[Fic] Until You - 11/15
Title: Until You
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Vampires, Angst, Fluff
Warnings: Brief violence, angst, sexual situations.
Summary: Research points to a vampire bite being unbreakable, but Kyuhyun can't give up. And with Zhou Mi, he works to undo the blood bond that forced them together.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two & Three * Chapter Four & Five * Chapter Six & Seven * Chapter Eight & Nine * Chapter Ten * Chapter Eleven * Chapter Twelve
***
It didn’t matter how long Zhou Mi had lived, how many men he’d been attracted to, how much lust he’d had to soothe away. Having a man in his house, his bed, his space was totally different than admiring someone’s face on a TV show, or on the street. A crush with a side of lust, that was one thing. A naked Kyuhyun sighing around was another. Okay. Mostly naked. Partly naked. With a bare neck? Seeing Kyuhyun in only a towel wasn’t the beginning of his want, but it certainly wasn’t the end of it. And he was a big boy, he knew how to take care of all his little problems on his own. Preferably he’d have talked himself down from it. He didn’t need to be perpetually turned on.
Even as the week went by and he found himself in the shower every morning after Kyuhyun went to work. And possibly a couple times before he’d climbed into bed beside Kyuhyun, as well. Lust? It didn’t kill anyone. But the constancy of it chafed at him, because he couldn’t rationalize it away. If he called up Eunhyuk, what would he get? Help, Kyuhyun is teasing me to death and I can’t take it. Eunhyuk would probably tell him to take Kyuhyun up on his offer. As though Eunhyuk would actually do that himself.
Zhou Mi’s eyes were heavy as he followed Kyuhyun into their bedroom. They had been relaxing by the TV as Zhou Mi fed. So careful not to touch more than he needed, which was a change that was distasteful to him. Though he hardly expected Kyuhyun to notice it, considering how much attention had been paid to the TV.
“You’d think they’d send people with talent to a singing competition?” Kyuhyun complained, already in his pajamas after his shower. “I sing better than that one guy, even in the shower.”
“Maybe you should join instead,” Zhou Mi joked, ignoring even the thought of Kyuhyun and shower in the same vicinity. It wasn’t as though he had the option of snatching Kyuhyun’s towel away one day and doing whatever he wanted. Thinking Kyuhyun actually wanted it. Flirting with danger was one thing.
He tossed his shirt into the nearby hamper, pondering if he wanted to warm one up for himself in the dryer.
“I’ve heard you sing, too,” Kyuhyun said. And Zhou Mi’s whole body froze. Two hands, Kyuhyun’s, planted in his lower back. Against his skin. As buzzing warm and full of life as anything that had ever touched him. “You said some vampires did music, right? Did you ever think of that?”
Another test, he thought, hand gripping his dresser. Another tease. It wasn’t like Kyuhyun was groping his crotch, just hands on his back and leaning into him. Sad how close the two equated in his mind.
“I guess. I didn’t really consider it too much. I like what I do.”
Stumbling words. As jerky as his insides were to have Kyuhyun’s chin almost on his shoulder.
“Maybe someday then. Where did you get that postcard on the wall?” Kyuhyun asked.
Maybe the conversation was just pretense for the touch. How many times had Kyuhyun stood behind him not touching, feeling that prickle of awareness. He could lean into that touch, asking Kyuhyun to bear his weight. Or in all likelihood, he’d end up on his butt with Kyuhyun laughing at him. At least shutting the drawer gave him the precious inches he needed to ease away, if only slightly.
“Eunhyuk sent it. He likes to keep me-“
The edge of Kyuhyun’s hip landed against his, and his skin ghosted cold, then hot. Those eyes steady and guileless as Kyuhyun waited for an answer. He knew why it was so easy to see himself turning, wrapping around Kyuhyun. It wasn’t the blood that called for him, but something else. The chasm between his needs and sanity trembling like a rope that had frayed too far. The bed was so close, they could have fallen together. Kyuhyun over him, beneath him.
But it was Kyuhyun’s hand on the back of his arm that undid all his defenses. Kyuhyun had no idea that it was not nakedness that weaseled through most easily, made him want, but touch. If Kyuhyun was warm with fingers against his arm, how warm would he be, chest to chest? Legs entwined, Kyuhyun’s face against his neck. He was weak to all of it. And he couldn’t want it.
And he knew exactly what he was doing as he slowly exhaled, looking from the bright tropical picture on the wall, to the man beside him. “Why are you doing this?”
The hand against his arm was snatched away.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked.
“This. The touching, walking around with only a towel on.” Zhou Mi couldn’t even put words to what he thought that Kyuhyun might be doing. Or how it scrambled his head. “I don’t know if it’s fun for you, if you want to make me uncomfortable. I don’t know.”
Kyuhyun clearly floundered, and there was only the tiniest hint of satisfaction he felt in that. “You- You said it was a good thing if I found you hot. I mean, look at you. Most people would-“
“I don’t care how people see me. They don’t share my bed.” It took no more than a second for that to sink through, he saw it all over Kyuhyun’s face, and his heart dropped. If Kyuhyun was really just playing a game, then Zhou Mi had just shown his hand far too early. “You must think I’m disgusting.”
Kyuhyun sputtered. “That you’d want the person blood bound to you to want you? I think that just makes you normal.”
“Maybe that’d be normal for a human, or a blood bond that was begun normally.”
“You are human enough to me,” Kyuhyun said.
Of all the things Kyuhyun could have said to him in that moment, that was the one he expected least. He didn’t expect it to hurt so viciously, and all but sing through him at the same time. He would have given almost anything to have Kyuhyun say those words to him, but he didn’t even know if Kyuhyun understood why it meant so much to him. He covered his face in his hand, unsure of what he was trying to hide. “Then stop teasing. I don’t know what your goal is, but it has to stop. Trying to make me want you has no point.”
“But do you? Want me?” Kyuhyun said, his hand tightening on Zhou Mi’s free arm before he could turn away.
“Why want what won’t be there long?” Zhou Mi asked him, wishing there was an actual answer.
”
“You don’t know how long there is. We could be stuck together the rest of-“
“It’s enough that you don’t want to be here!” He managed to free his arm from Kyuhyun’s grasping fingers. “I’m not here for you to play with.”
Kyuhyun’s face was tight, but that expression wasn’t surprising, given his words. Words Zhou Mi himself didn’t even understand, just that they came from some dark place that he wasn’t familiar with. Doubts and grievances that he kept shoving back, and back. He couldn’t get any further away from it. All Zhou Mi had left was one last plea, and it was feeble.
“Don’t push me on this, please.”
If he thought he could have moved without issue, he would have turned away. But he couldn’t because Kyuhyun was right there. The makings of a headache buzzed, and he shored himself up inside. Kyuhyun seemed to lean in, and his breath was shallow. Close enough to feel Kyuhyun’s warmth, but too far to hold. Same as always.
