Frank Pembleton is always right.
How Not To Be An Asshole On the Internet: A Guide For Professional Writers (and other people)
So you're a professional writer (long-established or just starting out) and you hear that this "blogging" thing is a great way to get readers and connect with other writers, editors, and so forth. Or your agent says you need to start a blog. Or maybe you find a cool little board where some people are talking about your favorite television show and you want to join in. "Hey," you think, "maybe I can sell some books that way. Scalzi did it, after all."
But before you jump into the pool, there are a few things you need to know. Rules to live by, because among the people you will meet on the internet are editors, agents, other writers, and lots and lots and lots of readers. And once you get a reputation for being an asshole on the internet, it's very hard to live that down.
1. Be polite. No, really: I don't care what aspersions the trolls have cast on your dog or your mother or your friends or your writing genius. Be Polite. You can be icily polite if you must, but be polite. Don't say anything that you wouldn't be embarrassed to have printed on the front page of your local paper under your photograph. Even if you're right and the troll is wrong like a wrong thing from Wronglandia. And if you can, try to be gracious. Even when you're wrong--especially when you're wrong. It costs you little, and may win you a lot of friends. Whatever else you use the internet for, remember that it's also part of your marketing plan.
2. The Reader is always right. Not every reader is going to read the book you wrote; and telling them they're wrong in their interpretation is a sure way to get a disgruntled reader. You're a stranger telling them their perceptions are invalid: they're not going to react well and it makes you look like a bully to try. Besides, every reader is someone who took the leap and bought your book: do you want to convince them not to buy the next one? Just... don't argue. (Besides, they might actually be right; stranger things have happened.)
3. Be yourself. Don't pretend to be some random person in order to argue about your work or drum up interest in your work or slag bad reviews. This is called sockpuppetting. People hate sockpuppetting: it's a lie and a betrayal of the other members of the community. It's also stupid: blogs and Facebook and Myspace and LJ allow the owners to track IP addresses, and you will be found out. After the community rage, there will be pointing and laughing. At you.
4. No, really: be yourself. Don't be anonymous. At least sign your name if you don't have an account on the forum you're on. Anonymous posters are seen as cowards.
5. Everything is public on the internet. Don't assume that because you are saying something nasty in a quiet backwater of the internet where only you and twelve friends ever go, that nobody else will ever find it. If it's in public, the person you least want to see it will find it. Either they'll stumble across it accidentally or one of those twelve friends will "helpfully" send them the link. Don't say in public anything you're not willing to have everyone, including your maiden aunt, see associated with your name.
6. Don't post in anger. Anger makes you say stupid ugly things, and you always regret it later. When you find your hands shaking with rage because someone or something on the other side of the monitor is pushing your buttons, step away from the keyboard. Go outside into the sunlight, get some exercise, do something active like cooking or playing with the dog to break the cycle of read-respond-read-respond. When you come back, go back to Rule 1. If you do post something awful, editing it later won't make it not have happened: that's what screencaptures are for.
7. The Internet is not direct mail. Don't trawl through fan sites or discussion boards to pimp your work. It's treated like spam and you'll not only make no friends, you'll gain enemies. If you want to engage, do so on a subject not directly related to your work. If you have to talk about your work, do so cautiously and don't be defensive.
8. Do not engage with the crazy people. You know when you encounter someone at a party or in a bar or on the street, and your Spidey-sense goes off, alerting you to the possibility that this guy is maybe a complete fruitbat? Well, you don't lose that social awareness online. If someone strikes you as too friendly, too critical, too angry, too sensitive, too prone to blame Jews, Republicans, or Filipinos for all the woes of the world--step back. Don't engage. Not everyone can be your soul mate: it's okay to nod, smile and move on.
9. Be skeptical. People will lie to you on the internet. That's okay: you lie to people for a living, don't you? Even if you're sure someone's lying about who or what they are, don't sweat about it unless it becomes an issue: you are not the Jello Sheriff of the Internets.
10. Moderation is not a crime. If you start a blog or an LJ, you have the right to control the comments posted by other people. Some of those comments may be offensive, obscene, or nasty. You are perfectly entitled to delete them on your site, and you should not get frothy and yell Free Speech! if you comment offensively and the blog-owner deletes it, either.
11. Respect people's privacy. Don't give someone a hard time about using an internet pseudonym: they may just be shy, or work in a field where talking about superheroes or romance or gay rights is discouraged. If someone sends you email, don't share it publicly without their express permission. Don't post your own or anyone else's home address or telephone number in any public spaces except in case of emergency.
12. When in Rome. Every community has its own rules and standards. Some places have strict topic controls, some places insist on signing posts, some places have running jokes that look like nasty insults. Do yourself a favor: before jumping into the fray, read the posting rules, if there are any, and give yourself some time to read the ongoing discussions and get a sense of the local culture.
13. Aretha was right. All those little pixels on your screen actually represent human beings, with loves, fears, sorrows and joys, just like you. They are thinking human beings, and more to the point, they are your potential readers. Show respect for them, and they'll respect you in turn. Even if, for some unfathomable reason, they don't like your fiction, they might actually like you.
In sum, to misquote Frank Pembleton, Please don't be an asshole. Thank you.
*
Resources for further reading:
Fandom Wank, where you learn how the Internet treats people who haven't read this guide.
Geek Social Fallacies, which seem more prevalent on the Internet.
Internet Acronyms: a comprehensive dictionary, although I can guarantee you'll find things online that aren't in that.
Many thanks to pene, veejane, and yhlee for suggestions and edits.
