Been a looooooong time since I've posted here.  But I feel the need to put this here.  I don't know why.  I heard in a very roundabout way an old acquaintance popped their head up after a long absence.  It sounded like they were very tired, and that their prior relationship(s) didn't seem to pan out.  Makes me wonder if they may have also lost ( Read more... )

... And so does the damnable deterioration of the nervous system!!  Grrrr!!  And the interminable wait for the remaining surgeries!! 

I can't stand that I am still having disturbing even nightmarish dreams about my father.  He's been dead since 2008.  I had a good handle on our very poor relationship long before he died.  One would think that I have nothing left to understand or come to grips with.  It does no good after all.  I wish they would stop.  I need my undistrubed sleep.

Well after reading a bit about problems I am glad that I had decided against marrying people who were simply desperate for a green card ( Read more... )

Well now I've finally reached that point in my life where my impending fate invades my dreams, making them nightmares.  Last night for the first time I experienced a nightmare of my increasing blindness.  For over a year now, after medical science failed me and started me down the road of total loss of sight. the knowldege of what I am losing ( Read more... )

Nice and mournful balled that I had forgotten about for along time.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvnYmWpD_T8

Had another disturbng dream regarding her last night.  It put me off in many ways, and woke me up.  I nedd dreamless sleep

I was hoping they would stop.  You'd think I would have other worries given my life at this point.  But AGAIN i had a dream that distrubed me awake.  I was fighting to save a woman and her family.  I was barely able to stop it and they were enlarge safe.  But the close call must have got my adrenalin going and I envisioned quietly punishing those ( Read more... )

Well one week on and its finally done.  I scattered my grandmas ashes.  It was years in coming.  It was not so much a desire to done.  I realize my fading health means that any day or week could be my last.  I simply could not risk holding on to them longer lest they not be afforded the end she wished for.  I scattered them over the places she ( Read more... )

Rain rain rain!  Pain pain pain!  I dread having to work another hard job at this point.  But I must.  My lack of movement is making my degeneration worse I think.