***
Kyuhyun’s brain wanted to deny everything. That they were having that conversation, that his teasing had backfired. It had never been innocent, no. They couldn’t just jump into bed together and think, hey, it was a good time, even if it’s temporary, because we’re trying to never see each other again. Could they be together, and still want to get away from each other? Had he even thought for a moment that sleeping with Zhou Mi was okay, because it was temporary? He couldn’t even think of himself as that callous. Even when he’d been pretending otherwise, he’d known there was the possibility of hurt. They were two people, not two rocks. But Zhou Mi had gotten it all wrong.
“Look, it’s not as simple as all that, okay?” Kyuhyun said. Not as simple as him not wanting to be there any more. Or not wanting Zhou Mi. All of it. “It’s complicated. It’s not the same as it was. It used to be so black and white. I don’t even-“
Maybe the teasing had been selfish, but it had clearly struck a nerve. And he realized he’d been going about it all wrong. It wasn’t just that Zhou Mi might want him. It wasn’t about sex, or using each other, or how short term it might be. Any couple tried each other out before committing. With dates, kisses, even sex. There was no guarantee before starting all of that, that it would last forever.
How did Zhou Mi want to keep him, if he didn’t even know what Kyuhyun kissed like? He swallowed, and made sure that Zhou Mi was still listening.
“You’re wrong about me not wanting you. Or I wouldn’t have even tried- I wasn’t trying to play you, okay?” he said, stepping closer and watching Zhou Mi inhale. He wanted those eyes dark for him, as he grasped Zhou Mi’s arms. Could Zhou Mi want him? Zhou Mi hadn’t denied it. And it wasn’t as though Kyuhyun was subtle, leaning in close enough to feel Zhou Mi’s breath. Like that moment they had shared on the couch, close enough to touch. Watching Zhou Mi’s eyelids flutter. Inevitable. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t desired.
The sound from Zhou Mi’s throat as their lips touched sounded too close to pained. And he pressed closer, Zhou Mi meeting him almost desperately. How many times had he stared at that mouth and wondered how it would feel against his. Warm, soft, firm. A tremble there that he hadn’t expected and a stiffness. He wanted to taste, but before he could, Zhou Mi broke away, panting toward his chest, Kyuhyun’s hands caught in both of his to the point of pain.
“Hey,” he said, trying to squeeze Zhou Mi’s fingers. “What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi shook his head, and clutched Kyuhyun’s fingers tighter. Almost seeming like he was struggling for air for a moment. His shoulders straightening as he raised his face. Kyuhyun wasn’t sure what to expect. Anger? Want? He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong, even if he couldn’t quite keep his eyes away from Zhou Mi’s mouth for the first few moments.
“Why now?” Zhou Mi asked.
Everyone who had ever been with Zhou Mi had played him. Made him wary. Broken his trust. But he wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t trying to use Zhou Mi. And he wasn’t sure why he was so happy to be able to think that and be completely sure.
Kyuhyun just wanted him.
“Why ever? Nothing has a guarantee. I don’t have all the answers. Can you trust me?” he asked, lifting Zhou Mi’s hand and leaning into as their eyes met again. And when Zhou Mi seemed reluctant, Kyuhyun played just the slightest bit dirty. “Do you want to trust me?”
He backed onto the bed first, eyes still on Zhou Mi’s. No overtures. No sexual display. Just climbing into their bed as he’d done a hundred times. Zhou Mi’s fingers were still tight around his, and he could have written a book describing the tilt of Zhou Mi’s eyebrows and the faint frown that marred that mouth. He kissed the confusion from that face as Zhou Mi settled beside him. Barely touching at all, but with their tangled fingers, and the hand he cupped Zhou Mi’s face with.
He had to wrench his fingers from Zhou Mi’s chin so that they lips could meet more fully. He had to calm himself mentally, try not to charge ahead and ask for what neither of them were ready for.
“Zhou Mi,” he murmured. It was the only name, the only face, inside him. And there was an exquisite rightness to sighing it where both of them could hear. After all, there was only one person in the bed with him, and that man had sighed at the sound of his own name. And he answered in turn, as Zhou Mi’s fingers slid against his face.
The sounds that Zhou Mi made ghosted along his skin. The way that their lips dragged together, the press of Zhou Mi’s nose against his face. The little moans against his fingertips, swallows that moved skin, and sighs. Sounds that from Zhou Mi he had begun to associate with pure…pleasure. Because it was what he heard during a feed as Zhou Mi stroked his skin with tongue and fingers. Eating, of course, could be enjoyable. Even sensual. Zhou Mi thought kissing him was equal to that? Or was he reading too much into it. But it sent heat flushing up his face.
Zhou Mi let his head relax, parting them slightly. And Kyuhyun met his eyes with as much steadiness as he could muster.
“That was nice,” Kyuhyun murmured to him, groaning as Zhou Mi sat up. Bathroom-bound, he assumed. But the loss of warmth was still a blow. Zhou Mi patted the hand closest to him.
“It is doubtful you will need it, after the blood bond is broken.”
Kyuhyun gaped as Zhou Mi stood. The fluid, naked column of his back almost blinding as he walked away. Literally, and Kyuhyun wondered, emotionally, too? Wanting Zhou Mi was natural. But he hadn’t been thinking of how to end them while kissing Zhou Mi.
Perhaps it was Zhou Mi’s fear talking. Thinking that it was Kyuhyun’s only goal, to get away, because Kyuhyun had never said differently. It confused him so much when he let himself think about it, because that was what he should want. What they’d been working toward. But he caught the profile of that face, as Zhou Mi turned off the bathroom light. Limbs gently moving. It felt like an escape hatch, more than anything. In case they couldn’t get along, they had options right? But it wasn’t like they had to exercise them. Because they’d have a choice. They’d finally have a choice.
Zhou Mi climbed back into bed, and Kyuhyun hesitated only a moment. Rolling close enough to mold himself to Zhou Mi’s back. Settling an arm over Zhou Mi’s ribs and warming him. Zhou Mi almost seemed to shudder because of it, and Kyuhyun held tighter. He was almost afraid to breathe, the words leaving him awkwardly.
“Like you said, there’s no guarantee that we’ll ever find something,” Kyuhyun told him, twining their fingers together.
And the voice that answered him was soft. “I know how important it is to you. I’ll never give up looking.”
“We’ll figure it out.”
And he believed that. He did.
***
Kyuhyun woke the next morning with what turned out to be Zhou Mi’s hand squished underneath his back. He couldn’t even move for a minute, eyes squeezed closed as he played the night before in his mind. Falling asleep against Zhou Mi’s back. The kisses. Any other time and he’d have been laughing at himself for making a big deal out of what wasn’t even an actual make-out session. But Zhou Mi wasn’t exactly some stranger he’d picked up in a bar. He grimaced, seeing that Zhou Mi was still asleep, mouth slack, and rolled away when he sort of wanted to roll closer. He wasn’t sure how many would call him the cuddly type, but the idea of not having to get up and just lazing in bed had a certain appeal.
Though he didn’t quite get his alarm turned off before it went off, and the bed jerked as Zhou Mi woke with it.
Unusual in itself, because Zhou Mi was often up with the sun, and very rarely had to be startled out of sleep by Kyuhyun’s unforgiving alarm.
“I’m up,” he said, as though that was some consolation. “Go back to sleep.”