PS: I really need a Frank Pembleton icon, don't I?
So you're a professional writer (long-established or just starting out) and you hear that this "blogging" thing is a great way to get readers and connect with other writers, editors, and so forth. Or your agent says you need to start a blog. Or maybe you find a cool little board where some people are talking about your favorite television show and you want to join in. "Hey," you think, "maybe I can sell some books that way. Scalzi did it, after all."
But before you jump into the pool, there are a few things you need to know. Rules to live by, because among the people you will meet on the internet are editors, agents, other writers, and lots and lots and lots of readers. And once you get a reputation for being an asshole on the internet, it's very hard to live that down.
1. Be polite. No, really: I don't care what aspersions the trolls have cast on your dog or your mother or your friends or your writing genius. Be Polite. You can be icily polite if you must, but be polite. Don't say anything that you wouldn't be embarrassed to have printed on the front page of your local paper under your photograph. Even if you're right and the troll is wrong like a wrong thing from Wronglandia. And if you can, try to be gracious. Even when you're wrong--especially when you're wrong. It costs you little, and may win you a lot of friends. Whatever else you use the internet for, remember that it's also part of your marketing plan.
2. The Reader is always right. Not every reader is going to read the book you wrote; and telling them they're wrong in their interpretation is a sure way to get a disgruntled reader. You're a stranger telling them their perceptions are invalid: they're not going to react well and it makes you look like a bully to try. Besides, every reader is someone who took the leap and bought your book: do you want to convince them not to buy the next one? Just... don't argue. (Besides, they might actually be right; stranger things have happened.)
3. Be yourself. Don't pretend to be some random person in order to argue about your work or drum up interest in your work or slag bad reviews. This is called sockpuppetting. People hate sockpuppetting: it's a lie and a betrayal of the other members of the community. It's also stupid: blogs and Facebook and Myspace and LJ allow the owners to track IP addresses, and you will be found out. After the community rage, there will be pointing and laughing. At you.
4. No, really: be yourself. Don't be anonymous. At least sign your name if you don't have an account on the forum you're on. Anonymous posters are seen as cowards.
5. Everything is public on the internet. Don't assume that because you are saying something nasty in a quiet backwater of the internet where only you and twelve friends ever go, that nobody else will ever find it. If it's in public, the person you least want to see it will find it. Either they'll stumble across it accidentally or one of those twelve friends will "helpfully" send them the link. Don't say in public anything you're not willing to have everyone, including your maiden aunt, see associated with your name.
6. Don't post in anger. Anger makes you say stupid ugly things, and you always regret it later. When you find your hands shaking with rage because someone or something on the other side of the monitor is pushing your buttons, step away from the keyboard. Go outside into the sunlight, get some exercise, do something active like cooking or playing with the dog to break the cycle of read-respond-read-respond. When you come back, go back to Rule 1. If you do post something awful, editing it later won't make it not have happened: that's what screencaptures are for.
7. The Internet is not direct mail. Don't trawl through fan sites or discussion boards to pimp your work. It's treated like spam and you'll not only make no friends, you'll gain enemies. If you want to engage, do so on a subject not directly related to your work. If you have to talk about your work, do so cautiously and don't be defensive.
8. Do not engage with the crazy people. You know when you encounter someone at a party or in a bar or on the street, and your Spidey-sense goes off, alerting you to the possibility that this guy is maybe a complete fruitbat? Well, you don't lose that social awareness online. If someone strikes you as too friendly, too critical, too angry, too sensitive, too prone to blame Jews, Republicans, or Filipinos for all the woes of the world--step back. Don't engage. Not everyone can be your soul mate: it's okay to nod, smile and move on.
9. Be skeptical. People will lie to you on the internet. That's okay: you lie to people for a living, don't you? Even if you're sure someone's lying about who or what they are, don't sweat about it unless it becomes an issue: you are not the Jello Sheriff of the Internets.
10. Moderation is not a crime. If you start a blog or an LJ, you have the right to control the comments posted by other people. Some of those comments may be offensive, obscene, or nasty. You are perfectly entitled to delete them on your site, and you should not get frothy and yell Free Speech! if you comment offensively and the blog-owner deletes it, either.
11. Respect people's privacy. Don't give someone a hard time about using an internet pseudonym: they may just be shy, or work in a field where talking about superheroes or romance or gay rights is discouraged. If someone sends you email, don't share it publicly without their express permission. Don't post your own or anyone else's home address or telephone number in any public spaces except in case of emergency.
12. When in Rome. Every community has its own rules and standards. Some places have strict topic controls, some places insist on signing posts, some places have running jokes that look like nasty insults. Do yourself a favor: before jumping into the fray, read the posting rules, if there are any, and give yourself some time to read the ongoing discussions and get a sense of the local culture.
13. Aretha was right. All those little pixels on your screen actually represent human beings, with loves, fears, sorrows and joys, just like you. They are thinking human beings, and more to the point, they are your potential readers. Show respect for them, and they'll respect you in turn. Even if, for some unfathomable reason, they don't like your fiction, they might actually like you.
In sum, to misquote Frank Pembleton, Please don't be an asshole. Thank you.
*
Resources for further reading:
Fandom Wank, where you learn how the Internet treats people who haven't read this guide.
Geek Social Fallacies, which seem more prevalent on the Internet.
Internet Acronyms: a comprehensive dictionary, although I can guarantee you'll find things online that aren't in that.
Many thanks to pene, veejane, and yhlee for suggestions and edits.
PS: I really need a Frank Pembleton icon, don't I?