he yelled loudly and collapsed into the couch behind him.
"What the hell have I done?"
.
Edward sat impatiently on a hotel bed, the sheets stiff with too many scents for him to pick apart. He kept his eyes closed, his head searching every car that went by, every person that came close enough for the thoughts he could pick up every time they were near. It seemed like betrayal, but it wasn't. He knew if Bella returned into his life, he would drop everything to be with her again, even if it meant she never loved him like she had before. Until that time came -- and Edward was so sure it would -- he needed to stay busy, and Jacob was a beautiful distraction.
He looked back at the past week; his eyes moving rapidly under his closed lids. He wasn't sure what he felt for the wolf -- unsure if he could feel anything but extreme hatred for him -- but, it wasn't anything that he'd experienced before. His hatred consumed him, to the point that he would entertain himself with ripping the dog apart, tasting his blood, and relishing in the sound of cracking bones under a killer's hands. Edward began to lick his lips, tasting the blood he never would on them. It made a heart that was dead inside his chest flutter with excitement; And this, the moment when he was doing everything to Jacob inside his mind's eye that he couldn't in reality, is when the musky scent of wet dog and sun-kissed skin invaded his sense.
He's here, Edward thought anxiously.
Every second ticked away like he was awaiting battle, as if this would be the final resting place for one of their bodies. Edward listened as Jacob slowly climbed the stairs in threes, his heart starting to race as he got closer to the floor Edward was residing. Edward wanted to equate this to the physical demands of climbing over a hundred steps but part of him knew better -- the wolf was excited to see him, just like Edward was to see him.
Jacob's fist balled up, ready to hit the door. Edward saw all of this in Jacob's mind. Jacob's thoughts were erratic and were almost too hard to decipher. The pack can't know. Fucking bloodsucker. Damn leech. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Why am I here? Why can't I leave? Why didn't I destroy my phone? I hate him. I can smell him. Why doesn't he smell like before? He smells different. Dammit. Dammit! The pack will hate me. Sam will cast me out. I can't do this. I need to go back home. Despite this inner monologue, Jacob's feet took him step by step to the belly of the beast he wanted nothing more than to run from. Jacob stood in front of the hotel door, his fist raised to knock. Edward saw every second of this and took in a deep breath as he went to the door to open it. Jacob's hand hovered in the air, waiting to make the choice Edward had made for him.
"Hello, Jacob." Edward stared at him like he was dessert, like he could possibly hurt him. Every fiber of him wanted to tear him apart and make it impossible for Bella to love anyone but him; however, a much more dominant part stayed his hand and begged him to let Jacob be near, to kiss him again, to touch his soft warm skin. "Thank you for coming," Edward choked out as Jacob pushed by him and stood in the center of the room. Edward closed the door, turning on his heels to see Jacob staring at everything except him. "Your pack doesn't know, do they?"
Jacob sneered at Edward, his eyes set on Edward's forehead instead of his eyes. Edward knew this trick well, and the fact that Jacob was using it amused him. "Why do you fucking care?" Jacob growled.
"It could make it difficult for both of us if they did."
Jacob turned, looking at the program guide for the television. "You'll be killed, and I'll be exiled. One of us will be happier, I'm sure."
Edward moved to stand behind Jacob but still kept enough distance so they wouldn't be uncomfortable. "I don't know why I asked you here, and I don't know why you decided to come. It speaks volumes for both of us," Edward said quietly, staring at the back of Jacob's messy black hair.
"It says nothing except that I'd like to keep this quiet and know how much you like to boast about your conquests." Jacob said all of this angrily, without turning to look the vampire in the eye.
"I don't want anyone to know, and no one does. Don't worry about that, okay?"
Jacob finally turned, taking in the sight before him. Edward's eyes were dark and sunken in. He looked the same as the last time he'd see him -- like he'd lost months of sleep over something he shouldn't have thought much of. Edward's arms were tightly around his middle, his hair in perpetual disarray that was somewhat of a signature. "Do you… wait," Jacob said carelessly and then looked up into his enemy's eyes. "You like me. Fuck, Cullen. Are you serious?"
Edward turned from Jacob, his eyes flitting back and forth, trying to find the right response to something he didn't have one for. Jacob's mind raced with the idea of this, with the idea of them as something other than warriors in a battle of who loved a girl that didn't love either of them back anymore.
No, this is fucking insane. No, no. No! I refuse to listen to him, or see him, or… god. I don't like him. I hate him. I hate every single thing about him. From the pathetic way he holds himself like a girl to the nastily, sweet scent that… isn't as bad as it used to be. Fuck! Shut up, Jacob. Stop. You don't want this, or him. FUCK!
Edward turned back around; a hand going out to take one of Jacob's that were at his sides, balled into fists ready to punch if he felt threatened. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Jacob. Not one single thing. Can you honestly tell me you don't want this?" Edward pried one of Jacob's hands apart, slipping his cold finger within Jacob's warm palm. "Retract from me. Do it. I want to see you lie to yourself."
God dammit, Cullen. Why? Why the hell do you… why am I letting him… why can't I pull away? Shit.
Edward took another step forward, their faces a breath apart. "Resist this. Attack like a good dog should," Edward said with malice lacing through each syllable. "Sic."
Jacob shoved Edward forward, his lips connecting with the vampire's. He squeezed Edward's hand as hard as he could, wishing he could break every bone within it. Edward's other hand went around Jacob's waist, pulling the boy against him. Jacob kissed him harder, his lips parting and tongue shoving his way into Edward's mouth. Edward felt the sharp undertones to this embrace, to this kiss. How it was born of hate, born of a common distaste they both had and couldn't deny.
Edward pushed Jacob until his knees hit the bed behind them, pushed more until Jacob was down upon it. Edward lay on top of him, his hands searching Jacob's body, all the warm skin burning his fingertips. He pushed his hand under Jacob's shirt; Jacob's skin felt like fire was kindling below it. It wasn't until Jacob pushed at his shoulders that he remembered the boy needed to breathe. Jacob sucked in breaths hard, his chest heaving and straining. Edward looked down at him and there wasn't hesitation in Jacob's eyes. Edward wanted to regret this, regret his hands pushing and pulling at the flesh of a wolf he could barely tolerate the smell of. He couldn't though, couldn't make himself hate it.
Jacob's large hands pushed under Edward's shirt, leaving a trail of sparks in their wake. Edward moaned into Jacob's mouth when they kissed again, the feel of Jacob's skin enough to make him want more than he could have, more than he knew Jacob would willingly give him. Jacob's thoughts rushed through him, becoming part of his own inner narration. He didn't understand why it was so easy to melt into Jacob, to become one single being.
On the bed -- a bed they wouldn't sleep in or do more than touch -- Edward exhausted Jacob emotionally until they parted and said nothing to each other. Jacob looked at him like he'd just committed a sin - and maybe they had - as he walked out the door. Edward closed his eyes, still tasting Jacob on his lips and wishing he could have one second more.
I can't go home. I can't go anywhere, Jacob thought.
Edward felt remorse if only because he was ruining everything Jacob had for his own selfish needs. Edward knew he couldn't be alone and Jacob was his cure for that. He sat alone in the hotel room, his eyes seeing Jacob's wanting mouth, begging for his own. His hands touched where Jacob had, still feeling the warmth left of his skin. He sighed and forced himself to rise; walking down the hundreds of stairs once Jacob had left. His mind cycled the same thought over and over.
I can't say no; I won't say no. I want him, even if I don't need him.
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