He just had to get his hair somewhat presentable, wash up a little. Change. Breakfast. Either cold cereal or hot. He rarely had time for something more complicated, even when Zhou Mi was the one making it for him. By the time he’d got his socks on, there was a bowl of steaming cereal and a plate of cut fruit waiting for him on the table, and a cup of coffee besides that.
“You didn’t have to get up, but thanks,” he said, glancing at the clock to see exactly how much time he had to eat. Ten minutes. Not bad. Zhou Mi and his teacup settled into the seat across from him, but that didn’t weird Kyuhyun out after all the time they’d spent together.
“Anything exciting at work today?” Zhou Mi asked.
“More work,” he joked, washing down the oatmeal with the finally cool enough coffee. “Not really. You?”
“Sewing a skirt for commission. It’s cut so it won’t take long.”
“Good.” Right. Very good. Zhou Mi would sew, and he would save the workplace with a computer, and then what. “So tonight we can- After I get off work?”
He realized he hadn’t actually said anything. Not like and we can talk after I get back, you know, about the kissing. And all the weird emotional stuff. And stuff. But Zhou Mi didn’t press him on the weirdness of it.
There was that moment of uncertainty after he got his shoes on. Because as Zhou Mi handed him his briefcase, he wasn’t sure what to do. Go for a kiss? Which would be awkward, given how they’d fallen asleep. It wasn’t like they’d talked through that part of it. He settled on taking the bag with a smile.
“See you later. Text if you need anything when I come home.”
“I will. Have a good day,” Zhou Mi told him.
“Yeah. You too.”
He kind of muttered thanks behind him, and clattered down the stairs. That pensive look on Zhou Mi’s face kind of bugged him. It wasn’t like anything had really changed. The apartment was still home to him, and Zhou Mi was still blood bound to him. And they had been working off of that for a while.
***
The day passed as it usually did. Staff meeting. Phone calls that all but had him wheezing into his desk drawer for patience. Tossing things at Ryeowook’s head when he was ignored.
And the down time. Playing back their conversations. How often did he actually think of Zhou Mi as a vampire anymore? Not that he forgot about it, but it was like Zhou Mi had an extra finger or something. He was special because of what he could do, but like Zhou Mi had said, it didn’t define him. There was more to Zhou Mi, to Kyuhyun, than the bites. There was the laughter, and the teasing, and Zhou Mi’s warmth when he fell asleep. The things he did for Kyuhyun, not just in terms of laundry or cleaning, but brightening his mood and chasing away the loneliness he hadn’t understood he’d had. Just hearing Zhou Mi’s voice singing somewhere in the apartment, or fighting over the TV, or bargaining who had to scrub the toilet. The way a look made him flush, and the tilt of long fingers made him want to touch.
All those moments, those flashes of jealousy. The way Zhou Mi protected him. It was obvious to anyone who had half a brain that Zhou Mi was treating him as he would a mate, a partner. All they were missing was the intimacy. Buying him that game, so they could spend more time together, face to face, interacting. Zhou Mi pushing forward with the research on how to break the blood bond in his free time.
Was Zhou Mi treating him as a mate, because he felt he had to in the short term, or had it come to the point where Zhou Mi didn’t want it broken at all? If it was shades of gray for Zhou Mi, then loosing himself from this human pest might’ve been pretty far removed. But for Zhou Mi to want him forever, to tie the rest of his life to Kyuhyun’s? His brain couldn’t even grasp it.
He daydreamed, standing close to Zhou Mi, urging him to kiss him.
“Do you want this, because-“ Zhou Mi stopped. The conflicted expression had Kyuhyun’s stomach twisting.
“Because what?” he urged, unable to be patient.
“Because I’m a vampire.”
Zhou Mi, asking him if he wanted to kiss him because he was a vampire? If he was that stupid, that shallow, why would he have waited? Why not just seduce Zhou Mi right at the start, if he wanted a little thrill?
“Do you want this because I’m human?” he countered, his voice more wooden than it should have been.
“No! Kyuhyun.” Zhou Mi’s hand broke from his, cupping Kyuhyun’s face almost roughly. “No.”
And Zhou Mi pulled him into a kiss.
He’d only had to spent a few minutes with his head in the freezer after that. What an idiot he was. He ate his dinner walking home, changing almost as soon as he got into the apartment. He had questions, ones he’d been building up after his failed fantasy attempt. And Zhou Mi was pensive, serious, considering him as they faced each other on the couch. Apparently they both knew it was time to talk.
“What do you want?” Kyuhyun started out with. “I don’t mean from me, or this. But in general.
“What anyone wants,” Zhou Mi said, his shoulders moving. “A chance at love. A chance to have something real with someone, where the life we’ve built together doesn’t feel like it wasn’t a choice. Where sleeping with me, being with me, isn’t a prison sentence.”
As Kyuhyun had told Zhou Mi before. What any normal person would want. A partner who wanted as well. It wasn’t so shocking.
“Do you really think we could make it together? I don’t mean just existing together and trying to get along, but like everything. A real relationship.”
“Even those who choose to be together would have to have their problems,” Zhou Mi mused. “But reason to learn how to resolve differences, and yearn for each other’s happiness. But yes, I think we could. We’ve learned how to get along this far. Sometimes that’s a really hard thing.”
He snorted. “You are such an optimist. You’d be willing to give up sleeping with anyone else but me for the rest of your life?”
Zhou Mi almost froze, and he saw that since he was watching very carefully. Zhou Mi cleared his throat. “You don’t want an answer to that.”
“Why not? You don’t think that’s relevant?”
“I could see you being the only one I sleep with.”
“And if I suck in bed?”
“Then we learn what to do about that, too. But you’d be okay with sleeping with only me?” Zhou Mi laughed at whatever he must’ve seen in Kyuhyun’s face. “I answered; it’s only fair.”
“You could probably keep things interesting,” he said with a smirk. “It’s not like you’re hard to look at, but-“
Zhou Mi’s eyes were almost unreadable. “But?”
“I could teach you some moves, too, I guess. But it’s more than just rolling around together.”
“Yes,” Zhou Mi said. And Kyuhyun was still as Zhou Mi’s hand lifted, tracing Kyuhyun’s cheek with the side of his thumb. “It’s more than that. If this is something we decide we want? I think at some point, that we have to decide for ourselves to stop trying to break this. I can’t try to be with you and wonder.”
The swallow nearly hurt, but he nodded. “Though I think, even if we find a way, we shouldn’t do it. Until we’re sure.”
“That’s more than I once could have hoped for,” Zhou Mi admitted.
He let himself be pulled into Zhou Mi’s hug, rubbing at Zhou Mi’s shoulder blades. They’d been forced together because of rotten luck, and a crime. To think they had a chance to turn something bad into something palatable, much less something good? He nipped Zhou Mi’s neck and got a laugh. And the tiny welt he left there was still pretty bizarre and amazing to him. That only he could mark Zhou Mi. Like some kind of cosmic show that they belonged together.
Or at least that they had a chance to find out if they did.
***
The hopeful impasse was somewhat confusing to Zhou Mi. He just wasn’t sure what to do about it. What could he show Kyuhyun of himself that he hadn’t already? He’d had to sit himself down several times during the day to assure himself that no, he could not try and win Kyuhyun over by becoming his vampire mother. He already washed Kyuhyun’s clothes, sometimes made him food. Tailored his clothes, ironed them. Made their bed. Everything else they split, among the chores. And if Kyuhyun was home, he helped put away clothes, and tended to do most of his own dishes as well. Going into overdrive-nesting mode was only going to scare Kyuhyun away, not make him want to stick around. But promptly right after thinking about it, he’d rested his head in his hands and smiled at absolutely nothing. Because it was too easy to remember Kyuhyun all but admitting that he was attracted to Zhou Mi. That Kyuhyun wasn’t clawing at the walls to get away any more. It wasn’t just because of attraction. There had to be feelings behind it as well. And that was what brought the silly smiles, and uncontrollable laughs and wiggles. To imagine Kyuhyun saying, I love you. Stay with me.
And then he sobered again, of course. Because that was not only putting the cart before the horse, it was building the cart before there even was a horse. Kyuhyun was not teasing him because he was bored. It wasn’t like he could make Kyuhyun fall in love with him. Either they worked together, or they didn’t. And maybe that had him sinking into a momentary depression, to imagine that he loved while Kyuhyun didn’t. Though, he had no idea how that was any different than the last months had been. And if Kyuhyun felt nothing, then he wouldn’t be reconciling anything with Zhou Mi, much less giving caveats to their agreement to break the blood bond. Of all the things he had learned about Kyuhyun, it was that he wasn’t needlessly indecisive, and that he had a set of morals that would keep him from jerking Zhou Mi around. Especially on something as important on whether they would choose to stay together, if there was a choice to be had.
He didn’t get too dramatic about it. Kissing Kyuhyun wasn’t going to kill him, if he eventually lost his right to it. Not having a sexual partner had not killed him yet. But finding someone who delighted him as Kyuhyun did, who made him feel? That was harder. So when he had told Kyuhyun that he would not need kisses after the blood bond was broken, he was really hoping that for himself. Though it seemed odd to speak of it, since he had not actually come to believe that breaking it was possible. But he had not been lying when he told Kyuhyun that one day they would need to make up their minds to stop looking. He did not want to live the rest of his life beside Kyuhyun, not truly living, but only looking to the next horizon for some whisper of a chance. It was too wasteful. Not when they could give each other so much more.
The only way he knew to be, was to try. And instead of pulling away from touching Kyuhyun, he let himself be, without second guessing. Most of the time. Especially while feeding, that un-breachable connection. Twining his fingers with Kyuhyun’s and holding Kyuhyun’s arm. Tasting him. Unable not to smile at the richness of the gift that Kyuhyun gave him. As comforting as a hug, almost. From his veins, life for them both. He kept that hand in his after he was done, studying the long, jointed fingers, the sloping nails. He wanted to take one into his mouth, explore it, but figured that might be taking things a little too far. But he settled for pressing kisses to each of Kyuhyun’s knuckles, and reluctantly sitting up.
Kyuhyun’s favorite drama of the moment was still going, so he was prepared to sit back and be quiet. But it was Kyuhyun who pulled him closer. He wriggled his arm free to work it over Kyuhyun’s shoulders, edging as close as was comfortable. He rested his nose against Kyuhyun’s cheek, and and just breathed. But he did turn a little so he could see the screen. Soaking up Kyuhyun’s warmth against him like a heat-seeking sponge.
“Why is there so long between episodes,” Kyuhyun grumbled after the previews were over.
“To allow you time to savor?”
“I’d savor it more if I could have it all at once. You went a long time without touch, didn’t you,” Kyuhyun mused.
Kyuhyun’s sudden subject change wasn’t so sudden given the way they were wound together. Though Zhou Mi’s choice would have been on their bed, so he could wrap himself around Kyuhyun. Thigh sliding against thigh, hooking their ankles together. Letting Kyuhyun tickle him. But again, off the topic at hand.
“I had a couple of dogs. And a cat.” Zhou Mi smiled at Kyuhyun’s look. “No, it’s not quite the same.”
“This hadn’t exactly been what you’d hoped for,” Kyuhyun said. “I mean, even afterward, it could’ve gone better. If you needed hugs, and whatever. If I’d-“
Zhou Mi stopped him with a shake of his head. “I think all things happen as they should. You were unsure of me. We got to learn about each other. And looking for a way to break the bond, I think it was good. It might be able to help people, more than just us. Knowledge isn’t a bad thing.”
“You don’t think we’ll ever find out how to do it, do you? You never did.”
“No, I never did. But I would never have hidden it from you if I had seen something you hadn’t. Even if I didn’t know you, I hated to see you unhappy.”
“I got more resigned after a while,” Kyuhyun said, his head resting against Zhou Mi’s. “But unhappy? You’re pretty easy to get along with.”
“Yeah?”
“And not that bad to look at sometimes.” Kyuhyun smushed Zhou Mi’s face back into the cushion. “I’m going to shower.”
He really couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled, or the energy that had him pushing to his feet. Straightening the cushions and books on the shelf. Anything to keep occupied while Kyuhyun readied for bed. That they could contribute to each other’s happiness spoke of hope. Because even if Kyuhyun didn’t know it yet- No. He thought Kyuhyun had some idea, at least. At least that he had made Zhou Mi happier than he had been, before. Maybe it was ironic that something terrible led to it, but he supposed from anything tragic, some good had to follow.
And proved it to himself that night by curling against Kyuhyun’s back. And his dreams were easy, and warm, as Kyuhyun slept beside him.
***
“Get some fruit?” Zhou Mi suggested the next morning, staring around the kitchen. “I can go out, if I end up needing something.”
“No, I’ll get it on my way home. You pick out weird apples.”
Zhou Mi flicked water at Kyuhyun for the insult. He was learning. It wasn’t like he’d paid much attention to fruit for most of his life.
“Lunch is in your bag, you have your phone. I think you’re set.”
Kyuhyun made a thoughtful noise, and Zhou Mi nearly reached to pick up his dirty dishes when he realized that Kyuhyun wasn’t making for his bag.
He knew there was a look that Kyuhyun got when he wanted something. And there was that look when Kyuhyun knew he was right, and waiting be to agreed with. Or given in to. And that look was right up in Zhou Mi’s face, Kyuhyun angling on feet clad only in socks, face tipped up and waiting. Maybe even a little daring. After several seconds that expression softened, lips curving almost into a pout. Which of course drew his eyes. Just as Kyuhyun had to know it would.
Zhou Mi’s eyebrows rose, and he got a sound of impatience in return. He leaned forward, at Kyuhyun’s command.
The kiss was barely more than a brush, hardly a press and a tease. It sent a rush down his spine and heat into his face, and if Kyuhyun hadn’t looked so smug, Zhou Mi almost would have thought he was a little unnerved by it.
“You’ll miss your train,” he said, pushing at Kyuhyun’s hip.
“Right. See you!”
And in a flurry of stubbed-on shoes, and hastily collected bag, Kyuhyun was out the door with a grin. What had possessed him, to go for that kiss. And what stupid, silly smile wouldn’t leave him, as he laughed to no one but himself against the door.
***
Chapter 12
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Vampires, Angst, Fluff
Warnings: Brief violence, angst, sexual situations.
Summary: Research points to a vampire bite being unbreakable, but Kyuhyun can't give up. And with Zhou Mi, he works to undo the blood bond that forced them together.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two & Three * Chapter Four & Five * Chapter Six & Seven * Chapter Eight & Nine * Chapter Ten * Chapter Eleven * Chapter Twelve
***
It didn’t matter how long Zhou Mi had lived, how many men he’d been attracted to, how much lust he’d had to soothe away. Having a man in his house, his bed, his space was totally different than admiring someone’s face on a TV show, or on the street. A crush with a side of lust, that was one thing. A naked Kyuhyun sighing around was another. Okay. Mostly naked. Partly naked. With a bare neck? Seeing Kyuhyun in only a towel wasn’t the beginning of his want, but it certainly wasn’t the end of it. And he was a big boy, he knew how to take care of all his little problems on his own. Preferably he’d have talked himself down from it. He didn’t need to be perpetually turned on.
Even as the week went by and he found himself in the shower every morning after Kyuhyun went to work. And possibly a couple times before he’d climbed into bed beside Kyuhyun, as well. Lust? It didn’t kill anyone. But the constancy of it chafed at him, because he couldn’t rationalize it away. If he called up Eunhyuk, what would he get? Help, Kyuhyun is teasing me to death and I can’t take it. Eunhyuk would probably tell him to take Kyuhyun up on his offer. As though Eunhyuk would actually do that himself.
Zhou Mi’s eyes were heavy as he followed Kyuhyun into their bedroom. They had been relaxing by the TV as Zhou Mi fed. So careful not to touch more than he needed, which was a change that was distasteful to him. Though he hardly expected Kyuhyun to notice it, considering how much attention had been paid to the TV.
“You’d think they’d send people with talent to a singing competition?” Kyuhyun complained, already in his pajamas after his shower. “I sing better than that one guy, even in the shower.”
“Maybe you should join instead,” Zhou Mi joked, ignoring even the thought of Kyuhyun and shower in the same vicinity. It wasn’t as though he had the option of snatching Kyuhyun’s towel away one day and doing whatever he wanted. Thinking Kyuhyun actually wanted it. Flirting with danger was one thing.
He tossed his shirt into the nearby hamper, pondering if he wanted to warm one up for himself in the dryer.
“I’ve heard you sing, too,” Kyuhyun said. And Zhou Mi’s whole body froze. Two hands, Kyuhyun’s, planted in his lower back. Against his skin. As buzzing warm and full of life as anything that had ever touched him. “You said some vampires did music, right? Did you ever think of that?”
Another test, he thought, hand gripping his dresser. Another tease. It wasn’t like Kyuhyun was groping his crotch, just hands on his back and leaning into him. Sad how close the two equated in his mind.
“I guess. I didn’t really consider it too much. I like what I do.”
Stumbling words. As jerky as his insides were to have Kyuhyun’s chin almost on his shoulder.
“Maybe someday then. Where did you get that postcard on the wall?” Kyuhyun asked.
Maybe the conversation was just pretense for the touch. How many times had Kyuhyun stood behind him not touching, feeling that prickle of awareness. He could lean into that touch, asking Kyuhyun to bear his weight. Or in all likelihood, he’d end up on his butt with Kyuhyun laughing at him. At least shutting the drawer gave him the precious inches he needed to ease away, if only slightly.
“Eunhyuk sent it. He likes to keep me-“
The edge of Kyuhyun’s hip landed against his, and his skin ghosted cold, then hot. Those eyes steady and guileless as Kyuhyun waited for an answer. He knew why it was so easy to see himself turning, wrapping around Kyuhyun. It wasn’t the blood that called for him, but something else. The chasm between his needs and sanity trembling like a rope that had frayed too far. The bed was so close, they could have fallen together. Kyuhyun over him, beneath him.
But it was Kyuhyun’s hand on the back of his arm that undid all his defenses. Kyuhyun had no idea that it was not nakedness that weaseled through most easily, made him want, but touch. If Kyuhyun was warm with fingers against his arm, how warm would he be, chest to chest? Legs entwined, Kyuhyun’s face against his neck. He was weak to all of it. And he couldn’t want it.
And he knew exactly what he was doing as he slowly exhaled, looking from the bright tropical picture on the wall, to the man beside him. “Why are you doing this?”
The hand against his arm was snatched away.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked.
“This. The touching, walking around with only a towel on.” Zhou Mi couldn’t even put words to what he thought that Kyuhyun might be doing. Or how it scrambled his head. “I don’t know if it’s fun for you, if you want to make me uncomfortable. I don’t know.”
Kyuhyun clearly floundered, and there was only the tiniest hint of satisfaction he felt in that. “You- You said it was a good thing if I found you hot. I mean, look at you. Most people would-“
“I don’t care how people see me. They don’t share my bed.” It took no more than a second for that to sink through, he saw it all over Kyuhyun’s face, and his heart dropped. If Kyuhyun was really just playing a game, then Zhou Mi had just shown his hand far too early. “You must think I’m disgusting.”
Kyuhyun sputtered. “That you’d want the person blood bound to you to want you? I think that just makes you normal.”
“Maybe that’d be normal for a human, or a blood bond that was begun normally.”
“You are human enough to me,” Kyuhyun said.
Of all the things Kyuhyun could have said to him in that moment, that was the one he expected least. He didn’t expect it to hurt so viciously, and all but sing through him at the same time. He would have given almost anything to have Kyuhyun say those words to him, but he didn’t even know if Kyuhyun understood why it meant so much to him. He covered his face in his hand, unsure of what he was trying to hide. “Then stop teasing. I don’t know what your goal is, but it has to stop. Trying to make me want you has no point.”
“But do you? Want me?” Kyuhyun said, his hand tightening on Zhou Mi’s free arm before he could turn away.
“Why want what won’t be there long?” Zhou Mi asked him, wishing there was an actual answer.
”
“You don’t know how long there is. We could be stuck together the rest of-“
“It’s enough that you don’t want to be here!” He managed to free his arm from Kyuhyun’s grasping fingers. “I’m not here for you to play with.”
Kyuhyun’s face was tight, but that expression wasn’t surprising, given his words. Words Zhou Mi himself didn’t even understand, just that they came from some dark place that he wasn’t familiar with. Doubts and grievances that he kept shoving back, and back. He couldn’t get any further away from it. All Zhou Mi had left was one last plea, and it was feeble.
“Don’t push me on this, please.”
If he thought he could have moved without issue, he would have turned away. But he couldn’t because Kyuhyun was right there. The makings of a headache buzzed, and he shored himself up inside. Kyuhyun seemed to lean in, and his breath was shallow. Close enough to feel Kyuhyun’s warmth, but too far to hold. Same as always.
***
Kyuhyun’s brain wanted to deny everything. That they were having that conversation, that his teasing had backfired. It had never been innocent, no. They couldn’t just jump into bed together and think, hey, it was a good time, even if it’s temporary, because we’re trying to never see each other again. Could they be together, and still want to get away from each other? Had he even thought for a moment that sleeping with Zhou Mi was okay, because it was temporary? He couldn’t even think of himself as that callous. Even when he’d been pretending otherwise, he’d known there was the possibility of hurt. They were two people, not two rocks. But Zhou Mi had gotten it all wrong.
“Look, it’s not as simple as all that, okay?” Kyuhyun said. Not as simple as him not wanting to be there any more. Or not wanting Zhou Mi. All of it. “It’s complicated. It’s not the same as it was. It used to be so black and white. I don’t even-“
Maybe the teasing had been selfish, but it had clearly struck a nerve. And he realized he’d been going about it all wrong. It wasn’t just that Zhou Mi might want him. It wasn’t about sex, or using each other, or how short term it might be. Any couple tried each other out before committing. With dates, kisses, even sex. There was no guarantee before starting all of that, that it would last forever.
How did Zhou Mi want to keep him, if he didn’t even know what Kyuhyun kissed like? He swallowed, and made sure that Zhou Mi was still listening.
“You’re wrong about me not wanting you. Or I wouldn’t have even tried- I wasn’t trying to play you, okay?” he said, stepping closer and watching Zhou Mi inhale. He wanted those eyes dark for him, as he grasped Zhou Mi’s arms. Could Zhou Mi want him? Zhou Mi hadn’t denied it. And it wasn’t as though Kyuhyun was subtle, leaning in close enough to feel Zhou Mi’s breath. Like that moment they had shared on the couch, close enough to touch. Watching Zhou Mi’s eyelids flutter. Inevitable. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t desired.
The sound from Zhou Mi’s throat as their lips touched sounded too close to pained. And he pressed closer, Zhou Mi meeting him almost desperately. How many times had he stared at that mouth and wondered how it would feel against his. Warm, soft, firm. A tremble there that he hadn’t expected and a stiffness. He wanted to taste, but before he could, Zhou Mi broke away, panting toward his chest, Kyuhyun’s hands caught in both of his to the point of pain.
“Hey,” he said, trying to squeeze Zhou Mi’s fingers. “What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi shook his head, and clutched Kyuhyun’s fingers tighter. Almost seeming like he was struggling for air for a moment. His shoulders straightening as he raised his face. Kyuhyun wasn’t sure what to expect. Anger? Want? He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong, even if he couldn’t quite keep his eyes away from Zhou Mi’s mouth for the first few moments.
“Why now?” Zhou Mi asked.
Everyone who had ever been with Zhou Mi had played him. Made him wary. Broken his trust. But he wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t trying to use Zhou Mi. And he wasn’t sure why he was so happy to be able to think that and be completely sure.
Kyuhyun just wanted him.
“Why ever? Nothing has a guarantee. I don’t have all the answers. Can you trust me?” he asked, lifting Zhou Mi’s hand and leaning into as their eyes met again. And when Zhou Mi seemed reluctant, Kyuhyun played just the slightest bit dirty. “Do you want to trust me?”
He backed onto the bed first, eyes still on Zhou Mi’s. No overtures. No sexual display. Just climbing into their bed as he’d done a hundred times. Zhou Mi’s fingers were still tight around his, and he could have written a book describing the tilt of Zhou Mi’s eyebrows and the faint frown that marred that mouth. He kissed the confusion from that face as Zhou Mi settled beside him. Barely touching at all, but with their tangled fingers, and the hand he cupped Zhou Mi’s face with.
He had to wrench his fingers from Zhou Mi’s chin so that they lips could meet more fully. He had to calm himself mentally, try not to charge ahead and ask for what neither of them were ready for.
“Zhou Mi,” he murmured. It was the only name, the only face, inside him. And there was an exquisite rightness to sighing it where both of them could hear. After all, there was only one person in the bed with him, and that man had sighed at the sound of his own name. And he answered in turn, as Zhou Mi’s fingers slid against his face.
The sounds that Zhou Mi made ghosted along his skin. The way that their lips dragged together, the press of Zhou Mi’s nose against his face. The little moans against his fingertips, swallows that moved skin, and sighs. Sounds that from Zhou Mi he had begun to associate with pure…pleasure. Because it was what he heard during a feed as Zhou Mi stroked his skin with tongue and fingers. Eating, of course, could be enjoyable. Even sensual. Zhou Mi thought kissing him was equal to that? Or was he reading too much into it. But it sent heat flushing up his face.
Zhou Mi let his head relax, parting them slightly. And Kyuhyun met his eyes with as much steadiness as he could muster.
“That was nice,” Kyuhyun murmured to him, groaning as Zhou Mi sat up. Bathroom-bound, he assumed. But the loss of warmth was still a blow. Zhou Mi patted the hand closest to him.
“It is doubtful you will need it, after the blood bond is broken.”
Kyuhyun gaped as Zhou Mi stood. The fluid, naked column of his back almost blinding as he walked away. Literally, and Kyuhyun wondered, emotionally, too? Wanting Zhou Mi was natural. But he hadn’t been thinking of how to end them while kissing Zhou Mi.
Perhaps it was Zhou Mi’s fear talking. Thinking that it was Kyuhyun’s only goal, to get away, because Kyuhyun had never said differently. It confused him so much when he let himself think about it, because that was what he should want. What they’d been working toward. But he caught the profile of that face, as Zhou Mi turned off the bathroom light. Limbs gently moving. It felt like an escape hatch, more than anything. In case they couldn’t get along, they had options right? But it wasn’t like they had to exercise them. Because they’d have a choice. They’d finally have a choice.
Zhou Mi climbed back into bed, and Kyuhyun hesitated only a moment. Rolling close enough to mold himself to Zhou Mi’s back. Settling an arm over Zhou Mi’s ribs and warming him. Zhou Mi almost seemed to shudder because of it, and Kyuhyun held tighter. He was almost afraid to breathe, the words leaving him awkwardly.
“Like you said, there’s no guarantee that we’ll ever find something,” Kyuhyun told him, twining their fingers together.
And the voice that answered him was soft. “I know how important it is to you. I’ll never give up looking.”
“We’ll figure it out.”
And he believed that. He did.
***
Kyuhyun woke the next morning with what turned out to be Zhou Mi’s hand squished underneath his back. He couldn’t even move for a minute, eyes squeezed closed as he played the night before in his mind. Falling asleep against Zhou Mi’s back. The kisses. Any other time and he’d have been laughing at himself for making a big deal out of what wasn’t even an actual make-out session. But Zhou Mi wasn’t exactly some stranger he’d picked up in a bar. He grimaced, seeing that Zhou Mi was still asleep, mouth slack, and rolled away when he sort of wanted to roll closer. He wasn’t sure how many would call him the cuddly type, but the idea of not having to get up and just lazing in bed had a certain appeal.
Though he didn’t quite get his alarm turned off before it went off, and the bed jerked as Zhou Mi woke with it.
Unusual in itself, because Zhou Mi was often up with the sun, and very rarely had to be startled out of sleep by Kyuhyun’s unforgiving alarm.
“I’m up,” he said, as though that was some consolation. “Go back to sleep.”
He just had to get his hair somewhat presentable, wash up a little. Change. Breakfast. Either cold cereal or hot. He rarely had time for something more complicated, even when Zhou Mi was the one making it for him. By the time he’d got his socks on, there was a bowl of steaming cereal and a plate of cut fruit waiting for him on the table, and a cup of coffee besides that.
“You didn’t have to get up, but thanks,” he said, glancing at the clock to see exactly how much time he had to eat. Ten minutes. Not bad. Zhou Mi and his teacup settled into the seat across from him, but that didn’t weird Kyuhyun out after all the time they’d spent together.
“Anything exciting at work today?” Zhou Mi asked.
“More work,” he joked, washing down the oatmeal with the finally cool enough coffee. “Not really. You?”
“Sewing a skirt for commission. It’s cut so it won’t take long.”
“Good.” Right. Very good. Zhou Mi would sew, and he would save the workplace with a computer, and then what. “So tonight we can- After I get off work?”
He realized he hadn’t actually said anything. Not like and we can talk after I get back, you know, about the kissing. And all the weird emotional stuff. And stuff. But Zhou Mi didn’t press him on the weirdness of it.
There was that moment of uncertainty after he got his shoes on. Because as Zhou Mi handed him his briefcase, he wasn’t sure what to do. Go for a kiss? Which would be awkward, given how they’d fallen asleep. It wasn’t like they’d talked through that part of it. He settled on taking the bag with a smile.
“See you later. Text if you need anything when I come home.”
“I will. Have a good day,” Zhou Mi told him.
“Yeah. You too.”
He kind of muttered thanks behind him, and clattered down the stairs. That pensive look on Zhou Mi’s face kind of bugged him. It wasn’t like anything had really changed. The apartment was still home to him, and Zhou Mi was still blood bound to him. And they had been working off of that for a while.
***
The day passed as it usually did. Staff meeting. Phone calls that all but had him wheezing into his desk drawer for patience. Tossing things at Ryeowook’s head when he was ignored.
And the down time. Playing back their conversations. How often did he actually think of Zhou Mi as a vampire anymore? Not that he forgot about it, but it was like Zhou Mi had an extra finger or something. He was special because of what he could do, but like Zhou Mi had said, it didn’t define him. There was more to Zhou Mi, to Kyuhyun, than the bites. There was the laughter, and the teasing, and Zhou Mi’s warmth when he fell asleep. The things he did for Kyuhyun, not just in terms of laundry or cleaning, but brightening his mood and chasing away the loneliness he hadn’t understood he’d had. Just hearing Zhou Mi’s voice singing somewhere in the apartment, or fighting over the TV, or bargaining who had to scrub the toilet. The way a look made him flush, and the tilt of long fingers made him want to touch.
All those moments, those flashes of jealousy. The way Zhou Mi protected him. It was obvious to anyone who had half a brain that Zhou Mi was treating him as he would a mate, a partner. All they were missing was the intimacy. Buying him that game, so they could spend more time together, face to face, interacting. Zhou Mi pushing forward with the research on how to break the blood bond in his free time.
Was Zhou Mi treating him as a mate, because he felt he had to in the short term, or had it come to the point where Zhou Mi didn’t want it broken at all? If it was shades of gray for Zhou Mi, then loosing himself from this human pest might’ve been pretty far removed. But for Zhou Mi to want him forever, to tie the rest of his life to Kyuhyun’s? His brain couldn’t even grasp it.
He daydreamed, standing close to Zhou Mi, urging him to kiss him.
“Do you want this, because-“ Zhou Mi stopped. The conflicted expression had Kyuhyun’s stomach twisting.
“Because what?” he urged, unable to be patient.
“Because I’m a vampire.”
Zhou Mi, asking him if he wanted to kiss him because he was a vampire? If he was that stupid, that shallow, why would he have waited? Why not just seduce Zhou Mi right at the start, if he wanted a little thrill?
“Do you want this because I’m human?” he countered, his voice more wooden than it should have been.
“No! Kyuhyun.” Zhou Mi’s hand broke from his, cupping Kyuhyun’s face almost roughly. “No.”
And Zhou Mi pulled him into a kiss.
He’d only had to spent a few minutes with his head in the freezer after that. What an idiot he was. He ate his dinner walking home, changing almost as soon as he got into the apartment. He had questions, ones he’d been building up after his failed fantasy attempt. And Zhou Mi was pensive, serious, considering him as they faced each other on the couch. Apparently they both knew it was time to talk.
“What do you want?” Kyuhyun started out with. “I don’t mean from me, or this. But in general.
“What anyone wants,” Zhou Mi said, his shoulders moving. “A chance at love. A chance to have something real with someone, where the life we’ve built together doesn’t feel like it wasn’t a choice. Where sleeping with me, being with me, isn’t a prison sentence.”
As Kyuhyun had told Zhou Mi before. What any normal person would want. A partner who wanted as well. It wasn’t so shocking.
“Do you really think we could make it together? I don’t mean just existing together and trying to get along, but like everything. A real relationship.”
“Even those who choose to be together would have to have their problems,” Zhou Mi mused. “But reason to learn how to resolve differences, and yearn for each other’s happiness. But yes, I think we could. We’ve learned how to get along this far. Sometimes that’s a really hard thing.”
He snorted. “You are such an optimist. You’d be willing to give up sleeping with anyone else but me for the rest of your life?”
Zhou Mi almost froze, and he saw that since he was watching very carefully. Zhou Mi cleared his throat. “You don’t want an answer to that.”
“Why not? You don’t think that’s relevant?”
“I could see you being the only one I sleep with.”
“And if I suck in bed?”
“Then we learn what to do about that, too. But you’d be okay with sleeping with only me?” Zhou Mi laughed at whatever he must’ve seen in Kyuhyun’s face. “I answered; it’s only fair.”
“You could probably keep things interesting,” he said with a smirk. “It’s not like you’re hard to look at, but-“
Zhou Mi’s eyes were almost unreadable. “But?”
“I could teach you some moves, too, I guess. But it’s more than just rolling around together.”
“Yes,” Zhou Mi said. And Kyuhyun was still as Zhou Mi’s hand lifted, tracing Kyuhyun’s cheek with the side of his thumb. “It’s more than that. If this is something we decide we want? I think at some point, that we have to decide for ourselves to stop trying to break this. I can’t try to be with you and wonder.”
The swallow nearly hurt, but he nodded. “Though I think, even if we find a way, we shouldn’t do it. Until we’re sure.”
“That’s more than I once could have hoped for,” Zhou Mi admitted.
He let himself be pulled into Zhou Mi’s hug, rubbing at Zhou Mi’s shoulder blades. They’d been forced together because of rotten luck, and a crime. To think they had a chance to turn something bad into something palatable, much less something good? He nipped Zhou Mi’s neck and got a laugh. And the tiny welt he left there was still pretty bizarre and amazing to him. That only he could mark Zhou Mi. Like some kind of cosmic show that they belonged together.
Or at least that they had a chance to find out if they did.
***
The hopeful impasse was somewhat confusing to Zhou Mi. He just wasn’t sure what to do about it. What could he show Kyuhyun of himself that he hadn’t already? He’d had to sit himself down several times during the day to assure himself that no, he could not try and win Kyuhyun over by becoming his vampire mother. He already washed Kyuhyun’s clothes, sometimes made him food. Tailored his clothes, ironed them. Made their bed. Everything else they split, among the chores. And if Kyuhyun was home, he helped put away clothes, and tended to do most of his own dishes as well. Going into overdrive-nesting mode was only going to scare Kyuhyun away, not make him want to stick around. But promptly right after thinking about it, he’d rested his head in his hands and smiled at absolutely nothing. Because it was too easy to remember Kyuhyun all but admitting that he was attracted to Zhou Mi. That Kyuhyun wasn’t clawing at the walls to get away any more. It wasn’t just because of attraction. There had to be feelings behind it as well. And that was what brought the silly smiles, and uncontrollable laughs and wiggles. To imagine Kyuhyun saying, I love you. Stay with me.
And then he sobered again, of course. Because that was not only putting the cart before the horse, it was building the cart before there even was a horse. Kyuhyun was not teasing him because he was bored. It wasn’t like he could make Kyuhyun fall in love with him. Either they worked together, or they didn’t. And maybe that had him sinking into a momentary depression, to imagine that he loved while Kyuhyun didn’t. Though, he had no idea how that was any different than the last months had been. And if Kyuhyun felt nothing, then he wouldn’t be reconciling anything with Zhou Mi, much less giving caveats to their agreement to break the blood bond. Of all the things he had learned about Kyuhyun, it was that he wasn’t needlessly indecisive, and that he had a set of morals that would keep him from jerking Zhou Mi around. Especially on something as important on whether they would choose to stay together, if there was a choice to be had.
He didn’t get too dramatic about it. Kissing Kyuhyun wasn’t going to kill him, if he eventually lost his right to it. Not having a sexual partner had not killed him yet. But finding someone who delighted him as Kyuhyun did, who made him feel? That was harder. So when he had told Kyuhyun that he would not need kisses after the blood bond was broken, he was really hoping that for himself. Though it seemed odd to speak of it, since he had not actually come to believe that breaking it was possible. But he had not been lying when he told Kyuhyun that one day they would need to make up their minds to stop looking. He did not want to live the rest of his life beside Kyuhyun, not truly living, but only looking to the next horizon for some whisper of a chance. It was too wasteful. Not when they could give each other so much more.
The only way he knew to be, was to try. And instead of pulling away from touching Kyuhyun, he let himself be, without second guessing. Most of the time. Especially while feeding, that un-breachable connection. Twining his fingers with Kyuhyun’s and holding Kyuhyun’s arm. Tasting him. Unable not to smile at the richness of the gift that Kyuhyun gave him. As comforting as a hug, almost. From his veins, life for them both. He kept that hand in his after he was done, studying the long, jointed fingers, the sloping nails. He wanted to take one into his mouth, explore it, but figured that might be taking things a little too far. But he settled for pressing kisses to each of Kyuhyun’s knuckles, and reluctantly sitting up.
Kyuhyun’s favorite drama of the moment was still going, so he was prepared to sit back and be quiet. But it was Kyuhyun who pulled him closer. He wriggled his arm free to work it over Kyuhyun’s shoulders, edging as close as was comfortable. He rested his nose against Kyuhyun’s cheek, and and just breathed. But he did turn a little so he could see the screen. Soaking up Kyuhyun’s warmth against him like a heat-seeking sponge.
“Why is there so long between episodes,” Kyuhyun grumbled after the previews were over.
“To allow you time to savor?”
“I’d savor it more if I could have it all at once. You went a long time without touch, didn’t you,” Kyuhyun mused.
Kyuhyun’s sudden subject change wasn’t so sudden given the way they were wound together. Though Zhou Mi’s choice would have been on their bed, so he could wrap himself around Kyuhyun. Thigh sliding against thigh, hooking their ankles together. Letting Kyuhyun tickle him. But again, off the topic at hand.
“I had a couple of dogs. And a cat.” Zhou Mi smiled at Kyuhyun’s look. “No, it’s not quite the same.”
“This hadn’t exactly been what you’d hoped for,” Kyuhyun said. “I mean, even afterward, it could’ve gone better. If you needed hugs, and whatever. If I’d-“
Zhou Mi stopped him with a shake of his head. “I think all things happen as they should. You were unsure of me. We got to learn about each other. And looking for a way to break the bond, I think it was good. It might be able to help people, more than just us. Knowledge isn’t a bad thing.”
“You don’t think we’ll ever find out how to do it, do you? You never did.”
“No, I never did. But I would never have hidden it from you if I had seen something you hadn’t. Even if I didn’t know you, I hated to see you unhappy.”
“I got more resigned after a while,” Kyuhyun said, his head resting against Zhou Mi’s. “But unhappy? You’re pretty easy to get along with.”
“Yeah?”
“And not that bad to look at sometimes.” Kyuhyun smushed Zhou Mi’s face back into the cushion. “I’m going to shower.”
He really couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled, or the energy that had him pushing to his feet. Straightening the cushions and books on the shelf. Anything to keep occupied while Kyuhyun readied for bed. That they could contribute to each other’s happiness spoke of hope. Because even if Kyuhyun didn’t know it yet- No. He thought Kyuhyun had some idea, at least. At least that he had made Zhou Mi happier than he had been, before. Maybe it was ironic that something terrible led to it, but he supposed from anything tragic, some good had to follow.
And proved it to himself that night by curling against Kyuhyun’s back. And his dreams were easy, and warm, as Kyuhyun slept beside him.
***
“Get some fruit?” Zhou Mi suggested the next morning, staring around the kitchen. “I can go out, if I end up needing something.”
“No, I’ll get it on my way home. You pick out weird apples.”
Zhou Mi flicked water at Kyuhyun for the insult. He was learning. It wasn’t like he’d paid much attention to fruit for most of his life.
“Lunch is in your bag, you have your phone. I think you’re set.”
Kyuhyun made a thoughtful noise, and Zhou Mi nearly reached to pick up his dirty dishes when he realized that Kyuhyun wasn’t making for his bag.
He knew there was a look that Kyuhyun got when he wanted something. And there was that look when Kyuhyun knew he was right, and waiting be to agreed with. Or given in to. And that look was right up in Zhou Mi’s face, Kyuhyun angling on feet clad only in socks, face tipped up and waiting. Maybe even a little daring. After several seconds that expression softened, lips curving almost into a pout. Which of course drew his eyes. Just as Kyuhyun had to know it would.
Zhou Mi’s eyebrows rose, and he got a sound of impatience in return. He leaned forward, at Kyuhyun’s command.
The kiss was barely more than a brush, hardly a press and a tease. It sent a rush down his spine and heat into his face, and if Kyuhyun hadn’t looked so smug, Zhou Mi almost would have thought he was a little unnerved by it.
“You’ll miss your train,” he said, pushing at Kyuhyun’s hip.
“Right. See you!”
And in a flurry of stubbed-on shoes, and hastily collected bag, Kyuhyun was out the door with a grin. What had possessed him, to go for that kiss. And what stupid, silly smile wouldn’t leave him, as he laughed to no one but himself against the door.
***
Chapter 12